Is she ghosting me?

[Recress]

So my main objective on this thread is to explore this belief systems and to know what others see and think based on my story:

 

I meet a new hire officemate a couple of years ago. When I first saw her, it felt like she's familiar and I think she does the same(my own assumption based from her eyes). We became friends but not that close, professionally. We share the same hobby like traveling. After our manager allows us to Work From Home, we dont see often but when we do we plan to be present at the office alongside with out other close officemates. Some few months time, I traveled on a foreign country and bought her a present. In return, she gave me a present on my bday telling me that she was touched that I bought her something, she said she does that to her friends. Few months gone, she got roll-off from the project and we dont see each other anymore..

Over the past few years I was able to deduce that I have a fear of intimacy. 2 years ago, I met someone on my travel, and it was something different that hers. Yknow, something like in movies that you bumped into someone? I can be myself, although I lately know that she's already in a relationship, I guess that experience helped me open up more.

So to go back to the original girl. So since we dont see and communicate very much often. She has a tendency to send me a message saying 'How are you?' then no response to whatsoever. She does the same to me a few days ago. Last year when she messaged me I totally ignored her. But now she did it again and sadly I replied, no response for a week. Now, I don't know what game she is playing or I just put too much meaning to our encounter before. Maybe the thing that's been playing in my mind is 'it should have been us, but it didnt happened' and its kinda hard to be in a kind of relationship that you cant understand what truly it is. Is she waiting for my move? Is it she's just to friendly?

I don't know if I will do another response or totally ignore her moving forward.

<Let me know if you need things to be cleared>

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Potato People King]

It's impossible to know her honest thoughts and intentions (until she reveals them openly). You can only guess.

All I would say is this: If you are romantically interested in her, invite her on a date (or, for a start, simply try to meet her in real life). If she will (directly or indirectly) reject you or won't respond at all, then forget about her (from a dating point of view) and move on.

Edited March 13, 2021 by Potato People King

[Recress]

@Potato People King Thank you. I thought everyone will ghost this thread. I will do some meditation about this and self inquiry and move on afterwards. It's about time to shed some old people/beliefs/things that no longer servers me

[flowboy]

What is this nonsense about texting and worrying about the responses.

Just be a man and call her up. Say: "I've always found you cute, but we work together. Now that we don't, we don't have that restriction. Let's have a walk / coffee / (whatever you want)

 

If she agrees, tell her the time and place.

Or she won't, and then you won't have to waste mental energy on this anymore.

By calling her and making your intentions known, you are making yourself vulnerable. Making yourself vulnerable is what gets perceived as masculine and attractive. So this is the approach you could take that is most likely to win. And guaranteed to save you both time and energy regardless.

It's okay to be scared to take this approach. I would be. But do it anyway. If you let fear make your decisions, she'll sense that and won't want you inside her anyway

Edited March 14, 2021 by flowboy

[Recress]

Thanks you for the response Thanos (I got pressured). @flowboy

So yeah I decided not to. Aside from the fact that she's way older for me like 5-6 years, I met other girls on my travels and I would pick that instead. Besides, I don't need other people to validate me, I've been on this journey of self discovery for many years now. If I think she's the one for me at this time, I would have gone my way to reach out to her by any means. But no, I believe people come and go, just that her reaching out to me trigger some wounding that I need to revisited and do alot of reflections especially if it's stemming from traumas and such. The reason probably that I shared this is because this sub-topic felt open for people to share vulnerability. I think it's healthy to do that at times.

Edited March 14, 2021 by Recress

[flowboy]

@Recress Awesome! So now you know.

[Recress]

11 minutes ago, flowboy said:

@Recress Awesome! So now you know.

Yeah, journaling and self inquiry really helps. I read your journal about some girls you've been, now I understand where you're coming from. It's nice to see some open-minded guys here on this forum to support each other, although I dont exclude woman as well. Just that some of friends that Ive been doesnt talk things like this so its comforting to be vulnerable at times when you need to.

[flowboy]

@Recress I appreciate it brother