Proserpina's Journal

[Tyler Robinson]

@Kore what are you doing in Proserpina's journal? 

 

[Kore]

@Tyler Robinson Why be cruel?  This is my journal.  Should be clear based on my writing style. I have dealt with so much this past year.  My mother died.  I was recovering from psychosis.  Rejected by my family and community somewhat.  I feel low value.  Let me have this space to do my work.  This is my solace.  This is my haven from the pain.  I've dealt the punishment of banning, let me have my journal. 

Edited January 13, 2023 by Kore

[Tyler Robinson]

@Kore oops sorry. I thought you weren't Proserpina. Sorry. Carry on lol. I thought someone else started using her journal 

 

Love you. You don't deserve to be banned.. 

[Kore]

@Tyler Robinson ❤️

[Kore]

The beings I saw glowed with a radiance that had a quality of divinity about them as if they knew they were divine and they knew you were divine. They saw their own I-ness as divinity and they saw the you-ness or we-ness as divinity.  It would explain why I clung to the term "I Exist" so hard, it was I-ness and the divinity aspect.  It would also explain a lot of holes in the 'theory'.  Maybe Life and Love only looks like Life and Love but is actually divine I-ness and divine we-ness. This goes back to my second 'theory' which is this:

On 1/11/2023 at 0:28 PM, Kore said:

Stage yellow (on up the spiral) values divine I. 

Stage red values human I. 

Stage Turquoise values divine We. 

Stage blue values human We. (generally)

I'm going to play devil's advocate with my own system and introduce spiral dynamics into the mix.  Your stage will influence how you meditate and think about presence.  If you value I you will predominantly care about your own I-ness, especially in the Divine sense if you are higher up in the spiral.  If you value mainly divine We (stage Turquoise, for example) you lean toward Seeing the collective presence, you have a Divine We energy.  Of course, you'll also have divine I energy since we have both We and I.

Anyways.  This is all a distraction.  I had the realization of smoking weed for the first time many years ago that aside from focusing on consciousness all of this is a massive distraction.  I want to start this year on the right footing.  I need to actually realize how "I Exist" and "Presence" are identical instead of just saying it through consciousness work.  I can intuit it but I need to awaken. All this talk of the feminine and masculine and life energy is taking me off my path.  My path needs to be strictly focused on consciousness and divinity first and foremost which was insight those many years ago.  Even if all my insights sink as a result of a deep silence wells up in my heart.  Mooji guided meditations in my audio productivity journal should set me on the straight narrow path. 

Edited January 13, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

Retreat

I feel called to travel and traverse inward and keep my silence more frequently than before.  To delve into my own self.  I've gone outward for months now and now I seek to go inward and go on 'retreat'.  I have my own personal journals set up externally on my computer that I am writing in extensively.  Retreat, retreat, retreat does my heart repeat over and over.  And relief sweeps over me when I am soaking in and delving into all that I am.  It is healing.  In my healing, I can return and heal others. 

[Kore]

Opposite

I see I'm in the presence of my opposite.  An 'Erudite' like an individual- they would call it in the divergent series.  The 'Erudite' are the 'big', the 'masculine', and 'intelligent' like individuals that see themselves as superior to what was supposed to be characters that symbolize a spread-out version of the small.  In so many fictional examples there are time and time again the example of the big arrogantly underestimating the smaller.  In some cases, the smaller (usually masculine) then rise up and became 'demonic versions' of themselves tormenting the usually small feminine equivalent.  These 'demonic versions' who live to torment others believe it or not create in some order or fashion create these Erudite individuals who look down on most smaller individuals regardless of type.  

[Kore]

An answer I wrote in response to someone on the forum:

The universe has balancing forces.  The 'big' ('enlightened') and 'small' ('mess') balance each other out.  That's maybe why you are drawn to each other.  You may find that you might also go to war with each other as well as you differing or opposite perspectives.  That's normal.  The universe will maybe naturally separate you both when you are balanced out. 

