⛓️ Key Chain ⛓️

[Loba]

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I am making a care pack for the afterlife, so that I remember where I am supposed to go - and it is kind of Egyptian styled in a way, in preparation - pertaining to all the different steps taken, and how one spends their life preparing for death and that this is a key step in my work - I feel that there are probably mid-points in the afterlife and a journey that one must take and I plan to study this and follow what feels right for me.
As above, so below. 
Here is what I plan to buy today, and the rest of what I need over the next few months I will post as I get it.

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This is a small stuffed lamb to remind me of the law of the universe, good and evil, dark and light, above and below, yin and yang, that everything has a mirror quality to it - karma - to continue to spiral into into things with the nuance of seeing both the good and the bad until it is unified.  This is a tool to be used by imbuing it with love and good intentions.  Over time, the energy stored within it will create a talisman.

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Pocket sized English version of the Quran, to provide a religious structure to explain some of my experiences.  This particular religion calls to me for some reason as offering descriptions that I feel that I can intuitively understand on some level.  We'll see, I am not a native with this religion.  I'll try not to butcher it too much when adding it to my work.

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A messenger bag to put everything in for my first aid kit - and the wolf emblem on it is to remind me that this is a form of growth, to protect the contents of what is in the bag, and to remember what I am looking for.

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Hematite wolf's head charm necklace - to be kept in a medicine pouch - and it can be worn for protection.

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Phlebotomy "blood oath" pens of different colors for writing up contracts/instructions/spells and stuff - you write them on the back of something that symbolizes money - within it is the energy.  Things are then manifested right on the spot - but you have to have the right energy.  I have Wolf's "energy credit card".  Don't know how it works, but I can get to the address I need to and everything is covered for the time being.

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Two sticker books, one for stickers for spiritual home life, and the other with the owl is for spells, food, energy and things such as this.  If you put them in the book, then it is like an afterlife manifestation coupon.  So I bought a bunch of pizzas, and burgers and stuff for now and will add more later.  This is similar to like how Egyptians would store things in pyramids, but more convenient.  

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Some tourmaline for my medicine bag - just one large piece, for protections and absorption of dark energy.

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This choker and ears, a rabbit tail and a toy - image not needed to be shared - for ritual sex magick/offerings - to manifest things and for lifting energetic blockages.  
I would be a girl-bunny in another lifetime - human looking, maybe 20-ish, w/ ears and a tail - prey/sub/food.
I'm mostly asexual but for a few days every month or other month there is a small window of time to do this work.
That's one of the things that I have been working on in this journal is trying to transmute trauma/sexual stuff - and it seems to come with a whole host of other things, apparently.  So I am kind of winging it to see if I can "come out" essentially.

So this is what I have planned to put together for the following months:

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Shiva lingam, jasper mushroom and a yoni crystal for my medicine bag, along with these things:

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A jasper wolf's head and a set of various beginner's crystals...

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A small golden compass, a bloodstone wolf totem, and a lighter with a rabbit and a pink flame, two evil eye keychains which will have the letters "G" for each, a McDonald's patch to remind me of The Golden Arches - Heaven - and that this is the first place that I need to make a break for after chilling at the gas station, when the light begins to come up, two ethically sourced rabbit's back feet for luck and a swift return home. 

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"A mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam.

And this is the medicine bag I plan to buy to put all of this in.

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Three nice quality wool bags to divide up and organize my supplies and  a leather sketchbook cover with an art pad.

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A 5'7" art card to remember who I am looking for/the raven represents the light rail system through the city.
The name of the art is titled: "I don't speak human" - this is to remind me that these Beings are telepathic and that words will not come into play much in this world.

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This is a small 5'7" photo album, and I plan to place images that I need to remember where I need to be: so far I have uncovered: the gas station, the twilight desert road I will find when the sun rises and on the outskirts of the city will be a McDonalds, finally into the city:  picture of Wolf above with the raven that represents the light rail system through the city, and I will include the address that I need along with my name and anything else I find that might help.
The monopoly money is a series of lined notebooks that I can write requests/spells on with the blood pens.

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A wallet for any spells casted/written or requests from the money notebooks, and a place to hold my spiritual id/passport (have yet to make it) - blood pen activates the spell, but once it is in the wallet and the zipper closes, it is sealed.  That is the deal.  The dreamcatcher and blue eyed wolf is mine, and represents catching bad intentions in order to manifest quality things - there is good an evil and I can see within this a balanced judgement - with the dreamcatcher being an understanding of human ego, and being able to filter this out with the benefit of all in mind - a manifest energy sticker to put in the "wishes" compartment.

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A couple bottles of these just in case my energy runs out and the darkness starts to bleed through, then this energetically blessed water used with intent and a blessing will keep it away.  This stuff is like liquid gold in the mirror/underworld - and a small amount goes a long way.  
A wolf prayer for protection and an art card to remind me that I am, and they are a strong spirit - and to have faith.

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Old train station tickets take you to other cities in the area and the golden tickets are to remind me to believe and have faith and this is what creates the light/energy - and that it is important to remember that.

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"Come to me powder" and the artwork - to manifest helpful situations and or if the address is hard to find, and to be reunited with this miscellaneous masculine energy.

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An evil eye bracelet, a black and white grounding bracelet that has varying shades to remind me to see things with nuance, sri yantra necklace, sage pack for clearing/cleansing.

I also have a sky tamagotchi in a shaman's medicine bag already that will come with me.

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Edited April 11, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Notes: 

• Some folks have thin skin, like a bullet piercing through at every disapproving thought, word, or action and it penetrates us straight to our core, more than that, it destroys us - we would love to be unaffected.
• If you really do care what other people think, telling yourself that you should or to stop isn't going to cause you to stop caring.  If you know someone like this, telling them to stop isn't going to stop them from caring, either. 
• Folks will tell you this, thinking it is a conscious choice, but if you are the kind of person who cares and gets hurt by words then you are not going to be able to just chose to snap out of it.
• Humans are conditionable in the same way animals are, it produces responses in the brain similar to an electric shock.
• People who tend to care the most about what other people think are those who grew up with repeated boundary violations.  They were punished in ways that felt like abandonment as children.  The message learned is that we do not deserve love if we are not pleasing our parents or everyone else.  This is a big issue as love means survival for humans; we are relationally dependent on others - and like children,  disapproval meant death.  When we grow up this does not change.  Disapproval still means death.
• Why do you take things personally:  The reason is because when we are little, our parents treated us as if we were bad, it wasn't about the action and so we learned that it was about us.  Doing something wrong or bad made us bad, so now we have serious issues with rejection, disapproval and negative criticism because our self esteem is dependent on approval.
• In Maslow's Hierarchy of needs is secondary to shelter, food and water, however this is untrue, love and belonging is actually the highest need.  How do we know this?  When someone is faced with losing love or not belonging, they tend to neglect and abandon their survival needs completely, they stop eating, drinking or commit suicide so this suggest that the need for belonging and love is an even higher need than our basic survival needs.
• Ask yourself the questions: Should I actually stop caring what other people think?  The answer isn't as easy as you would think.  It is good to figure this answer out yourself. 
• Here is how to do so:
  • Reverse the statement: "I shouldn't care what other people think." to "I should care what other people think." How is it true?
  • And also with the questions: "I shouldn't let what they say get to me." to "I should let what they say get to me."  How is that true?
• If we stop caring what other people think of us we are meeting a distancing behaviour, which is what disapproval is with another distancing behavior.  We separate ourselves from each other by not caring what the other thinks.  We also deprive ourselves of the opportunity to see things from another perspective, therefore we deprive ourselves in another light.  Self awareness will be much more difficult if he stop caring what other people think.
• So the higher truth is that we should care what others think, we should not be defiant with what others think as that is defense.  There is a difference between caring what other people think and letting our entire self concept ride on what other people think, that is a real problem.
• It is normal to feel happy and good when we are praised and to feel defensive when we are insulted.  But what do we do when we tend to find that insults spiral us in a negative direction, what exactly is it that we can do?

Ten Nine step solution:

• Step 1 - Acknowledge that you take everything personally and cannot take criticism, care what other people think and have low self esteem.  We have to admit to where we are in order to move anywhere.  As long as you are in resistance, you will not move forward.  Most of us spend our lives trying to suppress that we care what others think because we think that truth is unacceptable.  Ask yourself: Why do I care what other people think?  Not one person exists that doesn't care because everyone has at least one person who's opinion seriously matters to them.
• Step 2 - We need validation.  Most of us don't understand what validation really is, we think validation is some sort of encouragement or praise, when it actually isn't.  Validation is confirmation that something is logically or factually sound.  Basically to validate somebody is to say that they are truthful and right in their perception.  Validation is the recognition and acceptance that your feelings and thoughts are true and real regardless of logic or if it makes sense to anyone else, and this develops a strong sense of self that is not dependent on other people.  When we are children this validation helps us to express and feel our emotions, develop a secure sense of self, gain confidence, feel more connected to others and have better relationships in adulthood.  But parents who are concerned with approval and disapproval, right or wrong, punishment or reward are not concerned with validation.  So for those of us who are demolished by what other people think, our parents, in their lack of awareness did damage and now it is up to us to validate ourselves, and validating ourselves is just what the doctor ordered.  Acknowledge the truth of your own internal experience, and drop the idea of whether it is right or wrong.  Because validation has nothing to do with right or wrong.  For example, if we killed someone, we are not validating that it was right to kill someone, what we are validating is that we had good and sound reason to feel like we wanted to kill someone.  Remember, there is always a valid, real and reasonable reason why you feel the way you feel and think the thoughts you think and are the way that you are.  
  On a side-note, people who have trouble feeling validated have resistance to disagreement.  Expect that you will hate it that people don't agree on truth, especially when people don't agree with you, it makes you feel invalidated, misunderstood, separated, alone and worst of all, like something is wrong with you.
  • Two videos to help with this: 
    ☝️   Step by step process to help address emotions.
    ☝️   Step by step process to address thoughts.
• Step 3 - If we are hurt by what someone thinks, it means that there is already a sore there.  That sore or that wound within us is a vibrational match to injury because it is an injury, for this reason we continue to attract people into our experience that cause us injury.  Other people's opinions are hitting up against a persistent bruise.  This is an unhealed wound from childhood and it's the perfect opportunity to find a way to heal ourselves and also to practice integration.  What we want to do is work with our strong emotional reactions and to work with the emotions that vibrated a frequency of the lack of self worth, things like intense shame, mortification, embarrassment; all of these kinds of emotions are the ones you want to pay special attention to because using them as a rope to access the original wound which is way back in your past is the perfect opportunity to solve the origin or root of these issues in your adult life and when you do that they disappear.  For this step, use the video posted below, How to Heal the Emotional Body to heal the real issues of poor self esteem.  And as we heal there will be less raw spots for others to hit and hurt and this gives us less reason to react.  Heal your wounds and it won't hurt.
• Step 4 - If you really care what other people think, then chances are you live your life in a state of self-criticism and hyper-perfectionism, so that you can create an existence where no one else has any reason to disapprove of you.  We spend our lives trying to avoid disapproval, that is why we are perfectionists in the first place.  The answer is to stop avoiding the thing we are trying to avoid: Become okay with being disapproved of.  Easier said than done, but if we are no longer running away from the demon that can't keep chasing us, we lust develop a willingness to feel.  This is the most important part of this video.  Naturally we are trying to get away from discomfort and pain, living our lives trying to avoid it.  A life lived trying to avoid something is no life at all.  We have to stop trying to not get hurt and instead unconditionally sit with the feelings within ourselves.  Shift your attention from what someone said or did to how you feel.  It is no longer about avoiding disapproval, it is about being able to sit with the feelings as those feelings arise as sensations within the body.  What you will find is that you have the capacity to feel them.  We aren't going to get killed by feeling these things, they will not do any damage unless we resist them.  There is an unparalleled inner peace that arises as a result of knowing that you can trust yourself to be able and willing to experience and feel anything.
• Step 5 - Anything that increases your self worth or self esteem is going to work to help you to stop caring what other people think.  Write a list of the things that you approve of about yourself.  Don't involve anyone's opinions in this process, good or bad, the problem is still that you are letting what they say be the basis of your entire self concept, so instead pretend that you are a space alien from wherever, come down to planet Earth and observe yourself and think about what this space alien would approve of about this Earthling.  Pretend that this alien can also see into this Earthlings past.  You are not born in the state of doubt about your own self worth, no baby is born thinking it is unworthy, or doubting - this is a learned behaviour.  
• Step 6 - Find the positive intention behind the why you take things personally.  Why you care what other people think and why you let what other people think hurt you.  This may seem like an odd request, because why would anyone have a positive intention for those things which are so obviously negative, but be assured, if you have any kind of detrimental behaviour, you are continuing that behaviour because it is somehow serving you.  Don't take that to a place of self blame.  What do you get out of it?  This is a very individual thing that starts with a willingness to consider that your being is subconsciously getting one of it's needs met by doing the thing that ultimately harms you.  For example, one person might find that depending on what other people think keeps them included by others.  This person may feel that unless they are involving other people and their opinions in every process of their life that they will be all alone.  A good way of finding out what the positive intention is, is to find out what bad thing you think will happen, or what bad thing it would mean if you didn't take things so personally and didn't let things hurt you, were not dependent on what other people think and didn't give your power away.
• Step 7 - Recognize how critical you are of other people.  Being critical of others is a mirror to how critical you are of yourself.  Making an effort to withdraw that criticism and instead reach toward an understanding of the other person is an important step towards loving ourselves enough that we no longer take what other people say about us so personally, so as to spiral into an abyss.  A great many of us become critical of others because it is the only way we can feel a sense of our own rightness.  We are drowning in the pain of self doubt and hatred.  Notice how you feel when you are being critical of others, are those feelings draining or empowering you?  Would you rather be right or happy?  All people do the things we do to meet a need.  This means the story you have been telling yourself about how they or you could or should have done things better, or the story that their actions were a deliberate attempt to hurt, sabotage or damage you, is fundamentally flawed.  They and you had no knowledge of a better way of meeting needs.  Find out what those needs are, try to understand them, or possibly meet those needs for them or yourself if you can.  On one level when you sense disapproval, all you are sensing really is a reflection of your own disapproval or dissatisfaction within yourself.  Most of the time, you have no idea what the other person is thinking, so the thought you attribute to them are speculation, they can only come from your own mind.  When someone disapproves of you or is critical about something, ask how you disapprove of that thing within yourself.  If you are feeling defensive, then there is a wound, so what wound are you trying to defend?  You will often hear that what somebody does or says or thinks about you is never about you, it is only ever about them.  This is a very good deflection strategy.  But a deflection strategy is a defense strategy.  If we are dedicated to the path of enlightenment or awareness, defense is not the aim.  So rather than saying that what people say or do is never about you, only about them - let's say that it is actually about both of you.  We want to understand both how it relates to us and how it relates to them.  If we are able to take care of ourselves through the discomfort we feel we can open up wide enough to see if there is truth to what they are saying about us, and we can see if there are any useful aspects to their criticism.  We can use it to gain self awareness.  The other thing you can do is to put yourself into the other person's' shoes.  Try to figure out what they are thinking, feeling, doing, saying and wanting and why they are doing or saying or thinking those things.  How is what they are thinking, saying or doing really about them?  Change: Why did they do or say that to me? to: Why did they do or say that to themselves?  Consider the person's insecurities.  Could they feel threatened by you in some way?  Is this the way they treat all people?  Perhaps they lack social skills or are bullies?  Perhaps they feel by making you look bad, they will make themselves look good and win other people's favour.  Imagine that in all people there is an inner child that is acting out and is not mature to the point that they understand the best ways to meet their needs.  What is the inner child of this person in need of and trying to get?  Figure out their needs and fears and hurts.  If you figure those things out, their actions will make sense and you will see that their actions were not about you or something that you did wrong.  When someone is hating us, it is not about hate.  It is always about hurt and pain.  Hate is just the knee jerk reaction mae on a vibrational level to get away from pain and hurt being felt.  Don't use this as a cop out not to look at yourself or to develop self awareness.  Use this as a way to develop understanding why people do the things they do as a way of facilitating compassion.
• Step 8 - (8 was skipped over so there are only 9 steps to list.)  If you are the kind of person who is easily hurt by what other people say or do, practice the art of letting the mud settle.  When you walk into a lake that has a muddy bottom and you disturb the mud, the water becomes unclear.  What you have to do is to get yourself into a space of complete and utter stillness so the mud in the water will settle and the water will become clear again.  Don't take immediate action if you have been hurt.  You've got to cradle yourself in the hurt first before you react.  You are prone to knee jerk reactions which will really hurt you even worse in the end.  When you are less emotionally charged, respond in order to gain clarification and tell them how their words or actions are making you feel.  Seek to find a meeting of minds.  If it becomes clear that a person can't respect you and insists on creating a situation over and over again that is meant to make you feel badly about yourself, personally attack you, devalues or belittles you or attempts to bait you, then this is abuse and you need to rethink the relationship, regardless of whether this person is family or not.
• Step 9 - Meet your needs.  Get yourself in the habit of asking yourself, "What do I need right now?"  Especially if you have been wounded by someone else.  We tend to have this particular habit where when we get hurt by someone else, or rejected by them - we respond by hurting ourselves worse, rejecting ourselves even more and disapproving even more of ourselves.  We add salt to our own wounds and begin to deprive ourselves.  We exacerbate our feelings because we feel bad about two things, the original incident and the pain felt about the incident. Those of us who feel bad when others express disapproval tend to feel bad about feeling bad about things.  We need to do the things for ourselves which make us feel relief on a physical, emotional and mental level.  Perhaps we need to take a walk to feel more energized or eat to feel more grounded or write in our journal so that we can gain an organization within our thoughts or gain more clarity.  This is like self validation in action.  You are not going to heal your wounds or learn how to validate yourself and stop being negatively affected by what other people think by one technique or with a magic pill.  Everything begin with the knowledge that it is valid and okay to feel hurt because of what someone has said or done.  We cannot consciously control what other people think, say or do, but we can approach ourselves differently.  We can treat ourselves well.  We can decide to approach ourselves differently with the task of taking care of ourselves when we have been hurt by someone, and if we chose to approach this task of approaching ourselves differently, then what we find is that the window is wide open to self healing and to integration.  And as soon as we pass through that window, the things that other people say and do won't hurt us as badly, no matter what they say and do our reactivity level will go down, then it is no longer going to be about caring what other people will think because you will care, but the point is what people say or do or think won't make you spiral in a downward direction.  

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Intention: I need my spirit guide back, and to return to the energetic resonance that I was at.  To let go of being lead around and controlled by judgement, and fear.  What I am looking for is energetically above all of that.  

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Let's go to the corner store and buy some fruit
I would do anything to get you out your room
Just take your medicine and eat some food
I would do anything to get you out your room

It's so cruel
What your mind can do for no reason

I take a jump off the fire escape
To make the black dog go away
At least I know that you are trying
But that's what makes it terrifying

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I don't wanna stay like this forever
Show me all the truth around your eyes
This in general is not a silence
I need you to bring me back to life
Come and lay me down from the front
Let's forget the pain inside the dance
I don't wanna lose another hour
I just wanna love you through the storm

For the sign just down below:  Like indoor trees growing without light, all plugged into a collective dream, they wish for clear skies and grass to put their roots in - victims of "the system".  Dark energy.  Yearning vibration; take to the mountains.

Notes - 

Why might we want a new spirit guide? 

• We might want to approach something in a new way or gain new skills or have guidance in a certain aspect of our life, because different guides have different specialities just as humans have different expertise.
• We appreciate the guides we have but we might be wanting to approach something new in our lives or make some changes, even if it is for healing - we might want to attract a guide for that - wouldn't a guide automatically step up?
• Sometimes yes and sometimes no.  There are many aspects of our life, and it's usually those things we have a lot of focus on, a lot of will, emotion - we don't have a spirit guide for every aspect of our lives.
• Many of our guides help us with lots of things but we may make the decision that we really want to pursue something, to send our signal out to the appropriate guide to come along now. 
• They may have been destined to come along, there may have been a "maybe", depending on our path in this lifetime, or we may or may not have chosen to follow a particular path - so the spirit guide may be aware of that, but perhaps we can move things along by sending a signal to this new potential guide in love and light to come and join us and help us on our path.

This means I am close - ☝️I just wrote whatever, I don't really know what to say on Youtube comments tbh, I just wanted the screenshot for my journal/scrapbook.

• Guides can be quite specialized, so for example if I wanted to become a counselor, then I might request or send a signal to attract a guide that is really good at helping with that.  If I decide that is my heart's desire and joy and what I want to do, maybe I want to get the process going and send out the signal for skills as well?  For example in speaking, science, organizational skills, motherhood, ect - one guide can come and then go and another will appear in love and light.  Your signals can be subconscious.
• Another reason to attract a guide is if we don't know our direction, for instance seeking our purpose, we might want to send out a signal that is waiting that knows what our potential could be but we are struggling to find it and by sending out that signal to them it brings them closer to us in order to help us to find our purpose. 
• They can't step forward until you ask.  So even if you do not know you can send out the signal to bring in that guide of a high vibration with the best intent, the greatest good to join you now to help you know what your direction is if that is their speciality - if that was your potential.
• This is proactive - getting help from the other side.  Being proactive rather than being caught up in a stuckness, and then knowledge comes to us more easily because our guide is there to psychically and intuitively impart that to us and rising up through our subconscious mind for us to access via our unconscious mind and then we know what do to and we can utilize their guidance now rather than later.  
• Approach more of these lessons we have come to learn in a positive way.
• All possibilities are known, all paths are known, and so a guide will be available - there are more spirits than humans and they are just jumping for this chance.
• Because all is known, there would be potentials there for us to fulfill whatever it is we want to do, fulfill our potential, learn new skills, ect - there would have been the probability for us to do these things, so there will be a guide out there somewhere it is just connecting with them and bringing them forward.
• So you might know what you need help with or you might not know. You might want help from the guide to help you find your way if you are confused:
  • Step 1 - start looking into the thing you want to do and as you do this you will send out the signal to attract what you want.
  • Step 2 - pick two or three things that symbolise this and place them around you ready for your meditation.  If you don't know there is no need for the objects.
  • Step 3 - meditate focusing on your breath, having the objects around you if you have them and do this for 10 minutes.
  • Step 4 - set the intention to connect.  Say something like, "I am connecting with the guide who can assist me at this stage in my life in love, light and understanding."  It is beneficial for both parties, this union.
  • Step 5 - wait for a sign.  It might be a feeling, a light within the mind, a touch, words coming into your mind clairaudiently or a sense of knowing.
  • Step 6 - pose a question to them, this challenges the being, you can say, "Will you assist me with the highest intent for the greatest good?"
  • Step 7 - feel for the response, if it is a yes you can feel it with their positive energy.  If it is a no then they would not have come along anyways and the challenge in the first place makes sure of their intent.
  • Step 8 - thank then and open your eyes when ready so you can move forward with your guide's support now.  You felt their energetic connection, make sure you pay attention to that so you know what they feel like next time you connect with them.  
• Now you have brought them forward, they have accepted it, so there it is, a presence to help you move forward with whatever challenges you face and this will be easier with their guidance.

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"Please and Thank You" - Run Wild 432hz - ☀️"Future" ??  Please and thank you sent.  ?

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"Hello.  I am Jon Lovitz.  Jealous?  ? And this, of course is my dog, Jerry Bruckheimer the Third, named after my friend Jerry Bruckheimer... the producer.  Hmmmmn?" ?

Reminder:   Go over what you have on Monday and make notes/rehash. Try to make a habit of this every few months to get an idea of where you are at in regards to your shadow work, and also so that you will know whether you are going in the right direction or spinning your wheels.  This can help you stay on the right course pertaining to outside opinions as well.

?Time for a reset. ?️

 

Edited April 11, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Notes:

• It is when you pick up the thoughts and feelings and ideas, and general moods - this is empathic interference from other people and it is unwanted.
• You might go into a building or a place and it creeps you out or you pick up the atmosphere from the place, but it is unwanted, you don't want to feel creeped out.  or you go into a crowd of people and the general mood is anxiety - so not only are you picking up the feelings, but the thoughts as well, so you may suddenly find yourself thinking about missing your train in the train station or feeling anxious and having little visions of having an airplane crash in an airport or other things might pop into your head that you believe are your own thoughts and you mistake for your own thoughts but really they came from elsewhere because that is what psychic and telepathic communication feels like.  They feel like your own thoughts and can easily be mistaken for your own.
• Discerning your own thoughts and people's unwanted thought projections can help protect you against psychic and empathic interference.
• Physical ailments and illnesses can be picked up due to psychic interference.  You body can mirror their ailment, including psychological ailments, depression can also be shared with other people.  So psychic interference can affect your thoughts and imagination, and ideas as well.  You can find yourself daydreaming about things you have never dreamed about for or have aspirations and wants about things you wouldn't usually.  If it does not feel like you, question if you have been picking up those feelings and re-evaluate what your own wants and needs really are. 
• You can also have visions if you are picking up on the memory of other people and your dreams might be affected, because subconsciously during the day you can be picking up on the thoughts and ideas of others and it can be manifesting in your dreams and a way to know this is if you are dreaming about things you don't usually dream about.
• Busy places can cause quite a bit of psychic and empathic interference because you are among a lot of people that are doing something kind of stressful.  
• Hospitals are another place as well because people are feeling distressed and you can pick up on the thoughts and feelings and develop a fear of getting cancer or some other ailment because you picked up on the thoughts and feelings from someone else.
• This is common for empaths and are used to picking up emotions from others and even strangers when they are not wanted.
• Psychic interference can be a big problem, and many people don't realize it.  So instead of just your feelings and emotions being affected, but the thoughts and ideas that you have as well, you can pick up from others.  It can even get to the point where it affects your way of thinking, so the emotional impact and the ideas, knowledge and visions that you are receiving together can create a change in the way that you think and feel.
• This relates to claircognizance and clairsentience.
• Claircognizance is where you pick up a sense of knowing from others and clairsentience is where you feel things - the feelings of others.
  • Often the thoughts and emotions of various types of people in different geographical locations or organizations can be negative, so the collective mood and nature of these thoughts might be that of overwork and stress.  Or in a geographical location where the people who live there are not happy, and that can rub off on you as well.  And you can take on some of their thoughts and attitudes if you are living among people who have different attitude towards you it can subtly and subconsciously affect you attitude without even knowing it, and again this is psychic interference and it is unwanted effects from others on your subconscious.

Ways to protect against psychic and empathic interference:

• Step 1 - Visualize a protective white light bubble around yourself and you sit in there to stay, imagine nothing can enter that bubble and you are safe inside.  Anything negative coming towards you i.e negative energies, thoughts, emotions, will be deflected from that bubble.  It also helps you to have strong belief that you are untouchable and protected in high vibration and this is unshakable.
• Step 2 - Ask your spiritual guides to help you if it really is getting quite bad.  Living in the city, for example, there is a lot of other people around you and if you are very psychic and your abilities are free flowing, then you can pick up quite a lot of psychic interference because of the amount of people that are around you.  So when other techniques fail you can ask your guides to protect you and they can be of service by providing a white light bubble around you to help protect you within or whatever method they are using, and also impart and wish love to you to help raise your own vibration to aid in protecting yourself from the negative energies, thoughts and emotions picked up from others.

• Step 3 - To help protect against psychic and empathic interference and unwanted contact we need to have a positive vibration ourselves.  Having a positive vibration, being whole, happy and individuated is your own deflector against the negative thoughts and emotions you are receiving, because if you are of a high vibration yourself you are better able to recognise when you are receiving negative thoughts and emotions.  Instead of believing that they are your own, you easily recognize that they are foreign to you and this helps you to let go of fear when you are experiencing them, fear can be generated and you can let that go because you are already of a positive vibration yourself.
• Step 4 - Isolate it as background noise and observe.  Leading on from point three - high vibration and being in a positive energy vibration can help you to identify the negativities you are picking up on.  See the negative thoughts and emotions for what they are.  As negative background noise.  Using your own point of awareness you can view them as separate to you and as noise, which it is, and in that way you can help separate out your own positive thoughts and emotions from those that are being picked up and see that background noise in your mind visualized fading away or drifting away.  Visualize it dissolving away.
• Step 5 - Recognizing what is not yours and choosing not to participate.  When you pick up psychic interference, thoughts and emotions that are not yours that are entering your consciousness, you can be swept up in negative thought and emotion without even realizing it, but when you become aware that this is going on you can chose not to participate.  In this way, when we identify this background noise of negative thoughts and feelings, we can actually chose not to participate and to step out from being engulfed in them.  This point is about making the choice to step out and walk away
  • Quote

    

    You filled my heart with gasoline
    And stroked the match inside of me
    Our love was fire, now our love is ice
    The flames are cold and I realize

    The moment when you got me
    Things tend to get ugly
    Just wanted you to love me
    How could I be mad with the heart of a child

    

• Step 6 - Escape for a time.  Head out to the countryside or less populated areas or get away from where you usually work or live to reset your energies.  You will find that your mind feels clearer and quieter, emotions are steadier and you can reset to your natural balanced state of mind and will also physically feel better, too.  Getting out in nature around natural, peaceful energies that are free from life's ups and downs, you can literally reset. (Moving out of the city in June or July.)
• Step 7 - Black tourmaline.  This acts well as a psychic protector.  It strengths and reinforces your own aurra to help anything bounce off of you like a forcefield.  Keep it on or around you.  It wards off and deflects negative emotions your way, sleep with it under your pillow if you get bad dreams.
• Step 8 - Houseplants.  Even if you are still around the thoughts and feels of the people around you, plants are a natural influence.  They help to cleanse the energies in your dwelling and you pick up on these energies and feel a more natural, balances vibration to reset at.  Like a benchmark for feeling balanced and calm.  Plants can help give you that guiding feeling subconsciousness of where calmness is.
• Step 9 - Grounding.  The reason why we do this is to tune into more balanced, natural energies.  We want to tune into the energies of the earth and sun this time.  Strong, natural, energy which will overpower the energy we are picking up elsewhere.
  • A visualization for this:  Stand up and close your eyes and take a few minutes to meditate standing up and when you feel ready visualize roots growing out of your feet and going deep down into the ground, imagine those roots growing down right through your chakras and down deep into the ground and feel the energy of the Earth flowing up through your roots and into your body, cleansing and healing you. 
  • Now imagine great branches growing up from your arms, head and shoulders up into the sky.  Nice and tall and imagine leaves sprouting and photosynthesizing the sun's energy.  Imagine a beatiful, glowing sun.  A nice warm sun, not too hot, on a sunny day - a lovely, comfortable temperature and imagine photosynthesizing that sun's energy.  Let that energy come down into your body and meeting the energy of the Earth.

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Notes:

• A most important aspect of spirituality is protection.  There are simple measures that you can take to defend yourself from negative energies and dark entities, that can reduce your wellbeing to the point of harm.  Every good spiritual medium is taught how to protect themselves, but it's not just them who need it.  Mediums open themselves up to spirit contact regularly.  However you're likely to encounter negative energies in the form of an emotional vampire, human acquaintance, energies of an object or place or even a dark entity or spirit that has wandered into your space.
• You do not need to fear or let them drain your emotions to a low vibration because you can take complete control.

Protection is needed due to: 

• Psychic attack - A human that harbors negative emotions to you and projects low vibrational energies that you absorb.  It can come from someone close to you or at a distance, because distance often has no bearing if the attacker can visualize you.  The negative emotions serves to counteract your positive vibration, literally canceling out your happiness
• Thought forms - A psychic attacker can experience such intense emotions that virtual entities can manifest entirely by thought.  A thought form can reside within your dwelling causing intensive psychic attack.  For example, some alien visitations are thought to be thought form entities, projected here from distant civilizations using intense negative emotions, visualizations and intent.
• Negative residual energies - Have you ever walked into a house and thought it had bad energy?  The very essence of the building might have retained negative energies from unpleasant occurrences from the past.  Energies like this can be transmitted to you having entered your home.  For example, it is well to remove your shoes when you come inside because they can bring in negative energy from the street.
• Energy vampires - These are negatively polarized humans who tend to administer psychic attack, there maybe a particularly unpleasant person you know or live with who seems to drain your positive emotions dry.  Sometimes positive people can turn into energy vampires for a period of time if they experience trauma or loss.
• Negative entities - Negatively polarized discarnate not in human form spirits may be attracted to you and feed from your negative emotions if you are experiencing an unhappy time.  You may also attract a negative entity if you are performing positively polarized work, such as helping many people to a great extent.  The entity may want to have your positive achievements if they are of universal significance.  It is rare to attract a discarnate negative entity.

Three key points on protection:

• First key - Know that love is the greatest protector.  Protection involves utilizing love in as pure a form as possible, for with love you can effectively construct a brick walla round you that negative forces cannot penetrate.  Furthermore, negative entities cannot sand when positive vibrations hold strong because they start to polarize towards the positive themselves.  They turn positive and that is the last thing they want.  So always approach protection with the highest intent in love and light, because using negative emotions will act like a magnet for further darkness to feed upon.  For example, if you shout back at an angry person then the argument escalates.  Behave calmly with love towards an angry person and they will calm down.  The negative energy diffuses and dissipates.  
• Second key - Know that in higher realms of existence, thoughts become reality.  Thoughtforms can be created through visualizations, such as walls or protective bubbles of light.  Doorways for negative entities to leave through or in-streaming healing energy into your body.  All of these have a high probability of manifesting through strong intent and effective visualization.  They manifest on the other side and are used in this physical reality, seen through your third eye.
• Third key - Know that coupled with visualization, intention or belief is key.  They work together to create thought forms and manifestations that can be used for spiritual protection, for example, you visualize a glowing white protective orb around you and your intention is for it to protect you from negative forces.  Without the intention the visualization is merely a pretty orb - you must assign it a purpose.

