I keep running away from anything reminds me of my old identify

[HERO_]

I hate that version of myself I don't want to remember anything I hated everything about myself , I feel shame when I remember because I was people pleaser and needy, I was fake, and awkward .. I stoped contacting people who reminds me of myself because I was constantly triggered. sometimes I feel I didn't really changed because if I was really changed I wouldn't be running away part of me scared that I will get back to how I was

[Soullee]

Create new one with Love, And if you afraid that you might sometimes in the future relapse to your old one. Worry not. LOVE will always lead you to your loved self. 

[rawgod]

I am going through a significant shift in routines and habits. My roommates remind me of that old identity which naturally leads my lower self to take control of my narrative. I am working on establishing appropriate boundaries to give myself space to grow. 

 

It's hard enough that my old self wants to backlash and maintain status quo. Sometimes I need complete space from old friends hold the strength to push forward. 

10 hours ago, HERO_ said:

 

 

[Nahm]

11 hours ago, HERO_ said:

I hate that version of myself I don't want to remember anything I hated everything about myself , I feel shame when I remember because I was people pleaser and needy, I was fake, and awkward .. I stoped contacting people who reminds me of myself because I was constantly triggered. sometimes I feel I didn't really changed because if I was really changed I wouldn't be running away part of me scared that I will get back to how I was

Notice you are aware of the thoughts of there being versions, or past versions of yourself, but there are not actually other versions of you. Double check, be sure, by looking around. 

What you’re experiencing are thoughts, about yourself. The thoughts are believed to be about you - but are not actually about you. THAT is what feels off. 

You might be believing the thoughts are about you and are true - and that is what feels off. It isn’t. Feeling is letting you know that those thoughts are not about you. They are just, thoughts. They aren’t really about a time which exists outside of this present moment... and they are really about a you which exists outside of this present moment. 

It simply is as it is actually experienced - that thought doesn’t feel good. It feels off if I think about a version of myself too. It would feel off to anyone. 

 

By hating and not wanting to remember anything you hated about yourself - you are unfortunately focusing on hate, and the very thoughts which you do not want to focus on. You do not like how it feels to focus on thoughts about yourself (which aren’t actually true or about yourself) and to focus on hate. So, focus on what does feel good to you. It could be the smallest things. Looking at a picture of a puppy online for example, feels incredibly better than focusing on hate. 

It is good to get some time to yourself, away from what triggers you. REALLY take that time away though. Focus on something, anything, else. 

Rather than thinking in terms of changing yourself ... read a bit and understand the emotions you are experiencing. 

You are love and you are a creator. If you are focusing on hate and thoughts about yourself that don’t feel good.... that is what love is creating, that experience. If it feels terrible, it’s because hate is in extreme discord with the actuality that you are love. When you focus on anything else, that is what love is creating. If it feels great, it’s because it’s aligned with the true nature, or, that you are love. 

Don’t expect to “realize” anything here. You’re already feeling the alignment and or discord. Listen to that. Listen. 

There is nothing that actually needs to be solved. There is nothing that needs to be avoided or run away from. There is nothing wrong with you which is in need of fixing. 

 

[Gianna]

You cannot demonize your past even if it is just a thought. Your past– or the thought of your past– is what enabled you to realize this new way of being. You need to be grateful for your past. LOVE who you were. You were a, "people pleaser, needy, fake, and awkward" because you were seeking love and connection. Your actions were driven by LOVE– a desire for Love, a desire for connection. And that is what led you to this greater state of Love/Awareness. Everything in this world is done out of a desire for love and connection because that is what pushes us towards awareness. No matter how distorted/twisted your love may appeared at the outset, it nevertheless was a driver of love and that is precisely how you were able to get to this new level of awareness. 

Anything that reminds you of your 'old self' is a reminder of your beautiful and incredible growth and awareness. Growth and Awareness that not many people are able to achieve. Your old self is precisely how you were able to develop into this new version of yourself. LOVE that process you went through. Your realizations. Your growth. Your achievement. It's something to celebrate, not demonize. 

Edited May 10, 2021 by Gianna