I have phone anxiety

[blankisomeone]

How do I get over it? Face it head on?

Wanna help me? Lol Can we get on a call and can you allow me to just hang up on you if I chicken out and not take it personally? Lol

Everything about it freaks me out, the awkward pauses and especially the fact that I can't see people's reactions to what I'm saying! I start sweating so much, heart beats faster and breath gets shallow Lol So ridiculous

I've even turned down job opportunities because the interviews were gonna be over the phone. And now with the lockdowns it's difficult to keep in touch with friends and family over the phone! It's impacting my life a lot

Any advice?

Edited March 6, 2021 by blankisomeone

[seeking_brilliance]

When you interact with people here on the forum, do you form an image in your mind (even abstract) of who you are talking to and who's responding? Does this happen differently for you from when you speak to someone on the phone? 

[blankisomeone]

6 minutes ago, seeking_brilliance said:

When you interact with people here on the forum, do you form an image in your mind (even abstract) of who you are talking to and who's responding? Does this happen differently for you from when you speak to someone on the phone? 

Yes, I keep imagining what the person's facial expressions are, like how they're reacting to me. And of course I always imagine them reacting negatively to what I'm saying, I imagine that they're taking opportunity of the fact that I can't see them and they're like rolling their eyes, secretely laughing at me, feeling annoyed by me. I get so distracted with all of that that I can't actually focus on the actual conversation and their actual voice and intonation. It feels like I go somewhere else, like I'm not present anymore. Heart starts thumping fast and I start sweating cold a lot. Ugh, it's bad. And after the call is over, I'll spend the next hours ruminating over the phone call. Maybe the event will even haunt me for an entire week. I don't know what the best approach is to fix this. And I have no idea what the root cause of this fear is.

[LastThursday]

There's only one way to cure it. Work in a call centre.

Joking aside, I hate talking on the phone too. In fact I prefer any other type of communication to it. I give talking on the phone a 1 out of 10.

Getting philosophical about it, I think I hate it because there are no cues to let you know how to guide the conversation, and how to end it. Also it's very immediate and there's no thinking time. Also the kind of the people that like using phones are talkers (auditorily lead, in NLP speak), and I'm not really a talker, I'm a thinker and more visually lead. Also on a phone call there is generally no record of it, so people make stuff up about what happened on a phone call.

Phones: just say no.

Just to actually answer the question: there are a ton of other options available nowadays, just avoid calling on the phone - suggest Zoom, email, etc.

Edited March 6, 2021 by LastThursday

[blankisomeone]

6 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

Phones: just say no.

Nah, I don't wanna lose more job opportunities because of this shit lol

[seeking_brilliance]

@blankisomeone@blankisomeone

Next time you are talking on the phone, play this video on mute. Watch it nonchalantly while still focusing on the conversation. 

 

[blankisomeone]

1 minute ago, seeking_brilliance said:

@blankisomeone@blankisomeone

Next time you are talking on the phone, play this video on mute. Watch it nonchalantly while still focusing on the conversation. 

 

LMAAAAAAAAAAAO i can't haha

Thanks. Weirdly enough, I think this will help me.

[seeking_brilliance]

Oh good ? let me know

[LastThursday]

2 minutes ago, blankisomeone said:

Nah, I don't wanna lose more job opportunities because of this shit lol

Insist on a video call for interviews. Trust me some employers will see this as initiative. If they won't bite, then feed back to them and suggest that they're losing potential candidates by not providing video interviews. Job done. Take back control.

[blankisomeone]

1 minute ago, seeking_brilliance said:

Oh good ? let me know

Maybe I can imagine the person at the other end of the line dressed like a baby

Shit, this might help. lol

[seeking_brilliance]

Yeah my next suggestion was to override your initial hallucination. 

Edited March 6, 2021 by seeking_brilliance

[DIDego]

@blankisomeone I had to try break this issue and tested write notes and all kind of stuff.

I tried record some of my calls, as last resort because it felt kind of weird and time consuming, but it worked.

Record a few calls and take a moment to listen whats going on and what you have said and what you think you said, how do you perform?

It can show that the fear distort your memory to able recall how good the call actually was.

This can help break the spiral you gets in after the call, and this can help you atleast start learn whats going on and be able use the time reflecting instead of guess whats happened a long time after.  

 

Edited March 7, 2021 by DIDego

[Dunnel]

@blankisomeoneI think the biggest problem here is that you keep dwelling on the past. Whenever I will get the urge to try to think back to the past and don't act on that urge, I find myself caring less about the outcomes. I keep struggling with it of course because im a perfectionist , but what you are essentially fearing is the regret you will feel after the call is done. So if you spend the next hours ruminating about the call you will guarantee the likelihood that you will do it again. Your mind think its doing productive thinking, but is all bullshit. Trust me I have suffered this my entire life. You dont wanna continue this rabbit hole. Make some mistakes. People are gonna judge you and accept those feelings that comes from that. Good luck. 

[seeking_brilliance]

Do you doodle when you talk on the phone? I do, drawing and scratching on various symbols like triangles, circles or whatever... Kinda keeps the wandering mind busy while mostly focusing on the conversation itself. 

 

[blankisomeone]

2 hours ago, seeking_brilliance said:

Do you doodle when you talk on the phone? I do, drawing and scratching on various symbols like triangles, circles or whatever... Kinda keeps the wandering mind busy while mostly focusing on the conversation itself. 

Great idea, too!