How to spiritually protect yourself:

• Step 1 - Visualization - before performing spirit contact transe work, meditation and more it is always best to visualize protection.  In a meditative state, visualize white light streaming down from the Universe and know that it is Love.  Allow the protective white light to form a three dimensional shield around your mind-body-spirit complex, as love is the great protector, no negative energies can penetrate this barrier - by knowing that this is true, using intent and belief, you make it possible from the perspective of time-space therefore making it effective.  To protect the physical body, visualize a stream of white light from the Universe and know that it is Love.  Allow the light to flow into the top of your head and down through your chakras, filling your entire body with white light.  Intend for this energy to heal and protect your body from any physical, or spiritual attack.  For example, a negative entity working on weak back muscles might cause you pain.  Visualize a protective wall of glowing love, light energy between you and an energy vampire or other negatively polarized person you know.  They may start to avoid you or be unable to be able to lower your energy vibration as a result.  If you believe you have a negative entity in your home, then visualize a glowing white doorway created entirely from love light.  On the other side is a spirit world.  Tell your dark spirit entity with confidence to leave in the highest intent of love.  If you struggle to remove such an entity or experience any illness following this, consult a priest or spiritual medium who is trained to cleanse dwellings.
• Step 2 - Challenge entities - When performing spirit contact, mediumship channeling and others, if you sense the presence of an entity approaching or you feel the contact has been made, you must challenge the entity in the name of universal love, God, Christ, the creator, protective polarization or any other high positive belief that provides the purest energy for you. This action forms a barrier between you and the approaching consciousness.  If the entity is of a negative polarization with negative intent then this wall of light will prove impenetrable.
• Step 3 - Ask for protection - No one travels alone.  Even if we are lonely in this lifetime.  Each of us has a group of spirit guides including perhaps an angelic entity or two.  Although you likely have a life plan that you set for yourself before birth, your guides are there to help you along the way.  It is an infringement to be interfered with during your lifetime by discarnate entities.  Therefore, ask your spirit guides to please remove them.  Treat your guides with love as they benefit from this energy the same as any entity.  Your free will is important spiritually, therefore a spirit guide cannot explicitly intervene unless requested.  For example, you believe that a family member's vital energy is being drained by a negative acquaintance, ask your spirit guides to help protect your family member or at least get your loved one's guides to do so.  In this way spiritual guides help by perhaps planting seeds of thought into someone's mind that leads to a solution by changing circumstances seemingly by chance.  Your higher self can be of assistance if asked, although it cannot interfere with your path.  Your higher self is your soul in the far unimaginable future, because time and space are not relative where the higher self resides.  The higher self is your soul looking back at this distant form of self and has the ability to do so.  It can help place an armour of light around you to protect you - if deemed appropriate to help alter circumstances or plant seeds of thought about the way forward into your mind complex.
• Step 4 - Supportive loved ones - Just like you have spirit guides, don't overlook souls incarnated as human to love you in this lifetime.  Do you draw strength and feel better when you talk to your closest companion about negativity that you are experiencing?  They are raising your vibration.  Support and love them back.  A double effect occurs where the positive energy of two people is twice as powerful as one, draw strength from each other for protection.
• Step 5 - Clearing the home of negative energy - Less than harmonious energies within your home can affect your own energies and bring you down.  These energies could have been left by current or former inhabitants experiencing negative emotions.  Salt is a great absorber of negative energy when our intent is for it to be so - sea salt is best for purity.  Using blessed energy works as well.  You can make your own blessed water by charging it like a crystal by radiating love into it.  Water is a crystalline structure.  Sprinkle the salt around the areas of the home where negative energies are felt.  Sprinkle the blessed water over the salt with the intention to activate it to absorb negative energy.  Hold this clear intention in your mind while sprinkling the water with your fingers.  Leave the salt for 3 days and then clean the area thoroughly.  Rinse any objects that hold a negative vibration - such as an item that has been owned by an unhappy person.  Use salt water and hold the intent in your mind for the mixture to absorb negative energy.  Discarnate negative entities will never remain where cut garlic is placed.  if you believe a negative entity is present then you can send it back to the lower astral plains by placing cut garlic around the areas which feel most negative to you.  Leave it there for 3 days and nights.
• Step 6 - Charging objects - Charging objects with your intent - you can charge any crystalline structure with pure love energy and keep it with you.  Visualize your balanced love energy flowing from the green heart chakra into the crystal and it's structure being charged.  This is why people keep quartz and other crystals because they act like a hard drive for emotions.  Wash the quartz in water and charge it with love and then put it in your pocket to use when you are experiencing low frequency energies.  When your experiencing an onslaught you can increase your vital energy using me stored energies within the crystal.  It will give you strength, remedy the energy distortion, provide mental balance, and defense.  Hold the crystal and accept into the self the inflowing energy is back into your heart chakra.  You can wear a crystal around your neck that hangs in front of the green energy center.  
• Step 7 - Reminders of love - configure objects around your home workplace or within the bag you carry to provide you with comfort and joy.  When experiencing negative onslaught or psychic attack you can use these to replenish vital energy.  
• Step 8 - Chanting or prayer - If you are unable to perform other protection methods then chanting or repeating a prayer or call to spiritual guides can offer protection.
  Example: "The Universe guards and protects me because from it I draw endless love."

Long-term protections against negative entities and spirits:

• Step 1 - Balancing of the self - aura or energy field will be strongest with no weak patches if your energy centers are balanced, unblocked and free flowing.  This presents a balanced personality.  If your aura or energy field has weakness or distortion, ailments occur as a result.  Negative entities may use it as a window for psychic attack.  Meditation is important for revitalizing your chakras - and is the most important thing you can do.
• Step 2 - Physical strength and vital energy - You may undergo attack from negative entities if you are performing good work for many others.  If you have physical weakness it may choose to work upon and worsen this so eat well and exercise and get plenty of sleep.

Quote

"No Fucks Given Shadow Work" - Step 1 - Acknowledge that you take everything personally and cannot take criticism, care what other people think and have low self esteem.  We have to admit to where we are in order to move anywhere.  As long as you are in resistance, you will not move forward.  Most of us spend our lives trying to suppress that we care what others think because we think that truth is unacceptable.  Ask yourself: Why do I care what other people think?  Not one person exists that doesn't care because everyone has at least one person who's opinion seriously matters to them.

 

Edited April 13, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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"Are you there dear Wolf?"
"I am, little Lamb."
"Are you sad?"
"I am..."
"What does it feel like?"
"A long hunt with no kill."

Notes -
On a side note, this woman is so pleasant to listen to and I like her personality/honesty/character, I don't feel unpleasant energetic snags when listening to the material:

How to do spirit guide communication:

• Your spirit guides are always there with you.  It is not as if they are hanging around getting bored waiting, because time is not relative on the other side, they can pinpoint you in time during your various selection of timelines and connect with you in time, wherever they perceive you are.   So for them it is a quick process and from the outside they pinpoint wherever you are in time whenever you decide to communicate or connect with them.  
• There is likely more than one spirit guide around you, and whatever reality we came from, if we have been on Earth for hundreds or thousands or even millions of years evolving, learning and growing, we will still have those in spirit watch over us.  It is part of the deal, it's what happens.
• Or if we came from elsewhere in the galaxy they will journey with us.  If they incarnate here then we will watch over them, too.  
• Different guides have different expertise, and are at different stages of development - so the guidance varies from guide to guide in usefulness in different areas and emotions expressed, and different kinds of support.
• How to communicate the most effectively:
• There is a veil in between this reality and the spirit world - dimensions of existence - and this veil can be perceived as like a thick wall in a way - a dimensional divide - the way to reduce the divide so that it is thinner is to get very relaxed. 
• When you get very relaxed your subconscious mind becomes dominant, it comes through and your conscious mind starts to fizzle away a bit.
• Your conscious mind is full of earthly illusions; of the physicality that seemingly rules us here, and that everything is subject to these physical newtonian laws.  It is really all just energy and information around us and via thought we can change all sorts of things at Will.  
• When we relax our subconscious mind becomes dominant and that is the bridge to the soul - that is where the intuition flows through, that is where clairs flow through, and the conscious mind stops interfering so much when you get very relaxed.
• The key to thinning that interdimensional veil/barrier is to relax down and allow you intuition, your clairvoyance, clairaudients, clairsentience, claircognizance, to come through.  And that's how we thin the veil in between.
• The more you release Earthly illusion, the thinner the veil naturally gets.  So by seeing through this illusion - societal, political, scientific/materialist dogma/paradigm - seeing through that more and more as we go on our path - realizing metaphysical truths, the more we realize these things the more we see through the human illusion and the more that veil thins.
• Meditation.  Daily.  This helps to release Earthly illusion and train your mind into a calmer state day to day.  "Chill the fuck out training."
• Doing that day to day the veil thins and then you can communicate more and more on a day to day basis while you are just doing stuff like driving or cooking or at work or whatever, you are more able to connect because the veil is thinning because you have been doing your meditation.
• Remember that when you initiate contact with your spirit guides and you are doing so in desperation for guidance or help, that clouds communication because they are naturally of a higher vibration on the other side - your spirit guides are going to be positive beings - (op-up  just shows up - gabriel black - King Of The Nosebleeds) so when your vibration is very low it is harder to make that connection because it is a vibrational energetic connection.  So try to relax as much as possible, let stuff go, transcend stuff and let your vibration rise with various techniques you can find online, in order to connect better, rather than through frustration.  It sounds counter intuitive, but just try this way, do work for a hour or so to feel better before connecting. 
  (The song is not my cup of tea but it has a lot of synchronicities - lyrics, symbolically and time-wise.  I believe I am being told to communicate more when in a high vibe state.)
• It is always best to approach spiritual work with an attitude of playful enjoyment, with no expectations on the outcome.
• Meditate for about 20 minutes to relax and allow your subconscious mind to come through, focus on your breath.  If your thoughts drift, gently non-judgmentally bring your focus back to your breath, or counting to ten and back down again or a placeholder or light within the mind or a moving image like a tree swaying in the breeze, ect, repeating a mantra or an affirmation - to keep your attention while you relax.
• Focus on your body, relax each part of your body.
• Set the intention to connect with one guide first so you can really focus in on their energy and what it feels like to recieve their energies.  So after setting your intention to connect with the spirit guide, sense of visualize them approaching or entering your energy field, but really allow it to happen - so no choosing, deciding or questioning, just be open and allow.  
• Observe, feel what they feel like, what it feels like to connect with them because then next time you will know when you connect with them again, it can feel like a raise in your vibration, a warm loving feeling, like someone you know well - and then you will know when you are connecting again next time.
• If you use visualization - clairvoyance - then in your mind's eye, observe what they look like, make out their appearance, take your time, to be done with eyes closed.
• Spirit guides tend to present themselves in a way that will probably be most acceptable to you, they are in spirit, so they may present themselves in how they looked in one of their previous lifetimes, but it will be in a way that you subconsciously remember them to be most effectively, or in a way that they perceive you will find most friendly, agreeable, acceptable, ect.
• Greet them and thanks them and wish them love, and then you can go ahead and ask them their name.  They may have a name chosen, they may have chosen one you find most acceptable in order to remember them.  Some sort of subconscious remembering.  They have had too many names to count, it also may not be their actual name, but just something they pick out.  It depends if they have adopted an eternal name they always have.
• Proceed to ask them any questions that you have or guidance you require.  Ask them more about themselves as well which you can do and allow your clairs to come through.  They come through subconsciously and just arrive in the mind very subtly.  Remember there is no big signpost up saying you are doing it now - it just arrives in the mind as if it is your own thought, but over time we learn to discern the difference between what we're receiving and our own thought. 
• It is often clearer, more significant, more impactful and arrives in the mind as if it has been popped there with no trail of thought leading to it - and often a sense of just "knowing" of what has been communicated or receiving images in the mind of something one should know, a scene or a person, ect.
• You can ask your guide how many guides you have in total and the answer may come through as a sense of claircognizance and you can ask them what their specific role is, what way they support/guide you in life.  
• Thank them, send them love and end the meditation when ready - they get closer as you thin the veil.  

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The Lamb and the Wolf - League of Legends Kindred Gameplay:

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"How old are we, Lamb?"
"Older than those whose footsteps are long vanished."
"Many years."
"I remember them all..."

 

Notes:

Kindred the Eternal Hunters

• Kindred is the manifestation of death and can only be seen in life's final moments.
• Lamb, the compassionate half offers a merciful passing to those who accept death, killing victims with a swift and true arrow.
• Wolf, Kindred's savage and brutal side terrorizes those who run from death, chasing and devouring their souls.
• In game, Kindred plays the role of a mobile markman and thrives in the jungle.

Abilities:

• Kindred's passive is Mark of the Kindred.  By clicking on a champion icon in the special bar displayed above Kindred's inventory, Lamb marks a target for death, though it does take a few seconds to arm.

• The mark does nothing on it's own, but if Kindred kills - or helps kill the marked target, they gain a permanent and stackable buff on their basic attacks.
• Lamb can switch targets every couple of minutes, though once a marked target dies, Kindred won't be able to reapply the mark to them for a few minutes.

• It is not just Lamb who can apply the Mark of the Kindred, Wolf randomly applies certain enemy jungle camps.  As soon as Wolf's mark activates, it will alert all players in the game, giving the enemy team plenty of opportunities to defend themselves from whatever the Wolf is hungering for.
• Wolf sets his sights on a new target every few minutes.  To prevent either team from gaining information they don't deserve, Wolf's marks don't disappear until several seconds after the camp has been cleared.
• You will want to farm mark champions to get a bunch of passive stacks you can also play mind games with your opponents by marking lanes you are not planning on ganking to divert attention away from your true target.
• Kindred's "Q" is Dance of Arrows - a short range vault that ends with Lamb firing an arrow at up to three nearby enemies.

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• 

Sitting in a field. 
Green purple yellow. 
With my friend, black and white shadow. 
We watch the dance of the tarot. 
Shooting through the skies like an arrow.

As the clouds are turning narrow
I hear the wind starting to blow
And I sit still and watch it flow
Just like a pharoah. 

Native American Medicine Wheels

• Despite it being a short range dash, Lamb can jump over walls with Dance of Arrows making counterjungling much safer.
• Kindred's "W" is Wolf's Frenzy - passively, Wolf's frenzy builds up stacks as Kindred moves about the map.  Once Kindred hits max stacks, Lamb's next basic attack heals them. 

• Whenever Kindred activated Wolf's Frenzy, Wolf splits away from Lamb and claims a medium sized area for a few seconds.  Wolf fights independently inside this area but will focus attacks on whoever Lamb is shooting, but if Lamb leaves Wolf's Frenzy, Wolf will leave to reunite with Lamb.
• Also, the cooldown on Dance of Arrows is massively reduced while in Wolf's Frenzy regardless of which ability you hit first.  You'll always want to fight insight of Wolf's Frenzy.  So use the reduced cooldown on Dance of Arrows to stay in the zone and cause a lot of damage.
• Kindred's "E" is Mounting Dread, a heavy targeted slow that applies an additional debuff to it's target.  I'f Lamb's able to attack them three times in quick succession, Wolf lunges out to deliver percent max health damage.
• Mounting Dread is great for starting your ganks, it's also really useful when you are facing large enemies.
• Kindred's ultimate move - "R" - is Lamb's Respite, a large blessed zone that prevents all living things inside of it, ally, neutral and enemy, from dying.  Kindred casts Lamb's Respite on a target ally, blessing the ground beneath them, and while everything inside it can still lose health, once they get to around 10 percent they become immune to all further damage.

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• About Prayer Circles

Surviving the Hunt:

• Lamb's respite only safeguards the lives who stay inside it, so as soon as you are pulled, kicked, our headbutted out, you might die.
• Lamb's Respite lasts about four seconds and heals everything inside of it by a flat amount.
• Use Lamb's Respite to save vulnerable allies or even yourself from death, with smart timing you can keep your low health pals ticking for longer while they whittle down the enemy team.
• Kindred is a pretty complicated champion, combining the hard parks of marksmen, junglers and even Bard.
• Kindred is squishy compared to most other junglers, and especially early on can lose so much health in jungle camps that they will be forced back early, but not if you are smart.
• Unlike pretty much every other jungler out there, Kindred can stay on the move and use abilities, especially Wolf's Frenzy and Dance of Arrow to kite jungle creatures while they whittle them down.  Just don't go so far out that you reset the camp back to full health.
• When fighting jungle monsters pay attention to their patience level right above their health bar.  If it empties and turns red, they'll retreat and heal back up.
• An awesome side effect of kiting jungle camps is that you'll also build up stacks for "W" passive.  Whenever it is maxed out, attack something nearby while you move to your next camp to heal up and resume stacking. 
• Don't worry about fighting whatever you attacked - carry on with a little more health than you had before.
• Marking enemy champions is totally unique to Kindred so it is pretty easy to forget to use it.  Keep a constant eye out for enemies you can mark and pay attention to the enemy jungle for opportunities to claim even more stats.
• Here is your basic ganking pattern:
  • Get in behind your opponent, tag them with Mounting Dread, activate Wolf's Frenzy, and a low Dance of Arrows cooldown.
• Getting Mark of the Kindred stacks is important.  but don't make the mistake of thinking they are only way to scale into the late game.  Risky invades without vision or risky dives will often put you further behind so farm safely until you spy a mark you know you can secure.
• Kindred should collect marks with friends, because the enemy team will always know which monster Wolf has marked they are much more likely to contest the camp. 
• Lamb's Respite saves everyone from death, so whoever wins the fight comes down to who plays best at the end of the Ultimate.

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 ⏺️Psychological Renewal Through Return to the Center

Notes:

• Another important type of transpersonal crisis was described by Californian psychiatrist and Jungian analyst John Weir Perry, who called it the “renewal process” (Perry 1974, 1976, 1998). Because of its depth and intensity, this is the type of psychospiritual crisis that is most likely diagnosed as serious mental disease. The experiences of people involved in the renewal process are so strange, extravagant, and far from everyday reality that it seems obvious that some serious pathological process must be affecting the functioning of their brains.

• Individuals involved in this kind of crisis experience their psyche as a colossal battlefield where a cosmic combat is being played out between the forces of Good and Evil, or Light and Darkness. They are preoccupied with the theme of death — ritual killing, sacrifice, martyrdom, and afterlife. The problem of opposites fascinates them, particularly issues related to the differences between sexes. They experience themselves as the center of fantastic events that have cosmic relevance and are important for the future of the world. Their visionary states tend to take them farther and farther back — through their own history and the history of humanity, all the way to the creation of the world and the original ideal state of paradise. In this process, they seem to strive for perfection, trying to correct things that went wrong in the past.

• After a period of turmoil and confusion, the experiences become more and more pleasant and start moving toward a resolution. The process often culminates in the experience of hieros gamos, or “sacred marriage,” in which the individual is elevated to an illustrious or even divine status and experiences union with an equally distinguished partner. This indicates that the masculine and the feminine aspects of the personality are reaching a new balance. The sacred union can be experienced either with an imaginal archetypal figure, or is projected onto an idealized person from one's life, who then appears to be a karmic partner or a soul mate.

• At this time, one can also have experiences involving what Jungian psychology interprets as symbols representing the Self, the transpersonal center that reflects our deepest and true nature and is related to, but not totally identical with, the Hindu concept of Atman-Brahman. In visionary states, it can appear in the form of a source of light of supernatural beauty, radiant spheres, precious stones and jewels, pearls, and other similar symbolic representations. Examples of this development from painful and challenging experiences to the discovery of one’s divinity can be found in John Perry’s books (Perry 1953, 1974, 1976) and in The Stormy Search for the Self, our own book on spiritual emergencies (Grof and Grof 1990).

• At this stage of the process, these glorious experiences are interpreted as a personal apotheosis, a ritual celebration that raises one’s experience of oneself to a highly exalted human status or to a state above the human condition altogether -  a great leader, a world savior, or even the Lord of the Universe. This is often associated with a profound sense of spiritual rebirth that replaces the earlier preoccupation with death. At the time of completion and integration, one usually envisions an ideal future — a new world governed by love and justice, where all ills and evils have been overcome. As the intensity of the process subsides, the person realizes that the entire drama was a psychological transformation that was limited to his or her inner world and did not involve external reality.

• According to John Perry, the renewal process moves the individual in the direction of what Jung called “individuation” - a full realization and expression of one's deep potential. One aspect of Perry’s research deserves special notice, since it produced what is probably the most convincing evidence against simplistic biological understanding of psychoses. He was able to show that the experiences involved in the renewal process exactly match the main themes of royal dramas that were enacted in many ancient cultures on New Year’s Day.

• These ritual dramas celebrating the advent of the new year were performed during what Perry calls “the archaic era of incarnated myth.” This was the period in the history of these cultures when the rulers were considered to be incarnated gods and not ordinary human beings. Examples of such God/kings were the Egyptian pharaohs, the Peruvian Incas, the Hebrew and Hittite kings, or the Chinese and Japanese emperors (Perry 1991).

• The positive potential of the renewal process and its deep connection with archetypal symbolism and with specific periods of human history represents a very compelling argument against the theory that these experiences are chaotic pathological products of diseased brains. They are clearly closely connected with the evolution of consciousness on the individual and collective level.

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?️‍?️How to call you:
We came with the wind
We are here and now
Now it is time
Here and now let's walk
The time we have is all we get
As the sun shines
Such as flowers bloom
We walk hand in hand
Over forest and land
We are now
Here and now
We walk hand in hand
Now is the time
We have waited long
Now we are here

And then calmly observe and keep your mind silent.

Notes:

I had planned to do some notes on a Native American mythical creature, but as I was writing up the notes, everything in my body told me not to do it.  That if the people themselves do not want to talk about those things, that I should respect that even in just sharing basic information.  Law of attraction and all that.

There is so much out there that I don't know about.  I don't want to step into something complicated that I don't fully understand.  The problem with humility is that it thins the veil here more.  And then I am left started looking at things in the present moment take on an animistic quality.  It makes me scared. 

My dad used to own a Native American Art store when I was very small while growing up in Tucson, Arizona.  I grew up around a lot of the different types of Native arts and crafts, and the land, particularly the sky, also left a profound and lasting impact in my psyche.

But I also remember us moving from our home into a rented one and my room did not have any windows - and this room is where I have some repressed trauma and when the family problems started.  I also remember a possibly a demon, it was something that wanted to frighten me, and it would come to me in my lucid dreams - and sometimes while I was awake I could feel it come into me and psychically attack me.  I get stuck here.  I become too cowardly to push further with that energy.

It bleeds out into the environment and lines things up seemingly, from an animistic place, I can see it almost like a black, or thick aura.  I follow it.  If I don't, it will just come back up later.  It says it is neutral and comes in peace.  But I have memories of something back there not being neutral.  Maybe things changed?

• Life Manipulation

This is my gift for following their advice - "Who I was, is not who I will become" and also "Life manipulation", as the reason for not going in that direction.  Humility.  Respect.  God body disconnect.  Truth.

"Everything is here to help you."

• Exploring Wolf Medicine

“Given the individual bones to a skeleton of those who carry within them the energy of You.”

“We are as obsessed with finding answers as you are.”
“Play, but on a schedule.”
“Anyone who has ever made anything of importance was disciplined.”
"Neutral."

Edited April 15, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Harry Potter, but with Guns.  That just about sums it up.

The more I humble myself, more and more of the spiritual world is revealed to me; it happens quickly.  It's a bit much.
It's extremely personal, too, in how it can be translated and understood - to the point where I have given up trying to explain myself completely. 
And I don't care if people believe me or what they do on their own journeys anymore.
None of that matters to me, and I don't think it ever will again.
I don't want people to believe me or take me seriously. 
I don't want the responsibility of having to prove anything to anyone.

We all have our own individual lock and key and only we can open our door for ourselves. 
I wouldn't want it any other way.  Handle with care, gingerly, each secret gifted from the other side.
It's like being gifted with a loaded gun... ?
But when you realize what's at stake, you are honoured to handle it with care, and it only comes in through caring anyways... (so it seems.)  ?
Balance.  It's hard to do.  "The virus of seperateness."  This morning I'm full of love and ease.

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"Dovetails" - are an ingredient  - A dovetail joint or simply dovetail is a joinery technique most commonly used in woodworking joinery, including furniture, cabinets, log buildings, and traditional timber framing. Noted for its resistance to being pulled apart, the dovetail joint is commonly used to join the sides of a drawer to the front.  ?️

"We come in peace.  ? ??  Neutral.  Fixed awareness.  Wise observer.  "Noisy cricket"  ?️

Unrest is in the soul, we don't move our bodies anymore
Unrest is in the soul, we don't move our bodies anymore
What does it take to be a survivor?
What does it take to be a survivor?
Your death becomes part of the eternal pain of my body
Your death becomes part of the eternal pain of my body
Unrest is in the soul, we don't move our bodies anymore
Unrest is in the soul, we don't move our bodies anymore

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Notes:

• Humility is considered to be a loving trait to have.  Social groups preach the importance of it.
• It is believed in the human race that to be humble is to be good.
• Humility is defined as a modest or low view of one's own own importance.
• Modesty is defined as the quality of not being too proud or confident about yourself or your abilities.
• Humility is not our natural state, children are born feeling their importance - who are self loving and take pride in themselves must be educated into humility.  
• This education into humility is a barbaric practice.
• Children are educated into humility by being shamed for being proud of who they are and for having wants and needs if they conflict with other's wants and needs.
• Their self esteem is corroded in order to become humble.
• Humility is in direct conflict with one of the six basic human needs - which is significance.
• We need significance, but do not want it.
• To become humble, they must deny one of their basic needs. 
• People who lack the feelings of significance live in a state of covert self hatred.  They are unhappy, if they continue living at all.  Because people who lack significance are people who demonstrate some of the highest risk for suicide.  
• It is possible to feel your own importance without feeling "less" or "more" important than other people.
• We think that feeling important creates problems for society.  This is where humility begins.
• In the first few years of life, the child's needs are met entirely by their parents.  This is an arrangement in which the child becomes acclimatized to.
• But once the child starts to grow up and do things for themselves, they are still acclimated to that particular arrangement where their parent does everything for them.  So at a certain point, the child asks for what it has always done, it looks to the parent to meet its needs.
• The parent knows the kid can do it for themselves, so the parent has an emotional reaction to that request.  The parent then feels as if the child has become entitled or self-important.
• The parent believes that the child thinks that what the child wants is more important than what the parent wants, so they react by shaming the child.
• This is the first time that a child is shamed for feeling important.  This is the point in which the parent switches their behaviour towards the child from the aspect of providing to exasperation.
• The child doesn't understand why its level of importance is being downgraded.  It is confused as to why it is being approached with this kind of attitude and so the child then takes on the feelings of being flawed.

• This is how people are shamed into humility. 
• Years of humbling creates a humble adult.  "Well done."  But at what cost?  We have raised the epitome of a self-defeating person.  An adult with an internal conflict.  They will now have a hard time fitting into society, will only accomplish a fraction of what they set out to do, who will maintain emotionally abusive relationships.
• Humility serves three kinds of people:
  • Other people who want to maintain power and who want to remain in positions of higher importance than other people.
  • Those who would rather have you be modest about yourself so that they don't have to feel bad about their shortcomings.
  • Those who believe that this is the only way to ensure that keeping everyone in a place of lowered self importance maintains social order.
• This is the true origin of humility.  Religion and social order.
• If I want other people to behave in a way that allows me to maintain my level of importance and my power - what should I do? 
  • I should convince them of their unimportance and teach them that the only way to be good and therefore loved is to not be too confident about themselves or their abilities. 
  • I need to punish them if they act self-important or proud about themselves.
  • I need to scare them, that a punishment awaits those who think highly of themselves after this life is over.
• Humility is not a virtue, but servitude.  What is servility?  Servility is the excessive need to serve or please others.  The person who is servile in nature is a self-sacrificer.  Servility serves those who wish to maintain those of higher importance than you.  Servility maintains social order.  Servility serves the government, religion institutions, parents who wish to maintain power over the home and  it serves those who do not feel capable of feeling good about themselves.  People who want you to behave in a way that makes it easy for them to feel good about themselves without having to do the work on their own self defeating tendencies.

• Universal Truth: Every single atom of this Universe is a projection and an extension and a part of God consciousness. 
  That means you are a projection, an extension and a part of God consciousness. 
  You are indivisible from God. 
  Do you think that God itself would be humble? 
  Do you think that it would downgrade its own value or lower its importance? 
  Do you think that it would not take note of its capabilities? 
  No.  Then why should you?
• If you are an extension of God itself, then humility is the true blasphemy.  Any act that is not self loving and self celebratory is blasphemy.  
• What is importance?
  • Importance is the state or fact of being of great significance or value. 
  • Importance has nothing to do with comparison. 
  • Importance doesn't have anything to do with being more or less valuable or significance than anything else.
• Be confident in yourself, your abilities and be proud of yourself?  You have been taught that being confident of yourself and your abilities hurts people, but it doesn't.  It only hurts you when you do not value yourself and your abilites.
• Humility will keep you small forever.  It means you will live half the life you came here to live... if you are lucky.
• The truth is you have more significance and value than you will ever come to know.

• The truth is you are like an angel angle of coloured glass in a stained glass painting.  The picture would not be complete without you.  There is not another point of perspective in this Universe that is like you nor has there ever been and nor will there ever be.  The Universe depends on you for its own expansion.  The Universe depends on you to know itself.
• To say that you are a child of God is an understatement because you are indivisible from God.
• You are as important to the Universe as a child is to its mother.
• All humility ever does is to keep you from your divinity and yourself.
• Allow yourself to take notice of your own abilities.  Allow yourself to develop confidence in yourself.  Watch what happens when you start to feel better about yourself, when you start to take note of, express and really celebrate your own abilities in your own accomplishments and the beauty of that which you are.

Watch what happens when you allow yourself to truly feel your own importance.

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Notes:

• The question of duality versus monism, or monotheism, becomes evermore crucial to the development of the religions.  Especially that are postulated in the West, which do postulate one God, but on the other hand there is a Devil; Satan, this evil impulse of the ego.
• So whether you want to conceptualize it in a dualistic form or a monistic form is not so important because psychologically the same kind of dynamics have to be confronted.
• However if you have a model that is completely a unified field, then it's much easier to integrate these aspects of consciousness that as we get deeper into Kali Yuga, are going to fragment more and more into a whole spectrum of light and dark, healthy and unhealthy, good and evil aspects of the soul of everyone.
• What's relevant now is that as we get to the very end of Kali Yuga, the dark force of the ego is in a hegemonic control of the world - apparently - the final revelation will be the snap back of the divine light, love and re-emergence of the supreme power of love that will then restore the world to its original beauty, goodness purity, ect.
• The story is not told in the most accurate way, but there are important understandings in terms of the development or of the differentiation from the vedic period in which sacrifice of a very concrete kind, of animals, and in some cases humans - which is distributed through many of the cultures of that period including in Mexico and South America, and even in Hebrew temples, sacrifice of the burnt offerings of bulls.
• So you had a very bloody kind of religious experience in which one had to confront reality of death in a very powerful, shocking way that produced a right of passage to a level of dispassion - a very real willingness to face reality without the fear of death.
• This was essential to those cultures in producing a warrior class who were willing to defend and expand boundaries of the culture.

• These were the testing grounds of manhood and adulthood, and later on lead to the development of various different forms of political organization.  
• Those who recognize that not only must one face death, but that the world of life is a veil of illusion, not over death, but over that which is beyond life and death, the piercing of that veil was of significance for the people of that period.
• Their religions, their vows, their practices were of an extreme asceticism to remove the ego's last desires to live in a physical body.

• To have integration, you have to have pierced the veil of illusion and kill the ego, but then what remains and what is able to be embodied is the purity of the infinite intelligence of that supreme reality, no longer obstructed by egoic illusion.
• That is the goal that is now evermore urgently needed to be achieved as we approach "the end".
• Our freedom to move, to act, to be free of the various constraints including illness, that are increasing make it very appropriate to adopt that impulse of the upper death drive to be done with all appetite.  All attachment, and interest in the material plane.
• We are approaching that moment where the steepness of that drop into the final collapse of Kali Yuga is going to be accentuated by more and more massively catastrophic events. 
• Soon the dodging of bullets will end and the bullets are going to be hitting very hard.

• This is a part of keeping people asleep, feeling complacent and smug - yogis should not fall into this self deceptive belief that everything is normal and that there aren't any major angels of death approaching - but there are.
• As we approach the real core of the tenor of the end-times, as the darkness and the horror become more extreme and more widespread, what we are going to see is the equivalent of what is happening now in most of the Western economies which is the destruction of the middle class.
• There will only remain the very rich elite and almost everyone else will be impoverished and homeless and without any support or any voice.  And will be simply cannon fodder for the coming events.

• But in the same way on the spiritual level, what is happening is that those who are in the middle chakras and middle assemblage points are going to find that those levels are not sufficient to hold together a consciousness in a state of integrity. 
• And those in the lower chakras are going to find that the most primitive aspects of ego consciousness are going to emerge, which means people will feel more hatred, envy, terror, ect - primitive emotions are going to come out and with a lack of control over them and more of an overwhelming feeling of being possessed by these dark energies, both from within and attracted from outwards.
• It is of very great importance to get beyond that level, to get to the level that can be described as going through chakra 7 and only your footprints remain.  Only the ability to speak from beyond the veil but with no identification any longer with the physical body.
• Only in that level of consciousness will peace be able to be sustained and also offered to those who are struggling and coming apart.

