Am I Deliberating Avoiding/sabotaging My Life Purpose?

[The White Belt]

Heyyyyy.

 

So when I watched my first movie as a young boy, I wanted to be an actor, and that always stuck with my mind.

I took an acting workshop but because I was so young it was all confusing and I didn't want to go back, so my parents didn't make me, but the dream stuck with me, so about four years ago I signed up for some other acting workshops and it was an incredible feeling. 

For somebody who changes his mind all the time on what he wants to do, I actually stuck with it for quite a while, and managed to pull in some acting jobs. 

Then self-doubt crept up, I got anxious in classes, on sets, and now I keep telling myself that it's a shitty, superficial, self-chershing thing to do, and I keep changing my mind on what I want to do, yet keep returning back to acting. Any time an acting job comes my way, without me seeking it out, i'm all about the acting, and then I drop it again like a bad habit. Yet, even when i'm into it I can't make my way through an acting book, I can't get the work done, or be proactive looking for opportunities, yet I can read a personal-development book very easily, which tells me I don't want it. I can go cold on acting for months and then I start dreaming about big actors.

I'm trying to convince myself that I shouldn't do it because it's chasing money and fame but it might be deeper than that. I dunno :/.

 

Please help! 

 

Thanks.

[Extreme Z7]

All self-doubt is normal when pursuing life purpose. The fact that you have self doubt at all means that you definitely have a life purpose and you want to pursue it. Just recognize it as one of the challenges to achieving one's life purpose. It's no different from mastery, using finances to your advantage, or learning to handle criticism.

[Robert66]

Hey, maybe the fact that you drop it to go live life and then come back to it is you actually working on becoming a better actor, one who can bring some depth to a role because you have developed yourself as a person and not just the single facet of actor.  Just a thought.

[Xpansion]

There are definitely aspects of that industry that are shitty and superficial and a lot of big egos get involved so a lot of "self cherishing" going on however there are downsides to every industry. If you love doing it and you get lost in it because you're so passionate about acting and not just because you are bedazzled by the glitz and glamour of fame then yes you sound like you are self sabotaging.  

You don't need to get caught up in the superficiality. Just hone your craft, act really well and inspire people by being fucking amazing.    When I see a great actor, singer or anyone who does anything really really well, I cry. Sometimes I cry simply because I'm moved by their performance but many times I cry because they evoke an awareness of that same burning creative spark inside me which I am currently not expressing or sharing with the world. It's like a sad envy.   

These self defeating thoughts and habits that we have can be very deeply entrenched. We can be aware that we are sabotaging ourselves but for some reason still keep doing it. It's like a programme running.  The first step is to shine the light of awareness on them and you are doing that.  

There is a very good technique for working with difficult thoughts and emotions known as RAIN - Recognise, Accept, Investigate, Non identify

R.A.I.N

 

 

Edited October 17, 2016 by Xpansion

[Xpansion]

Also see this article about becoming mindful of unskillful thought.

Skillful versus Unskillful thinking