Spiritual Depression - really need to talk with someone

[Zeroguy]

Kinda disagree with to love. 

More like for get. To get. 

Woo them season starts. Haha

You are that Love itself. There is no other to love. 

If we are about to be correct. 

Also say goodbye to all human emotions/pretending. 

Being inloved with some other implies relational/dualities. All false. Reason why you suffer. 

sounds nihilistic but it's quite awesome.Liberation from it all.The apocalypse.

Edited May 13, 2021 by Zeroguy

[kinesin]

Firstly OP, I just want to mention that I understand how you're feeling.  I've been through this exact experience myself relating to general depression, spiritual dryness and also traumatic relationships which ended.

The first thing I want to point out is simply a hopeful sign which you may or may not be able to appreciate in your current mindset, but which is there regardless.  You came here and posted this thread.  The fact that you did that shows that you've reached a turning point in your suffering, where you turn your attention toward help and solutions.  By accepting that you haven't been happy and by making efforts to correct things, you've found yourself on a new upward path out of your suffering.
Secondly, a practical piece of advice to aid your contemplation.  Notice how in the process of writing about your struggles in this thread, you've recognised certain realities about the nature of your suffering.  Recognise that it was the act of writing about them which enabled that insight.  I'm a huge believer in the power of writing to provide insight into our own minds, and I've used writing to learn many truths about my own psyche which helped me to overcome similar negative feelings I had about ex girlfriends and loneliness.  For me, one thing which helped was writing out my own fears.  By doing this, I realised that I was terrified of being romantically alone in life, because I feared that my happiness was dependent upon having a relationship.  Once I recognised this belief within myself, I was able to address it and re-ignite the knowledge in myself that wellbeing is *never* dependent on external factors, not even love and relationships.  To recognise that desire to be in a relationship is actually based in fear of being alone and miserable enabled me to 'let go' of that desire once I realised that fear itself was the only thing making me feel alone and miserable.

This is simply what I realised about my own emotions through the process of writing.  Your own feelings may be entirely different, but my intention here is to convince you to do more writing on the topic so you can reach greater understanding and escape from this particular suffering.  I have a secret folder on my PC where I simply open a new .txt file each time and spend 20-30 minutes writing on a given topic without fear of how well it's written or how other people might percieve it.  Every time, I finish the session with new insights and those insights have been absolutely invaluable to my personal and spiritual development.  Try it out.

[Nahm]

We all end up feeling great over “being right”, not everyone chooses this in the lifetime unfortunately. Some seem to croak and return, just to experience this best of both worlds, yet struggle to do and experience, what they ‘returned’ to do & experience. There is a difficult to see through facade of action and effort equaling results and happiness, but it is very much the other way around. When the former lens is over employed, it is not too difficult to see how the latter can be kept at a distance with a term like spiritual depression. Spirituality being the inspection, or investigation of what it true and actual, depression can not persist for long. When inspected and understood, it no longer is experienced, and the emotional tug of war collapses in peace, love, and understanding, via the release of beliefs & misunderstanding. 

If one finds oneself chronically ‘being tough’ to an outside world, one could see why that is, in one’s ‘inside world’, and thus be liberated of it completely. This requires not the facade of courage, but actual courage. The true bravery not to defend, but to be perhaps ‘vulnerable’ such that feeling can be understood, and not projected onto any ‘outside causes’. 

A collaborating story does not make a story more true. It reveals it is not true at all. The implication of two experiencing that there are not two, is all the ‘evidence’ one could ever ‘need’. But we likes our identities, or hierarchy, our drama, our games, our suffering... until we don’t. Then we go home.