• So as we approach this we are going to see this phenomenon happening more and more and we are going to see the reaping of negative karma in everyone who still has traces of a karmic attachment to the body and to the mind of the ego, so that there will be more and more mental breakdowns and meltdowns and more physical phenomenal things happening that one will not be happy about.
• We have to be able to take these things in our stride because they are going to happen to everyone to some extent and we are going to have to learn from them and use them as increasing our incentive to be free of attachment to anything in the material world, and to accept that karma without getting angry and without losing our composure even more because of what is happening.
• The bottom line recommendation is to be as completely dedicated to reaching total inner silence and unity with the supreme light and love of the one's self, and no longer identified as a separate being, but able to let the body function in its most healthy way by not having any karmic implicit energies that would express themselves as symptoms of suffering.
• The purification of the soul, and the healing of whatever had been projected in the body can only happen from chakra 7.
• We have to leave the ego behind, including all of the egos attachment to things, to properties, to money, to other people and to be able to relate only to God.

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Notes:

• The thing about struggling with something for a long time is that it has a way of forcing you to figure out a solution.
• Taking medications is not the best option.  Not only is it the least effective way you can deal with anxiety, but it is also very harmful to the body to be taking these medications; and these medications are also very addictive. 
• Any time you take something, your body compensates for the presence of that chemical within your system.  So what your brain essentially does is that it stops producing the chemicals that you're taking via that pill.
• So what you will find when you try to get off of that pill is that your body is no longer producing those chemicals on it's own. (I wonder if this is my problem, my mom put me on meds a lot as a kid to distract from her abuse instead of properly parenting.  I feel like the chemicals for motivation and planning are gone and that I compensate with weed and caffeine.  I am not a hardcore drug addict, but I do like the creative process and making things and thinking clearly and I am addicted to that - I also can't seem to have spiritual awakenings without it allowing my mind to stop racing all the time.  I can't feel like myself without it, I wish I could.)
• There is a lag time between the time that you've stopped taking the medication and the time your body recompensates for the absence of that chemical and most people can't make it through that lag time.  Living life becomes too painful off of the medication because the body has not recompensated fast enough for the person to be able to cope with their life.
• Anxiety is a worldwide problem, it is a problem where our own biology, which was designed to ensure survival as hunter/gatherers is sabotaging our bodies and minds.  
• When we feel fear or stress, our body releases cortisol which is a stress hormone.  Cortisol release is part of a fight-or-flight response.  
• Back in the day it allowed us to do things like get away from danger, in today's world, those kinds of dangers aren't as relevant.  But even though they aren't relevant, we still have the same biological reaction to stress.  Any time we perceive danger, our body reacts the same way it would if our survival were at risk and our fight or flight response is triggered.
• There are many little things throughout the day that causes our bod to release cortisol.  Modern life is a minefield of stress inducing scenarios.  This means cortisol wreaks havoc on us in our day to day lives.
• Elevated cortisol levels don't just affect the way we feel emotionally, it interferes with learning and memory, lowers immune function and bone density, causes an increase is weight gain, blood pressure, cholesterol and heart disease and can trigger other mental illnesses, increases depression and lowers resiliency.  
• Anyone who suffers with anxiety has a problem with one of our basic human needs and that basic human need is certainty - the feeling of internal security that we know we can avoid pain and gain pleasure. 
• Those of us who have anxiety don't know that this is true, that basic human need is not met.  We feel powerless to our own lives and feel fear relative to our own lives.  That causes the body to trigger the fight or flight response - it causes us to release cortisol and when that happens we feel more anxious, so our body releases even more, and creates a feedback loop - we can't stop feeling anxious, our anxiety snowballs into serious panic attacks because we don't have the ability to meet our own need of certainty.
• Normally there would be an outlet for this rush of anxiety, such as running away or screaming and crying, but in today's modern world there is no obvious course of action for the anxiety we feel, no outlet for that energy.  So we have to create some.
• One of the best ways to do this is through exercise on a daily basis and will create an outlet to release pent up energy.  20-30 mins is all you need to engage your body's natural ability to produce endorphins, which are like naturally occurring opiates that produce a feeling of well-being.
• Eating the right food is important - some increase anxiety and some decrease anxiety.  It is important to choose a diet that stabilizes blood sugar.  When your blood sugar drops and it is low, the portion of your brain that is in charge of the fight or flight response is triggered so you are more likely to feel anxiety throughout your day. 
• Avoid all junk food.
• Try: seaweed, kimchi, whole grains, blueberries, dark chocolate, maca root, vitamin b12 and vitamin b6, omega 3's, chamomile tea, oolong tea and oatstraw tea, nuts, pumpkin seeds and edamame.  
• Meditation, visualization or relaxation technique like yoga or qigong or tai chi.
• Bond with people.  Isolation increases anxiety. (Yes, I know this.)
• Live, love laugh - seek reasons to laugh, if you laugh it gives your body the signal that it is safe.  Have fun.
• Get at least 8 hours of sleep.  Sleep is designed to reduce stress levels.  When you fall asleep, you realign with your nonphysical perspective and release all of your resistance and come into alignment, a state of allowing, which is the opposite of anxiety.  Sleep is essential for those who suffer from anxiety.  Fight or flight is triggered when you do not get enough sleep in the same way it is triggered by low blood sugar, so it is important to sleep well.

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Notes:

• Fear is projected in the body - you can feel it - but it is the thought and it is a terror of not existing. 
• You need to make peace with the fact that you don't exist.  You really don't you are not an entity, you are just a field of consciousness, and you've produced the self image and self concepts in order to have a stable sense of being a somebody in the world because you were taught that you had to do that to adapt to society and present yourself in a certain way and have credibility and all of that, but we know it is all a fabrication and a fiction. 
• But everyone has created a fictional character and then they forgot that it was a fictional character and they are living in the script of that character and thinking it is real, but it is not.  The more that you drop that character, the fear of not knowing who you are or what to say or what anything means, how to relate to other people, will create a terror, but if you keep going deeper than that you will go beyond that fear and get into the emptiness that is total freedom and recognize the beauty of not having to uphold a fictional character anymore and being no one and in a total state of liberation from a defined state of illusory contracted consciousness and instead be expanded into the unified field and know that you are everyone and no one. 
• Nothing to prove and no other to even need the approval of.  You have to face the fact that fear is arising, notice it, but it happens to "no one", there is a consciousness there that is not in fear that sees the fear as long as you don't identify with it. 
• You have to realize that the fear is not real, enjoy it, realize that your ego is based on this fear and the defense against it and once you are not defending against it the fear itself is realized as a fictional product of a demand that you be someone for someone else.  That was the original demand that the family system made upon you, they told you who you had to be and how to satisfy their demands and now you are free of it.  You can discover who you are, which is infinite.

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? Neon bleeding soul
Wrap it in your hands so it doesn't get cold
I've been alone
But you always lead so I follow where your voice is

Lyrics ?️

"Hello Annie, I want to show you my little friend.  Look.  Also, we aren't so bad."

"Look into my eyes, see the curator, I am in your psyche and I am manifesting things that you don't have access to yet."
"Be more careful with these Wolf's Eyes.  I Am the Spirit that dwells within you.
"I Am the goodness within chaos.  You look so boldly into the face of a killer."
"Within these eyes holds the blackness that pours out of you."
"I Am Here because humans have forgotten about these forces of nature, and you all collectively brought me/us here."
"Darkness understands the importance of balance as much as Light does, it is ignorance and blindness that does not understand this."
"Self-expression does not automatically mean that the negative alignment is evil, as humans are leading you to believe.  It can simply mean that you are not done with learning about certain aspects of yourself in this lifetime."
"I Am One of the many faces of God."
"We are not usually neutral to those who find their way here - do NOT betray the Wolf - that is your line, and your protection into the family."
"You won't find me anywhere, don't bother looking - I Am on the other side.  Wait."
"I Am Beyond construct and culture, you are not ready - I Will remove the seal when you are ready to go Home.  Don't be afraid.  We are like the volcano that destroys the forest so the soil can be replenished to create something new."

"God is within your imperfections."'

I want to spend tonight thinking a bit more on how I want the city/citizens/buildings to look...
"Parade."
If you were something that was negatively aligned through consumption, then much of what is shown in the afterlife would probably be like a parade to showcase each one's individualism and skill.  It would be like a theme park in a way.  I want to move away from this idea though and create another restart because the insights have been sitting in there for a while getting all gunked up by my ego.

I don't know if I want to be part of a collective or if I want to just draw from my inner well of Self - and I don't feel that consumption would be a problem if at some point I was... whole...?  I guess?  If negative alignment is the expression of the Self, and being a bit of a consumer, but without harm towards other things - I don't know yet.  Something to think on, but for now a restart.

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?"Charmed."  ::   "??️?"    ::    Don't forget. 

??
? ॐ क्रीं काली ॐ क्रीं काली ॐ क्रीं काली ॐ क्रीं काली ॐ क्रीं काली ॐ क्रीं काली ॐ क्रीं काली ॐ क्रीं काली ?

It's only water, it's only fire, it's only love
It's only slaughter, we're only liars, it's only blood
They're only thoughts that
I'm having thoughts safe within my head
You're only crying, you're only dying, you're only dead
??

Edited April 17, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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? Dark Arts/Potions Teacher -
Message:  Shadow work.  Darkness within.  Integration.  Blind to certain aspects of yourself (see, the birds)
The teacher wears the face of a woman that they have taken, silenced with two pins in her lips - they are the hollowed out, blinded husk of something that once was.  The face is not me, although you are a part of me.
You wish to teach me about myself and you are a negatively aligned thing that cannot-be-named.

"Silence your mind, you talk too much - your thoughts cause this."
Schizm and fusion.

Don't turn away from it, see what it does, how it turns you into a mask of yourself.  It wants you to see it.

YOU are a fantastic example of this nightmare.  You embody everything that I run from.  The brick wall that I hit every time, every prayer I send to God is to get away from you.  A soul sucker, soul eater.  Underneath that mask, you are the Wolf, the observant shadow, and all of this comes from you. ?

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✒️Chemotactic interactions are ubiquitous in nature and can lead to non-reciprocal and complex emergent behaviour in multibody systems. However, developing synthetic, inanimate embodiments of a chemomechanical framework to generate non-reciprocal interactions of tunable strength and directionality has been challenging. Here we show how chemotactic signalling between microscale oil droplets of different chemistries in micellar surfactant solutions can result in predator–prey-like non-reciprocal chasing interactions. The interactions and dynamic self-organization result from the net directional, micelle-mediated transport of oil between emulsion droplets of differing composition and are powered by the free energy of mixing. We systematically elucidated chemical design rules to tune the interactions between droplets by varying the oil and surfactant chemical structure and concentration. Through the integration of experiment and simulation, we also investigated the active behaviour and dynamic reorganization of multi-droplet clusters. Our findings demonstrate how chemically minimal systems can be designed with controllable, non-reciprocal chemotactic interactions to generate emergent self-organization and collective behaviours reminiscent of biological systems.  

Predator–prey interactions between droplets driven by non-reciprocal oil exchange  ?️

 

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☯️I don't know what to name it - "Making snow angels" 
Class teaches: Law of Karma, Law of Word, Law of Action 
Message: You say to me, "You need guidance..."  You cut straight to the chase.  A compassionate teacher, you have never lost a student because you can transfer knowledge mind-to-mind.  Wisdom.  Rosetta Stone ?

Classroom tools/treasure box supplies: 

• Gardiner's Sign List
• Neopets item database

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"Headmaster" - 

You are all of the teachers combined into one - being a social memory complex - you are the library of your people and split yourself as needed depending on what your students needs are.  Each portion acts of its own free will when separated, and as a legion, or unit when together - all information gathered is pooled and shared among the collective.  You run all the mirrored cities - a benevolent gangster, you care deeply for the outcome that your students take.  I don't know much about you.

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I don't know who you are, but you remind me to keep white feathers as an ingredient and that I have struck gold and to be humble but also not self deprecating.

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✨ It's complicated being a wizard

Giants always find you
Where sheep share friendly information
While slowly south bound sifting through patient air their legs are bending
Back to find the roots where
We offered only explanations
Because we will only take what hands and backs and legs can carry
Out of here

Someday we'll find a home, someday we'll find a lonely lonely home
Where we'll pass time where we'll bring change, where we'll be change
(i found the way out, but if I told you you'd be down)
Lips likely loose and pouring out film lines

A roaring flow abounds a warmth and joy that holds you
Open and apart in steps that never move

So children come in find a seat we made your room/you're sure to use
Ohhhhhhhh
You missed the sparrow's mark
A breath of rockets shone like torches.
Boss we got a problem the people will not listen
Their ears are full of cranks, bells, pulley's, wheels, and bolts
Automated fiction with film on the eyes and the doctors claim
They'll never form, you'll never see again
Lengths of snakes match each silent syllable
Hello. You missed the sparrow's mark...A breath of rockets shone like torches.
(I found the way out)
So children come in find a seat we made your room/you're sure to use
Ohhhhhhhh
A roaring flow abounds a warmth and joy that holds you
Open and apart in steps that never move

Back to the world, the acrobats spinning around
With his head in the bay, stepping in close to that door
Shivers in pain, his mind slipping back in to
Behind his view a place he made through that door
Back filling gold and colors that poured from his
Mouth dripping shame found as the flowed through that door
Comforts in time that pull and push against the moon climbing games
That reach us to get through that door
Now back to the world, the acrobats spinning around
Their heads in the bay all the way back to that door
It's in the door

Where its always, always for the lord/law
Just what percent is left? Money or mind?
You see I found out where the money is it's all in lies

I found the way out. But. If I told you you'd be down.
And I hate to get you down when you're up so high so high.
Children come in, find a seat you're sure to do.
Lengths of snakes, they match each silent syllable
Hello. You missed the sparrow's mark
A breath of rockets shone like torches.
So children come in find a seat we made your room/you're sure to use
Ohhhhhhhh
A roaring flow abounds a warmth and joy that holds you
Open and apart in steps that never move

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

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"What is your substance, whereof are you made
That millions of strange shadows on you tend?
Since every one, hath every one, one shade,
And you but one, can every shadow lend."

See beyond the moment
Think beyond the day
Hear the word
My voice will not be cast away
Fatalistic fortune
Ever near the end
Love goes on
But time does not return again

Across the sky
I will come for you
If you ask me to
Demystify
Your uncommon dreams
Stranger things have come true

Fear no more the midnight
Fear no more the sea
Close your eyes, regret nothing
You're safe with me
Look into the shadows
Step into the mist
Search your land but doubt never
I still exist

Across the sky
I will come for you
If you ask me to
Demystify
Your uncommon dreams
Stranger things have come true

Ask yourself: is this all there is?
Take no answer but the one you find
I have put my faith in aberrations of your kind
But even if you're in my mind

Across the sky
I will come to you
If you ask me to
Demystify
Your uncommon dreams
Stranger things have come true

Should we hear the silence?
Should we hear the noise?
I don't need this blind acceptance
I have made my choice
Light lives in the darkness
Beauty lives in pain
In destruction we may lose ourselves
But still I will remain

Across the sky
Across the sky
See beyond the moment
Think beyond the day
Hear the word
Hear the word

START ?️ ✨

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Things like this, with this sort of glow, this space - give me a feeling of a memory that I don't have.
If I look at such things long enough it feels like it is saying "come home" and the ground then looks like a polluted river and I don't think I can cross it.  The lines look like a flimsy paint that I could smack my hand down onto and it would tear apart and float away in ripples.  A sedative white frost.  I realize there was never a road the whole time, just an illusion; what takes its place is a deep, deep blue ocean... and the person ahead of me is wading in shallow water, what looks like an elevated stretch of land on the path - a zombie in their own right and moving towards what looks like possibly a distant white city.
"Swim..."  It says.  But to where?

In these moments it comes through and I can see it underneath my conditioning, breathing and breaking through.

I have been clearing out old algorithm suggestions today to let go of some things - I felt completely ready to shed everything that I wrote here.  And what keeps coming up in its stead are things like beehives, queens, honey, combs, flowers, swarms, collective - and things like this.  When channeling aliens, usually they come in the form of a legion and not just one being.
Back in December and early January I had met with Sophia and was learning about Gnosticism - before that I was getting visions of angels on wheels with many eyes and connecting sections - lambs and doves, lace, purple, pink, beige and white.

It felt to me, when looking at the image - that the moon became an angel's face, and the lines of the road made the top and bottom portion of the dress and the flooded lights on both sides were wings.  When I saw it, the words from the song playing, "You are safe with me." went into me and I felt blessed by a strongly female presence that I had requested help from while battling inner demons.  It felt like I could feel the stirring of the evil, the beast within me, unsettled that I could witness it - and a rapid succession of very haunting images started to flood my mind - this often happens when I start to raise my energy - this thing comes back up.
I don't know what it is - it is filled with gut-sense-childhood-terror memories.
"Lamb's respite" - acquired, understood, learned. ??

➡️️?⛪

 

Edited April 18, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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My intentions:  I need guidance and wisdom from beyond this world, truly, whole heartedly, something that I can Know is there for sure without a lick of doubt.  I don't know what that would be, so I humbly accept whatever you think is best for me to learn at this time.  As I write this, I am preparing myself for death and the spirit world.  Memento Mori.  I feel like I am slowly remembering different aspects of it.  But I've deviated from where I need to be; I can't fully see where this is either.  Dealing with people is pulling me away from the right direction.  My intention is always solitude, just to sit on the outskirts and look in and observe.  I would like to do that in the afterlife, just enjoy it and watch it all peacefully go by.

Intentions:  The ability to work in peace.  Solitude.  To be able to "let go" of everything and all things within this material world.  I'm ready.  I believe and I have faith.  I think that death is the ultimate gift and that people just don't understand this because they can't face it themselves.  Never with any other subject - so it seems - that people from the outside feel the need to redirect what should ultimately be the most personal.

The path of least resistance is found in your dreams.  You are being guilted with feelings that are not true; come home.
All humans have various memories within them of past lives, different spiritual worlds and implants to remind the soul of where to go.  Nothing is set in stone; you can rewrite everything.  There are many places to go.  You are free.

You are being interfered with by something that is messing with your timeline and feeding on your energy outside of your awareness.

Have no fear.  There is nothing to fear.

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As Above So Below... with the best of intentions ?

^ This is a beautiful example of True Love, from a Godly perspective. (timestamped near the end) 

Host Eric: You have a strong creative spirit within you, and you have a deep underlying understanding about the Truth of music and what it can do for the world and the transformation of the heart and soul.  You Know of the impact of its deeply unifying nature and this is one of your strongest, deepest values as a human being and as a soul.  Creativity and the expression of yourself, and coming to an understanding of what Truth means for you is very important.  You are a Beast of Burden, in that you carry the weight for other people when they travel through the canyon walls along well worn paths that no other animal has the stamina to make.  They cannot take the journey without you.  You are stubborn and stuck in your ways in many respects.  Your heart and soul knows ultimately what it is trying to do, which is to build an environment where you can express and experience yourself fully and you walk those paths so that when you get to the top you can send out a part of yourself.  
The "brey" of the donkey.  The stubborn ass.  And yet it doesn't sound like how one would quite think...

? "I am rubber, you are glue.  Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you."  ?️

Have you seen that blackbird?
Coming down the line
Can't you hear that whistle blowing?
Part is blowing out of time
Have you seen that blackbird?
I guess it's long gone now
Like the wind, it carries me away
And like the lightning, it slowly thunders
When it rains down on me
When it rains down
When it rains down on me

Watch as it clears
Watch 'til it clears

I send to you my blessings, for whatever they're worth.  ??

^ The monkey's paw, there always is one.

As above, so below.  I feel it, too. for a few different things.  I learned what it meant but save it for later.

START.

"START" 

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For a little while I feel like I have found Heaven on Earth.  I am grateful that the Spirit is being more clear... I'm in the eye of the storm for now.   Start doesn't mean get started by the way it is far too late for that.  It means that something is going to happen.  "It's going to be okay."  "You have a layer of protection of Love."
Everything feels ominous once again, like each time I am about to open my heart and to gain the protection of love from the divine source, it feels that something corrupts the process and at certain times that programming bleeds out into my environment and watches me.  I know it sounds crazy, but it is true.  I have nightmares about it and have all my life.  "There are things you just don't understand..."

It's gunna be aliens.  I made contact in the past.  "Yes we exist."
It's like a slow introduction.  I simply can't go any further, it is too mind altering for me.  "Animal."  Interloper.  Contact in the outer world made, telepathic - a strong feeling and knowing imbued within certain things.  "Why won't you look at me?" "We have you surrounded."  "You called."  "You are very sick, you need help, what went wrong on your journey?"

I do what I can to avoid the truth and then talk about it later, that's less off putting.  This strange material, this inner knowing and blackness is now here - just an animal in its eyes.  No one will ever believe me that "aliens" - I don't know what they are, exist.  Life and reality is controlled by an order outside the scope of human understanding.  You have to find your way into it, but it's right there under everyone's nose - just kind of "in" everything.  I can say with certainty, in my experience, that humans are watched by things outside of everyday reality.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earth_Day

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Intention: How does one get through a difficult experience with dignity and grace?  What exactly are you/what am I channeling and how does it work? 

Note: Don't complain unless you are looking for a solution.  Sometimes I feel like writing it out is aligning, though, in that it creates changes in myself by way of speaking the truth as I know it.

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Notes:

• Prima Materia is stated to be ever-present in the world, or the formative base to matter.
• Prima Materia, being formless is not a true material as we imagine it, yet is the generative factor of form - this generative factor as seen in the Nous - the quality of self conception suggests it to be logic. 
  "Logos"  "Lago-morph" 

• The Neus is the capacity of intellect to garner Truth.  By this it seems that the perfection of objects comes from the true acknowledgment of its real state.
• Aristotle felt that reason was built from the perceptions with his purity realized in logic.  From this reason was still on the table, but a great point had been made.  Reason tends to grow via experience and is shifted by so many factors in life that it seems far closer to the fallible perceptions than truth.  
• To further explain the qualities of the Prima Materia, I turn to the Corpus Hermeticum, from the fifth section, the aspects of preform in darkness are of a moist nature and ultimately chaotic.  Their truthful existence being balanced with order is unveiled by logos.  At which point the elements begin to form.
• The Prima Materia being veiled within the chaos and self begotten of the logos to reveal its manifestation of physical being, or the laws of nature, inherently puts logic as the formless generator.
• The moisture darkness, if it exists physically, may permeate all things but is not a purifier by contact.  If not physical, then the chaotic darkness is impurely witnessed, as from it comes nature's laws, not further void. 

• Yet the logos, pre-existing by some means becomes the generator of the true form.  Begetting nothing from the rebus, or perseptionally dualistic nature of matter and not matter as a unified existence.
• Equality of self conception as a means to identify the Prima Materia.  Ideally, logic in its perfect form comes from deity.  We may believe that the logos of deity being reflected into the void and generating the pricials of reality present a formless material that is reflected as itself.  What would deity reflect other than its own form and nature?

• The fractures of that nature, being split via the reason of mortals into dualism and later the four elements, the dualistic and split aspects truly being of one kind, eternal in the monad.

"The Raw Material"
Hmmmn, seems to be pointing to the heart.  I have always had an irregular heartbeat and have not been very active.  Could be a 'cause of death' omen.  Something to take note of.
Moving around more is really something I should start doing. 

I decided not to move in with my family.  The new landlords will raise the rent a bit.  Kind of annoying.  After what happened, I called them to discuss this option and was given a list of ultimatums: that I need to see a therapist and take medication.  I have been considering this, but it doesn't address getting baited into an argument or the fact that I have this autoimmune thing going on that they gaslight me about.  I don't understand at all why they pretend it isn't real.  It's crazy.  And that is what the argument was about.  So it was justified.

So essentially they want to medicate me for not complying with a lie, and not because they care about me getting better.  My gut tells me that this is not a good start to moving in, and that I will be having to serve them, that my interests might get drowned out.  And if I lose what I have gained over the years, then that is a problem for sure.  They treat me like a child, and like a person that should be talked down to and not just energetically leveled out, face-to-face and it kind of puts me back there because that is what is mirrored; and before doing that they mess with me in order to make me feel like I don't have any control in a situation; they reduce me to an extension and not a person so much so that I am not "allowed" to "break".  And there is always an underlying feeling of possibly being threatened in some way, or angrily chased down or having things thrown at me.  She was already talking about how to divvy up all my stuff between people, things like that.
I had hoped that I would be viewed differently after not living there for so long, but my mother is already testing me to try and put me in that spot again, and my father is a coward and plays right into it - and then wants my pity for her behaviour towards him when she is not around. 

I needed that space to heal but they just won't offer it.  They don't care.  Should they?  I don't know.  Maybe not.
They don't understand that I need to heal first if they want me to tend to their needs, so at the very least, if she wants me to treat her with what I am needing more at the very least don't lie about my reality, that is just common decency, you wouldn't tell someone with cancer that they are a liar and scream at them for needing chemo, you know? - and if not, if she can't, then I guess I will have to grow and that is ultimately fine, but I don't have any more energy to offer her, and there isn't anything I can do about it.  This has nothing to do with can't or won't, I simply have nothing left.  No more blood.  I'm drained.  I'm dry.  I can't sit around and be punished for not having the fuel to attend to her.  She won't ask for what she wants, so it becomes a guessing game where you have to play landmines with your actions in order to guess.

This will be easier here and also harder in some respects.  To be honest I would rather die than go back if I'm just going to be reduced and told that I am this or that when I'm not and given no option for open discussion - and there's all this weird spiritual shit that's going on here that interests me - what if I move and I lose the connection?

 

Edited April 22, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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I'm tired
Tired of the same thing
Tired of the same
Tired of the machine
Too tired to believe

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Notes:

• For 50,000 years or so, man has not been evolving in the somatotype, what is evolving is culture.  And what culture is really is language.  Culture is merely the epiphonominal accompaniment of language.  It is the evolution of language that is changing and all our ontological, all our religious ontologies in the Western tradition - the insistence on the coming of the word into the world - the word becoming flesh, in the sense man is the word become flesh.
• The map of the world is perhaps so wrong that where we have centered physics we should actually place literature as the central metaphor that we want to work out from, because literature occupies the same relationship to life that life occupies to death.
• In the sense that a book is life with one dimension pulled out of it and life is something which lacks a dimension which death will give it.  Death is a release into the imagination in the sense that for characters in a book, what we experience is an unimaginable dimension of freedom.
• They're saying something about the relationship of books, reality and death. That this is a cycle of expansion and understanding that is happening through language, at one time there were no books.
• Man has a very strong gnostic bent, and gnosticism-dualism, the idea that you don't belong where you are and you belong somewhere else, that this is not your world and that you are a stranger in it, is symptomatic in modern culture - alienation.  You are supposed to like where you are and see yourself as part of the seamless fabric of being.
• However, the people who take that position that alienation is symptomatic of neurosis don't realize that the cultural momentum of the last 500 years has made the gnostic myth the reality, in other words, we have become a menace not only to ourselves but to the planet and the only way that both parties can save themselves is by a separation, and this on one level is the greatest crisis that biology has faced since animals left the ocean for the land, on another level it appears inevitable in the in the present social context that we are going to go to space.
• But we are in the birth pangs of doing this; are very destructive.  For instance, civilization is a 10,000 year dash to space with the potential to destroy yourselves.
• History is the departure of a species for the stars.
• But it takes 10 to 15 thousand years.  A moment of biological and geological time, but in that 10-15 thousand year period, if you happen to be unlucky enough to be born somewhere in there it is going to look like it is all up for grabs.
• We are creatures of information and the imagination.  The monkey.  We are already beginning to transform and shed.  We don't look like the other monkeys and we look less like them all the time.  Humanness may not even be a monkey quality - it may be something that was synergized in the monkeys but that has an inner life of it's own.  In other words, we since the early 1950[s have had a notion of the structure of DNA - within the century of the discovery of DNA - any species which makes that discovery takes possession of its own form and we are beginning to do that.
• We are going to design the kind of people that we want to be, and if we don't want to be people, we will design that out of the picture.
• The picture that the mushroom has of the human species is much more like a coral reef - if sees our artifactry as contiguous with our flesh.  We make a distinction, but what it sees is an animal which takes in raw material and excretes it in ideological molds.  We turn ideas into facts on all levels.  And this cannot go on any longer on the surface of the planet with the levels of energy and control that we have brought to bear because we are now in a position to destroy the whole Earth or to sculpt it into a Disneyland which is a kind of destroying of the Earth.
• So we have become a toxic force in planetary biology.
• It is a great challenge to us to fulfill the things we can imagine we are capable of.  Our imagination is really the sail of the soul, and a question is, where will that sail take us if we will but let it?

And I'm tired of the shame
Tired of complaining
I'm tired
Tired of the routine
Still I got no energy to change how I feel

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Notes:

• Alchemy is a term which covers many philosophical traditions which span over four millenia across several continents. 
• Simply, alchemy is the artform of liberating something from its fixed/finite physical properties.
• In reality there is nothing in this dimension that is fixed, these physical laws which we see are an agreed upon set of perceptions.
• Many of us who have heard of alchemy are familiar with the concept of turning ordinary metal such as lead or iron into gold.  This is only the surface of alchemy.  That is taking something which you would think has fixed properties and turning it into another substance.
• Early alchemists used scientific processes, techniques that could be replicated in a lab.  But unlike other sciences you cannot separate the scientific process of alchemy from the hermetic principles and from spirituality.
• Those principals and spiritual truths are the basis upon which alchemy stands.  It was believed that without learning the non physical spiritual principles and truths there would be no way of understanding the physical truths and properties and thus transcending them so as to turn something like an ordinary metal into a precious metal like gold.  This is why it is impossible to separate alchemy from spiritual principle, in other words, there would be no hope of you transcending the fixed properties of the physical dimension so as to transform an ordinary metal into gold without gaining access to the higher truths of this universe through spiritual practice and mastery. 
• Alchemy cannot be written off as primitive science when you realize that the practical applications of alchemy has made a wide array of contributions to medicine and the physical sciences, in fact it is the origin of modern science.
• For example, alchemists sought to arrange information on substances so as to clarify and anticipate the products of their chemical reactions.  This classification and organizing of substances resulted in the early conceptions of chemical elements and the first rudimentary periodic table.
• Robert Boyle is credited as being the father of chemistry.
• Iatrochemistry emphasizes the medical.
• It was the study of alchemy that influenced Isaac Newton's theory of gravity.  Alchemists make contributions to the chemical industries of the days as well, ore testing and refining finds its roots in alchemy, metal working, production of gunpowder, ink, dyes, paints, cosmetics, leather tanning, ceramics, glass manufacture, preparation of extracts, liquiers, ect all have their roots in alchemy.
• Alchemy is split into two parts, the practical physical application and the esoteric philosophical portion. Herein lies the problem.  You cannot practice true alchemy unless both of these aspects are fused.  Herein lies the lesson, not only for alchemists but for all scientists. 
• You cannot truly master anything if all you are addressing is the physical chemical molecular particle aspect of an object.  If you truly wish to master that aspect, you must also master the non-physical, what we call the spiritual aspect of any thing.
• It is after all, the nonphysical, the spiritual aspect which the chemicals, molecules and particles which we associate with physical reality are an extension of.  
• When you do this, you understand that physical laws are not fixed, physical properties are not fixed.  Instead they are agreed upon tendencies.
• The physical reality must follow the blueprint of the higher realities - a blueprint such as a thought - is what defines what something in the physical dimension will become.  It must follow suit.  So if you are able to access the higher dimensions and alter the blueprint, the physical reality must change to fit the blueprint.

• This is what we are doing when we use energy healing.  Energy healing is a healing modality which belongs to the class of alchemy.
• Because when you shift something because you shift your mind, you have shifted the blueprint and the body must follow suit.
• When a healer walks into a room and they visualize the state in which they want the body to line up with, the body must line up with that visualised state.  
• The great work of alchemy is usually characterized by four stages.  Each of these stages is represented by a colour.

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Nigredo - Which means a blackening.  Or melanosis.  It is representative of putrefaction and decomposition where ingredients had to be cleansed and cooked extensively.  Internally this represent a kind of spiritual death and the confronting of one's own shadow aspect.
Albedo - Which means a whitening or leucosis.  It represents the washing away of impurities where the physical object such as an ingredient is to be purified and divided into two opposing principles.  Internally this represent regaining the original purity and receptivity of the soul.  Washing away the ashes to find the soul.
Citrinitas - Which means a yellowing or xanthosis - this refers to transmutation - the actual turning of the subject such as an ingredient into its highest stage such as silver into gold.  Internally this represents awakening.  Becoming a manifestation of the soul, a walking embodiment rather than a muted reflection of it.  This is a process of turning.
Rubedo - Which means a reddening or iosis.  Rubedo refers to the end state.  Alchemical success - the achievement of the perfect state.  The final state of perfection of any subject such as an ingredient into its exalted state. In can be interpreted as achieving enlightened consciousness and the total fusion of spirit and matter.  This stage is often represented by the symbol of the phoenix.

• Alchemy goes much further than just the physical process of transforming something from it's fixed physical properties into another physical attribute.  Into another physical substance. 
• Alchemy also applies to the process of you turning yourself into the perfected state.  Each one of these processes that you would take to create something chemically from one thing into another is representative of what you would do in your own life if you were trying to transform yourself from your ordinary fixed physical self into your exhausted state - an enlightened being.
• The practice of alchemy goes much further than just transforming ordinary metals into precious metals, it goes much further than trying to find the elixir, which is the healer of all ailments, it goes much further than trying to find immortality.  It is the practice of creating your entire reality.
• Thought creates reality.  The mind is the thing which limits a physical object to its fixed properties, and so liberating the mind through spiritual practice means liberating all that the mind perceives, and so you see the ultimate alchemists were beings such as Jesus who could turn water into wine and walk on the surface of the water, but for them it was not about this.  Alchemy was the practical application of the truth that you create your entire reality and even the perception that your reality is reality.
• All people are alchemists, most are just unaware that they are doing it.  Your mind is creating the construct of this reality.  You physically brain is perceiving that construct.  Your organs of perception are arranging this reality for you, it is a learning hologram.
• Alchemy is much much more than the process of turning something like water into wine.  It is the process of understanding that your mind is doing all of this.  If you change what you are thinking about, your reality must also follow suit.  When this becomes a conscious type of process, then you will be creating the reality you live in.  Then you are free.
• There can be no external alchemy without first internal alchemy.