..................

The Mess

As I pointed out earlier there are two kinds of people that fall under the 'mess' category.  Happy, healed individuals who possibly have disabilities of some kind or another or something that gives them the label of 'different'.   And 'demonic versions' who rise up as a result of Erudite individuals constantly pushing them down.   

The Enlightened

There are two kinds of 'enlightened' people.  There is the bitter Erudite masculine individual who looks down on many small individuals due to a few bad eggs in the barrel.  They are adored by their communities.  Then there are the actual enlightened individuals.  These are rare and on an equal footing with the small healed individuals who have disabilities/differences.

Edited January 15, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

Ego vs Soul

Of course, I'm only describing the egoic structure of such people (Erudite and 'demonic version', etc.).  They can step out of or dissolve this egoic structure at any time.  I've seen it happen, where the egoic structure takes a backseat and the soul steps forward, vacillating between the soul and egoic structure.  The Soul has a softness to it that the Ego lacks. 

Edited January 15, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

Firstly, I want to publicly apologize and take accountability for the duplicate accounts and for recruiting people twice.  I don't want to undermine your community, I love your community and its setup, especially the journaling section.  The second recruiting was a foolish act driven out of silly sentimentality.  I wasn't thinking.  I didn't realize the gravity of my actions at the time. But I feel the judgment was too harsh for what was a singular misdemeanor and when I was outside of the discord itself.  My first recruit was someone on the path, loyal to her beloved partner.  I didn't realize at the time since I was so new to the forum just how much the community would mean to me. 

I made a decision to be outside of that discord and I stuck to it.  I did not want to be part of that discord community. I wanted to be a part of your community. I made one foolish, off-the-cuff decision that wiped clean my whole path.  I cannot tell you how much I regret that decision.  Community is important to me.  I keep quiet and I work hard in my journal.  I try to keep my schizoaffective tendencies under control.  I feel I have come a long way compared to the past two years because of the community.  My psychiatrist says I have issues with suggestibility.  That may be a factor.  I'm not trying to make wrong decisions.  I need to weigh the pros and cons more often.  It's my feminine nature to be way too overly agreeable.

I created my third account during an episode of psychosis.  I have schizoaffective.  I was deep in psychosis for several posts into that account and then was recovering slowly. With this account, I made it when I was also in psychosis a few years ago and was seeing things that weren't there.  I don't go out of my way to undermine your community in that way.  I felt it fair to use this account so my voice could be heard because I feel I have something to say and that I was banned unfairly.  Yet again I apologize.  And I hope that you will allow me to stay in your community as it helps me to recover from some massive emotional injuries that I've sustained last year through journaling. 

My first account was banned due to psychosis.  I asked to be banned because my psychosis was out of control. 

 

Edited January 16, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

On 1/14/2023 at 11:36 PM, Kore said:

An 'Erudite' like an individual- they would call it in the divergent series.  The 'Erudite' are the 'big', the 'masculine', and 'intelligent' like individuals that see themselves as superior to what was supposed to be characters that symbolize a spread-out version of the small.  In so many fictional examples there are time and time again the example of the big arrogantly underestimating the smaller.  In some cases, the smaller (usually masculine) then rise up and became 'demonic versions' of themselves tormenting the usually small feminine equivalent.  These 'demonic versions' who live to torment others believe it or not create in some order or fashion create these Erudite individuals who look down on most smaller individuals regardless of type.  

It's very easy to rise up and slip into this 'shadow version' accidentally, even subtly as a small one as an effect of a sick society, surrounded by Erudite and shadow figures.  The Erudite will then point out and magnify this slip up a million times making the small one want to even more 'rise to the occasion' and slip into their 'shadow form' (if masculine).  Or to shrink away into some form of self-harm or self-demonization (if feminine).  It's important to understand where all this originates from to place awareness on it.  Awareness is curative.  

