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  1. I hate that version of myself I don't want to remember anything I hated everything about myself , I feel shame when I remember because I was people pleaser and needy, I was fake, and awkward .. I stoped contacting people who reminds me of myself because I was constantly triggered. sometimes I feel I didn't really changed because if I was really changed I wouldn't be running away part of me scared that I will get back to how I was
  2. How is your gym performance now ? I really want to go keto but don't want to lose my progress at the gym
  3. @Village Why she doesn't look healthy
  4. I feel so hopeless every time I overcome certain addiction I fall into other types of addiction.How can I stop this ? I know the root cause of it , it's because I hate myself and my life sucks and I'm working on that but how can I stop myself from falling into addictions while I'm working myself ? my addictions prevents me from making progress I've tried so many times but I always fall off track it's so hard why can't I just endure the pain ?
  5. Limit your caffeine consumption to 1 cup per day , also try to drink half decaf half regular The best way I found to not let caffeine effect my sleep is to do something physical do heavy lifting or cardio and then do deep stretching\foam rolling ( to lower cortisol ) then take a warm shower and when you're on your bed do breathing exercise until you fall into sleep
  6. What do you guys think about the 75 hard days challenge to develop mental toughness ? I've never been 100% on track on anything on my entire life I always half ass things thats why I wanna go through it
  7. After I realized a lot of stuff of myself ,why I behave\act\this way why I say this and that , why I have addictions how I lie , how I manipulate, the causes for a lot of my triggers .. what's next? I've been stuck for 2 years here I don't know how to go the next step , I can't make sense of anything anymore I feel confused and lost , I can't trust my beliefs and thoughts anymore I have no ground and I stoped feeling anything I'm very numb and nothing excites me anymore because the things that were making feel motivated and excited were there to keep those lies
  8. I have a history of childhood traumas and sexual abuse by a family member , I was numbing myself the whole time I'm 22 right now and I'm in a really low point of my life I feel like I'm failing in life , I want help I need resources about healing childhood traumas, emotions etc , right now I don't have a job I'm very dependent on my family on basically everything because I have very low self-esteem every time I get a job or an opportunity I don't do well I immediately sabotage them because deep down I don't feel I don't deserve them \not good enough I know what I want to do.. but I don't feel I'm capable of creating great things like others do I feel deep shame of my current state I want to do something but I'm paralyzed by my emotions it blocks me from life I'm very isolated and I don't have friends they all were abusive because I keep attracting abusers Please share any resources websites, bolgs,books,programs ,youtube channel etc, that has helped you with your healing
  9. @Michael569 I only eat white rice, sweet potato, buckwheat, rice cakes, banana, berries I don't consume gluten at all I don't have a structure or meal timing I just eat when I'm hungry and I make sure I hit my caloric intake by the end of the day
  10. I want to stop eating carbs, but I'm concerned that It will decrease my performance in the gym and lose muscle .. at the same time I'm sick of consuming carbs I feel like shit I want to increase my focus and I want sustainable energy. I did research and most of them confirmed that without carbs you won't be able to maximize your performance and strength etc. I was very dependent on caffeine for training and I was afraid that without caffeine my workout won't be the same .. but after 1 year without caffeine I train very hard and I'm doing very well without caffeine and I feel better. I want to do the same with carbs but everybody around me demonizing keto for athletic performance My goal is to have sustainable energy, decrease my cravings and stay a long time full and eat 1 meal per day, I want to spend most of my time working on my life purpose and self-development work, etc . at the same time I want to improve my performance at the gym my goal is to increase my strength \build muscle if you're doing keto.. I want to know if this is true? will keto affect my performance? and if yes is it worth it?
  11. Day 1 : I started my day drinking 1 cup of warm water " to wake up the gallbladder" My breakfast : 1 cup of vegetable soup ( boiled butternut squash, carrots, zucchini, onions, sea salt I have to blind them together to make it easier on my stomach ) 2 boiled eggs half of buckwheat wrap ( 37g of organic buckwheat flour mix with some water and 60g of egg white and to the pan ) Lunch: 100g White rice 100g of chicken After my workout : 1 Banana 2 Boiled eggs Dinner : 140g chicken 100g white rice I can't tolerate fat and fiber so the goal is to eat low fiber\fat easy to digest foods for the first 1-2 weeks very small meals ..I can't eat more than 250g per meal if I ate more than this I feel pain and I get sick .. today I ate only 1200 calories which is very low for me .. I know I'll drop a lot of weight but I'm making sure to eat enough protein to maintain my muscle. I had 2 cups of electrolyte drink( in the morning and before bed) I felt less bloated today, but I still feel pain in my stomach and I feel low energy I wasn't productive today .. all I did is I went to the gym had a good training session, coached my client, and watched youtube videos.. I don't want to stress about being productive at this time my 1 priority now is my health .
  12. My goals are: Heal my gut increase my energy level\focus Build foundation healthy habits like ( sleep, drink water, meditation, stretching\brething, training\ daily steps, etc) . Here I will share : The protocol I will follow My progress\results My research \resources Daily adherence
  13. The last year was so tough for me, I was under both emotional\physical stress and as a result of that I've developed digestive problems( although I was eating healthy.. but I was consuming too much caffeine and pushed my body too much with training\cardio and a hardcore diet and wasn't paying attention to my micronutrients) I want to make this journal to motivate myself and hopefully help others too who are dealing with the same situation, right now I'm so sick and my life is in a mess all because of my health, I never struggled with being organized\disciplined only this year .. I stopped doing all the daily habits I have no structure in my day and I live randomly .. the only thing that I'm still doing right now is going to the gym but not consistently .. my training sucks these days I'm not making any progress because I'm unable to train hard as I used to I'm currently suffering from : Bloating\inflammation Stomach pain Brain fog Low energy\fatigue Mood swings\depression ,irritation Sleep problems, irregular heartbeats
  14. I'm completely alone, I don't have close friends ( I know a lot of people but they're not close friends ) most of them are my clients. I have a dysfunctional family and narcissistic siblings .. I've set boundaries and I don't talk to them anymore, I'm single I'm not ready for a relationship,I don't feel lonely at all..my concern is what if I needed support like if I got sick or if something dramatic happens, etc. Is it normal\okay to be completely alone? Is there anyone here completely alone too? .. I feel so weird for being alone.