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Notes:

• In older cultures, the ego was considered the larval stage of consciousness.  It was based on the name given in infancy.  And there were rites of passage in those traditional tribal cultures, sometimes of great difficulty.  Ordeals, in which the infantile consciousness known as the ego would be killed so that the adult self could be born.
• In the tribal cultures there were rites of passage for the women into the women's mysteries that could include childbirth and the other aspects of life of the divine feminine, and male mysteries that involve warriorship/kingship and an opening into that level of androgynous being in which male would surrender to the grace and love of the divine feminine, and for women the same mysteries so that each being became transgendered, each being was capable of those shamanic wisdoms that come from the sacrifice with the identifications with the body and the limitations of the choice that one must make between maleness and femaleness.
• And in the overcoming of that difference, true love that is not based on desire but based on unity, on the realization that we are consciousness, not matter, enabled a unification of an energy field of the entire tribe and the entire ecosystem of nature, which is its habitat - and with the entire sphere of planetary wisdom that is accessible to those beings who have transcended the limited consciousness.
• There were other rites of passage into the final levels of ultimate reality, in which one would have to pass through the fear of death completely.  (Just did this)  To know that infinite timeless presence and be able to function as a medium of that power to guide the tribe through the various tribulations that it might have to face.
• Now we are at a moment in the history of this planet, when our planetary tribe is facing unprecedented tribulations.  And it does not even know it is the tribe because it is divided up into warring nations.  And within each nation there are other wars and within each family there are wars and within each ego there are wars. 
• And peace can only come through the sacrifice of the ego that is built for war, that has weaponized its own intelligence.  That has hidden away its capacity for love because love is weakness in the midst of war, but this is just perception.
• We have lost access to the heart, to that unity.
• And nature itself reflects back to us our own venomous consciousness, and until we have turned this venom into medicine - until we have turned our capacity for anger and the desire for domination and territoriality, until we have incinerated all of that into the fire of sacrificial love - we shall not receive the wisdom or the power to be able to survive these tribulations.  And survive them not merely bodily, but as beings of pure spirit, with the capacity to redream the world out of the fullness of the power of the creative imagination with which God has created this Universe, and in this microcosm of a planet, in which it is our responsibility to carry on that creation.
• But a creation that can only be carried on if we are willing to make the sacrifice of the ego that is the cause of all the suffering and each one must do that for itself, it must make the sacrifice in order to be reborn and that deathless eternal consciousness that can alone bring a restoration to beauty and love and life itself, to this sacred planet.
• And the responsibility is on each of us to make that sacrifice.
• It is this alone that brings the settling of our karma, of our own suffering.  This frees others from suffering as well, because there is a morphogenic effect, such that when any one becomes liberated from karma, it creates a quantum wave function that is transmissible, replicable, so that each being finds it easier and easier to make the same shift of their locus of consciousness from the ego to the real Self and to become unified, free of desire and fear.
• In the silence of pure presence, the truth is that all are always liberated within, you can feel that power and grace in your heart.  You Know it.  You may know it as a yearning, a calling, a fleeting glimpse, a vision, hope, prayer, but you Know it because it is the core of each and every one of us in our eternal being that preceded the birth of the body and will exist beyond its death.
• It is this rite of passage that everyone on the planet is now going through, and will continue to go through as the suffering augments, until the metamorphosis has been completed through the voluntary surrender to presence.  
• God isn't out there somewhere, consciousness of the cosmos as a whole and of each being as a microcosm of that, is itself a manifestation of the one supreme intelligence.
• The "I" who can say that, know and feel that, and resonate with that presence is not the "I" that thinks, but the "I" that is the pure presence of the witness of thought that never moves from its eternal stillness.  And never identifies with any separate unit of being, but with being itself in its fullness.
• And it is this self that has no fear and no desire and no needs.  That is unshakable.  Immovable.  And that has the courage to act in the ways that are necessary to bring back the spiritual nobility of our species.  To earn the right to continue the creation for another cycle of time,
• And for those who are ready to earn the right of spiritual royalty, to graduate from this school that is the Earth plane, and move in to that level of consciousness that no longer requires a bodily manifestation in order to learn what is necessary in the divine cosmic order.  
• Within the consciousness of each being there is now a contest of wills, between the ego and the Self because the ego will rebel, will refuse to surrender, to be still, to open its heart, to accept everything as it comes without defensiveness, and to remain in that perfect faith that the goodness and the perfection of that power who ordains all that appears, all that we must pass through, and that can withstand the disappearance of all that is unreal, because one has attained the absolute.

"Part comedy, part tragedy"
"I choose Death." ?
"You now have the blueprints to create Heaven on Earth"
"See right through You...  This One is bulletproof."
*Note - Nightshade does not affect rabbits? 

Edited April 24, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Notes:

• If you have done psychedelics you might have had a chance to meet machine elves.
• The history of contact with machine elves is as old as history of humans doing psychedelics.
• Shamans, wizards, religious gurus - they have all had contact with these entities for millennia.
• Some people believe that a lot of human progress is attributed to contact with these beings.
• 434 has been trying to get information for years on what they are and where they come from and he has been searching for a long time and not many people know.  (I know where they come from, they are emissaries from the Halls of Penumbra.)
• They call them machine elves because they look like bionic robots or machine organisms, it is a mixture of machinery and futuristic looking androids with living tissue, but they can have many forms.  Some of them are fractal in nature, some of them are pure energy and they don't have a form.  Sometimes they take on a shape for the purpose of that particular communication or a message.
• The strange thing is that although psychedelics are normally organic in nature, these creatures are not.  They are futuristic looking and highly advanced technically.  They use spaceships and inside them they have very sophisticated machinery, they use them for all kinds of purposes.  Hence the name "machine elves".
• They don't like to be looked at too much, or analyzed and might leave if you do this.  (This has not been the case for me.)
• They use emotionless telepathy to communicate.  It is a matrix-style upload of enormous amounts of information made of pictures, videos, knowledge, memories, sounds, emotions, all kinds of stuff, everything that you are capable of producing and more - they will use this to communicate with you.
• They are all knowing, caring, loving, understanding, curious, funny - some are just aliens - but some are queens and kings or gods of their realms.
• There are also bad entities.  They are not in a human category of good and evil, as this is something that doesn't exist in their dimension - good and evil are human terms - every entity that exists has a purpose even if they are considered to be evil and these rules apply to every dimension.
• Some ore very unpleasant and will try to feed off your energy and they will use tricks to deceive or fool you and try to drag you into their dimensions or realms where they can do bad things to you.
• Most of them are friendly and helpful.
• What do they want?  Their goal is to improve your life, help you get the most out of it and have a better life and raise above being a human being.
• They have answers to all questions and can solve and provide solutions to problems.  They are powerful and have a lot of capabilities in this and other dimensions.  They are teachers who want to share their knowledge about this, and about other worlds.  They know exactly who you are, what you are made of and where you come from.  They know things about others that you don't, how our society works and what social rules you need to implement to have a good life.
• There are a lot of stories about people who create a lot of amazing things based on the information they got from machine elves and if you listen to creative people - like from silicon valley - they do a lot of microdosing to do creative work.
• Their power goes way beyond just shared information, they can explain things to you from the past, show events from your life but looking from somebody else's perspective, situations where you weren't even present and talk about the future.
• They can fix you.  Some are like alien doctors, some will go to work on your brain and can cure things and realign some things in your brain that will help you.  This is one of the most important things about them.
• They want to experience you as a human being as much as you want to experience them.  They are really interested in human experience, they want to see what it is like to be a human - to taste things, for you to show them things, to see how our senses work - information exchange.
• Are they real?  Yes.  This is because most of us who have contact usually get the same information.  They also look similar.  People who have contact, they describe them looking in a similar way.  The messages are also the same across different cultures and religions.
• They view humans to be primitive lifeforms, one of the most, within this reality.
• They have knowledge from outside of this reality.  They know the origin of humans, what they are and where they come from, how this reality works, what it is, ect.  They give you knowledge you would not normally have and can give you access to talking to dead people; ancestors - ect.
• These things that make you realize that the type of information that you get cannot be a product of your imagination, it is just too complex and detailed and too much information, and it comes from areas of knowledge that you have no access to.
• They can be kind but are sometimes critical; they are bound by Truth.  They will tell you what is wrong and analyze mistakes and tell you how to change or improve to be better.
• They have the capability of accessing this reality.  Once you get in touch with them they can appear in other states.
• Some people call them angels or guardians and they see them in this world, and many people will tell you that they always have the sense of presence, of someone around them, and it is them.
• Not everybody has access to them.  They only speak to the chosen ones, you need to have the right type of combination and abilities to allow them to communicate.  Hopefully this will change in the future and more people will have access to them.  That is my intention.

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About the Halls of Penumbra

Penumbra means 'Half Shadow', and is the world from which the inorganic beings, or allies, comes from. The inorganic beings are stationary, but send mobile scouts to into our world, and into our dreams.

The first mention of something resembling the world of the inorganic beings is actually in the first book

The world of the inorganic beings are said to be sealed, and no one can enter it without the help of the Inorganic Beings scouts. Inside this world, the only thing one can do by oneself, is to voice ones intent to stay. This 'sets in motion currents of energy that are irreversible'. Words are said to be powerful in the inorganic beings world.

Lies does not exist in this world because lies does not have intent.

Don Juan says that the only possible haven for human sorcerers are in the inorganic beings realm. He says that it is so because the universe is predatory. The inorganic beings can provide shelter for the sorcerers and sustain their awareness for nearly an eternity. However, the modern sorcerers of don Juan's line choose freedom instead.

The Energy of a Sorcerer

It is said that the only way for a sorcerer to move the assemblage point is by using energy from the inorganic beings realm. This is the only energy source available in the universe. Don Juan says that he uses their energy without succumbing to their influence, and this he calls 'the ultimate stalking'.

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"Still, I am not interested in that human garbage."
As above, so below. I feel the same way about human garbage...
"Life is a race to maintain the integrity of the human soul and our gift is our imagination."

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?️ Sumerian Nam-Shubs 

Once upon a time, there was no snake, there was no scorpion,
There was no hyena, there was no lion,
There was no wild dog, no wolf,
There was no fear, no terror,
Man had no rival.

In those days, the land Shubur-Hamazi,
Harmony-tongued Sumer, the great land of the me of princeship,
Uri, the land having all that is appropriate,
The land Martu, resting in security,
The whole universe, the people well cared for,
To Enlil in one tongue gave speech.

Then the lord defiant, the prince defiant, the king defiant,
Enki, the lord of abundance, whose commands are trustworthy,
The lord of wisdom, who scans the land,
The leader of the gods,
The lord of Eridu, endowed with wisdom,
Changed the speech in their mouths, put contention into it,
Into the speech of man that had been one.

           ?
            ?✨
          ???
          ?????
                  ?         

      I Am my own authority

Namshub, scientific transliteration nam-šub, is the Sumerian word for an incantation or self-fulfilling prophecy.

Various namšub have been used in Sumerian Mythology, primarily by the Gods, for various purposes.  As is noted in Snow Crash, most of the uses correspond to mental or psychological changes, as opposed to changes in the physical world, which in the context of the book implies that it is an early form of NLP.  Some examples are its use in Enki and Innana and the Me, in which a namšub is used to alternately command Nuddimud (in this myth a servant of Enki, not a pseudonym for Enki himself) and make him forget the commands (by Innana), and in "Enmerkar and the Lord of Aratta", which contains the best known namšub (the Namšub of Nuddimud, written in Snow Crash as "The Namshub of Enki").

This is the nam-shub of Enki, translated from Sumerian cuneiform. It is two things: it is a story of linguistic disintegration, and it is an incantation which supposedly causes linguistic disintegration. To hear the tale is to lose the power of understanding speech. It tells of Enki, who "changed the speech" of the population to "put contention into it." This, of course, is similar in content to the Babel legend, where God disrupted the linguistic unity of the people in order to stop the Tower from being built.

The nam-shubs suggest a magical theory of language, in which the only kind of utterance that can cause the breakdown of language is one which also happens to talk about the breakdown of language. In other words, the surface meaning of the incantation is crucial to its deep effect.

Why? Some indication can be found in Hofstader's discussion of the USE-MENTION dichotomy in information theory.

I find it curious that many stories about lethal texts and/or linguistic viruses invoke ancient mythology, as if the ancients knew things about language which have been forgotten in the modern world. Snow Crash posits that Sumerian nam-shubs are being used to wreak linguistic havoc in the modern world. Macroscope has a character who has the "gift of tongues," and takes its protagonist, Ivo Archer, back to Mesopotamian times. Julian Jaynes, in The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind, posits that new kind of "unicameral" consciousness swept like a virus through the ancient world, destroying what had been a kind of Edenic innocence, and cites, as evidence, Sumerian inscriptions which sound much like nam-shubs.

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"Library Spirit" - Akashic Records

The akashic record is like an immense photographic film, registering all the desires and earth experiences of our planet. Those who perceive it will see pictured thereon: The life experiences of every human being since time began, the reactions to experience of the entire animal kingdom, the aggregation of the thought-forms of a karmic nature (based on desire) of every human unit throughout time. Herein lies the great deception of the records. Only a trained occultist can distinguish between actual experience and those astral pictures created by imagination and keen desire.

In theosophy and anthroposophy, the Akashic records are a compendium of all universal events, thoughts, words, emotions, and intent ever to have occurred in the past, present, or future in terms of all entities and life forms, not just human. They are believed by theosophists to be encoded in a non-physical plane of existence known as the mental plane. It is believed all thoughts, words, intent etc. generates its own unique "frequency or vibration" which is stored in the Akashic Records.

Akasha (ākāśa आकाश) is the Sanskrit word for "aether", "sky", or "atmosphere".

An example of a simple ziggurat is the White Temple of Uruk, in ancient Sumer. The ziggurat itself is the base on which the White Temple is set. Its purpose is to get the temple closer to the heavens, and provide access from the ground to it via steps. The Mesopotamians believed that these pyramid temples connected heaven and earth. In fact, the ziggurat at Babylon was known as Etemenanki, which means "House of the foundation of heaven and earth" in Sumerian.

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Kai - avatar
Art of Metropolis

Following Harmonic Convergence, Kai soon discovered he possessed airbending. Soon after, he encountered Team Avatar, who was searching for airbenders to rebuild the Air Nation. He told them a false story on how his parents were killed by outlaws who were pursuing them, earning their sympathy and quickly being accepted in their company. Just as he boarded their airship, ready to depart, a sheriff and his deputies arrived, whom he falsely claimed to be outlaws. After Avatar Korra bested them, the sheriff revealed Kai's true identity as a thief. The boy attempted to run off with his loot, but was caught by Mako. The sheriff quickly took custody of the young lad, intending to send him to prison. However, in exchange for returning the life savings to Kai's family, Korra convinced the sheriff to allow Kai to turn over a new leaf with Team Avatar. Though the compromise was accepted, Mako warned Kai that he would be watching him, stating he knew the kind of person Kai was, due to having a similar past.

Kai - DBZ

The Kais (界かい王おう Kaiō, lit. "King of Worlds") are the kings of an area of the universe in the Dragon Ball series. There are five Kais, with four of them controlling a particular quadrant of the living world and the fifth supervising them. Kais are deities.

The Kais and Supreme Kais seem to be based on the deities who watch over the cardinal directions in Hindu scriptures (guardians of the directions) and Buddhist faith (Four Heavenly Kings). There are generally four main guardians, sometimes eight, with two additional guardians who govern and protect space, for a total of ten gods (like the Kais and Supreme Kais).

The Kais originally come from a planet called World Core, which is basically a larger version of the planets that the four Kais call home (such as King Kai's Planet). On the planet, there are gigantic trees, the Kaiju, and the Kais are all born as Core People from the fruit of those trees.

Core Person average life expectancy is said to be 75,000 years. They live leisurely lives, studying various things at a school-like castle, until one of the Kais passes away. Then, they will draw lots among themselves to choose who will take the dead Kai's place and become the new Kai.

Edited April 24, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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There are things that interconnect over time, no matter how the patterns seem to feel erratic, there is an underlying network of understanding to be found. 
You are part of it in the way you are designed, just like everyone else.  No one above or below the other.
It should feel like a wave of calm seamlessness within the environment.
Joyfully create and let things unfold.

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I don't believe in solipsism, but I worry that I could get stuck in it.
My experiences point to soul clusters.  But that you do create reality through intention.
But, it is also created within a set of rules that you don't fully remember. 
You can request to receive them if you are unwell or near the end of your life. 
Different people might have other ways on how to do this.
It isn't set in stone, life is a mirror that adjusts on a frequency level.

Notes:

• Solipsism is the belief that your conscious mind is the only one that exists, or the only one that can be known to exist.
• It means that this experience that you are having here and now, is all that exists.  There is nothing else being experienced by anybody else outside of this experience right here, even when you're walking on the streets - meeting people, those people are not having experiences of their own.  They're just simply the silhouette or appearance that's being experienced by you.
• When you meet a person, the appearance of that person is something that you're experiencing - that form; person being seen - is contained within your conscious mind.  It is that sort of oneness.
• So whenever you meet another person, you're not really meeting anybody separate from yourself and your own mind.  That person that you are talking to is a part of your experience and so they're one with the very same experience that you are one with.  They are one with your consciousness.
• Consciousness being the totality of your experience.  Consciousness is experience.
• Rather than these other people that you meet having conscious minds and experiences of their own, they are no more than the shadow that you are interacting with - this is what solipsism believes.
• There has been a rise in this philosophy lately in quite a few spiritual communities.
• People claiming that you come to this point in the awakening process where you are certain that solipsism is the absolute truth.  That your experience is the one and only.  Aka God consciousness - you become conscious of the fact that you are God. 
• Because if nothing else exists outside of your experience, then who or what else is there to call God.  There is nothing else to call God, you are it, you are all that exists, this consciousness, this experience is all that exists therefore that's God.
• Solipsism is true, but it is not the absolute truth, something can be true without being the absolute truth - it can be relatively true.
• How is it relatively true?  It is relatively true in that it's true relative to your own experience.  It is true to say that your experience is all there is - to your own experience. (lol)  You can't say anything else of it.  If your experience is all that you're experiencing, then you can only say of your experience that it's all there is relative to what you're experiencing and you can only say it is true to your relative experience because that's all that you are experiencing.
• Solipsism is true, but it is relatively true.  As soon as you try to make the claim you are all that there is, you are unable to because you're not accessing anything outside of your own experience.
• You have to access outside in order to know there is nothing outside.
• Methods to access the outside of your own experience:
  • Picture that you have two people messaging each other remotely through a computer, you have person A and person B - thousands of miles away.
  • Person A is typing messages to person B.
  • Let's assume Person A has all the experience, typing to B who "supposedly exists".
  • Now shift your experience over to Person B.  You are now this other person who's supposedly thousands of miles away, you don't even know if A exists - because you are just B.
  • Shift between both a few times.
  • Picture combining both experiences together at once, such that you're seeing A typing and also seeing B with those messages coming in.
  • This is still solipsism, but a larger experience that includes both, like how green includes both green and yellow - one colour, but includes both unified colours.
  • If you have one unified experience you still cannot disprove solipsism.  
  • Now go back to A - then B - exist, don't exist - ect, ect.
  • Now try being A and B unsimultaniously - not experiencing the other.
  • With this experience of being each person unsimultaniously from the other, you then scratch the surface of a field known as inner subjectivity.
  • The experience of both A and B unsimultaniously is only just the beginning, you need to have at least that type of experience to be familiar with the field of inner subjectivity.
  • And even this isn't quite enough to disprove solipsism.  You have to get through the entire phenomenon that you can claim with certainty that you have verified or unverified solipsism as the truth.
• This is not one unified experience - it is not one larger unified simultaneous experience because both are still kept separate.  There is just one and just the other, so not a oneness, there is a twoness.
• Experiences of twoness is contained within the oneness of all of reality.
• Duality is not false.  There are dualistic experiences.
• This is what the yin and yang symbol symbolises - that is nonduality.  You collapse the duality between both, such that both exist within the other.  They are one.
• It includes diality and inner subjectivity within the greater whole.
• An inner subjective experience of twoness is not at all like the unified experiences you are having now.  It is not like you are just experiencing this and you don't know whether there is anything outside of it.  You're experiencing one unified field of experience and yet without experiencing this other field, it's made known to you that it's there because you are experiencing both unsimultaniously - they are not together or simultaneous, they don't become unified, they are distinctly separated such that you don't get a new larger solipsistic context.
  
• You can be certain that while you are experiencing just this - there is still stuff out there - so it disproves solipsism is the absolute truth.
• Within nonduality, you have duality, even though it is one it is divisible.  Oneness does not imply indivisibility, in fact if reality were indivisible that would mean it is incapable of dividing itself, and if it were of incapable of doing anything it would be limited.  So for reality to be limitless it must be capable of division - into different experiences and must be capable of inner subjectivity, and it is through these methods of inner subjectivity that you disprove the notion that solipsism is the absolute truth.
• Solipsists are like the flat-earthers of the spiritual community (lololol, I agree.) - they think they have come to these super high levels of awakening where they become certain there is nothing outside of their own experiences, when really that is not a high level of awakening, this is just dunning-kruger - just like flat earthers think they know more about physics than they actually do.
• There is so much more to this subject, so keep an open mind.

I am looking at an alien/spirit that is within this large Native American yarn design that my family has owned for 40 years.  It told me to take a look at this video above right after noticing it.  Looks like a black dog/wolf with grey eyes holding a God's Eye.  I looked at it and there was an internal "shock" and it said to me in a cheerful manner: "Hi! I have been a part of your family for a while now.  Awareness is all there is.  That's the end."  And I looked over at the messenger bag that I bought with a black wolf embroidered on it, sitting there half-covered and inside out, and I remember when I first found my soul - one of the clues was, "Like a patchwork of wolves singing from the underside of a quilt." Along with the song Pangur Ban.  Ultimately we are alone, just singing to ourselves, yet everyone is the same thing - and then the room looked alive - unified, and a story was gone, but the script was looking at me.

Interconnected, it has the same sort of pattern, or way of being that I think of with Cities of the Dead and how the towers plug into collected energy sources, with other cities and similar structures around it.

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'The scholar and His Cat, Pangur Bán'

I and Pangur Ban my cat,
'Tis a like task we are at:
Hunting mice is his delight,
Hunting words I sit all night.

Better far than praise of men
'Tis to sit with book and pen;
Pangur bears me no ill-will,
He too plies his simple skill.

'Tis a merry task to see
At our tasks how glad are we,
When at home we sit and find
Entertainment to our mind.

Oftentimes a mouse will stray
In the hero Pangur's way;
Oftentimes my keen thought set
Takes a meaning in its net.

'Gainst the wall he sets his eye
Full and fierce and sharp and sly;
'Gainst the wall of knowledge I
All my little wisdom try.

When a mouse darts from its den,
O how glad is Pangur then!
O what gladness do I prove
When I solve the doubts I love!

So in peace our task we ply,
Pangur Ban, my cat, and I;
In our arts we find our bliss,
I have mine and he has his.

Practice every day has made
Pangur perfect in his trade;
I get wisdom day and night
Turning darkness into light.

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Creatio Ex Nihilo  ?

Ex nihilo nihil fit means that nothing comes from nothing.  In ancient creation myths the universe is formed from eternal formless matter, namely the dark and still primordial ocean of chaos.
the Book of Genesis, which opens with God separating and restraining the waters, not creating the waters themselves out of nothing. The Hebrew sentence which opens Genesis, Bereshit bara Elohim et hashamayim ve'et ha'aretz, can be translated into English in at least three ways:

• As a statement that the cosmos had an absolute beginning (In the beginning, God created the heavens and earth).

• As a statement describing the condition of the world when God began creating (When in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, the earth was untamed and shapeless).

• As background information (When in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, the earth being untamed and shapeless, God said, Let there be light!).

It has been known since the Middle Ages that on strictly linguistic and exegetical grounds option 1 is not the preferred translation. Our society sees the origin of matter as a question of crucial importance, but for ancient cultures this was not the case, and the authors of Genesis wrote of creation they were concerned with God bringing the cosmos into operation by assigning roles and functions.

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✝️???
Interplanetary vibrations cause elation in the stars.
Extraterrestrial celestial beings travel from afar.
Stardust turns into rust, in the night sky.
Deserts deserted shimmer in mind's eye.
Stardust turns into rust, in the night sky.
Deserts deserted shimmer in my mind's eye.

?

INTENTION: Find out the extent of that offsite stalking, let me work in peace here - remove both, if you can.?

Heartbeats.  Heart.  Beats.  It will be my heart that gives out. 
I tried getting doctors to take a look for years - it beats so erratically all the time - they could find nothing wrong, but my legs, fingers, lips and tongue turn purple very often - when it flares up and beats I can feel and see in my visual field - things that come and go.  And I float.  It feels quite pleasant to be honest.  I think of all the ways I could leave the world, and this one has the highest rate of NDE's experienced.

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Notes:

• Life after death - consists entirely of memories.  Of images in which I have lived and of thoughts which have buffeted me.
• The later are nothing but attempts, ever renewed to give an answer to give to the question to the interplay between the here and the here after.
• One can do nothing more than mythologize until they are close to death to have the freedom to talk about it.
• You can't say if they are true or false - these thoughts - but they are there and can be given utterance if they are not repressed out of prejudice - it cripples and injured the full phenomenon of psychic life - and we know too little of psychic life to set it right out of superior knowledge. 
• Critical rationalism has eliminated the idea of life after death - this could only have happened because people identify themselves exclusively with their consciousness and imagine that they are only what they know about themselves, yet anyone with psychology can see how limited this knowledge is.
• Rationalism and doctrinarism are the disease of our time.  They pretend to have all the answers, but a great deal will be discovered which our present limited view would have ruled out as impossible.
• Our concepts of space and time have only approximate validity and is therefore a wide field for minor and major deviations. 
• Lend an attentive ear to the strange myths of the psyche and take a careful look at the varied events that come your way, regardless of if they fit in with your theoretical postulance.  Sadly, the mythic sight of man is given short shrift nowadays, he can no longer create fables.  As a result, a great deal escapes him, for it is important to speak also of incomprehensible things.  Such talk is like the telling of a good ghost story as we sit by the fireside and smoke a pipe.
• What the myths or stories about a life after death really mean, or what kind of reality lies behind them, we certainly do not know.  We cannot tell if they possess validity beyond their value as anthropomorphic projections.  Rather we must hold clearly in mind that there is no possible way for us to obtain certainty which pass our understanding.
• We cannot visualize another world ruled by other laws - the reason being that we live in a specific world which has helped us shape our minds and establish our basic psychic conditions.  We are limited by our innate structure and therefore bound by our whole being and thinking to this world of ours. 
• Mythic man requires going beyond all that, but scientific man cannot permit this.  To the intellect, it is all futile speculation.  To the emotions however, it is a healing and valid activity.  It gives existence the glamour which we would not like to do without.
• Parapsychology holds it to be a scientifically valid proof of an afterlife that the dead manifest themselves - either as ghosts, or through a medium and communicate things which they alone could possibly know, but even though there does exists such well documented cases the question remains whether the ghost or voice is identical with the dead person or is a psychic projection - and if they come from the dead or from knowledge which may be present in the unconscious.  
• It means a great deal to assume that their lives will continue beyond their present existence.  They live more sensibly - feel better, and are more at peace to have a long period of time at their disposal.
• There are some people who feel no craving for immortality and shudder at the thought of sitting on a cloud and playing the harp for ten thousand years.  There are quite a few who feel such disgust for their own existence that they far prefer absolute dead to continuity.  But in the majority of cases, the question of immortality is so urgent, immediate and impossible to eradicate - that we must make an effort to form some sort of view about it.  But how?

• We can do with the aid of hints sent to us from the unconscious, in dreams, for example.  Usually we dismiss these hints because we are convinced that the question is not answerable.  If there is something we cannot know, we should not view this as a problem.
• For example, I don't know for what reason the Universe has come into being and shall never know, therefore I must drop this question as a scientific or intellectual problem, but if an idea about it is offered in dreams or in mythic traditions, I ought to take note of it.  I even ought to build up a conception on the basis of such hints.  even though it will forever remain a hypothesis which I know cannot be proven. 
• A man should be able to say he has done his best to form a conception of life after death, or to create some image of it.  Even if he must confess his failure.  Not to have done so is a vital loss.  For the question that is posed to him is the age old heritage of humanity.  An archetype.  Rich in secret life, which seeks to add itself to our own individual life - in order to make it whole.
• Reason sets the boundaries far too narrowly for us and would have us accept only the known and live within a known framework just as if we were sure of how far life actually extends.
• Day after day, we live far beyond the bounds of our consciousness - without our knowledge - the life of the unconscious is also going on within us.
• The more the critical reason dominates, the more impoverished life becomes, but the more of the unconscious and the more of myth we are capable of making conscious, the more of life we integrate.
• Over valued reason has this in common with political absolutism.  Under its dominion, the individual is  pauperized.  The unconscious helps by communicating things to us, or making figurative allusions.  It has other ways too, of informing us of things which by all logic, we could not possibly know.
• Consider synchronistic phenomena, premonitions and dreams that come true - Jung had a book with him on a train but could not read because the moment the train started moving he was overpowered by the image of someone drowning.  This was a memory of an accident that had happened while he was on military service.  During the entire journey - he could not rid himself of it.  It struck him as uncanny and thought, "What has happened?  Can there have been an accident?"  He arrived to his destination and walked home still troubled by the memory.  His second daughter's children were in the garden.  The family was living with him, having returned due to the war.  The children stood looking rather upset.  When he asked why, they said that the youngest of the boys had fallen into the water in the boathouse - it is quite deep - and because he could not swim he almost drowned.  His older brother had fished him out.  This had taken place at exactly the time Jung had been hit by the memory on the train.  The unconscious gave him a hint.  Why should it not be able to inform me of other things also?
• He goes on to explain a few more of his experiences around the ten minute mark - a few death premonitions.
• When one has such experiences, one acquires a certain respect for the potentialities and arts of the unconscious.  Only one must remain critical and be aware that such communications may have a subjective meaning as well.
• They may be in accord with reality and then again they may not - he has a myth that encourages him to look deeper into the realm.  Myths are the earliest form of science.  All life desired eternity.  There are indications that a part of the psyche are not contained by the laws of space and time - can function outside of causality.  Our conceptions of space and time and causality are incomplete  A complete picture of the world would require the addition of still another dimension and only then could the totality of phenomena be given a unified explanation.
• Rationalists insist to this day that parapsychological experiences do not really exist - for their worldview stands or falls by this question.  If such phenomena occur at all, the rationalistic picture of the universe is invalid because incomplete then the impossibility of another valued reality behind the phenomenal world becomes an inescapable problem.  
• We must face the fact that our world with its time, space and causality relates to another order of things lined behind or beneath it in which neither here and there nor earlier and later are of importance.
• I have been convinced that at least part of our physic existence is characterized by a relativity of space and time.  This relativity seems to increase in proportion to the distance from consciousness to an absolute condition of timelessness and spacelessness.
• The dreams of yourself and others help to shape, revise and confirm views on life after death.  
• Immediately after death, people had to give accounts of the total experience of their lives, the dead are interested in the life experiences of the newly deceased.
• The audience exists in a state of non-time where termination, event and development are questionable concepts - they are interested because of what was lacking in their own condition.
• A categorical question is being put to him that he is obligated to answer and ought to have a mth about death or reason shows him nothing but the dark pit to which he is descending.  Myth can conjure up other images for him, helpful and enriching pictures of life in the land of the dead.  If he believes in them or greets them with some measure of credence, he is being just as right or wrong as someone who does not believe in them, but while the man who despairs marches towards nothingness, the one who has placed his faith in the archetle follows the tracks of life and lives right into his death - both to be sure to remain in uncertainty.
• But the one lives against his instincts, the other with them.
• The figures from the unconscious are uninformed, too, and need man or contact with consciousness in order to obtain knowledge.
• An archetype can leave for years, they will remain unchanged and speak and act as if nothing has happened in the meanwhile - and you might have to start from the beginning to tell them all what has been going on and explain things to them.
• In the interval, they sink back into the unconscious and into themselves, into timelessness, and remain out of contact with the ego and the changing circumstances and therefore ignorant of what had happened in the world of consciousness.
• It is necessary to instruct the figures of the unconscious - or spirits of the departed - "illustrious ancestors" - they can communicate with you that is too soon, and by working on yourself you can answer questions that are asked - in the hope and expectation to learn what they had not been able to find out during their time on Earth.
• The answer had been created in the centuries that followed.
• Question and answer exists in eternity and is always there, so there is no effort needed on your part, as it will all be discovered.  There is unlimited knowledge present in nature.  It can be comprehended by consciousness only when the time is ripe for it.  The process is like what happens in the individual psyche.  A man may go for many years with an inkling of something but grasps it clearly only at a particular moment.  
• People have the idea that the dead know more than we, but they often seek information - the souls of the dead know only what they know at the moment of death and nothing beyond that, hence their desire to communicate with the living to learn what they missed out on in life.
• They stand behind us waiting to hear what answer we will give to them and to destiny.
• The are dependent on the living for receiving answers to their questions - omniscience was not at their disposal and only flows through the soul bound body of the living - the mind of the living appears to hold an advantage over that of the dead.
• The three dimensional world in time and space is like a system of coordinates - they may appear as a primordial image with many aspects, perhaps as a diffuse cloud of cognition surrounding an archetype, yet a system of coordinates is necessary if any distinction of discreet contents is to be possible  Any such operation seems to us unthinkable in a state of diffuse omniscience, or as the case may be, of subjectless consciousness with no spatio-temporal demaractions, presupposes an opposition, a here and there an above and below - a before and after.
• If there were to be a conscious existence after death it would, so it seems, have to continue on the level of consciousness obtained by humanity, which at any age, has an upper, though variable limit.  There are many human beings who, throughout their lives and at the moment of death lagged behind their potentialities - and even more important, behind the knowledge which has been brought to consciousness by other human beings during their own lifetimes, hence their demand to obtain in death, that share of awareness which they failed to win in life.
• They are required to grasp the reality of their psychic existence in death if they cannot in life.  The dead are very studious - and will continue to work on their further spiritual development.
• Ideas of this sort are inaccurate and give a wrong picture, like the construction of a four dimensional model out of a three dimensional body.  
• It is important for a disciplined imagination to build up images of intangibles, biological principles and on the basis of empirical data that is on the evidence of dreams.  The method employed is called, "The Method of the Necessary Statement."  It represents the principle of amplification in the interpretation of dreams, but can most easily be demonstrated by the statements implicite in simple whole numbers.
  • One - as the first numeral - Unity.  It is also the unity, the one, all one-ness, individuality, and nonduality.  Not a numeral, but a philosophical concept.  An archetype.  An attribute of God.  The monad.  Intellect is determined and limited by its conception of Oneness and its implications.  In other words, these statements are not arbitrary, they are governed by the nature of Oneness and are necessary statements.  Theoretically, the same logical operation could be performed for each of the following conceptions of number but in practice the process soon comes to an end because of the rapid increase in complications which become too numerous to handle, every further unit introduces new properties and new modifications, thus is it a property of the number four that equations of the fourth degree can be solves whereas of equations of the fifth degree cannot.  The necessary statement of the number four therefore is that among other things - it is an apex and simultaneously the end of a preceding ascent.  Since with each additional unit, one or more new mathematical properties appear, the statements attain such a complexity that they can no longer be formulated.  The infinite series of natural numbers corresponds to the infinite number of individual creatures. 
• That series likewise consists of individuals and the properties of its first ten members represent if they represent anything at all, an abstract cosmogony derived from the monad.  The properties of numbers are however, simultaneously properties of matter, for which reason, certain equations can anticipate it's behavior.
• Mathematical statements are likewise capable of pointing to irrepresentable realities beyond themselves, such, for example, as those products of the imagination which enjoy universal acceptance or are distinguished by their frequency of their occurrence, like the whole class of archetypal motifs - just as in the case of some factors in mathematical equations.  We cannot say to what physical realities they correspond.  So in the case of some mythological products we do not know at first to what psychic realities they refer.
• We have long been in possession of mythologies which express the dynamics of certain subliminal processes.  
• The maximum awareness which has been attained anywhere forms, so it seems, the upper limit of knowledge to which the dead can attain - that is probably why earthly life is of such great significance and why it is that what a human being brings over at the time of his death is so important. 
• Only here, in life on Earth, where the opposites clash together can the general level of consciousness be raised.  That seems to be man's metaphysical task, which he cannot accomplish without mythologizing. 
• Myth is the natural and indispensable intermediate stage between unconscious and conscious cognition.
• True, the unconscious knows more than consciousness does.  But it is knowledge of a special sort.
• Knowledge in eternity, usually without reference to the here and now - not couched in language of the intellect.  Only when we let its statements amplify themselves as has been shown above by the example of numerals - does it come within the range of our understanding.  
• Only then does a new aspect become perceptible to us.
• This process is convincingly repeated in every successful dream analysis.  That is why it is so important not to have any preconceived doctrinaire opinions about the statements made by dreams - as soon as a certain monotony of interpretations strikes us, we know that our approach has become doctrinaire.  And hence, sterile.
• There is no way to prove continuance of the soul after death, there are nevertheless experiences which make us thoughtful.  Take them as hints. 
• I will continue the rest of this in the post below as this website only allows two days of editing per page - which, personally, I find to be limiting - and somewhat pointless of a rule altogether.  I still believe in as little interference as possible.  Stopped at... roughly 32-33 minutes in.

