Institutional betrayal

[tatsumaru]

Around 5 years ago I had a health meltdown followed by a psychological meltdown. Not sure what happened but one night I woke up with vertigo and it all went downhill from there. I am not going to go in details about the specifics of the health problems that I went through because that's not the focus of this topic, but what's important is that I had a really bad experience dealing with many multiple doctors in trying to figure out what was happening to me. Suffice it to say I got to experience everything from incompetence to gaslighting and indifference, spent massive money and got zero results in return. At the end of the day I felt incredibly betrayed by this system that was supposed to be a system of wise healers but turned out to be one of indifferent and incompetent gaslighters for the most part. This was incredibly traumatizing for me and took me nearly 6 years to recover psychologically.

Earlier today I stumbled upon a theory by psychologist Jennifer Freyd called Institutional betrayal referring to "wrongdoings perpetrated by an institution upon individuals dependent on that institution, including failure to prevent or respond supportively to wrongdoings by individuals (e.g. sexual assault) committed within the context of the institution". Not sure if that's what happened to me, but I resonated with this concept for the reasons above. For whatever reason that's left me with this overwhelming fear of my whole city. I feel like Winston Smith from 1984. Like the whole infrastructure is out to get me. It's because the people who I held in the highest regard betrayed me and now I feel that I can't trust humanity anymore. In the beginning I had a massive PTSD from this and just passing by a hospital or even the thought of a hospital made me want to curl up and cry, now the fear is mostly gone but there is still trauma and something deeply disturbing that I can't quite express. I feel like I am in purgatory or that this is some nightmare that I am supposed to wake up from. I tried emotional freedom technique but got limited benefit. What can I do to let that trauma go ?

[Loba]

That's a sad fact of life, and I relate to this very much.  In order for this not to be the case, you have to be wealthy.
If not, then help doesn't actually exist in the material world, because people are only interested in putting their spin on what is wrong with you, or taking your money, or using your problems to bolster their ego, ect, ect, ect - and every person is truly on their own 100 percent - anything that tells you otherwise is a lie that we create in order not to feel the truth - which is that nature is brutal and it is survival of the fittest. 

Human society is ultimately unhelpful, no one knows what they are doing or talking about - it's all vanity, everything is ruled by vain posers, and the fact that society has managed to make anything at all is a miracle in and of itself.  Society crumbles, something else will be built, maybe it will be better, who knows?

You can't trust anyone, no one has your best interest at heart, no one cares if you live or die, you are on your own and that is reality - the Universe and everything in it wants nothing more than to eat you, to take you for everything you have, especially if you are at your worst - all of life is a play of energy exchange.  When your battery runs out, you're done.  You're toast.  You're food for the worms.  You are only as good as the things you can produce for others.  Dance, dance, dance monkey dance.

It isn't trauma, you hit a very harsh truth, so I would integrate that instead as the reality and then try your best to live with it - it sucks that humans are this way, but it could be worse, there are over a billion people who don't even have clean drinking water.

 

Edited April 16, 2021 by Loba

[Preety_India]

I suffer from vertigo many times. 

So i can relate. 

Yes I feel the same way. 

I went to many many doctors in 2017 and lost a lot of money on doctors till I almost became bankrupt 

Now I feel very betrayed by the health system that was supposed to help and make me better. 

Also I was wrongly diagnosed many times. I was given drugs for blood disorders when I was suffering from a liver problem which was misdiagnosed and caused the symptoms to get worse combined with the side effects of meds which were given for diseases that I didn't have. 

All of this wrecked my life. 

 

When I confronted the doctors, they gaslighted me as having less knowledge than them and that my case was difficult for them. 

Is this really they get their pathetic degrees for? 

 

 

[tatsumaru]

49 minutes ago, Loba said:

Human society is ultimately unhelpful, no one knows what they are doing or talking about

While this is mostly true, I wouldn't overgeneralize it  as an absolute fact. I've met individuals who were able to help. This is extremely rare because we live in a culture of ignorance and mediocrity. Almost everything we are taught is wrong and therefore the people that come out of this education system are mostly useless. But some aren't. Regardless the bad ones can often cause much harm to others consciously or unconsciously. For starters we need better tools to deal with trauma.

27 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I suffer from vertigo many times. 

So i can relate. 

Yes I feel the same way. 

Personally my own vertigo symptoms were caused by magnesium and vitamin K2 deficiency. They went away permanently after two weeks of supplementation. Give it a try if you haven't already. As for the rest I totally agree. With the exception of acute trauma (heart attacks, gunshot wounds etc.) doctors are mostly useless, particularly the ones dealing with chronic disease - they haven't healed anyone and the drugs that address these issues have failed miserably too. It's clear our society has no clue where chronic disease comes from. You go to them when you are at your most desperate and they act all annoyed and try to convince you that you are crazy and should not bother them and that it's all in your head, but the reality is that the whole healthcare system is a fraud and is of no help to anyone - trillions of dollars going in the trash, doctors have to gaslight you in order to cover the lie that they are just clueless idiots walking around with white coats pretending to know something.

Edited April 16, 2021 by tatsumaru

[Preety_India]

@tatsumaru thank you for telling me that. I will try that. 

 

[Loba]

1 hour ago, tatsumaru said:

While this is mostly true, I wouldn't overgeneralize it  as an absolute fact. I've met individuals who were able to help. This is extremely rare because we live in a culture of ignorance and mediocrity. Almost everything we are taught is wrong and therefore the people that come out of this education system are mostly useless. But some aren't. Regardless the bad ones can often cause much harm to others consciously or unconsciously. For starters we need better tools to deal with trauma.

I can't help it, this topic hits a soft spot for me - I agree with this, but in my experience, after having dealt with such things, and in multiple ways, and not deserving improper treatment, this tells me that it is very uncommon for people to really have the means to do anything - they make it worse.  It is much better to fix things on your own if possible, and expect that those who will do it for you will do a piss poor job without any consideration for your well-being or interests unless you can line their pockets with your blood or they can exploit you in some fashion to make themselves money off of you.
I wish it was different.  We are all in the same sinking boat, so I suppose that's nice to know.

1 hour ago, tatsumaru said:

Personally my own vertigo symptoms were caused by magnesium and vitamin K2 deficiency. They went away permanently after two weeks of supplementation. Give it a try if you haven't already. As for the rest I totally agree. With the exception of acute trauma (heart attacks, gunshot wounds etc.) doctors are mostly useless, particularly the ones dealing with chronic disease - they haven't healed anyone and the drugs that address these issues have failed miserably too. It's clear our society has no clue where chronic disease comes from. You go to them when you are at your most desperate and they act all annoyed and try to convince you that you are crazy and should not bother them and that it's all in your head, but the reality is that the whole healthcare system is a fraud and is of no help to anyone - trillions of dollars going in the trash, doctors have to gaslight you in order to cover the lie that they are just clueless idiots walking around with white coats pretending to know something.

This.  After reading you post earlier it brought me to tears because I know that helpless feeling, of reaching out to people who claim to know what they are doing and to have your best interests at heart, but to be repeatedly betrayed by every institution out there.  And then to be told that it is your fault, that you are a loser, that you are a drain, that you are not doing well - ect, ect.