[Kore]

Kore (Goddess of Spring) 

vs Proserpina (Goddess of the Underworld)

Kore symbolizes rebirth and new life as a Spring Goddess.  I like to think of Kore in this context as a mature version of Proserpina.  Someone who has lit up the darkness and underworld with her awareness and no longer dwells in darkness. 

 

[Kore]

Kore and the Erudite

She traverses into her darkness time and time again with the God of the Underworld, the Erudite (God of Darkness) who magnifies the darkness within her.  Then she rises from the darkness with the light of her awareness.  Journalling etc. 

 

Edited January 16, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

Quote

The universe has balancing forces.  The 'big' and 'small' balance each other out.  That's maybe why you are drawn to each other.  You may find that you might also go to war with each other as well as you differing or opposite perspectives.  That's normal.  The universe will maybe naturally separate you both when you are balanced out. 

I speak of the negatives but the Erudite has a lot of good to offer the 'small', if they can learn to empathize with the 'small' and place awareness they can learn to transcend the negatives of their ego structure.  

The 'small' has to be careful not to slip into their shadow form accidentally (very difficult). 

Edited January 17, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

The point of meditation and do nothing meditation is not to need so much stimulation all the time, to be content with nothing. Ambient rooms is low level stimulation. Meditation gets you comfortable with being happy with emptiness alone.  This helps you get off needing stimulation all the time.  It's an integration of the feminine: emptiness, being, receiving. 

[Kore]

The Help

I've been blessed in life to see the lighter side of those with mental illness and disability.  I grew up surrounded by those with intellectual disabilities and mental illness as my parents were both support workers.  I remember them being sweet to me as a child and teenager.  I also had family members, an aunty with Schizophrenia who would bless me with her hospitality and her kindness, and uplifting spirit.  The words 'mental hospital' or 'mental illness' does not phase me or make me think less of the person or make a character assessment about the person.  But for many others, these words hold great weight for them in assessing a person's character.  I feel this stigma coming from others.  I feel I have a good heart.  I completely understand why non-profit organizations appear that help those with mental illness.  Once you see into the heart of some of these people, like my Aunty, you feel inspired to help.  People are called to help those who are wounded.  And then the love overflows to an unconditionality. 

[Kore]

An Ode to Leo

Leo is a great voice to send out messages to the collective at his best.  And this community is used by the universe to send out messages to the collective.  This community will use avatars or vessels to send out messages to the collective.  This community Leo is a guardian and protector of plays a vital place and role in the universe.  Leo may be harsh sometimes but he keeps the place running.  You have to appreciate that. 

Edited January 20, 2023 by Kore

[Kore]

That came from my heart.

[Kore]

Pain of 'Psychosis'

I've been through two 'psychoses' in the last few years.  The pain still lingers on.  It feels never-ending like it will never heal.  I try not to act out the pain.  I make sure to stay within my integrity to the best of my ability, with some hiccups.  The 'psychosis' involved an entity tormenting me for many months.  How can I ease this pain that is never ending?  Will it ever end?  I sit and sit and wait it out.  That's all I can do.  To be kind.  To be love and to act in my integrity to the best of my ability is what it means to transmute this for me.  This may have taken a huge hit at me but it's my job to alchemize this as any other time.  This may be the most difficult thing I've had to ever alchemize but that doesn't mean I can't do it.  Even if I were a demon, I could and would alchemize it.  Even if I fell from grace and couldn't get back up.  Even if it were the end.  I would continue to alchemize it until I was dead. Because. Thats. What. I. Do.

[Kore]

Guardian

It's not about being perfect or 'without sin'.  It's about keeping the community running and stable and making sure avatars (whether banned or unbanned) have a platform for raising the collective's consciousness.  A turquoise or yellow site.  God uses the foolish and wise.  The small and the big.  There are protectors and guardians.  We're all here to serve a greater purpose.  God says "ye without sin, cast the first stone".  God does not condemn, God embraces. 

Edited January 20, 2023 by Kore