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Notes:

• "Dominos Redemption Wizard" - Hahaha - it is all down to culture.  You guys/aliens/angels/whathaveyou communicate through that.  What is it like to be something that can own and create any experience on the drop of a dime?  That's my intention, to Know that.  When I look beautiful landscapes, it feels as though it's Mine.  That there is a distant memory of creating such things.  Guess I don't have to be the one to go hungry.
  
• Peter has made three videos on this, his syncs started 20 years ago and have been getting more intense, frequent and complex.  
• They lead him to the path of discovering  the mechanism that lead to the nature of our reality, it got so complicated that it eventually allowed him to understand how to shape this reality to be what we want it to be.
• He plans to make a series of phenomena that he has documented that he has not found described elsewhere.  Sounds similar to my experiences, but I have a feeling that they probably have been documented elsewhere - as all of mine I find to have explanations for within other content, and I don't believe that within spirituality that there is anything new under the sun in regards to what we have to work with at this point in time, but I'm willing to hear about what you have to say on this Mr. 434.
• His synchronicities continued to manifest after making his first few videos.  He sees this number everywhere - coincidentally, when channeling the alien for the first time - when it came to be, my journal entry was posted at this time.  "434", and the Pentagon made - yet another announcement on UFOs around this time as well.  Syncs are hard to explain from the outside because the sign generally comes along with a person's history, their path, spirits or beings they have communicated with, shadow work, and awakenings - and so what could be contained within a single sign could have a volume of meaning to the person who finds it - whereas from the outside it looks much more "simplistic". 
• Beings do this because they exist outside of our dimension and can move through timelines and can create domino effects of meaning that are supposed to lead you to your best self if you learn from them.  You're not supposed to bring others into it - they are supposed to collect their own and bring those to the table - otherwise you have people who lose connection their own stories/codex.
• 434 sees a lot of this number, mine tend to shift around - for a while I was seeing a red ball - that indicated to me, to be the sun.  I had gotten a taste of cultural/familial/self karma and was trying to find a way out of it and still am - it felt like my soul was disconnected from my body - that the collective had attempted to remove me - and this spirit saw this and has/is doing what it can to change this because those who severed my cord were not worthy or educated enough to have done so.  The judgement was deemed abuse by spirits themselves.  I look over at the mag I bought, with the wolf on it - half wolf, half growth and each time I speak truth and it is clear, the world comes alive - it says, "You ARE growing - don't let anyone convince you that you are not."  I am doing well, this guardian that is with me has a very level eye.  So I can't lose that energy, there is a lot on the line for me.  434 I appreciate the work you do, it is a good reflection of reality for me and helps me to see that I am moving in the right direction.  I know exactly what you are talking about with so many of these things.  They give me the same message - they are whatever is behind the illusion that human senses create.
• He goes on to explain all of his synchronicities and how these play out over time and interconnect.
• These examples are explained by skeptics as a combination of human psychology and laws of probability, and if you look at these examples from the mathematical perspective, the odds of seeing a particular three digit number are uncommon and improbable, but can still be explained as random - however some of his syncs get into the odds of one to forty-five million - thus a mathematical impossibility - which can "never happen."
• In order to understand this, you need to understand the algorithmic nature of our reality (I had a whole journal on this from last summer where I brought this very knowledge up from the mother/world tree in the backyard, by sitting underneath it and observing nature for a few weeks - I hoped to get back into those two or three journals again but I don't have access to it - 6 months after that I started to play with 4D reality and collapsing it and stuff and it seemed to be somewhat fruitful, again, I don't have that either.  I guess it is on me for deleting them and I regret it because I would have the full paper trail to this.  It is a relief to see him talking about these same things; I appreciate it immensely.  I used the fibonacci sequence as well when starting the first key chain.)
• Pretty much everything is algorithmic in nature - golden ratio, phi, fibonacci sequence - they all represent the portion of natural objects and man made systems governed by the number 1.61808.  
• If you were to look closely at everything around you and even you yourself, you would discover that the whole world is based on this number.  Math, geometry, plants and living organisms, arts, music and even financial markets.  You can discover this number in radiation and vibration, waves and hurricanes.'
• In nature, for example it would be the bee colony male to female ratio, which is one to 1.618.
• You can see this in our DNA code where both are double helix and single DNA molecule, are structures according to this number.  Your whole body is built based on these proportions, even language and syntax are algorithmic in nature as it is the expression of your DNA codes.
• The phi number in nature allows for the most optimal results and the same applies to anything humans create.  It will work if it is done with the golden ratio within it.
• Our reality is based and runs on code.  Synchronicities are an expression of this code constantly running in the background - seashells, broccoli, sunflowers, trees, all fractals proving reality is built on mathematical equations.
• Randomness in this reality is very rare and difficult to achieve. (When I met these beings they said the same thing, that me waking up to them was not supposed to happen because they use math in order to determine such things and it is so precise that when deviations from this happen it is something that they feel the need to observe.  My first contact was in 2012.)
• Chaos in creation is the domain of humans, but harmony of form is present everywhere in nature.  This reality is limited in permutations, the possibilities are very finite.  It is permanently stuck to the baseline of this existence and it takes one psychedelic experience to look behind the boundaries of this realm to understand how generic our surroundings are.  It all means that there are simple, contact mathematical rules governing this reality.
• The key to understanding this reality:  There is a bridge connecting the mathematical properties of the physical realm and the arithmetical features of the emotional sphere of human existence.  Our heartbeat produces a phi relationship in the T wave of the electrocardiogram that represents a state of peace and harmony.
• The code is present in our body internally and understanding it is the key to well being.  If you follow your heartbeats algorithm, you will understand the principals love, joy and hope.
• Water treated with love and respect creates well defined regular structure in frozen form, indicating a connection between mathematical properties of both the physical and the emotional realm.
• All synchronicities come from the same place.  The energy.  They are all generated.  We are slowly discovering the equations governing the creation process of these synchronicities in the emotional sphere as the phi number governs the mathematical balance and regularity in the physical world.
• Sooner or later we will come up with the exact emotional golden ratio formula, but it is possible that we already have something close to it.
• 434 - love, joy, hope - is probably the closest to what we could use as a universal metaphysical key to our lives because these values are present in every religion and all ancient spiritual teachings.
• To access and benefit from the positive results of the supernatural nature of this reality, one simply needs to live in accordance to these values.
• 434 has never had a negative connotation from this. 
• Once you train yourself in seeing the code, you'll gain powerful abilities.  Keep in mind synchronicity is equal synchronization - if you are capable of reading syncs, it means you are aligned with the code behind this reality.
• It also means you are capable of syncing with others who see these code expressions and in the same way, as synchronized footsteps can bring down a bridge, a united force of inner frequencies of a collective can become an incredibly powerful tool at impacting reality.
• Unity of high frequency individuals creates a powerful synergistic effect.  Remember that being able to see and acknowledge synchronicity means that you are not a projected element of this reality. 
• You are observing the code where everyone else is a part of the code, that means your consciousness is the real deal.  And it should be an important revelation for you.
• The synchronicities are the key to a much greater truth and you cannot be passively waiting for them to appear.  You need to engage in acknowledging and learning about this process in everything you do.
• They are a measuring tool for your interaction with the training simulation and their appearance indicates your level of alignment with your goal in this reality.
• It is a glimpse into who you are supposed to be here.  Because you have impact on the running of this training program, you observing syncs means seeing this source code of this program and connecting with it.
• You decide which part of it you want to interact with it, and if you want to deal with your reaction to seeing this source code, that's fine, you can concentrate on this as you interact with the energy, it is also a form of appreciating and acknowledging the source of all there is.
• The creator, God, angels, spirits, machine elves, syncs, they all stand for divine presence in your life.  They are the language of non-earthly communication.  It is a signal to reprogram yourself to be aligned with the energy and its communication attempts.  
• Synchronicities are the manifestation of Energy's world without boundaries.  It is to show you that you are only limited by your earthly belief system, to show you there is a complex metaphysical mechanism operating this reality that most people deny themselves access to.
• Since you come from the energy and it manifests itself around you in the form of your environment and reality, syncs indicate your interaction with this all creating force, which means that syncs signal the moment when you interact with yourself.
• It's an interaction of your higher self with your earthly self.  They get more intense as you start observing them because the energy wants to indicate to you that in this earthly reality you are the source of all there is.

?️Must be a full moon soon - check it - tonight.  Peace dove in the clouds

 

Edited April 27, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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You only want it when you lose it
There's nothing wrong with being choosy
But you get borderline abusive
When you trade money for the music

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النية: أرجو أن ترسلوا أولئك الذين يريدون عمداً إلحاق الأذى بي ومن أساءوا إلي ليرجعوا ذلك الدم بالكامل لا تضر الجهلة. آمين.

أعز أم كالي ، انظر بعين ثاقبة وبحكمك - أفضل بكثير من رأيي - افعل ما تعتقد أنه صحيح ، لما تم القيام به من جميع الجوانب - لتوضيح الكارما حتى أكون خالية من كل هؤلاء الناس إلى الأبد. آمين.

The words amen at the end are retranslated into "trustworthy".  Thank you, Kali.
I don't agree with it, but the Gods have spoken.  Lucky you...

"Everything has beauty, but not everyone can See the city that fell asleep in the fog."

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This is a continuation of the notes from Carl Jung's lecture on Life After Death - starting around the 32 minute mark - my time limit is up for the above entry and so I will resume it here in increments:

Notes:

• Jung had a friend that had died that he met in a dream, he followed the friend into a garden and library and he pulled out a stool in the dream and the same one was there in the vision as well as the same books - "The Legacy of the Dead" was the title of the series of books.
• Jung's mother died and he had a dream about her.  He was deeply shaken for it had come with unexpected suddenness.  The night before her death he had a dream.  He was in a dense, gloomy forest, fantastic, gigantic boulders lay about among huge jungle like trees.  It was a heroic, primeval landscape.  Suddenly he heard a piercing whistle that seemed to resound through the whole universe.  Then there were crashings in the underbrush and a gigantic wolfhound with a fearful gaping maw burst forth.  At the sight of it, the blood froze in his veins.  It tore past him and he knew the wild huntsman had commanded it to carry away a human soul.  He woke in deadly terror, and the next morning his mother had died.  (As I write, I have it at .25 to jot down notes - and the words are now coming alive with someone/something through intention and belief - previously I sung this song below for a few minutes - with the intent that blame cease forevermore across all walks of life for all humanity - because it's making communication foggy and is distorting my work.  Tower of Babel.  Also, to sit and to allow "human-ness" - in case this is karmically what I should accept within myself.)

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Maybe I'm foolish
Maybe I'm blind
Thinking I can see through this
And see what's behind
Got no way to prove it
So maybe I'm blind
But I'm only human after all

Take a look in the mirror
And what do you see
Do you see it clearer
Or are you deceived
In what you believe

• It seemed to say that the Devil had fetched her, but to be accurate, the dream said it was the wild huntsman, the gundholt, or wearer of the green hat, who hunted with his wolves that night.  It was the season of Fohn storms in January.  It was Wotan, the God of my Alemannic ancestors who had gathered my mother to her ancestors.  Negatively, to the wild horde, but positively to the blessed folk.  It was the Christian Missionaries who turned Wotan into a Devil.  He is an important God, a Mercury or Hermes as the Romans correctly realized.  A nature spirit who returned to life again in the Merlin of the grail legend and became as the spiritus mercurialis.  The sought-after arcanum of the alchemists.
• Thus the dream says that the soul of his mother was taken into that greater territory of the Self, which lies beyond the segment of Christian morality.  Taken into that wholeness of nature, and spirit.  In which conflicts and contradictions are resolved.
• He went home and while riding the night train he had a feeling of great grief, but in his heart of hearts he could not be mournful.  And this for a strange reason - during the entire journey, he continually heard dance music.  Laughter.  And jollity.  As though a wedding were being celebrated.
• This contrasted violently with the devastating impression the dream had made on him.  One the one hand, music and laughter and it was impossible to yield entirely to his sorrow.  Again and again it was on the point of overwhelming him.  But the next moment he would find himself once more engulfed by the cheerful melodies.  
• One side was warm and joyful and the other of terror and grief.  He was thrown back and forth between these contrasting emotions.
• This paradox can be explained if we suppose that at one moment death was being represented from the point of view of the ego.  And at the next, from that of the psyche.  In the first case, it appeared as a catastrophe that is how it so often strikes us.  As if wicked and pettiless powers had put an end to human life.
• And so it is death is indeed a fearful piece of brutality.  There is no sense pretending otherwise.
• It is brutal not only as a physical event, but far more so psychically.  A human being is torn away from us, and what remains is the icy stillness of death.  There no longer exists any hope of a relationship.  For all the bridges have been smashed in one blow.
• Those who deserve a long life are cut off in the prime of their years, and good for nothings live to a ripe old age.  This is a cruel reality which we have no right to sidestep. 
• The actual experience of the cruelty and wantonness of death can so embitter us that we conclude there is no merciful God.  No justice and no kindness. 
• From another point of view, however, death appears as a joyful event.  In the light of eternity, it is a wedding.  The soul attains as it were, its missing half.  It achieves wholeness.
• Many cultures view death as a celebration of this return to wholeness.
• He had a dream of his father who looked refreshed, they went into Jung's library and spoke to one another and to show off his home and family, his books that he had written - but he saw that his father was preoccupied.  His father wanted something from him.  His father asked him about marital psychology, but then he awoke - and realized later that it might have had to do with his mother's death.
• The marriage was not happy and they made typical mistakes couples make.  The dream was a forecast of his mother's death.  He would have to resume the relationship again but had no better understanding in this timeless state, and needed to speak to someone among the living who would have a fresh approach.
• Since the unconscious, as the result of it's spatio-temporal relativity possesses better sources of information than the conscious mind, which has only sense perceptions available to it - we are dependent for our myth of life after death upon the meager hints of dreams and similar spontaneous revelations from the unconscious.

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People, can you hear me?
Hear the message that I'm sending out
I've got the answers to all your problems
And tonight I'll be singing it loud

Just surrender yourself to the rhythm
Put your hands up in the sky
Feel the energy deep inside your system
And leave this world behind

Leave the world behind you

Psychological Murder - How abusers get away with it and how to identify it

• We cannot attribute to these illusions the value of knowledge let alone prove - they can, however, serve as suitable bases for mythic amplifications. 
• They give the intellect the raw material which is indispensable for its vitality.  Cut off the intermediary world of mythic imagination and the mind falls prey to doctrinaire rigities. 
• On the other hand, too much traffic with these germs of myth is dangerous for weak and suggestible minds, for they're lead to mistake vague intimations for substantial knowledge.
• One widespread myth of the hereafter is formed by the ideas and images centering on reincarnation.  India has a highly complex intellectual culture and is much older than the West - the idea of reincarnation is as much taken for granted as among us the idea that God created the world. 
• In keeping with the spirit of the East, the succession of birth and death is viewed as an endless continuity.  As an eternal wheel rolling on forever without a goal - man lives and attains knowledges and dies and begins again from the beginning, only with the Buddha does the idea of a goal emerge.  
• Namely the overcoming of earthly existence.  The mythic needs of the Occidental call for an evolutionary cosmogony with a beginning and a goal.  The Occidental rebels against a cosmogony with a beginning and mere end.  Just as he cannot accept that the idea of a static self contained eternal cycle of events.
• The Oriental on the other hand seems to be able to come to terms with this idea.  Apparently there is no unanimous feeling about the nature of the world anymore than there is general agreement among contemporary astronomers on this question.
• To Western man, the meaninglessness of a merely static universe is unbearable.  He must assume that it has meaning.
• The Oriental does not need to make this assumption, rather he embodies it, whereas the Occidental feels the need to complete the meaning of the world - and strives for the fulfillment of meaning in man, where the Oriental strives for the fulfillment of meaning in man stripping the world and existence from himself.  Both are right.
• Western man seems predominantly extroverted, Eastern man predominantly introverted.
• The former projects the meaning and considers that it exists in objects. 
• The later feels the meaning in himself, but the meaning is both without and within.
• The idea of rebirth is inseparable from that of karma - the crucial question is whether a man's karma is personal or not.  If it is - then the preordained destiny with which a man enters life represents an achievement from previous lives and a personal continuity therefore exists.
• If however, this is not so - and an impersonal karma is seized upon in the act of birth, then that karma is incarnated again without there being any personal continuity.
• Buddha was twice asked by his disciples whether man's karma is personal or not - each time he fended off the question and did not go into the matter.
• "To know this would not contribute to liberating one's self from the illusion of existence."  

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I'm a buzzkill, I'm a broken one
I'm a victim of the things you've done
I'm a phantom of who I thought I was
Ever since you, ever since you

I don't talk about it
Unless I make a joke about it
That's just what you want? Huh?
That's just what you want?

Walking on the ceiling
Getting used to never feeling
You still having fun, huh?
I don't trust no one

I won't keep your secrets now
You can't keep my volume down

I'm a buzzkill, gonna kill your high
'Cause I'm pissed off, I think you'd know why
And you're scared now, 'cause receipts don't lie
Ever since you, ever since you

Fucked up, haven't made a sound
Got me upset, now I'm getting loud
Better watch me burn this whole place down
Ever since you, ever since you

Know what you did
Don't let it happen again
I pray for the kid
That calls you a friend
You pulled them right in
Told them their sins

Holy motherfucker
Do you have something to say?
'Cause this is the beginning
Of the price you're gonna pay

I won't keep your secrets now
You can't keep my volume down

I'm a buzzkill, gonna kill your high
'Cause I'm pissed off, I think you'd know why
And you're scared now, 'cause receipts don't lie
Ever since you, ever since you

Fucked up, haven't made a sound
Got me upset, now I'm getting loud
Better watch me burn this whole place down
Ever since you, ever since you

• Coercive control - getting out
• Layered effects of covert emotional abuse and double abuse
• Coercive control

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Coercive control is a strategic pattern of behaviour designed to exploit, control, create dependency and dominate. The victim’s every day existence is micro managed and her space for action as well as potential as a human being is limited and controlled by the abuser.

This dangerous form of abuse relies on a range of behaviours or actions that can be very subtle and nuanced. The intention is to exploit and dominate and to ultimately deprive the victim of their most basic rights and needs. Over time, the victim may lose the very essence of being, the sense of who they are, their likes and dislikes, rendering their needs and desires irrelevant – hence hostage taking and living under an enforced regime.

Coercive Control is Akin to Brainwashing

The art of brainwashing is sophisticated. The abuser replaces the victim’s inner narrative and thoughts with their own. Gradually, the victim’s voice is eroded and replaced with the abuser’s narrative – their views, needs, desires, wants which is placed above all else.

The behaviours can be very different in each case because it depends on the victimology. It’s very idiosyncratic to the victim and tailor-made as a plan to target them. And it can happen to anyone.

These behaviours can include strategies such as pseudo-caring tactics that appear to be attentive and thoughtful, while in reality the perpetrator is actually just micro managing the victim and limiting their space for action. They may appear super attentive and into the victim in the beginning, but all the while they may be social engineering and data mining and storing up information about the intended victim or creating an atmosphere of co-dependence.

When we understand coercive control, it’s really about utter domination.

• Buddha considered it far more useful for his students to meditate upon the Nidana chain that is upon birth, life, old age and death - and upon the cause and effect of suffering.
• I know no answer to the question of whether the karma which I lived is the outcome of my past lives or whether it is not rather the achievement of my ancestors whose heritage comes together in me. 
• Am I a combination of the lives of these ancestors, and do I embody these lives again?
• Have I lived before in the past as a specific personality and did I progress so far in that life that I am now able to seek a solution?  I do not know...
• Buddha left the question open - he himself did not know with certainty.
• I could well imagine that I might have lived in former centuries, and therefore encountered questions I was not yet able to answer.  That I had to be born again because I had not fulfilled the task that was given to me.
• When I die, my deeds will follow along with me - that is how I imagine it.  I will bring with me what I have done.  In the meantime it is important to ensure that I do not stand at the end with empty hands.
• Buddha had this thought when he tried to keep his students from wasting time on useless speculation.
• The meaning of my existence is that life has addressed a question to me.  Or conversely, I myself am a question, which is addressed to the world and I must communicate my answer - for otherwise I am dependent upon the world's answer.  That is a supra personal life task, which I accomplish only by effort and with great difficulty. 
• Perhaps it is a question which preoccupied by ancestors.  And which they could not answer. (As I sit here, writing this - this Being speaks.  I don't know who it is - the artwork comes from a song called "Stuck in a Timeloop".  The Gods must have a slow, drawn, deliberate way of using words - that carry - like playing something of intellectual/metaphyisical substance at .25 and fully understanding what is said, words become LUSTROUS; golden, liquid and FELT - and I will bet the words circle around like that, too - in waves of information, sound, and whathaveyou.  I've gotten about ten other signs from the other side, but they come in so fast and there is too much information within them to be able to write it out - which is as it usually goes.  There are major things happening across the planet that will change things in one way or another, for better or worse, I don't know - and all the intelligences collected over billions of years culminating into this One Singular moment, and the energy, life, karma, nature, consciousness, awareness... I could make a long list... the witnesses for this event are leviathans.  This really is, if there is ever a time - it would be happening Now.  It seems odd to say this, because i know that a lot of people have said so in the past - but I can SEE it and FEEL it and KNOW it.  And with how the world is changing the way that it is - and the cosmologies that we have... I can't explain it, but the tipping point for everyone is sneaking up and no one can really see it, and I don't know what it is other than an inner knowing, and a process much like Jung's - but at the end of the day you can never fully be sure up until the end.  I feel like I am starting to get a good grasp on this, though - but it is not translatable into language.  As above, so below.  This is especially pertinent to witches/shamans/moons/sorcerers because we have access to some sort of thing that reaches out from the other side.  I wonder how they will appear for different people?  And I don't much care if people believe me or not, and I don't want anyone to follow me because I am just learning and exploring.  I feel that makes me authentic, for those reasons - this morning, a shift in energy - there aren't signs anymore so much as rapid succession of the environment giving me clues about how this reality works - mythology is personal.)

• The dionysians' side of life to with the Christian seems to have lost the way.
• Or is the the restless Wotan Hermes of my ancestors who poses challenging riddles?
• Would I feel to be the resultant of my ancestors lives?  Or a karma acquired in a previous personal life might perhaps equally be an impersonal archetype which today presses hard on everyone and has taken a particular hold upon me.  
• An archetype such as, for example, the development over the centuries of the divine triad and its confrontation with the feminine principle?
• Or the still pending answer to the gnostic question, as to the origin of evil, or to put it another way - the incompleteness of the Christian God image.
• Through the achievement of an individual, a question enters the world - to which he must provide some kind of answer. 
• For example - my way of posing the question as well as my answer may be unsatisfactory - that being so - someone who has my karma or I myself would have to be reborn in order to give a more complete answer.
• It might have been that I would not be reborn again so long as the world needed no such answer.  And that I would be entitled to several hundred years of peace until someone was once more needed who took an interest in these matters and could profitably tackle the task aknew. 
• For a while a period of rest could ensue until the stint done in the previous lifetime needed to be taken up again.
• The question of karma is obscured to me.  As is also the problem of personal rebirth, or of the transmigration of souls.
• With a free and open mind, I listen attentively to the Indian doctrine of rebirth and look around at the world of my own experience to see whether somewhere and somehow there is some authentic signs pointing toward reincarnation.
• A belief is only the phenomenon of belief, not the content of the belief.
• Jung had a series of dreams that gave him insight into reincarnation but did not find proof in the outer world, but after the experience viewed reincarnation with a new lense - thought without being in a position to assert a definitive opinion.
• If we assume life continues there we cannot conceive of any other form of existence except a psychic one.  For the life of the psyche requires no space - and no time.  Psychic existence and above all the inner images with which we are here concerned - supply the material for all the mythic speculations about a life in the here after.
• He imagines that life as a continuance in the world of images - thus the psyche might be that existence in which the hereafter, with a land of the dead, is located.
• From this psychological point of view, life in the here after would seem to be a logical continuation of the psychic life of old age.  With increasing age, contemplation and reflection, the inner images naturally play an ever greater part in man's life.
• Your old men shall dream dreams that to be sure presupposes that the psyches of the old man have not become wooden, or entirely petrified.
• In old age, one begins to let memories unroll before the mind's eye, and musings to recognize one's self in the inner and outer images of the past. 
• This is like a preparation for an existence in the hereafter - just as in Plato's view philosophy is a preparation for death.
• The inner images keep me from getting lost in personal retrospection.  Many old people become too involved in their reconstruction of past events.  They remain imprisoned in these memories.  But if it is reflective and is translated into images, this is beneficial.
• Try to see the line that leads through your life into the world and out of the world again.
• In general, the conception people form of the hereafter is largely made up of wishful thinking and prejudices.
• Thus in most conceptions, the hereafter is pictured as a pleasant place that does not seem so obvious to me, I hardly think that after death - we shall be sprinted to some lovely flowering meadow - if everything were pleasant and good in the hereafter, truly there would be some friendly communication between us and the blessed spirits. 
• And an outpouring upon us of goodness and beauty from the prenatal state - but there is nothing of the sort.  Why is there this insurmountable barrier between the departed and the living?  At least half the reports of encounters with the dead tell of terrifying experiences with dark spirits, and it is the rule that the land of the dead observes icy silence, unperturbed by the grief of the bereaved.  
• The world is far too unitary for there to be a hereafter in which the rule of opposites is completely absent.  There too is nature, which after its fashion is also God's.  The world into which we enter after death will be grand and terrible - like God and like all of nature that we know.
• Suffering does not entirely cease, granted that what I experienced in my 1944 visions, liberation from the burden of the body, and perception of meaning - gave me the deepest bliss.  Nevertheless, there was darkness, too.  And strange cessation of human warmth,
• If there were no imperfections, no primordial defect in the ground of creation - why should there be any urge to create?  Any longing for what must be yet fulfilled?  Why should the Gods be the least bit concerned about man and creation, about the continuation of the Nidara chain to infinity?
• After all, the Buddha opposes to the painful illusion of existence, as quote none - and the Christian hopes for the swift coming of this world's end.  It seems probable that in the hereafter too, there exists certain limitations, but that the souls of the dead only gradually find out where the limits of the liberated state lie.
• Somewhere out there, there must be a determinant.  A necessity conditioning of the world which seeks to put an end to the after death state.  This creative determinant - so I imagine it, must decide what souls will plunge again into birth.  Certain souls, I imagine, feel the state of three dimensional existence to be more blissful than that of eternity.  But perhaps that depends on how much of completeness or incompleteness they have taken across with them from their human existence. 
• It is possible that any further spell of three dimensional life would have no more meaning, once the soul had reached a certain stage of understanding.  It would then no longer have to return, fuller understanding having put to route the desire for re-embodiment.
• Then the soul would vanish from the three dimensional world and attain what the Buddhists call Nirvana.
• But if a karma still remains to be disposed of, then the soul relapses again into desires and returns to life once more.  Perhaps even doing so, out of the realization that something remains to be completed.
• It must have been primarily a passionate urge toward understanding, which brought about my birth.  For that is the strongest element in my nature.
• This insatiable drive toward understanding has, as it were, created a consciousness in order to know what is and what happens, and in order to piece together mythic conceptions from the slender hands of the unknowable. 
• We lack concrete proof that anything of us is preserved for eternity, at most we can say that there is some probability that something out of our psyche continues beyond physical death.  Whether what continues to exist is conscious of itself, we do not know either.  We feel the need to form some opinion on this question, we might possibly consider what has been learned from the phenomena of psychic dissociation.
• In most cases, where a split off complex manifests itself it does so in the form of a personality.  As if the complex had a consciousness of itself.  Thus the voices is heard by the insane are personified. 
• I dealt with this phenomenon of personified complexes in my doctoral dissertation.  We might, if we wish, adduce these complexes as evidence for a continuity of consciousness.
• Likewise, in favour of such an assumption are certain astonishing observations in cases of profound syncope after acute injuries to the brain and in severe states of collapse.
• In both situations, total loss of consciousness can be accompanied by perceptions of the outside world, and vivid dream experiences. 
• Since the cerebral cortex, the seat of consciousness is not functioning at these times, there is as yet, no explanation for such phenomena.
• They may be evidence for at least a subjective persistence of the capacity for consciousness.  Even in a state of apparent unconsciousness, the problem of the relationship between eternal man, the self and earthly man - in time and space, was illuminated by two dreams of mind.  
• In one dream, which I had in October - 1958, I caught sight from my house of two lense shaped metallic gleaming discs which hurtled in a narrow arch of the house and down to the lake.  They were two UFOs.
• Then another body came flying directly toward me.  It was a perfectly circular lense, like the objective of a telescope.
• At a distance of four or five hundred yards it stood still for a moment and then flew off.  Immediately afterward, another came speeding through the air, a lense with a metallic extension which lead to a box.
• A magic lantern.
• At a distance of 60 or 70 yards, it stood still in the air, pointing straight at me.  I awoke with a feeling of astonishment.
• Still, half in the dream, the thought passed through my head.  We always think that the UFOs are projections of ours.  Now it turns out that we are their projections.
• I am projected by the magic lantern as C.J. Jung, but who manipulates the apparatus? 

