How do you find a best friend

[BornToBoil]

I want to have someone I could be truly close with:

• Trust
• Support
• Acceptance
• Understanding
• Truly being yourselves with each other
• Helping each other out in challenging situations
• Not being bound by time and space

It feels impossible to find the right person and build a relationship like that. Where do you even start?

[WonderSeeker]

@BornToBoil You don't find a best friend. You make a friend and if the both of you have good chemistry, then the relationship will last. The best way then, is to make a ton of friends and eventually you'll really click with one of them!

[Dancer]

13 minutes ago, BornToBoil said:

I want to have someone I could be truly close with:

• Trust
• Support
• Acceptance
• Understanding
• Truly being yourselves with each other
• Helping each other out in challenging situations
• Not being bound by time and space

It feels impossible to find the right person and build a relationship like that. Where do you even start?

There is no best friend. Throw that concept out of the window.

Believing you can have a best friend blinds you from seeing your best friend.

[BornToBoil]

@Dancer I like that concept and I don't see how it's bad. 

I actually had a bestfriend when I was a kid. But, unfortunately, the process of growing up made us go separate ways...

I never had anyone I would be that close with ever since.

@WonderSeeker I don't want to have a ton of friends. It's too exausting. I just need one friend, one girlfriend and, maybe, one dog ))

[WonderSeeker]

@BornToBoil Right, but I'm saying that it's hard to know who that one person will be without meeting a bunch of people first. It's kind of a numbers game (similar to if you're a man looking to date women). 

Perhaps list out the qualities you're looking for on paper and talk to more people in public. Bring up what you're interested in. Of course, this is hard to do, given the pandemic. Options are limited, so do the best with what you've got! In the meantime, be your own best friend. 

[BornToBoil]

@WonderSeeker I am actually not that sure about all that "numbers game" mentality anymore. Both in dating and friendships. I know a lot of people who found their soulmate after like 2-3 relationships. And I met my childhood bestfriend by pure chance. I think there are more forces in play than just numbers. Maybe it's destiny, who knows )

[WonderSeeker]

@BornToBoil There are exceptions to the rule; I'm not denying that. You're still young, right? You'll figure it out!

[BornToBoil]

@WonderSeeker Thanks!

[Dancer]

2 hours ago, BornToBoil said:

@Dancer I like that concept and I don't see how it's bad. 

I actually had a bestfriend when I was a kid. But, unfortunately, the process of growing up made us go separate ways...

I never had anyone I would be that close with ever since.

It's not in itself bad, but in your situation it is bad and it limits you. You will have to drop your best-friend concept in order to actually find one.

This or you'll be stuck without a best friend. Your choice.

I had no best friends. Then I dropped the concept and suddenly I had a lot of possible best friends. Some of them today I consider my best friends.
I'll do almost anything for them, and they will do almost anything for me.

The reason you had a best friend as a kid was that you didn't got to know him with your concept of what a best friend is.

[Dancer]

2 minutes ago, d0ornokey said:

@Dancer I see what im getting from you is that you dropped a story of not having best friends? Sort of letting go of "lack"? 

I found out that my concept of a best friend actually was false. So I had to let it go or I would continue to be stuck in falsehood.

[BornToBoil]

@Dancer I see. Ok, thanks )

[Preety_India]

You should really get along with them. 

P. S - I'm not a best friend. Sorry. 

[LastThursday]

@BornToBoil even if you're quite introverted and find people exhausting, you will still meet lots of people over time. 

The secret is to be open with the people you meet and be interested in them. You don't need to be fake though, some people are just not that interesting, don't pretend. Being open just means talking about yourself more, and finding things in common with other people and doing things together. If people don't find you interesting, then don't worry they're not going to be your best friend, move on.

It also takes a long time to make good friends with people. I mean it can take months or even years. This is completely normal. I've met many people that I didn't get along with for months or I wasn't interested in, only to make really good friends with them in the long run. You need patience.

Also, you shouldn't expect anything from friends, instead you should give them the things you want. So you want a relationship where you help each other out in challenging situations. In that case you should be the first one to volunteer to help. In fact helping people out is an excellent way to make good friends. You have to live and embody the values you want in a best friend, even before you meet the best friend.

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, LastThursday said:

You have to live and embody the values you want in a best friend, even before you meet the best friend.

This was a beautiful line. 

 

[LastThursday]

@Preety_India  I always thought friends should be more about giving than receiving.

[Preety_India]

13 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

@Preety_India  I always thought friends should be more about giving than receiving.

True that. 

[BornToBoil]

@LastThursday great advice, thank you