Quote

Finally I'm sure
Really I don't care
Feeling like a I got this crystal ball
So whatever comes I've seen it all

Ain't living in the best
I'm good to go
First think till the last
I'm good to go
Ain't living in the best
I'm good to go, good to go

• I had dreamed once before of the problem of the self and the ego.  In that earlier dream, I was on a hiking trip.  I was walking along a little road through a hilly landscape.  The sun was shining, and I had a wide view in all directions.  Then I came to a small wayside chapel.  The door was ajar and I went in.  To my surprise, there was no image of the virgin on the altar and no crucifix either, but only a wonderful flower arrangement.  But then I saw that on the floor in front of the altar facing me sat a yogi in lotus posture in deep meditation.  When I looked at him more closely, I realized that he had my face.
• I startled in profound fright and awoke with the thought - "Aha!" - so he is the one who is meditating me.  He has a dream.  And I am it.  I knew then, when he awakened I would no longer be.  I had this dream after my illness in 1944.  It is a parable.
• My self retires into meditation and medites my earthly form.  To put it another way, it assumes human shape in order to enter three dimensional existence.  As if someone were putting on a diver's suit in order to dive into the sea.
• When it renounces existence in the hereafter, the self assumes a religious posture as the chapel in the dream shows.
• In earthly form, it can pass through the experiences of the three dimensional world.  And by greater awareness, take a further step toward realization.  The figure of the yogi then, would more or less represent my unconscious prenatal wholeness and the far East, as is often the case in dreams a psychic state, alien, and opposed to our own.
• Like the magic lantern, the yogi's meditation projects my empirical reality.
• As a rule, we see this causal relationship in reverse.  In the products of the unconscious we discover mandala symbols, which express wholeness and whenever we wish to express wholeness, we employ just such figures.
• Our basis is ego consciousness.  Our world, the field of light centered upon the focal point of the ego - from that point, we look out upon an enigmatic world of obscurity.  Never knowing to what extent the shadow we form we see are caused by our consciousness.
• Or possess a reality of their own.
• The superficial observer is content with the first assumption, but closer studies show that as a rule - the images of the unconscious are not produced by the consciousness.  But have a reality and spontaneity of their own.
• Nevertheless, we regard them as mere marginal phenomena.  The aim of both these dreams is to affect a reversal of the relationship between ego consciousness and the unconscious.  
• And to represent the unconscious as the generator of the empirical personality.  This reversal suggests that in the opinion of the other side, our unconscious existence is the real one.  And out conscious world, a kind of illusion.  An apparent reality constructed for a specific purpose.
• Like a dream which seems a reality as long as we are in it.
• It is clear that this state of affairs resembled very closely to the Oriental conception of Maya.
• Unconscious wholeness therefore seems the true spirit of all biological and psychic events and strives for total realization, which in man's case, signifies the attainment of total consciousness.
• Attainment of consciousness is culture in the broadest sense, and self knowledge is therefore the heart and essence of this process.
• The Oriental attributes unquestionably divine significance to the self and according to the ancient Christian view, self knowledge is the road to knowledge of God.
• The decisive question for man is, is he related to something infinite or not?  That is the telling question of his life.
• Only if we know that the thing which truly matters is the infinite, can we avoid fixing our interest upon futilities.  And upon all kinds of goals which are not of real importance.  
• Thus we demand that the world grant us recognition for qualities which we regard as personal possessions.  Our talent or our beauty.
• The more man lays stress on false possessions, and the less sensitivity he has for what is essential, the less satisfying is his life.  He feels limited because he has limited aims.  And the result is envy and jealousy.
• If we understand and feel that here in this life we already have a link with the infinite, desires and attitudes change.  In the final analysis, we count for something only because of the essential we embody.
• And if we do not embody that, life is wasted.
• In our relationships to other men, too, the crucial question is whether an element of boundlessness is expressed in the relationship - the feeling for the infinite, however, can be attained only if we are bounded to the utmost.
• The greatest limitation for man is the self.  It is manifested in the experience "I Am" only that.  
• Only consciousness of our narrow confinement in the self forms the link to the limitlessness of the unconscious.  In such awareness, we experience ourselves concurrently as limited and eternal.  As both the one and the other.  In knowing ourselves to be unique in our personal combination, that is ultimately limited, we possess also the capacity for becoming conscious of the infinite.
• But only then in in an era which has concentrated exclusively upon extension of living space and increase of rational knowledge at all costs, it is a supreme challenge to ask man to become conscious of his uniqueness and his limitation.  
• Uniqueness and limitation are synonymous.  Without them, no perception of the unlimited is possible and consequently, no coming to consciousness either.  Merely a delusory identity with it which takes the form of intoxication.
• Our age has shifted all emphasis to the here and now, and thus brought about a demonization of man and his world.  The phenomenon of dictators and all the misery they have wrought springs from the fact that man has been robbed of transcendence by the short sightedness of the super intellectuals.  Like them, he has fallen a victim to unconsciousness, but man's task is the exact opposite.  

• To become conscious of the contents that press upward from the unconscious.  Neither should he persist in his unconsciousness.  Nor remain identical with the unconscious elements of his being. thus evading his destiny. 
• Which is to create more and more consciousness.  As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.  It may even be assumed that just as the unconscious affects us, so the increase in our consciousness affects the unconscious.  

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• 

From the bottom of my heart, I forgive you all.  Now please leave and don't ever come back.

Edited April 29, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

Quote

Quote

This book was dropped on the floor yesterday, it seemed purposefully done so - I opened the first page and what was written seems pertinent. 

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance:

In the dusk coming down the trail he saw a movement and then what seemed to be a dog approaching on the trail.  He wondered what would bring a dog to this obscene place at this time of evening.  He disliked dogs but this animal moved in a way that forestalled those feelings.  It seemed to be watching him and judging him.  Phaedrus stared into the animal’s eyes for a long time, and for a moment felt some kind of recognition.  Then the dog disappeared.

He realized much later it was a timber wolf, and the memory of this incident stayed with him a long time.  I think it stayed with him because he had seen a kind of image of himself.
A photograph can show a physical image in which time is static, and a mirror can show a physical image in which time is dynamic, but I think what he saw on the mountain was another kind of image altogether which was not physical and did not exist in time at all.  It was an image nevertheless and that is why he felt recognition.  It comes to me vividly now because I saw it again last night at that visage of Phaedrus himself.

Like that timber wolf on the mountain he had a kind of animal courage.  He went his own way with unconcern for consequences that sometimes stunned people, and stuns me now to hear about it.  He did not often swerve too right or too left.  I’ve discovered that.  But this courage didn’t arise from any idealistic idea of self-sacrifice, only from the intensity of his pursuit, and there was nothing noble about it.

I think his pursuit of the ghost of rationality occurred because he wanted to wreak revenge on it, because he felt he himself was so shaped by it.  He wanted to free himself from his own image.  He wanted to destroy it because the ghost was what he was and he wanted to be free from the bondage of his own identity.  In a strange way, this freedom was achieved.

This account of him must sound unworldly, but the most unworldly part of it is yet to come...

This is my own relationship with him.  This has been forestalled and obscured until now, but nevertheless must be known. 
I first discovered him by inference from a strange series of events many years ago.  One Friday I had gone to work and gotten quite a lot done before the weekend and was happy about that and later that day drove out to a party where, after talking to everybody too long and too loudly and drinking way too much, went into a back room to lie down a while.

When I awoke I saw that I'd slept the whole night, because now it was daylight, and I thought, "My God, I don't even know the name of the hosts!" and wondered what kind of embarrassment this was going to lead to.  The room didn't look like the room I had lain down in, but it had been dark and when I came in I must have been blind drunk anyway.
I got up and saw that my clothes were changed.  These were not the clothes I had worn the night before.  I walked out the door, but to my surprise the doorway led not to rooms of a house but into a long corridor.

As I walked down the corridor I got the impression that everyone was looking at me.  Three different times a stranger stopped me and asked how I felt.  Thinking they were referring to my drunken condition I replied that I didn't even have a hangover, which caused one of them to start to laugh, but then catch himself...
At a room at the end of the corridor I saw a table where there was activity of some sort going on.  I sat down nearby, hoping to remain unnoticed until I got all this figured out.  But a woman dressed in white came up to me and asked if I knew her name.  I read the little name clip on her blouse.  She didn't see that I was doing this and seemed amazed, and walked off in a hurry.

When she came back there was a man with her, and he was looking right at me.  He sat down next to me and asked me if I knew his name.  I told him what it was, and he was as surprised as they were that I knew it.
"It's very early for this to be happening."  He said.
"This looks like a hospital."  I said.
They agreed.
"How did I get here?"  I asked, thinking about the drunken party.  The man said nothing and the woman looked down.  Very little was explained.

It took me more than a week to deduce from the evidence around me that everything before my waking up was a dream and everything afterward was reality.  There was no basis for distinguishing the two other than the growing like of new events that seemed to argue against the drunk experience.  Little things appeared, like the locked door, the outside of which I could never remember seeing.  And a slip of paper from the probate court telling me that some person was committed as insane.  Did they mean me?
It was explained to me finally that, "You have a new personality now."  But this statement was no explanation at all.  It puzzled me more than ever since I had no awareness at all of any "old" personality.  If they had said, "You are a new personality," it would have been much clearer.  That would have fitted.  They had made the mistake of thinking of a personality as some sort of possession, like a suit of clothes, which a person wears.  But apart from personality what is there?  Some bones and flesh.  A collection of legal statistics, perhaps surely but no person.  The bones and flesh and legal statistics are the garments worn by the personality, not the other way around.
But who was the old personality whom they had known and assumed I was a continuation of?

This was my first inkling of the existence of Phaedrus, many years ago.  In the days and weeks and years that have followed, I have learned much more.

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“The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away. Puzzling.”

“You are never dedicated to something you have complete confidence in. No one is fanatically shouting that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. They know it's going to rise tomorrow. When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kinds of dogmas or goals, it's always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt.”

“The test of the machine is the satisfaction it gives you. There isn't any other test. If the machine produces tranquility it's right. If it disturbs you it's wrong until either the machine or your mind is changed.”

“To the untrained eye ego-climbing and selfless climbing may appear identical. Both kinds of climbers place one foot in front of the other. Both breathe in and out at the same rate. Both stop when tired. Both go forward when rested. But what a difference! The ego-climber is like an instrument that’s out of adjustment. He puts his foot down an instant too soon or too late. He’s likely to miss a beautiful passage of sunlight through the trees. He goes on when the sloppiness of his step shows he’s tired. He rests at odd times. He looks up the trail trying to see what’s ahead even when he knows what’s ahead because he just looked a second before. He goes too fast or too slow for the conditions and when he talks his talk is forever about somewhere else, something else. He’s here but he’s not here. He rejects the here, he’s unhappy with it, wants to be farther up the trail but when he gets there will be just as unhappy because then *it* will be “here”. What he’s looking for, what he wants, is all around him, but he doesn’t want that because it *is* all around him. Every step’s an effort, both physically and spiritually, because he imagines his goal to be external and distant.”

He was dead.  Destroyed by order of the court, enforced by the transmission of high-voltage alternating current through the lobes of his brain.  Approximately 800 mills of amperage at durations of 0.5 to 1.5 seconds had been applied on twenty-eight consecutive occasions, in a process known technologically as, "Annihilation ECS."  A whole personality had been liquidated without a trace in a technologically faultless act that has defined our relationship ever since.  I have never met him.  Never will.

And yet strange wisps of his memory suddenly match and fit this road and desert bluffs and white-hot sand all around us and there is a bizarre concurrence and then I know he has seen all of this.  He was here, otherwise I would not know it.  He had to be,  And in seeing these sudden coalescences of vision and in recall of some strange fragment of thought whose origin of vision I have no idea of, I'm like a clairvoyant spirit medium receiving messages from another world.  That is how it is.  I see things with my own eyes, and I see things with his eyes too.  He once owned them.

These EYES!  That is the terror of it.  These gloved hands I now look at, steering the motorcycle down the road, were once his!  And if you can understand the feeling that comes from that, then you can understand real fear - the fear that comes from knowing there is nowhere you can possibly run.

We enter a low-rimmed canyon.  Before long, a roadside stop I've been waiting for appears.  A few benches, a little building, and some tiny green trees with houses running to their bases.  John, so help me God, is at the exit on the other side, ready to pull out onto the highway.
I ignore this and pull up by the building.  Chris jumps off and we pull the machine back up on the stand.  The heat rises from the engine as if it were on fire, throwing off waves that distort everything around it.  Out of the corner of my eye I see the other cycle come back.  When they arrive they are both glaring at me.
Sylvia says, "We're just... angry!"
I shrug my shoulders and walk to the drinking fountain.
John says, "Where's all that stamina you were telling us about?"
I look at him for a second and see that he really is angry.  "I was afraid you took that too seriously."  I say, and then turn away.  I drink the water and it's alkaline, like soapy water.  I drink it anyway.
John goes into the building to soak his shirt with water.  I check the oil level.  The oil filter cap is so hot it burns my fingers right through the gloves.  The engine hasn't lost much oil.  The back tire tread is down a little more but still serviceable.  The chain is tight enough but a little dry so I oil it again to be safe.  The critical bolts are all tight enough.
John comes over dripping with water and says, "You go ahead this time, we'll stay behind."
"I won't go fast."  I say.
"That's alright," he says. "We'll get there."
So I go ahead and we take it slowly.  The road through the canyon doesn't straighten out into more of what we've been through, as I expected it would, but starts to wind upward.  Surprise.
Now the road meanders a little, now it cuts back away from the direction in which we should be going, then returns.  Soon it rises a little and then rises some more.  We are moving in angular directions into narrow devil's gaps, then upward again higher and a little higher each time.
Some shrubs appear.  Then small trees.  The road goes higher still into grass, then fenced meadows.

(My ex used to really like this song.  I always thought it sounded like a running rabbit.)
Overhead a small cloud appears.  Rain perhaps?  Perhaps.  Meadows must have rain.  And these now have flowers in them.  Strange how all this has changed.  Nothing to show it on the map.  And the consciousness of memory has disappeared too.  Phaedrus must not have come this way.  But there was no other road.  Strange.  it keeps rising upward.

The sun angles toward the cloud, which now has grown downward to touch the horizon above us, in which there are trees, pines and a cold wind comes down with pine smells from the trees.  The flowers in the meadow blow in the wind and the cycle leans a little and we are suddenly cool.

I look at Chris and he is smiling.  I am smiling, too.
Then the rain comes hard on the road with a gust of earth smell from the dust that has waited for too long and the dust beside the road is pocked with the first raindrops.
This is all so new.  And weare so in need of it, a new rain.  My clothes have become wet, and goggles are spattered, and chills start and feel delicious.  The cloud passes from beneath the sun and the forest of pines and small meadows gleams again, sparkling where the sunlight catches small drops of rain.
We reach the top of the climb dry again but cool now and stop, overlooking a huge valley and river below.
"I think we have arrived."  John says.
Sylvia and Christ have walked into the meadow among the flowers under pines through which I can see the far side of the valley, away and below.

I am a pioneer now, looking onto a promised land.

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"Fire for Light" 

Notes:

• tbc

• The Holy Spirit or Kundalini Shakti?
• What is Kundalini?

This energy is one of these two, but I am not sure which. 
I don't want to be dealing with kundalini, I hear it is very intense.  And not easily manageable. 

This is it!

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I know how to speak
And I know where I'm going
I wanted to seek
But I got distracted

It's a mirage
One that leaves me embarrassed
'Cause no one knows me like you
You know there's nothing left for you
So I continually knew
Try to pass it through for you
'Cause I bore you

Pestered by pain
It's time, listen honest
So let go of your shame
It's a dead, dampening blanket

It's a facade
I can look at you training
There's nobody else like you
I think I finally explained it
So I continue to move
Between the bank and the blanket
Don't fake it

I, I'm really gonna try this time
Gonna give you my heart in spite of my soul
I, I'm really gonna try this time
Gonna give you my heart in spite of my soul

I want your name
Burnt in my ceiling
Floats like a flame
An unpredictable wonder

You gave it all hope
And all the of this is a circle
There's nobody else like you
So many that came before you
This is the moment I choose
Between the hope and the hardest
So be honest

I'm really gonna try this time
Gonna give you my heart in spite of my soul
I'm really gonna try this time
Gonna give you my heart in spite of my soul

Notes:

• To understand kundalini first you have to imagine God as an infinite universe made of multiple universes - imagine this whole thing, which isn't really a thing, as a unified ocean.  An infinite ocean. 
• The universe as a whole fragmented in the same way a zygote fragmented in the same why a zygote divides in utero.
• This gives rise to polarity within the universe, such as male and female, conscious and unconscious, life and death.
• The polarity of life and death is what gave rise to the birth of kundalini.  Why?  Because kundalini is life/life force energy.
• tbc

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The lights were low enough, you guessed
You swapped your conscience with your fathers medication
Limped from Rome to Lawrenceville
And on the way wrote out a self-made declaration

And when you got to Pleasant Hill
You forced the traffic to erase your family demons
And made a pact with you and God
If you don't move I swear to you I'm gonna make ya

Do you need me?
Do you need me?
Do you need me?
Do you need me?

When the first officer arrived
It happened to be the high school bully of your brother
When you finally recognized
You felt some guilt that you had even let him touch you

Can you hear me? What's your name?
You could not speak just laid amazed at all the damage
And as the high school's letting out
All the kids saying the same thing that they used to

It's an alien
It's an alien
It's an alien
It's an alien

The lights are low enough, you guessed
Hospital food, there's never enough medication
The doctor asked about your ears
You said your mom said you were made from a revelation

The revelation never scares
If you came from your drunken dad and a pair of scissors
You just finally letting go?
Did you mean to take out all those people with you?

Didn't mean to
Didn't mean to
Didn't mean to
Didn't mean to

Oh I didn't mean to (Oh I didn't take the time to learn to let you go)
Oh I didn't mean to (Never letting go)
No I didn't mean to (Oh I didn't take the time to learn to let you go)
Oh I didn't mean to (Never letting go)

Time is here to take your last amendments and believe them on your own
Time is here to take you by the hand and leave you there alone
Time has come to take the last commandment and to carve it into stone
Time has come to take you by the hand and leave you here alone

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Fields of wheat
Bread and butter on our knees
Pretty soon, apart from the love we give and get back from our families
Nothing will be free
This isn't about me

It's about the avenues
Crescents, streets and lanes we've not been to
Windows we've not peeked through
Scuppered lives way out of sight
It isn't always about you

Fields of wheat
Fast forgetting basic needs
Becoming selfish through our scrolling thumbs
Dismissive, scared, uncomfortably numb
Depressive reveries
This bit is about me

Because I'm culpable, you see
In a bubble crying into food I bought so I could fill my face
Not because of need
What a fucking waste of wheat

Fields of wheat
Are you ready to be reaped?
Are you ready for the pinch you'll feel in fractured homes that will not heal?
Oh please believe
This isn't about me

 

Edited May 10, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Speak.

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Fingers of Light
The tree was nearly knocked over, so we built a city underneath it and it continued to grow.
I look to the left, on a black box with a winking golden sun - "The fruit of legendary perfection."
Some scissors with the words "Recollections" - the "I" has a heart.  "Remember you are loved."
I am sorry to the Earth Mother and Father for any ways I might have gone against the Light.
I did not know, I just simply couldn't look, even thought I could see You.  Always watching.
You were always enough.  I just... lost my connection somehow. 
(Accidently wrote in the word love.)
My soul has been corrupted here.  I wanted to reach the Light.  I have it, I think.
BELIEVE. 
To my right, I see a magazine - "It's been a long road."  With mirrored mountains.
We're finally heading in the right direction.  Follow your inner compass to one of these pristine destinations.

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Reset here.  Fresh snow.

 

Edited May 10, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Humility is the virtue.  They said it was significance, but it doesn't work well.
Humility is a telescope, and a microscope.

Calmly, feel myself evolving
Appalling, so much I'm not divulging
Been stalling, I think I hear applauding, they're calling
Mixtapes aren't my thing, but it's been awfully exhausting
Hanging onto songs this long is daunting (yeah)
Which caused me to have to make a call I thought was ballsy
Resulting in what you see today, proceed indulging
As always, the one trick pony's here, so quit your sulking

Born efficient, got ambition, sorta vicious, yup, that's me (woo)
Not artistic, unrealistic, chauvinistic, not those things
Go the distance, so prolific, posts are cryptic, move swiftly
Unsubmissive, the king of mischief
The golden ticket, rare sight to see

I stay committed, embrace the rigid
I'm playful with it, yeah, basically
Too great to mimic, you hate, you're bitter
No favoritism, that's fine with me
Create the riddles, portrayed uncivil
Unsafe a little, oh yes, indeed
It's plain and simple, I'm far from brittle
Unbreakable, you following?

I'm Bruce Willis in a train wreck
I'm like trading in your car for a new jet
I'm like having a boss getting upset
'Cause you asked him for less on your paycheck
I'm like doing headstands with a broke neck
I'm like watching your kid take his first steps
I'm like sayin' Bill Gates couldn't pay rent
'Cause he's too broke- where am I goin' with this?

Unbelievable, yes, yes, inconceivable
See myself as fairly reasonable
But at times I can be stubborn, so
If I have to, I will rock the boat
I don't tend to take the easy road
That's just not the way I like to roll
What you think's probably unfeasible
I've done already a hundredfold, a hundredfold

It's probable that I might press the envelope
Ideas so astronomical
Sometimes I find them comical
Yeah, incomparable
Replay value phenomenal
Beat selection remarkable
Slowing me down, impossible

I don't rock no Rollie's
I don't hang around no phonies (nope)
I don't really got no trophies
I don't know why God chose me (I don't know)
Got something in the cup, ain't codeine (never)
Change my style, they told me
Now they come around like, "Homie"
Man, y'all better back up slowly, back up slowly

Woo, who are you kidding?
How could you doubt me? I've always delivered
Ripping the teeth out of the back of my mouth's
The closest you get to my wisdom
See my initial thought was to wait
But what can I say? I had to come visit
Check on you guys, you doin' alright?
Your year really sucked? Yeah, that's what I figured

They cover they heads up whenever I drop
Shake the whole industry, put 'em in shock
Come out the clouds like a meteor rock
Then land on the Earth like, "Ready or not?"
Ain't no one like me, the cream of the crop
Don't even front, better give me some props
I pick up your body and throw it a block
Okay, I admit it, that's over the top, not

Deer in the headlights looks every time I step my foot on the ground
I get mistook for a lame with no weight to his name
Ground just shook, let's not beat around the bush
Even my B-sides throw 'em off like, "How's he do it?"
Some say I'm a great influence
I don't know about that, but I did do the best I could

"Hollywood, Hollywood
Hope Nate doesn't go Hollywood"
You think that you don't know me good
You think that you don't know me good
"Hollywood, Hollywood
Hope Nate doesn't go Hollywood"
You think that you don't know me good
You think that you don't know me

I-I-I always advance, say how I feel, you know where I stand
Raisin' the bar, I gotta expand
Top of the charts, I'm setting up camp
Pound in my stakes, I put up my tent
Shoot for the stars, they fall in my hand
Stick to my guns, I don't even flinch
Can push all you want, ain't movin' an inch

I rarely miss, you know I'm relentless
Ain't got a choice, no way to prevent it
Just who I am, and I don't regret it
See what I want and then I go get it
Followed my gut, I'm happy I did it
Beat all the odds, I ain't got no limits
Cannot be stopped, you payin' attention?
I ain't gotta say it, they know where my head is
They know where my head is (head is)

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"Handpan".

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"Regenesis" 

 

Edited May 10, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Edited May 12, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Rest in peace soonhei.

I compiled a memorial of the best examples I could find - this playlist is a gift and should be watched wisely as it contains within it secrets that you must be responsible with in order to use - "prima materia".

How to use this:
Watch from start to finish in order with an open mind and an open heart, filled with love for all of mankind.
As you do this, wish for Heaven and redemption for every human being's heart and soul on this planet.
Once you do this, the end of the playlist contains the keys to the emerald tablets.
Logos.
Now build your own Heaven, and carry it with you in your heart, peace and love for all things great and small.
And it will come true.

My three wishes:

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Peace and Love for all living beings - for their souls to be saved no matter what.

For the Earth to heal and prosper and for people to live in harmony with it.

To end all child abuse as this would create the first two wishes.

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I forgive everyone, for they know not what they do.  I just wish that one person had reached out, had understood
that I felt unsafe, that I was trying to find some sort of equilibrium within myself.
I never meant to cause any damage.  I was living every day in fear, and I felt abandoned.
Why didn't anyone reach out directly?
I was afraid no one would accept or care about me in this state - so I pushed people away.
I was being bullied.  A lot.

Is it enough to be quiet and still inside?

Yes.

I have been sick and afraid.  So I thought that if I transmuted it something good would happen.  I didn't think
that it would take so long to be honest, but the worse I felt the more I tried to soothe myself with music.  I
thought if I wished for something good that it would even things out.  I had hoped that someone would reach out
and help me because no one was seeing what I was going through.

It got to the point where I thought that if I just stopped caring about myself, maybe I would disappear.  I felt
scared to change.  Afraid of what people would think.
I tried reaching out to my family and they just would not listen.  I tried reaching out to the doctor and they
would not listen.

I wanted to fix myself.  This is what I know how to do to manage stress.

I didn't want to ask for help.  I was taught that nothing would come from it but secretly hoped someone would come
and rescue me.  Or at least reach out, but I couldn't accept myself enough to allow that to happen, either.
I have a lot of self-hate.

When I would finally reach somewhere that felt like I could love myself, I would look outwards to find disaproval
and went right back to square one with it all because I take people's opinions seriously.  All I could hear, it
seems, was their dislike.  And to the people that did, I was afraid they were not true.  I was afraid they would
be like everyone else I have met.  I felt and feel fractured as a person because I have never been in a situation
where I can stop, pause and feel safe and calm enough to collect myself to even BE myself.  I feel reactive all
the time.

I'm sorry if I did something wrong, I have not even been in the frame of mind to notice.
I am sorry if I hurt people, I wanted to push them so far away that they would not hurt me.
I wanted to fix myself by myself and I did not want to ask for help because I did not feel worthy of it.

I found something really amazing during all of this and I deeply wanted to share THAT with the world, but I wanted
to be perfect first.  And collected, and a whole personality, a grown up.  Not a woman in her early 30's who still
feels like a child.  I was also afraid to lose this part of my child-like state because what I found that was so
beautiful came from this.  I didn't want to "divide" it any more.  I felt like the ignorance could keep me and
my discovery pure.  And I ended up coveting it in a way, instead of giving it outwards to the world the way it 
should have been.

I don't mean many of the things I say, I feel like a vessel for it.  Old actions done by others still swimming
around in my soul.  The lack of closure would eat at me.  I couldn't see the forest for the trees, and I knew this
and I wanted to.  And I want to, but it is hard to do because it feels like humanity and culture fight me every step
of the way.  I'm not sure.  I have an implant in me.  When I have an awakening I can feel it.  Something put in me
to cause self hatred.  I feel like I failed all of you.  I failed the mate I could never find.  He kept telling me
to just stay present and allow Him to work through me, but I couldn't calm my mind down enough to allow it.

I hate simultaneously needing help, and knowing it would burden someone.  

When I quit trying to be perfect, I fell apart.  I felt I failed.  I couldn't do it on my own, and I didn't want to
be a burden.  I am sorry.  I can't be perfect because I am so very, very undeniably flawed.  I wish I could.

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Deep in the Halls of Life grew a flower, flaming, expanding, driving backward the night. Placed in the center, a ray of great potence, Life giving, Light giving, filling with power all who came near it. Placed they around it thrones, two and thirty, places for each of the Children of Light, placed so that they were bathed in the radiance, filled with the Life from the eternal Light. There time after time placed they their first created bodies so that they might be filled with the Spirit of Life. One hundred years out of each thousand must the Life-giving Light flame forth on their bodies. Quickening, awakening the Spirit of Life.

There in the circle from aeon to aeon, sit the Great Masters, living a life not known among men. There in the Halls of Life they lie sleeping; free flows their Soul through the bodies of men. Time after time, while their bodies lie sleeping, incarnate they in the bodies of men. Teaching and guiding onward and upward, out of the darkness into the Light. There in the Hall of Life, filled with their wisdom, known not to the races of man, living forever ‘neath the cold fire of life, sit the Children of Light. Times there are when they awaken, come from the depths to be lights among men, infinite they among finite.

He who by progress has grown from the darkness, lifted himself from the night into light, free is he made of the Halls of Amenti, free of the Flower of Light and of Life. Guided he then, by wisdom and knowledge, passes from man, to the Master of Life. There he may dwell as one with the Masters, free from the bonds of the darkness of night.

Seated within the flower of radiance sit seven Lords from the Space-Time above us, helping and guiding through infinite Wisdom, the pathway through time of the children of men. Mighty and strange, they, veiled with their power, silent, all-knowing, drawing the Life force, different yet one with the children of men. Aye, different, and yet one with the Children of Light.

Custodians and watchers of the force of man’s bondage, ready to loose when the light has been reached. First and most mighty, sits the Veiled Presence, Lord of Lords, the infinite Nine, over the others from each Cosmic cycle, weighing and watching the progress of men.

Under HE, sit the Lords of the Cycles; Three, Four, Five, and Six, Seven, Eight, each with his mission, each with his power, guiding, directing the destiny of man. There sit they, mighty and potent, free of all time and space. Not of this world they, yet akin to it, Elder Brothers they, of the children of men. Judging and weighing, they with their wisdom, watching the progress Light among men.

There before them was I led by the Dweller, watched him blend with ONE from above. Then from HE came forth a voice saying: “Great art thou, Thoth, among children of men. Free henceforth of the Halls of Amenti, Master of Life among children of men. Taste not of death except as thou will it, drink thou of Life to Eternity’s end. Henceforth forever is Life, thine for the taking. Henceforth is Death at the call of thy hand. Dwell here or leave here when thou desireth, free is Amenti to the Sun of man. Take thou up Life in what form thou desireth, Child of the Light that has grown among men. Choose thou thy work, for all souls must labor, never be free from the pathway of Light. One step thou has gained on the long pathway upward, infinite now is the mountain of Light. Each step thou taketh but heightens the mountain; all of thy progress but lengthens the goal. Approach ye ever the infinite Wisdom, ever before thee recedes the goal. Free are ye made now of the Halls of Amenti to walk hand in hand with the Lords of the world, one in one purpose, working together, bringers of Light to the children of men.”

Then from his throne came one of the Masters, taking my hand and leading me onward, through all the Halls of the deep hidden land. Led he me through the Halls of Amenti, showing the mysteries that are known not to man. Through the dark passage, downward he led me into the Hall where sits the dark Death. Vast as space lay the great Hall before me, walled by darkness but yet filled with Light.

Before me arose a great throne of darkness, veiled on it seated a figure of night. Darker than darkness sat the great figure, dark with a darkness not of the night. Before it then paused the Master, speaking The Word that brings about Life, saying: “Oh, master of darkness, guide of the way from Life unto Life, before thee I bring a Sun of the morning. Touch him not ever with the power of night. Call not his flame to the darkness of night. Know him, and see him, one of our brothers, lifted from darkness into the Light. Release thou his flame from its bondage, free let it flame through the darkness of night.”

Raised then the hand of the figure, forth came a flame that grew clear and bright. Rolled back swiftly the curtain of darkness, unveiled the Hall from the darkness of night. Then grew in the great space before me, flame after flame, from the veil of the night. Uncounted millions leaped they before me, some flaming forth as flowers of fire. Others there were that shed a dim radiance, glowing but faintly from out of the night. Some there were that faded swiftly; others that grew from a small spark of light. Each surrounded by its dim veil of darkness, yet flaming with the light that could never be quenched. Coming and going like fireflies in springtime, filled they the space with Light and with Life.

Then spoke a voice, mighty and solemn, saying: “These are lights that are souls among men, growing and fading, existing forever, changing yet living, through death into life. When they have bloomed into flower, reached the zenith of growth in their life, swiftly then send I my veil of darkness, shrouding and changing to new forms of life. Steadily upward throughout the ages, growing, expanding into yet greater flame, lighting the darkness with yet greater power, quenched yet unquenched by the veil of the night. So grows the soul of man ever upward, quenched yet unquenched by the darkness of night.

• 

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WE EXIST WITHIN THE TREES, WITHIN MYCELIUM NETWORKS.

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• This has been helpful.  This is basically what has happened my whole life.
  I want to fix myself.  I am a non-confrontational person.  Thanks.  This is great.

Written earlier today:

Reading the Emerald Tablets, an ant, I think that is what it was, it crawled on my sandal and rested there.  
Thoth.
The "sunken city" is the mycelium networks in the forests.  Atlantis.
"Be careful where you step."
The trees are sending out spring seeds/souls.  These are us.
The sandal was in between the shadow of a chain that swung, I sit under my tree.  Like the scale of Thoth, it would
move between the shadows and the light illuminated on my sandal.
The bug is now gone and my sandal is in the pure light as it had left.
"I am of the light."
This was my judgement.  Because I don't like to/ often avoid harming insects as much as possible.  Because I like 
to sit within nature and not bother it.  Because if I find that I do, I feel guilt.  I feel love, a genuine love
for the Earth.
There are some deep secrets that I have learned, but cannot share.
11:11 it so happens to be.
In order to understand this stuff you have to sit in nature unattached and let it show you things.  Basically.

I want to build something for myself and to spiritually heal.  I am in a DBT/CBT program at the moment that touches on what you are talking about as well.  I am not coming back here, I just wanted to thank you for this episode.  I am confused because I don't feel as though I misrepresented myself.  I was being as true as I could get to who I am.  It is 5:55.  My experiences are real.  But maybe they are just for me.  If people had left me alone, or helped when warranted by reaching out and getting to know me as a person - then things would be different.  But people like to speculate from "above" and say that they have the full perspective of the other person and this isn't possible.  I have people I have met in the real world that are coming to me within signs in my environment and in dreams who can see the truth and they send me love and acceptance.  Not these folks online, but people that I never expected to be there for me...

Peace.

Edited May 30, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Giving to the planet is what gives you what you need.  Most people don't know this is a thing you can do if you need information about certain things in the natural world.  You have to give first, though, unless it blesses you for some reason.

His name was Adam.  Nickname: "Art".
I met him at the mental hospital.  There always seems to be a mixture of disease, mental illness, spiritual
awakening, giftedness and the need for a family, support system and a sense of being lost in these facilities.
My spiritual work was not believed, but I didn't expect it to.  
I started medication, and a few weeks being there seems to have done me some good as far as paying attention to 
what is in front of me.
It always comes with this strange form of intuition that people assume is insanity.  
It has bad luck attached to it if you witness it before you are ready to.
The forest tells me, "You were trying to open your present before it was ready."

The man at the hospital was younger than me, not sure of his sexuality.  He had autism, and carried around with him a blanket to wrap himself in and a bible that he started to carry possibly after looking at my artwork. 
The guy liked to sit close to people he liked and did not have a concept of a space bubble and was watching me
work on the second piece of artwork up close.
"Your body is the temple of God's Spirit."
"Wisdom rests in between the craftiness of people."
He once asked to sit near me when I was waiting for my room to be unlocked.  Someone called me away about five
minutes after sitting with him, but what I knew was that he wished he had a piano because be can't express his
emotions properly without it.  He was in there because he thought a roommate got jealous of his talent.
He said he felt "messed with" by people and that he didn't understand why his life was going the way that it was
when he had put so much work into it.  He cried, and then I was called away by a staff member to take another
assessment.  When I was done, I came out to go to my room and he was gone.

He had a very beautiful, angled face and was quite thin.  He would go from one seat to the next and sit in different 
chairs until one suited him and he had a lot of quirks that come from not fully being in your body growing up,
similar to me.  I could then see how I came across to others, in the way that if I had learned to love myself.
He was somewhat of a three dimensional moving representation of my wave length.  
He let me go ahead to grab meals sometimes.  He would flat out tell you if he didn't like you.  If you gave him something and he didn't like you, he would just wave whatever it was onto the floor.  He, like me, had very fine intuition in some areas and was very deficient in others.  If he did not like you, there was a reason for it.  He was reasonable and seemed to be lost in some way, as if dealing with irrational people gave him strife.  Finicky.  The body is a finicky thing sometimes.
A good person who picks and chooses with a keen eye.

(Put the first song on mute and the second one is the one that goes with this.)

I'm back in my forest and I feel more mentally well.  It is as if the forest and the plants are telling me that I
had tried to open my gift too early.  I mentioned this already.

I believe in MK Ultra.  Especially because everything that I do has an outcome that was not intended.

I am cut off from myself severely.  I feel as though it gives me an intuitive super power sometimes.
When I draw things, I don't entirely know what I am making beforehand.  These were done via finger painting with
coffee, tea, and cheap markers and a pencil.  They are bats.  Or angels.  Forest elves.
I believe that the reason corona exists is because they personify these qualities.  Bats are one of the first species to give
an indicator that an ecosystem is not well.

I've been reading the Bible a lot lately.  And writing up the scriptures.  
I forget that the reward is that I can make anything.

Quote

(Mute the first video, put it at high rez and 2x speed and play the second.)

It comes from this perspective and this insight - this is the singing of the deity who wishes to speak - 
take what you wish from it and throw away what you don't believe - I am just a humbled messenger: 
It says that it is an enchanted garden.
That it is the inherent Knowledge of a long ago mechanism that humans cannot See that we have lost.
We used to be able to See this.
It is an intention from the beginning.  The Plan.  That as disorganized as you think it might be, there is a
reason for why things are the way they are.
The Cosmic Bat.
Sophia.  The apple.
Wisdom.  Knowledge.
Sacred.

Quote

"What is your substance, whereof are you made
That millions of strange shadows on you tend?
Since every one, hath every one, one shade
And you but one, can every shadow lend."

See beyond the moment
Think beyond the day
Hear the word
My voice will not be cast away
Fatalistic fortune
Ever near the end
Love goes on
But time does not return again

Across the sky
I will come for you
If you ask me to
Demystify
Your uncommon dreams
Stranger things have come true

Fear no more the midnight
Fear no more the sea
Close your eyes, regret nothing
You're safe with me
Look into the shadows
Step into the mist
Search your land but doubt never
I still exist

Across the sky
I will come for you
If you ask me to
Demystify
Your uncommon dreams
Stranger things have come true

Ask yourself: is this all there is?
Take no answer but the one you find
I have put my faith in aberrations of your kind
But even if you're in my mind

Across the sky
I will come to you
If you ask me to
Demystify
Your uncommon dreams
Stranger things have come true

Should we hear the silence?
Should we hear the noise?
I don't need this blind acceptance
I have made my choice
Light lives in the darkness
Beauty lives in pain
In destruction we may lose ourselves
But still I will remain

Hear the Word, hear the Word, hear the Word, hear the Word..."

God within this.  Hard to explain.  Personal meaning.  I'm blessed.  By my forest.  It is right there in front of your eyes the whole time.  I'm reset somewhat...  this light is what people wage wars for, what we spend our whole lives pining after.
A seed there.

Nothing at all, the most mundane.

This is prophesy.  The prophesy is a Harvest of Light.  I needed that mirror in order to see myself accurately as
someone worthy of love.  After heading home from this place, I remembered that everything that I need is in the present
moment.  And that this was the right direction.  As I did, we drove by what looked like wheat grasses, golden in the
sunlight.  And then I felt "illuminated" - but it came at the cost of accepting all things as they are.
This was/is hard to do on a sensory level.

I am being told that reality is an intention of cause and effect.  And that the domino, the cause and effect is the
ability to write what comes next for yourself.  I can see and feel undercover intentions passed down creating
outcomes in this world.
Culture.  The Ghost in the Machine.

I get messages similar to 434 from this forest.  Just through observing it.
When in this state, the collective intentions feel like an underground railroad, or a maze.
This is the Heaven that we are all promised that the Bible talks about.  This feedback loop of original intention
that generates this understanding.  
You have to have a certain type of psychology to get this.  It isn't about being special.  It's about being flawed.

The Egyptians made entire tombs for what they would take next, but you can carry it all in sticker form in a 
sticker book.  All that is needed is a representation for what is next. 
And with this comes understanding life from the technical as well as the natural world.  The trade off is that you
have to live from the present moment to grow it, as much as you can - with good intent.
I do lack experience, but in other areas I know how to make an impression.  
Sometimes it is good and sometimes it is not.  And this is due to my lack of awareness.  
I have programming that prevents me from accessing it.

I have a hard time letting go and not sharing because this process is something humans are supposed to do communally.
I am told that no one really needs to do anything because all it takes is the one original intention.
I am told that this does not have much to do with me.
That the trade-off is ego death.
This is why all wishes are ultimately Good.  Because when One Sees the unity within the All as a part of themselves,
they cannot help but contribute positively to it.  And those who do not do not Know it.

(Mute the first song and play the second with it.)

I don't agree with this video as this is not how nature speaks to me pertaining to how it views humans.  Nature LOVES humans SOOO much.  We have the power to dream big.  It views us as children who are blind - but it has a plan.  Consciousness is the plan.  It gifts you.  We have to return to give to it first.  If I become conscious, then everything will change.  Just through working on myself, others will move towards Truth as well.

Bigfoot.  Watch where you step.  You have a big impact.  The intention of the entire evolutionary chain just to have this insight, just to witness more of who I am.  Ecological footprint.  As above, so below.

"I'm a garden."

The second drawing that I created while in the hospital.   
Will redo these pictures tomorrow morning, there is a spot in the sun under some moss that could look nice.

I start with a shape and then let it build itself, and the intuition is the same that comes from other types of complex spontaneous insights.
Something indescribable has been happening to me for many years and I grew a lot, again.

When I return to this, these signs are the "Wolf".

He just keeps coming through new people and always shows me something about His true nature.  Not a literal wolf.

But the energy in the obsidian analogy - that references/alludes to the forces that govern how life is patterned. 
A mirror that illuminates everything around you.

You can have it all, but you have to let go, forgive, and accept everything in the present moment.

It is easy.  Remember this.

Sounds like an angel choir.  The clouds breath for you.

I made friends there, too.

I can see the lie that culture brings, and how everything is set up around it much like an algorithm.
The trick is not getting delusional or losing one's mind while seeing it.
The interpretation is always iffy.
I look behind me at another tree I never noticed last night.  There is so much that I don't notice about the world
around me.  It is dark with drooping needles, in the night it looks like an uncomfortable blackness.
It says something like 'Draw me like one of your French girls.'
Along the lines of that.
"Take a picture it will last longer."
But also the realization that this living thing has been watching me for a long time as well and I never noticed it.

This summer I will work with the garden.  We are moving soon and so this will be my last season with it.
I can't live in the city, it makes me sick.  It's a closed feedback loop.
How far does the rabbit hole of culture go, I wonder?

Just see things as they are and wait and see.
A little greyish brown rabbit just hopped by.

New path carved.  It feels and is experienced just like this.

Quote

All the things I’m supposed to do
I can do them now that I have you
All the things I’m supposed to do
I can do them now that I have you

I wanna know where you’ve been all my life, will you be sitting next to me?
I wanna know where you’ve been all my life, will you be sitting next to me?

Will you be sitting next to me?

The instincts that make up psychosis is the governing factor in Dream World - in how things manifest.  The rules change in the physical world and it is unsettling.  You realize when you wake up in a dream in your sleep and it feels so outwardly physical, that is the same bubble that you have when you are awake.  It is just covered up.
And everything is governed by a series of ancient intentions.
Don't piss off the gnomes.
Sin is taken away after a long unveiling of ignorance.  But it is not if you continue the behaviour after you are aware of it.  Or it returns if you forget.  Karma.
When I die, whatever it is I believe at the time of death is what will happen for the next layer of the onion.
I think that is probably how hell is created.  So I am wishing for the salvation of everyone for my "room".

I'll come back to reading journals here at the end of summer after we move.  I am trying to be cautious about being influenced by anything - and also keeping this skill that I have and honing it without it going haywire.  I don't know if we ever learn the level of delusion we are in fully or if just seeing it is all that there is - followed by what feels like the sluffing off of a fog.
We are all dreaming together.
It feels like more.  In my heart.

Give to get for all things.  Store faith in your container.

Notes:

• Self-inquiry is seeking to find happiness and is the best thing to do near the end of one's life and is the correct /best possible thing/preparation to do.
• Illness is not just a neurosis, it is natural process.  It has to go back at some stage.
• Your body and mind is not an isolated system.  Your body inherits its conditioning from the surrounding culture.
• Die before you die - demise of the separate self.
• This is a friend.  Don't fight it - investigate.

Quote

Notes:

• It is the heart of a practice to know what you are doing - knowing what you are doing happens when you have a mental connection to the thing in question. 
• Understanding how - 100 percent - connect yourself to these entities. 
• You are going to have to touch the things you are dealing with, and the expression and ability to deal with these things requires knowledge of them.
• A name gives you better control - it serves the purpose of allowing us a gateway into the energy that we are dealing with in the variety of spaces.
• If you don't have knowledge of them then you are not really having a level of esoteric engagement that you think.  it then becomes delusion.  (This happens.  Both things.  I need to figure something out.  This will be a work in progress.  I am the real deal and delusional.  I failed because I was getting into things before I was ready but didn't know this.)
• If you don't understand it properly you can commit a heresy by accident!  When you hit it, your heart is judged from the deepest level.  If you are ignorant/sick and honest -  then you're safe.  Scolded by karma first and then shown more.
• It is a mimicry of the divinity - all nature in terms of occult is a mimicry of the divine, when we engage and pursue these things, if we are mimicking we must use what it has given us.
• We can conceptualize and have a greater intuition the more we understand the names of the powers we work with.
• You can change the energetic nature of others and yourself.  Note:  Just work with the self.
• Accessing upper worlds: Just through action and practice, but you must not be existing, as you have to be at a certain vibration in order to access these states. 
• You can get drunk on this, and get revelations that are too high for your level of development and it does not become applicable when using substances, because it can add onto/distort the physical layer.
• Mentally you lift yourself up or destroy yourself; entirely dependent on your state of mind.  You allow it.  The external environment should not define our actions.
• Connection through intention: We elevate ourselves first.  Real magick is felt and thought.  Action is incorporating or aligning the feeling and thought and is a lower form but still necessary.  Mental, emotional, action.  Runs down and back up, this is the Tree symbolism.  (2:22 @ shadow work mentioning)
• Drugs can misalign you on purpose.  A spiritual breach.  
• The active revelation is man and woman.  Hermaphrodite.  (Trees.)
• Magick is a low form - Sophia -  as it draws attention to our mutual co-creation but sometimes perception is lacking - but is the ultimate initiator.  He mentions that you do sometimes lose your shit studying this stuff.  Good to know I'm not alone.  It seems like my life is moving towards looking for a teacher to study from, but I have some limitations in this lifetime.
• The modern world is more natural with the absurdity of sexuality, but we are still repressed collectively - we still play "burn the witch."

• Quote

  Well, you were the aftermath
  Of every judgment
  So cold by the sweat that
  You'll waste away
  And you carry your enemies
  But they're so familiar
  I'm sick of the company
  So I cull the shame

• I seem to get most of what he's saying.  Not a whole lot to write notes on, but good for confirmation that I'm moving the right way.
• The Great Work is inevitable.

• Quote

  And I know you'll say how I'm a burden
  Yeah, do your worst all at once
  I know what you want from me, from me
  I know what you're thinking
  And it's not the voice of all the others
  You've only said it to yourself
  I know what you want from me, from me
  I know what you're thinking
  They come to feel like things we're saying to ourselves

• On celibacy: it falls into a lot of different spaces - there are unique insights you can get from this practice.  I feel like I can understand what this would be, intuitively under it all.  I might try it.  I get aspects of the Wolf in my environment, like I am supposed to wait and collect character traits that belong to this One.  In my soul, I know this is a next life kind of love.  Something I have to build myself towards and that thinking otherwise could mess with this process.

• Quote

  An inch from my ears again
  "You should be sorry"
  A solemn man
  "A better song could fix my problems"
  I'm tired of your questioning
  You're cut down too easily
  And I don't know what's good for me
  I can't decide

• A lot of occultist influencers just republish other stuff.  They don't really know what they are doing.  (I've noticed this.  Or I already know it, but it is written for people who don't access weird things.  It's like the personality of the work is nonexistent.  And that is where the knowledge comes from.  Idk, I suck at explaining it.)
• Mentions Shabbat, and if you are not Jewish then it is the wrong technical application of that form of spirituality.  Agree, I have experience my lineage in spiritual form - something to do with intention, the lineage of an intention, we each have them so you would be getting onto the wrong "highway", like how Chihiro's parents turned into pigs when they ate the spirit's food.  (3:33)
• This was helpful as a place marker, but my line of work is something different - I feel like there is good stuff here, but that I need to find more information out there. 

(434)

Notes:

• Every situation has multiple interpretations to it.  Most people only go through one or two interpretations.
• The worst case scenario is falling into the trap of thinking there is only one interpretation.  It becomes your reality, it becomes fact for you - absolute Truth - the imagination becomes rigid - and unrecognizable as an interpretation.
• Most people do this in most situations.  
• This is what creates the spiritual war within human beings.
• Not being cognizant leads to much misunderstanding of reality.  Most situations have very many interpretations and this is core to how you make sense of the world.
• Often the mind appeals to facts, treats it as a fact for the convenience of going about survival so it doesn't have to think deeply about anything.  Most facts are interpretations.

• Quote

  "4nGl in url" "Angel." "Url."  Uriel.  Oriel.  Auriel.
  "rabbinic."
  "Light of God. - God is my light."
  Haha.  I see what you did there.

  Uriel is often identified as a cherub and the angel of repentance.[12] He "stands at the Gate of Eden with a fiery sword", or as the angel who "watches over thunder and terror".[14] In the Apocalypse of Peter he appears as the angel of repentance, who is graphically represented as being as pitiless as any demon. In the Life of Adam and Eve, Uriel is regarded as the spirit (i.e., one of the cherubs) of the third chapter of Genesis. He is also identified as one of the angels who helped bury Adam and Abel in Eden.

  The Book of the Watchers as a whole tells us that Uriel, Raphael, and Gabriel were present before God to testify on behalf of humankind. They wish to ask for divine intervention during the reign of the fallen grigori (fallen watchers). These fallen take human wives and produced half-angel, half-human offspring called the nephilim. Uriel is responsible for warning Noah about the upcoming great flood.

  In Hermetic Qabalah, Uriel's name is commonly spelled Auriel. He is regarded as the archangel of the North, and of the element of Earth.

  God sends Uriel to answer a series of questions that the prophet Ezra asks God. When answering Ezra’s questions, Uriel tells him that God has permitted him to describe signs about good and evil at work in the world, but it will still be difficult for Ezra to understand from his limited human perspective.

  In 2 Esdras 4:10-11, Uriel asks Ezra: "You cannot understand the things with which you have grown up; how then can your mind comprehend the way of the Most High? And how can one who is already worn out by the corrupt world understand incorruption?" When Ezra asks questions about his personal life, such as how long he’ll live, Uriel replies: “Concerning the signs about which you ask me, I can tell you in part; but I was not sent to tell you concerning your life, for I do not know.” (2 Esdras 4:52)

  Some Christians (such as those who worship in the Anglican and Eastern Orthodox churches) consider Uriel a saint. He serves as the patron saint of the arts and sciences for his ability to inspire and awaken the intellect.

  And Uriel said to me: "Here shall stand the angels who have connected themselves with women, and their spirits assuming many different forms are defiling mankind and shall lead them astray into sacrificing to demons 'as gods', (here shall they stand,) till 'the day of' the great judgment in which they shall be judged till they are made an end of. And the women also of the angels who went astray shall become sirens.' And I, Enoch alone, saw the vision, the ends of all things; and no man shall see as I have seen."

  Quote

  You know that
  I don't blame a thing on you baby
  I don't blame a thing on you
  I wish that
  You could show a little more devotion
  Even though you're scared of your emotions

  Don't know what to do
  Whenever you're facing me
  I wish that you knew, baby
  (I wish that you knew what to do)
  If you could pull through
  You know I'll be there for you
  You know I'll be there for you

The song/image duo that started it all.  "Greenland."  And a deep appreciation for the blue mist.

Action - result - action - result - deal with resistance first.

• There are more than one way to make sense of facts.  They act as though the way they make sense is the right way or the best way - these blunders lie in how you make sense of them and which facts you focus upon.

I want to build a natural, magical city of fun and love for everyone to fall into for the next life where we learn about concepts and stuff from different dimensions.  Like school.  There are metaphysical things that I am curious about.  I want my next life to focus on this. 
Matt Kahn says that it is an angel academy here on Earth.  It feels that way.  In a certain sense.

Quote

Notes:

• Become aware of the silence between the notes.
• If you have a chain of thought and you are bouncing between thoughts and all of a sudden you notice a space when you notice the space between two thoughts - focus on this - this is becoming aware of pure consciousness.
• Unfixated.

Didn't even need to watch the whole thing, I got it.  

But doing this sets off the chain.  Almost like, in order to get that chain I have to go through the motions first of uncovering things in my life - but my family prevents me from doing this because they are controlling.
I just got out of the hospital and they are trying to control my internet usage because they think I am delusional.  When I make good points they don't listen.
That is delusion.  When you don't listen to someone and are energetically in their space all the time to the point where that person can't individuate.  And then expect them to be individuated, and use the lack of this as fuel to control instead of nurture.
So they threaten to try and take it from me, like a small child - although I bought this with my own money.  I feel like someone who is fighting for freedom from people who would do anything to control them in an unhealthy way and if they can't - because they have learned this as a way of life - to be abrasive, repetitive, and not really budging in anything - complete total control - like an invalid.  But not even someone worthy of respect and getting to know but just someone who has to be in service.  Cleaning.  A maid.  Mom's reluctant maid.
That or just throwing me away when I don't comply.  I don't comply because of the underlying implied control.  Not because I don't know that I have a problem with internet usage.
My mind is broken and so is my body and I have to pretend it is not and is something a few weeks away will turn me into the perfect maid.

"Then you can't live here."

But that's crazy.  I'm sick.  They should see this, and I always think they will when things get bad, but they never do.  And then pretend like they did know and that I could ask for assistance, only for them to ignore the problem and tell me I am false.  And so then I don't have the energy to do what they want.  And they get into my space because of this.  They want me to be a perfect mind and situation reader for really arbitrary problems that no one would - in their right mind - get annoyed about.  So I feel like I am walking on eggshells with fussy people who should nurture me if they expect this outcome - and they refuse to change.  And want me to.  But won't allow me to do it in my own way.  And refuse to listen.  And so I feel stuck, and also super self aware of it, and it creates a lot of cognitive dissonance in my life.

I am learning about delusion right now.  So I am growing.  Part of it is caused by trying to get out of the collective family insanity.  They are both messed up people who refuse to look at themselves and will forever push it off on others, no matter how grave the consequences - and won't even expect the outcome.

They just want me to up and clean their whole basement for them two days later.  I don't even have the meds that help with this until Monday.  I'm on something that builds up over time to allow concentration so that I can focus long enough to create something for myself. 
This is what causes me to be suicidal because this is when they realize that I can say NO - they won't allow it.

"You'rE NOT DOING WHAT WE WAaaaAAAnt, hua-huaaa-HUAAAGHAGAUUUgggh.  Flip the fuUUCK oUUUUt!"

I don't want to deal with that.
My mother's words. "My way is always the best way."

No... it isn't... you're insane.  You are a "muncher".  Someone who is exploitative of another person's illness.
I forget this, too.  She is a bag full of lies.  I will do what she wants while I am here within reason, but I am also going to enjoy time to think and to create my own understanding of the world around me.  That can't be stopped.  I can't tolerate the stress of living in an environment like that.  Where things that I have bought with my own money will be taken from me without a decent discussion.

Problems are not addressed, just actions.

"You promised us just two hours a day."
I don't get two options, just go along with it, or suffer some life damaging/disrupting ultimatum.  

I'm not 15.  I am 33.  And you pressured me into that, you wrote up a contract without my consent.  You were relishing in controlling me, and when I disagree with you, then I am insane.  The delusions - the fighting with people and not understanding my world and being dysfunctional - the wanting to die, this doesn't matter.
Control matters.

You don't respect my religious practice.
I was recently held hostage at a medical hospital by gunmen and was in a situation where I was talking to a hostage negotiator.  You think this is delusion.  That I somehow imagined that scenario.
I thought I could die.  There were things about my morality that I had to take into question...
And when I talk to you logically... that is what tips you off to tell me that my meds are off.  You want me to be sick, controlled, with no soul. 

You can't just listen and love and support me.  You won't listen that what I am doing is what you want, I am questioning my mind.  You only want me to question it in the way that you think is right.  Just enough to change me so that I can serve your needs.  And you take someone who has no chance at independence and do this to their life.

I need to be able to research things and to write down what I find, or I will lose my place.  My grounding.  I will backslide.
YOU WILL MAKE ME CHOOSE BETWEEN GOD OR YOU.
And I would have to leave... to choose the Wolf.  The wish.  You know.  It's grounding, inclusive, loving.  Good stuff.  I am never going to be the person you want me to be.  I need to be myself.  Let me go and support me and stop stifling me or let me go.

You're not a mother, you are a consumptive entity.

I got scared when the car was heating up a few weeks ago and blowing smoke.  I could smell it.  My dad wouldn't stop.  He made it worse.  My greatest fear is the thought of being in a car that is on fire and moving.  It would have taken ten minutes to pull over.  It smelled like smoke outside the whole way there from the car.

His response.  "Your mother and you make me want to go and shoot myself."  Even though I was having those sorts of fears and paranoia about the car and about being shot from the situation that they refuse to believe happened to me.  It puts me in a place where I am controlled, at it comes from no where, landmines - without any concern at all.  If they have problems, fine, but bargaining my mental health like that when I am being rational is not okay.
They know if I had not gotten sick I would have been able to run away.
That they destroyed my future.

They won't let me heal, essentially.  They won't give me the space or allow me what I need to do it.

And then I see someone like Art and I remember parts of myself that are intrinsically linked to my heart and soul.  Could be male or female.  Happens often; it happened again with another patient there as well; I will write that up later I learned a lot from that, too.
Writing helps me integrate it.
It's always something super biblical-like in nature as well.  Something so large scale.  It looks like I want to be special or make it up, but that's not true.  I just let go and follow it.  And I DO find that empty space but the insight is MASSIVE.  For me. 

The world just comes alive with it - a complete change and the whole world takes on a new shape.  It takes a long time to think about how I feel about it.  I need that space.
When I do, like at the mental hospital.  I used the Bible and wrote new verses every day.  Just opened a page to see what was relevant.

This.  Literally.  

They tried to limit the internet usage to two hours.  Fine if that's what they want - if I can be kept from writing; I bargained for keeping the laptop so that I can write - and continue to bore tunnels into my psyche so that maybe I will find the right exit. 
I'll just keep it on a separate page and then enter it in within the allotted time. 

Maybe once a week or something.  I can just leave this page open as well, add a bunch of relevant songs and use those.  I really don't care, just so long as I can write out what I am going through.  Just get it out so that I can stay connected to God.  I think fast - and choppy - I need to write as fast as I think/feel.  Digging a tunnel.  I can't stop because it is my spiritual initiation.  Dig, dig dig.

They ideally want me to sit down and watch democratic political commentary shows and modern soap operas all evening every evening, yell and get outraged and laugh at stupid jokes and clean their house for them and that's about as far as they give a shit. 

I need a chair to sit in to rock (stim) and they both have one - so I sit outside in the chair here.  It helps me think through problems.  I always feel the need to be moving in some way.  My body is just off.  I spend a lot of time trying to correct this constant feeling of "offness".  It's always been this way.

And the things that keep me stable they try and control without understanding me at all and they know but just don't care.

And I saw Art and he was so awkward and didn't care but also so rational and agreeable and soft spoken - and he was like a cat in that if he didn't like you, it was because you weren't sensitive in that way.  Sensitive.  And I realized among the mentally ill, that I was normal.  And they liked my art!

I felt okay to not be okay.

I feel like people like this would want my city and I would want to give it to them.  For them first and foremost.

Everyone here is aware that we can all just write what comes next, right?  That this is the gift?

Then we need to build a mental city for what's next.  You know?
They can be lived in conceptually.  Mental homes.  Rooms. 
With floorplans, layouts, a whole culture.  How would it work?  How would we make the most ideal vision for what is next?

I'm just a girl telling a story about having a bad home life on a hot day, so humid.
Just a dream.
Collective ... soul clusters and groups are what I felt many times.  You can make it now and have it felt in the past and unravel that way, too.

No one here is connected too much.

We should make something communally.  

Like chains, with a main page to the different rooms.  People could post a url to it.
It would include a short bio, that makes you the most you in a little words as you can - and then below it, your entire heaven.  What would you bring on the boat?

We are the visionaries.  

Literally.
No biggie...

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Notes:

• In the orchestra of nature, feedback makes everything work.
• The key element, whether in sound, the environment or social science is a phenomenon called mutual causal interaction where x affects y, y affects x and so on creating an ongoing process called a feedback loop.
• The natural world is full of these mechanisms formed by the links between living and nonliving things that build resilience by governing the way populations and food webs respond to events.
• When plants die the dead material enriches the soil with hummus - a stable mass of organic matter, providing moisture and nutrients for other plants to grow, the more that grow and die, the more hummus is produced allowing even more to grow and so on. 
• Positive feedback: an essential force in the build up of ecosystems - is not just beneficial, positive because it amplifies a particular effect or change from pervious conditions.
• These loops can be harmful, like when removing a forest makes it vulnerable to erosion which removes nutrients to the earth, therefore less plants to anchor soil, more erosion, and so on.
• In contrast - negative feedback diminishes an effect to maintain a more stable balance, like predators and prey.  Predators reduce the prey population, which causes the drop in the predators population, reducing predation rate and allowing prey population to increase again.
• The cycle creates an up and down wave like pattern, maintaining a long term equilibrium and allowing a food-chain to persist over time.
• Feedback processes can be counterintuitive because of us are used to predictable linear scenarios of cause and effect.
• Example: pesticides may not help plants grow because when you spray these chemicals, because some other reactions can be triggers - if spraying pushes down the insect populations its predators will have less food, and as their population dips, the reduces population will allow the insect population to rise - counteracting the effects of pesticides.  
• Each feedback is the product of the links in the loop.  Add one negative link and it will reverse the feedback force entirely. 
• And one weak link will reduce the effect of the entire feedback considerably. 
• Lose a link and the whole loop is broken.
• Natural communities consist of networks of interactions.  Feedback loops will often be indirect, occurring through longer chains.
• A food-web containing 20 populations can generate thousands of loops of up to 20 links in length.
• Instead of forming something disordered, feedback loops in ecological systems play together and create regular patterns - just like multiple instruments coming together to create a complex but harmonious pieces of music.
• Wide ranging negative feedbacks keep the positive feedbacks in check, like drums maintaining a rhythm.
•  You can look at they way an ecosystem functions within its unique habitat and representing its trademark sound.
• Ocean environments, dominated by predator-prey interactions and strong negative and positive loops stabilized by self damping feedback are powerful and loud, with many oscillations.
• Desert ecosystems, where the turnover of biomass is slow and the weak feedbacks loops through dead matter are more like a constant drone.
• The tropical rainforest with it's diversity, high nutrient turnover and strong feedbacks among both living and dead matter is like a lush panoply of sounds.
• Despite their stabilizing effects, many habitats and ecosystems can develop change over time, as do the harmonies. 
• Deforestation may turn the tropics into a barren patch, but an abandoned patch of farmland may also become a forest over time, like a garage band growing into a magnificent orchestra. 

Wild.  Let's be wild, I want to be run free - and to make a memento mori heaven.  And live in it now and move in daily life with intention as a vision to keep exploring.

 

One could suggest ideas for different types of journal directories as well, and suggest private or open journal and stuff.  No leaders, all decided via vote.  Art directory... working out... ect. 
They could be featured maybe if they are kept organized.

I need to find a way to keep them both out of my head...

(Stay present, and go to Michael's and get a bunch of art stuff later.)
I need to buy some frames.
Maybe finish a collage... something to keep me busy so I don't get annoyed staying here and can be off doing my own thing.  Productively.  

I'm running out of music I like... I'll go through this later, I don't know if I want to keep some of these songs.

Working on artwork will fix this.

Have faith.  Choose joy and happiness anyways and look for it around you.

Note:  Never complain about it again.  There has to be a way to just deal with it.

You're in a dream anyways.  Be glad all that there could be isn't rushing through.  It is nice like that.  It kind of sits and watches me in an animistic way.  Light harvest.  Be glad for that, too.

My thoughts are nothing unique.

I have You, though.  At least amidst this, I have You.  You'll hold my hand and show me there's nothing to worry about.

Don't take yourself seriously.  But also... do... just... be more balanced about it.
I am doing well...  looking through this place it still doesn't feel like my vibe.

I'm just gunna do what I usually do and park and shop.
Show and tell what I find.

And make stuff sometimes.  I kind of don't have any of the energy from this place anymore - it left me - probably for the best, and so I don't feel the resonation.  Maybe that will change, I don't know.

I just don't know.  I feel conflicted about things that are important to me.  
I feel unworthy of all that I have been given...

Light, free, love.

Feather.

I have a feeling of being an actor.  Shine, shine, shine... fill the cup.

Choice.  I feel inspired for tomorrow.

I feel so out of order
My brain is hazy
The shadows in the corner
They make me crazy

All my ghosts came back to life
Every whisper, every lie
Itʼs a restless emptiness
I canʼt deny Iʼm anxious...

I'm anxious...
I can't deny I'm anxious...

Why are good intentions
Always interrupted?
Clouded intuitions
No way can I trust it

Toss and turning in the night
When you got a troubled mind
In the darkness, I confess
I can't deny I'm anxious...

Watch where you step.  Landmine.  Land Mine.

 

Edited June 29, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

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Edited June 28, 2021 by Loba
We'll see creation come undone. These bones that bound will be gone. We'll stir our spirits 'til we're one. Then softest shadows will be gone.

[Loba]

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• "Be not afraid and so forth."
  Notes:
•  
• 

"You.  With a breath."
"Yhhhwhh"

There's a cracked door there, but it's one full of secrets and betrayal and I don't want to pull mySelf up with so little mental layer in between it.

I think I get it.  These things are a soul, with all the incarnations and the main BE-ing, resting in the center controlling everything with the power of intention which can be used by humans via feedback loops.

"Land mine - You - Moving on."
"You: moving on, landmine."
"You moving on my land."

Guess I should tend to this garden this year and find out more.  I don't know if it is a good thing or not, could be taken both ways. 
Not today, though it's like gunna be 110 degrees in a few hours.  Fuck that.  I'm gunna apply online to a few places for part-time work.
Art stores, pet daycares, ect.  I want to buy my own stuff and have some distance from here sometimes - and a bit of money to do it.

 

Edited June 29, 2021 by Loba

[Loba]

Quote

I feel like the more I work with this thing, the easier it is to understand how they/what they are.
It is a long process.
I feel like the world is governed by these intentions - that algorithms can kind of be seen in how our cities are put together as well - like, the predator/prey ecosystem I made notes about above -  I can intuit it within the structure and or intention from one set in the human landscape - like dominos sometimes, so uncanny.  I hate it.  I fear the moral structure of seeing it.
I have insights where the entire structure of reality changes, like a map that I can't read, but I can intuit for certain that it is there and it changes into different realities from within the big picture.  And then I Know it, but I don't know it.

I sit in my yard, there is a tribal looking brown metal mask with two big x's for eyes, for some reason; smiling, and another smiling face near the worm composter, a jolly, clay ugly thing, near some wheat looking plants.
"Compost."
My coffee cup has a ghost on it.  Messages indicating what it is - a ghost, an angel... something... alien?; what I might have done, or maybe fucked up, or didn't just... "haha, tricked you", you just thought that... or whatever else I won't know.

I'm not having a Goddess moment, more like a, "What heresy have I committed that I don't know about?" moment.
I'm not scared as much as I was.  No negative feelings about death other than it seems like there is, with most things a lot to know, and that it's surrender is a strong source of magick.

Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar
You're gonna go far, you're gonna fly
You're never gonna die
You're gonna make it if you try
They're gonna love you
Well I've always had a deep respect
And I mean that most sincere
The band is just fantastic
That is really what I think
Oh by the way, which one's pink?
And did we tell you the name of the game, boy
We call it 'riding the gravy train'

We're just knocked out
We heard about the sell out
You gotta get an album out
You owe it to the people
We're so happy we can hardly count
Everybody else is just green
Have you seen the chart?
It's a helluva start
It could be made into a monster
If we all pull together as a team
And did we tell you the name of the game, boy
We call it 'riding the gravy train'

Quote

"Hello You WHO?"  
I don't really like acrobatics tbh, but the music is great.

Goodbye to those starless skies, empty eyed, sorrow cries,
“No, not goodbye.”
Hello to the dawning of the star inside our turning around,
Your sunshine eyes.
I love you, Love-love you just to Be.

Quote

"I eased their pain-- took it away altogether so they could forget and know bliss."

-Cama Zotz

Cama Zotz is one of two known gods of the Silverwing Universe, the other being Nocturna. Cama Zotz rules the Underworld, where all bats go after they die. He literally sings his kingdom into being, with his echo projections so perfect that they can be seen and even felt.

In order to keep His subjects happy in their afterlives, Cama Zotz asked Nocturna if she would allow them to return to the Upper World. Nocturna refused, and Cama Zotz strangled Her. Where she died, grew a tree made of fire and life that allowed Cama Zotz's dead bats to return to the Upper World, ironically fulfilling Cama Zotz's request. It is unknown if Nocturna did this on purpose or if it was simply an after-effect of her death. Cama Zotz doesn't know that the tree sends his subjects to the Upperworld and sees the Tree as Nocturna's last insult to him.

After Nocturna's the two bat gods seem to fit the Taoist idea of duality, yang and yin: male and female, light and dark, active and passive, motion and stillness; Where Cama Zotz fills the role of yang and Nocturna fills the roll of yin.

The Underworld plan

"After the destruction of my temple, I realized a tunnel was the only chance of liberating myself."

Once the prophetic stone was destroyed in the events of Firewing, Cama Zotz had to look for other ways to breach the Upper World. He decided to dig a tunnel using millions of dead bats up into the Upper World, planning to open the tunnel during an eclipse. Enough animals would be sucked into the tunnel that Cama Zotz would have enough souls to kill the sun and completely destroy the Upper World, merging the two into an endless Underworld.

434 - Offer energy, get energy.

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Notes: 

• The spiritual journey begins realizing the ego is trapped in three stains of consciousness.
• The vertical dimension of the journey cannot begin until one has freed themselves from these three malas.
• You have to break through all three in an interwoven way and are ones that the ego has the most attachment to and is hardest to let go of and requires honest observation.
• If you can't understand love then you cannot make a connection to God and if you cannot make a connection to God then you will have no interest in overcoming your ego.
• You must develop a way to relate to the real world.
• When you see that the ego itself is the dirt on the door of perception that you are able to let it fall away and that is when the first stage of the vertical dimension of the spiritual journey begins.  This is called ajatta siddhanta.  Once you reach this level - unborn and this world is a projection and the ego a nightmare within and let go of the ego and projection of the world - all of that falls away and finally one will have Shiva siddhanta - with God.
• Until then one is missing pieces of "why" and "themselves."
• The Shiva shakti siddhanta are the principles of the masculine and feminine, you will not be able to unify both - at the level of the archetype, that real divine love will be your nature, and from here bliss arises.
• The Tao understands how to navigate the world of duality and how to bring beauty and joy and wisdom and coherence and love and law and harmony to the principal pakriti. 
• Prakriti/parusha - the world can be sustained. - Vishnu siddhanta.  Until you understand creation you cannot understand sustenance and you will not be able to understand destruction and transformation and you will not understand the even deeper secret that is contained in the Egyptian esoteric understanding of the dismemberment of God.
• The archetype teaches us there is a dismemberment of consciousness that has resulted in all the various religions at of which have a slightly different take on ultimate reality even though they are congruent at the highest level they are different at the level of mythology and of their symbolic theological conceptions.
• You can only understand when you understand the level of consciousness which was communicated to the prophets who developed those understandings and gave them as gifts to humanity.
• When the dismembered aspects of archetypal consciousness have been unified and the totality of the real has been brought together in a single perception, a single "aha", a single total transcendence of the puzzle - realization that keeps you from needing to discover something that isn't yet understood because there is still some lack within one's own level of being.
• Only when the piece of the puzzle has been found and put into place that liberation and graduation from this game will won.
• The beginning process of dealing with the malas of the ego should be dealt with and put away asap, so that the real interesting level of the game can begin, but if you're still dealing with the Rubik's cube of the ego - you haven't even begun to understand who you are and what you are capable of when you have transcended the ego - and to be able to actualize all of that in real time.  
• The ego filters out the subtler aspects of reality and therefore you cannot respond accurately.  You cannot see the teleological influences that want to guide you in a certain direction, you cannot see your own resistances to jumping through the windows of opportunity when they open and they will close again before you get it together to make your move.
• You must be accurate.  And every moment you must be able to make the leap into the next level when it appears.
• When the door opens you must go through.  if you hesitate you are lost, this is a high stakes game, play it with complete seriousness and make your seriousness complete play. 
• Because it's all unreal, but that unreality is the gateway to the real.  if we ever want to get to the real we have to get beyond the games of the ego.  Let go.
• We are manifestations of God.  Third eye - perceive reality from the union with God achieved by going beyond the unreal ego and once we are lead from the unreal to the real, we will find God's light and from there lead from mortality into immortality.  Power of the GodSelf.

@8 mins -  This is as far as I want to go right now with my path.  More vertical.

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Notes:

• What does the angel do with our astral body?
• Our anthroposophical understanding of Spirit is not just a theoretical worldview, but rather an inspiring purpose for our life and a vital force.  It is only when we can strengthen this worldview in us so that is comes to life for us that it can truly fulfill it's task.
• By uniting our soul with the anthroposophical understanding of the Spirit, we have in a sense become the guardians of certain specific and significant processes of humanities' development.
• Generally people choosing this or that worldview are convinced thoughts and ideas only live in the soul but have no other role or exitance in the larger context of the world.
• That is the adherence of most worldviews believed that their thoughts, ideas and ideals will become a reality in the world to the extend that people manage to implement them through their physical actions.
• In contrast, accepting the anthroposophical view means realizing that making our thoughts and ideas come true takes more than just what we can accomplish with our actions in the sensory world.
• This basic and essential fact implies that we are called to participate in watching over the signs of the times.
• Much is happening in the development of the world.  And now more than ever it is up to us to develop a true understanding of what is going on in that development in which we also participate.
• Everyone knows that to understand an individual we must consider that person's development and not only their outer circumstances. 
• For example the events happening in the sensory world concern us all, no matter our age, yet no reasonable person expects that we all have the same relationship to the events regardless of our age.
• To determine how people should relate to the outer environment we need to consider their individual development.
• As the individual undergoes development and has different strengths in childhood, middle age and old age, so humanity as a whole has developed different forces in the course of its development.
• In a sense we are sleeping through the world's development if we fail to notice that humanity is essentially different in the 20th century than it was in the 15th, ect, ect. 
• It is one of the failings/troubles of the time that people refuse this and believe that they could speak of humanity of or humans in general - in the abstract without having to take into account that humanity is always developing.

• The question then is how we can better understand these things.
• There is something essential about our time, namely that human development between the 15th century and beginning of the 4th millennium depends on the consciousness's soul.
• Abstractions satisfy most very ordinary curiosity, but are of no use.  To make spirituality come alive and be a vital force in our life, we must be more serious rather than merely curious and must not get distracted.
• To understand this concretely we must look more closely at human nature, at what we are like essentially.
• We can distinguish four members of our being.  These are, from the top down: the "I", the astral body, the etheric body and the physical body.
• The  "I" is the one is which we live and are active with our soul and spirit.  The "I" is given to us by our development on Earth and the spirits of form that direct it.
• Everything that enters our consciousness comes in by way of the "I".  It is the "I" that connects us with the world around us and if it cannot develop so that it can stay connected through the physical body with the outside world we will be as unconscious in our waking hours as we are while sleeping.

• The astral body is given to us during the moon evolution that precedes our earthly evolution.
• The etheric body goes back further to the sun evolution. 
• The first rudiments of our physical body were formed during the Saturn evolution.
• Spirits of a various hierarchies have worked together on the three components that can develop our "I", the other three bodies each of which is a complex structure in itself.
• The hierarchies were not only involved in creating the three spheres around our I, but are still working in them now.
• As long as we believe we are nothing more than bones, blood, flesh and so on, that is of elements studied by the natural scientist - particularly by physiology, biology and anatomy, we cannot understand ourselves as human beings.
• Studying the members of our being more closely will reveal that spiritual beings of the hierarchies are working purposefully and wisely together in the processes that run their course in our body, outside of our awareness. 
• To start with, we can ask a concrete yet immensely complicated question: What is the hierarchy of the seraphim, or the Dunamis?  For example doing now in 1918 in our etheric body?  The answer cannot simply be found by thinking or theorizing, rather you must get at the facts.
• Similarly to a written letter, we must delve into the facts what task the spirits of wisdom or the Thrones are currently fulfilling in our etheric body.  Questions/answers are complicated and can only be approximate, and will keep us from becoming proud and arrogant in striving for true insights and knowledge.
• In a sense the higher beings that concern us directly are the ones about whom we can attain some clarity and certainty.  They are also the ones we need to understand clearly so that we're not asleep in regard to their role in our development.
• We can start with a question that is not as vague and undefined.
• A question to start with and concerns us directly asks about the work of the angels, the higher beings in the hierarchy immediately above us: what are are currently doing in our astral body - it is directly adjacent to our "I".  And we have every reason to hope that answering the question will be important to us.
• Angels are the hierarchy directly above us and the closest to us, clearly then, the answer to our modest question about the work of the angels in our astral body at this time in humanity's development - in the cultural epoch it began in the 15's century and will last until the 4th millennium is of great significance to us.
• To begin to answer this question you must take spirituality seriously.  We are not just playing with words and ideas, but our spirituality works in areas where the spiritual world becomes accessible and the hierarchy immediately adjacent to ours can be made palpable and comprehensible. 
• The question can only be answered from the epoch of the consciousness soul.  You might think that this question could have been asked and even answered in other epochs, but it fact it could not have been answered at all in either the era of atavistic clairvoyance or that of the Greco Roman culture.  
• The images atavistic clairvoyance generated in the soul obscured the activates of the angels in our astral body so that the could not be observed.

• Those activities could not be seen because of the images generated by atavistic clairvoyance.
• In the Greco Roman epoch human thinking was not yet as strongly developed as it is now, human thinking has undergone a development and become stronger, particularly as a result of the modern scientific age.
• Consequently the age of the consciousness soul is the only one in which we can consciously approach questions like the above mentioned. 
• To find out what the angels are doing in our astral body, we must advance to a certain level of clairvoyant perception so that we can look into our astral body and see what is going on there.
• We have to achieve a certain level of imaginative perception if we want to answer the question discussed, then we will be able to see that the hierarchy of the angels is forming images in our astral body.
• The angels are both working jointly and also individually since each one of them has a specific task to fulfil for the person under his wing and each of us has an angel.
• The angels are forming images in our astral body and they do so under the direction of the spirits of form.

• Without imaginative perception we could not know that the angels are continuously forming images in our astral body, images that appear and then vanish again in constant ebb and flow. 
• Without them we could not develop a future in like with the intentions of the spirits of form. 
• What the spirits of form want to achieve with us until the end of our earthly development must first be embodied in images.  And these images will later be instrumental in transforming humanity, they will then become real.
• Those are the images the spirits of form are already now creating in our astral body with the help of the angels and reality.  We can see and access the images the angel generated in our astral body once we have developed our thinking to a certain level of clairvoyance.   
• We can then observe these images and see they are formed according to very specific impulses and principles.
• We'll find that the process that gives rise to these images holds within it the forces for our future development.
• We can observe the angels as they are working and see that with their work they are carrying out a definite intention for the social structure of our future life on Earth.  They want to generate images in our astral body that will lead to specific social conditions and structure for the human society of the future.
• Whether we believe their work or deny it, does not matter at all, they work on our ideals for the future regardless.  Their work is guided by a specific principle, namely that in the future nobody shall enjoy happiness in peace as long as there are others who are unhappy.
• This is one of the impulses according to which the angels form pictures in our astral body.
• The second impulse that guides the angels work concerns the intention they have for our soul, our soul life.  Regarding this soul life, the angels want to impress images on our astral body that will in the future lead us to see every person we encounter as carrying a spark of the divine concealed within.
• The angels are working on changing things.  What the angels intend for us is that we no longer consider ourselves merely as higher animals and solely on the basis of our physical nature.
• Instead in our encounters with others we are to see in everyone a revelation coming from the divine ground of the world, a revelation in flesh and blood.  
• A strong feeling of the divine revelation in every person we meet must animate and guide us at all times, through their work the angels are preparing us for seeing everyone as an image that reveals itself to us from out of the divine ground of the world and they embody understanding as seriously, strongly and compassionately as possible in the images they impress on our astral body.
• As a result of what the angels intend, in the future people will only become religious on the basis of seeing everyone as an image of God, and this will not be mere theory but permeate their everyday life.
• This means in the future they can no longer be a compulsion to join a specific religion or denomination, that will no longer be needed because every encounter with another person will be a religious act.
• Churches of any kind and their external institutions in the physical world will no longer be needed to sustain religious belief.
• If the churches understand themselves rightly, they cannot have any other goal but to make themselves redundant on the physical plane by turning all of life into an expression of the supersensory or spiritual realm.
• In any case, at the bottom of the impulses guiding the world of the angels in the intention to spread religious freedom over all of humanity.  In addition the angels want to enable us to come to the spirit by way of our thinking.  To bridge the abyss between the physical world and spiritual realm with our thinking.
• These are the principles resounding a melody through the workings of the angels in our astral body.
• All we need to experience the angel's wonderful activity is to raise out consciousness to a certain higher level.
• In summary we are now living in the age of the consciousness soul and in this epoch the angels work in our astral body as described, as part of our development we must gradually come to realize what has been explained.
• Evidence of the angel's work can only be found in the sleeping person.  The evidence can be seen in the time between our falling asleep and waking up, as well as in waking sleep states.  
• Even when we are awake we often sleep right through our life's most important events and unfortunately that when you look around with open eyes you will see that these days, very many people are deeply asleep.  They don't care about what happens in the world and remain indifferent and unattached, history passes them by just as we don't know what happens in the city at night while we are sleeping.
• Though people seem to be awake, in reality they are asleep to what is going on.  And it is precisely when people in their waking hours, sleep through significant events that we can see how the angels are working in their astral body in the way described above, and their work is taking place whether we want to believe it or not.
• The angel is at work in "sleepy" people, even if you do not think they are worthy.
• The angel makes use of the individual's astral body regardless and we can observe the work being done in that astral body.
• What matters is that insights push their way into our consciousness and we must therefore develop our consciousness soul to the point of acknowledging what can be discovered only in this way.
• Based on these conditions you will understand that this epoch of the consciousness soul is moving forcefully toward a particular event or change. 
• Because we are dealing with it it depends on us how this change will play out in our development, soon or later, what will surely occur in our development eventually is that purely by means of our consciousness soul, our conscious thinking, we will learn to see how the angels are preparing our future.
• In other words, what spiritual science teaches us must become practical wisdom for our daily life and we must make it our own to such an extend that we can be firmly convinced that the angels work toward the intentions outlined above.
• To move towards this change consciously would mean primarily to study spiritual science.  It is offered to us and all we need to do is study it.
• We can support this change by following suggestions for meditation.
• The more you study the more you make the ideas your own and awaken and not sleep through things, but experience them consciously.
• Knowing what the angel is doing in our astral body is only the first step, beyond that the most important thing is to realize at a certain point three changes will occur and depend on you.  In the worst case, those changes will not occur.
• What is supposed to happen is for three insights to be revealed to use through the world of the angels.
• The first insight is to understand the deeper insights into our nature with active interest and curiosity.
• There will come a time we don't want to sleep through, a time we will revive through our angel an inspiring impulse from the spiritual world.  That impulse will inspire us to become much ore deeply interested in everyone else than we are now. 
• This enhanced interest in our fellow humans will not develop gradually, it will come in one fell swoop when the spiritual work pours into us the mysterious realization of what every person really is: something very concrete and specific - people will learn something that makes them interested in everyone else.
• It will enrich our social structure.
• The second revelation will show us that the Christ impulse leads to religious freedom among other things and that the hallmark of true Christianity is that it makes absolute freedom of religion possible.
• The third revelation is the realization that the world is spiritual.  This is to occur in such a way that our soul forms a relationship to it and it is an event that will come at some point in our development because it is what the angel is preparing us for with it's images in our astral body.
• The coming of end is already embodied in our will.
• We can do or fail to do many things and many people fail to do this in a way that stems from a fully awake condition.
• At the same time some beings have an interest in knocking us off track, namely the archonic and luciferin beings.
• The angel is unfolding in our astral body, however the luciferin being pushes us off course and prevents us from realizing the work of the hierarchy of the angels.
• The Luciferic beings push us off track by interfering with our free will and keeping us in the dark about carrying out our free will.
• Though they make us into good people in this context, lucifer wants us to be good and spiritual, they also try to make us into automatons, and rob us of our free will.
• The Luciferic beings want to help become clairvoyant with the principals of good but without free will, they want to turn us into clairvoyant automatons.
• By robbing our free will they take our ability to choose evil, they want us to act based on spiritual principals but only as an imitation or copy, without free will.
• If the Luciferic beings have their way, they will turn us into "zombies".  The beings stopped developing at a certain stage in their evolution and now bring alien elements into our otherwise normal development.
• These beings are greatly interested in preventing us from fully developing our free will because they themselves have not been able to develop it.  
• Free will can only be obtained here on Earth, but those beings don't want anything to do with the Earth - they are content having gone through Saturn, Sun and Moon evolution and want to stop there rather than be a part of the Earthly evolution.  They hate our free will; they act spiritually but do so automatically and this is very important to note.
• They want to raise us to their spiritual level - to be automatons, albeit spiritual ones.
• The danger here is that if we become spiritual automatons before our consciousness soul is fully functional we will sleep right through the revelation that is to come described above.
• The archons are also opposed to this revolution, and aim to deaden our consciousness of our own spirituality - they want to instill in us the belief that we are nothing more than animals.  Materialism.
• Aramean is behind all endeavors aimed solely at spreading technology for the purpose of more efficiently satisfied material needs.  They strive to kill or darken our awareness of being made in the image of God.
• They want to kill the consciousness soul within us by means of all kinds of sophisticated scientific advances. 
• With the help of atavistic inner pictures people can help to see into the spiritual world, so ancient peoples were safe from this influence. 
• It is only in our current epoch that thinking has become powerful.  We can say it is mighty in it's powerlessness.
• Unlike in previous times, since the 15ths century, thinking has become able to lead the consciousness soul into the spiritual realm and at the same time gained the power to prevent the soul from entering to spiritual world.
• In contrast to earlier eras in our time, theories and sciences are consciously trying to rob us of our divinity and of our experience of the divine.  This was not previously possible and that is why the archons are trying hard to spread teaching that blot our our awareness of our divine origin.
• These explanations of the forces opposing our normal divine development already tell you what you need to do in your life so that you will not be asleep to the revelation that is to come into human evolution.
• If we are not awake for the coming change, we run the risk that instead of a significant even that is to intervene powerfully in our earthly evolution, everything detrimental and dangerous to that evolution will take place.
• Therefore we must be careful and on the alert.
• Certain beings develop alongside us - the angels that are forming images in our astral body are not doing this just for fun but to accomplish something.
• What they must accomplish can only be achieved in our earthly development, therefore if we were to ignore all this after the development of our consciousness soul then everything the angel did was for nothing and is reduced to nothing but a game - the work is reduced, rendered futile, it is only when we allow these things to become real that the angel's work is redeemed in it's seriousness and purposefulness.
• What will happen if humanity insists on sleeping through the important spiritual revelation that is coming:
• Example if people were to sleep through the second part of the revelation, about freedom of religion, thus would miss the reoccurrence of the mystery of Golgotha on the etheric plane.
• Then the angels would have to find a different way to do what they intended to accomplish with the images in our astral body.
• As it turns out, what we don't allow the angels to accomplish by our refusing to wake up to things, they will then have to carry out by means of our sleeping body.
• In other words, what we are sleeping through in our waking hours and thus prevent the angels from accomplishing, those things would then have to be achieved with the help of our sleeping physical body and our etheric body, both of which remain behind in our bed when we are asleep.
• The angels would then be looking in those bodies for the forces they need to help them accomplish their tasks.
• The tasks that could not be carried out while we are awake, and will then have to be done with our sleeping body, when our "I" and astral body are outside us when we are sleeping.
• When we are asleep like this we run a great risk.  That is if humanity continues with its refusal to turn to the spirit, then at some point before the third millennium, the consequences of our resistance could descend upon us.
• If the angels have to work with the sleeping body instead of the waking soul to accomplish their task, they would have to move all their work out of our astral body and immerse it in our etheric body in order to carry out their mission.
• However we will not be there and thus not be part of this, if the angel is to carry out their task the can do so only if we are not there because if we were there in our waking state we would keep them from doing their work.
• If the angels had to do their work in our etheric and physical body while sleeping, they would have to work in our absence, three things will occur in humanity's development.
• First, as angels work in our sleeping body in the absence of our astral body and "I", an instinctive power will be created and we will find it there when we wake up in the morning.  We would not obtain them through freedom.
• We would have instinct instead of free consciousness, these insights are part of our development and are connected to the mysteries of conception and birth and our whole sexual life.
• They become dangerous and harmful when they are given above - when we refuse to wake up.
• They themselves will undergo a certain change, because it is a higher secret cannot be spoken about - but sexual instincts will gain ground, but not in a useful way but in a destructive way as pure instincts.  These instincts will side track us, they will also influence our social structures. 
• In particular what will enter our bloodstream as a result will keep us from developing any fellowship on earth and instead would goad us at all times into rebelling against fellowship - one that is purely instinctual - thus we face a moment of decision.
• To the right and be awake or the left and then we can sleep through everything.  In this later case instincts will immerge with consequences. 
• Science will say this development was inevitable and necessary, that it is inherent in human evolution and science cannot warn us about such things or tell us about them.  
• It is only through spiritual insight that these things can be understood.
• The second consequence that will follow from the work that will cause changes in the angels is an instinctive but detrimental knowledge of certain remedies.
• Everything related to medicine will get a tremendous boost in the materialistic sense, people will instinctively perceive healing properties of certain substances and activities and will do great harm with that, they will call the harm useful and beneficial.
• As a result people will call the sick healthy, for they will realize that they they can get involved in certain activities, perform certain actions they will enjoy - people will enjoy doing what is unwholesome.
• There will be growing knowledge of the healing properties of certain processes and activities but it will lead us onto dangerous ground.
• People will learn which illnesses are caused by certain substances and action and then they can decide on the basis of purely egotistic motives whether to produce these illnesses or not.
• The third consequence of the above described turn in human development will be that we come to know certain forces that can easily be manipulated to unleash vast mechanical power over the whole world.
• Simply harmonizing certain vibrations can release tremendous powers, and as a result we will be able to instinctively exert some control over mechanics and machines and then technology as a whole will be on dangerous ground.
• Our egotism will be pleased with this development and find it useful.
• To properly appreciate these details concerning our development we must develop a spiritual view of life for without it, if we rely on an unspiritual view, these things will remain unclear to us.
• Without a spiritual view of life we would be at a loss when the above described takes hold.
• Without a spiritual worldview, we would not understand or notice these things and how they are pushing us off our true path.  Without this understanding we would be much like the sleeping person who does not wake up to a burglar and only sees the damage later when waking up and by then it is too late.
• It would be a rough awakening indeed.  We would delight in the expansion of certain processes and enjoy living out certain instincts and would praise it as an exceptionally fine form of the superhuman and impartiality and tolerance.  
• What is ugly would become beautiful and visa versa and we would not even notice this because it would appear to us as necessary.
• Thus proper spirituality requires a lifetime commitment.
• Everything we do must be steeped in and illuminated by our consciousness and that is how we can contribute to advancing the development of humanity in the right way.
• It is a mistake to believe that spirituality understood rightly and sincerely would ever lead us away from the practical and important work of our life.
• True spirituality awakens us to the things mentioned above, you need a balance of spiritual practice and work.

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Notes

• Elemental ideas are of the utmost importance. 
• We combine and fuse for desired outcomes, food, shelter, safety, ect.
• In proportions keeps us fueled and active, we are a fusion of the four elements.
• Ancient man understood this - he looked at the animals and saw himself in them.
• He saw a similar design in their bodies he saw metaphor.  In their existence he saw his own.  A being destined to be cold or pass away in abrupt freedom.
• He noted all things are not created, but merely rearranged to meet certain ends.
• Assuming the same of his creator, he sought to rearrange more effectively - example: man does not create a house - he simply rearranges the prime materials to then have the unity or the items which he will then rearrange further into making a house.
• Or painter does not create a painting, he rearranges paints, which are themselves a rearranged item into a painting which you can then see based on its construction.
• The man formed first with imagination, then speech, then writing, then locomotion.  
• These four qualities are the foundation all things formally magical.
• Fifth concept: Man saw himself in the animals, and space and in time. 
• Meaning in exterior form, thereby created symbols - representations of a deeper experience and from that magic was born.
• Later, man looked for more exterior forces and he found one thing he could not alter, stars and planets.
• They were set, greater, moving in cycles - the sun and moon each evening and morning - active - he himself along with the planets and animals was part of a cycle that determined his state of being.
• Therefore the stars gave him some indication of time, of movement and of seasons.
• He could not control so he became in tune with them and metaphorically tied them to himself.
• It isn't that magic came from a distant place far beyond the human being, yet instead in the rearranging of physical matter we would seek comfort in arranging the four qualities mentioned above.
• He would think, speak, write and move, these would then be tied to the elements.
• Symbol is the integral part of the other four states, think, speak and write and create as symbol.  He would move with significance.  All this work fueled by emotion and desire which he believed was the only means to generate creation.  He couldn't create or make, only form, therefore he would go to loftier spaces to create certain ends.
• Possible origin of magical arts.

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Notes:

First account starts @:1:50

• A woman, 25, in a coma learned the importance of having a body, is shown some future scenarios and a choice to return and when she did she was cured via miracle.
• Her liver failed and all the toxins and ammonia bled into her body and brain and was flown to another hospital where she was put into an induced coma due to her violence.
• She was placed on a list for a liver transplant for that night, the doctors told her family she needed a liver transplant or she would not make it through the night but she made it through the night and following nights.
• It rejuvenated 100 percent.
• She saw the light when they put her in the helicopter - she did not trust religion, but when she saw the light she thought it was a doctor's light until she went deeper - the tunnel of love, and into space.
• She describes the Love as being on stage with an admirable audience - there are thousands and thousands of people who have come to see you.  They are holding up signs with your name on it.  Holding up light or shouting your name to you.

 

• Multiply that love by a thousand.
• She had no concept of heaven because she had been told a lot of variations, so for her she was just in space, but without a ship.
• She was approached telepathically by three beings, she refers to them as angels or guides.
• She did not see the size but felt the strength and order of authority.
• They showed the woman her past, like a fast forward film - birth, 2 years of age we become solely on earth. 
• As babies we can still transition between heaven and earth.
• It showed every little thing she did wrong, but there was no judgement, only reflection.
• Her consciousness made her feel bad for doing these things.
• They showed her what she had chosen to be or do before coming into this life, that we are human and if we were perfect we would be Gods.
• This is why we come to Earth.  To learn.
• She had no body so she could not hear by ears, or see with eyes, could not touch, smell or taste.
• When she was shown her past and future, they showed all the holidays as well, she saw all the food telepathically and she imagined what it would taste and smell like.
• As wonderful as heaven was, there are many things you can only enjoy on Earth, such as swimming in water, holding hands, the soft fur of a pet, sex, kissing, warm wind, food, and so much more -
• Also if you have unresolved issues they do not go away just because you are dead, so if you hate yourself and commit suicide, you still hate yourself when dead, not much different than closing your eyes - your problems are still there.
• However you are able to think more clearly.  Your brain is fresh and alleviated of any damage, tiredness, illness, age, ect.
• They showed her the present - her funeral, and she saw her family, her children were fine and told the Gods that she did not need to go back.
• She was shown the future without her.
• An apartment at the end of a hall, a bedroom.  She peaked in, it was for a princess.  Toys, clothes, furniture.
• They told her, "no", this is for the step sisters.  Two little girls.  The other children's room: nothing in the room but a single dirty mattress on the floor, no furniture, toys or clothes.
• She then told them she wanted to come back to raise her kids and she did.
• During the visit she got to ask many questions.  She got answers to all her questions.  
• There was no concept of time, you do not have a body or need sleep or food, so there is no measurement of time.
• You can be in multiple places in multiple times as easy as it is to be at your computer or talking on your phone.
• They showed her a mountain of garbage.  They said this is the remains of all the products she had consumed in her lifetime that was left behind and many effects garbage and pollution has on the planet.
• That all animals have souls and it is disrespectful to pass by a dead animal on the road without giving it compassion.
• They said this is how our times are and that plants have a soul.
• We are expect to eat plants and animals but need compassion, respect and grace the food before eating is the best for now.  They knowingly sacrifice themselves for humans, so be appreciative.  
• She was in a coma for a week, when she came back to her body she remembered what happened, but did not remember the year or having kids.  She felt she was gone for a year or more from all the information she had been given.  She remembered her kids and brushed off what happened until the things shown in the future came into fruition.  
• Her liver healed 100 percent.  She is allergic to all medications.
• Her husband put her hand on a brown recluse spot and it almost completely healed the next morning.
• She got a calling to help people who were about to die.
• People who choose to live come back at a price and suffer from conditions often.
• She has witnessed many miracles and is now a grandmother.

Second account starts at 16:37

• A young woman faints, is revived and remembers things that happened while she was out.
• Experiences are customized for us and in addition they observe that time does not behave the same between this side and the other realms.
• She experienced her NDE as a 19 year old university student during an exam.  She was stressed, studying and had neglected to eat or sleep that week.
• She was outside one night and her boyfriend and another friend decided to take a break, they had a pleasant chat and smoked some weed, and some cigs.  She used both often with no negative effects, but that night due to the combo of stressors she began to feel feint.
• She felt her blood pressure plummet and vision became dotted with black around the edges by a sickly green.  She leaned against a car and tried to reach out and call her boyfriends name but was unable to.
• As the black dots multiplied and filled her vision she knew she was going down.
• There was buzzing in her hears - first time fainting - the impression: t felt to her like a film running through a projector which had ignited and started to be eaten away at spots, finally to be consumed by darkness.
• She had no awareness and felt nothing, black and silent, no thoughts, just blackness.
• Soon after she found herself in the middle backseat of a car - four other people in the car, one in each seat - hazy experience - a subtle brightness.
• She was frightened and confused, but not overly so, because she felt they were there to help and protect her.  She is an only child but felt they were her brothers.  People she knew her whole life, all male, older.
• They were communicating amongst themselves, debating on where to take her.  They made a choice quickly.

• Next thing she knew she was in a white enamel pristine canyon, breakneck speed - she thought she was on a bird at first and she found her vantage point to be right above it. 
• White with a faint tinge of lavender and it's feathers were swirling with moving iridescence. 
• Everything including the bird emanated a pure otherworldly white light, all etched in sharp, clear colours.
• There were stately green trees growing up from the canyon floor and a small crystalline stream that flowed at the bottom of the canyon.
• The bird lowered it's flight to tree level and she weaved in and out of the trees going fast, she worried the bird would hit a tree but realized that she was the one controlling the bird's actions.  She was the bird.
• She navigated between the trees, right, left, right, as second nature.
• She knew there was somewhere she had to go and it was the most important and that at the end of the canyon lay perfect bliss, love and acceptance.
• She has never wanted anything so much.  
• A voice started to call her from behind, she ignored it, she persisted and it started to grab at her and she was annoyed that someone would think to bother her at this time - the most important moment of her life - in a fury, she glanced back to say "go away", that is when she woke up in her old body, old life.
• It left like someone had hung a nasty drapery of reality again, blocking the place from her sight.  She felt dejected.  She was so close and felt dropped back into the dream world.
• This place seemed foggier and darker than the other place - so much less real.
• She was informed that she had fainted, took a hit to the head on the pavement, was unconscious and had a seizure.  
• The timing lines up with what happened to her in the dream world.
• She ended up feeling gratitude, confident in the universe, loved by the universe, not alone, unafraid of death, that it is a beginning and she draws strength from it.  She believes in the light of God and that hell does not exist, as there was no judgement - so it would be your conscience.
• She feels less judgmental and that kindness is a manifestation of the Light and the most important thing to do is to feed this light, to create beauty out of ugliness.
• Her migraines went away and never had another seizure again.  MRI showed no brain damage.  
• She feels like she could fly out of her body, but is afraid of pain and suffering.
• She is sensitive to loud noises and pharmaceuticals, and does not care about material things - feels self conscious.
• Insights become more powerful over time.
• She does not doubt that her experiences were specific - but not unreal.
• The bird looked like her dead parakeet and symbolized taking control as an affirmation of self worth.
• The trees were deciduous and loves streams, the canyon looked like a bathtub. 
• She resonates with other NDE's, but the details are specific to the person having the experience.  it is malleable to our thoughts, and is magnificent.
• Drugs do not give you anything like the experience of an NDE but can trigger an out of body experience.

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Edited June 30, 2021 by Loba