Am I going through a "Dark Night of the Soul?"

[cuteguy]

Hello everybody!

The last few months I made a lot of undeniable "spiritual progress." I finally started experiencing being in a state of No-Self in my meditation sessions. I even had an awakening experience. As a result of that, my daily life just became happier than ever before, since I knew that I could stop being a person and let go of the burden that person-hood comes with.

And then a few weeks ago, I got stuck. I lost it, somehow. My meditation sessions now are nothing but monkey mind and I can't "Be" anymore. It's like I have never meditated before. 

Not only that. I have lost interest in everything. My sex drive is almost none-existent. I don't enjoy entertainment anymore. I find every conversation meaningless. I have no motivation to work on personal projects. Even writing this post feels very meaningless and I am just forcing myself to write it because I am confused.

It's like a deep depression, but I'm not really suffering. It's like I am very depressed, but it's okay, it's not that bad. It's very weird!

Am I going through a "Dark Night of the Soul"? And also, I would love to hear from someone who can relate to this, because this feels very lonely.

[Endangered-EGO]

"The dark night of the soul" is often misused to mean nihilistic depression. Well not really misused but there are 2 types of dark nights. The christian and the buddhist.

Christian is a nihilistic depression dark night.

In the zen/buddhist term, the dark night of the soul, pit of the void, enlightenment's evil twin is the fear of nothingness. 
In psychology (DSM-V) it is refered to as Depersonalisation/Derealisation disorder.


Both "dark nights" can be a result of meditation. However what you're describing is not the buddhist dark night. The only teacher who talks about that is shinzen young, I recommend you watch his videos on the dark night of the soul:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zIKQCwDXsA&t=1s
 

[Breakingthewall]

I think what happens to you is you have had an experience of awakening, that makes you detach yourself from the karmic and focus on the openess, on the not i. The problem is that the ego reacts and takes the reins again, but with the aggravating factor that you no longer have the consolation of projecting in the future. You know that your ego is nothing, but still you are, so you have no present, only monkey mind, the jail ... and also you do not have furure, because you know there is only present. They are cycles, I think that you will return to the opening and the present without i, and again to the ego without substance, until the opening is longer than the closed

[Danny Bowdad]

Hello, 

I can relate.  For me, it started after a intense psychedelic experience (Iboga root bark). I was shaken to the core, everything I believed was dissolved. I was 100% freaked out, 100% lost. 

At the time I didn’t have anyone in my life to discuss this with. The little bit I did try to share just freaked everyone out. I had no way to properly integrate the experience, because before the experience, I didn’t believe what others were saying about this side-effect.  I just didn’t know what I didn’t know. 
 

I personally believe, that for me, finding a way to integrate this experience was the beginning of a new way of understanding who I really was, or who “I Am”.  Today I find great value in participation with “like minded community” and “disciplined meditation practice”. These two practices seem to be the key, that turns on the vehicle, that delivers me to a place of better understanding.  
 

Thanks again Leo!!

[WonderSeeker]

You may very well be in that phase. I'm currently in it and like you, it was all fun and games until things went down-hill fast. 
 

7 hours ago, cuteguy said:

I finally started experiencing being in a state of No-Self in my meditation sessions.

If you're in the Dark Night, then brace for impact as "No-Self" may radically deepen.

7 hours ago, cuteguy said:

I even had an awakening experience. As a result of that, my daily life just became happier than ever before, since I knew that I could stop being a person and let go of the burden that person-hood comes with.

My sex drive is almost none-existent.

It sounds like you were recently in the Arising & Passing Away stage, which precedes the Dark Night. In that stage you tend to feel blissful, joyous, hyper-sexual, etc. I'm not trying to downplay whatever happened to you, but that 'awakening' you experienced was probably not an actual awakening. The A&P is notorious for making new students think they've become enlightened. 

7 hours ago, cuteguy said:

I would love to hear from someone who can relate to this, because this feels very lonely.

Feel free to PM me and we can discuss Dark Night insights! It's much harder to go it alone.  

[Nahm]

14 hours ago, cuteguy said:

Hello everybody!

The last few months I made a lot of undeniable "spiritual progress." I finally started experiencing being in a state of No-Self in my meditation sessions. I even had an awakening experience. As a result of that, my daily life just became happier than ever before, since I knew that I could stop being a person and let go of the burden that person-hood comes with.

And then a few weeks ago, I got stuck. I lost it, somehow. My meditation sessions now are nothing but monkey mind and I can't "Be" anymore. It's like I have never meditated before. 

Sounds like the awakening was a bit contextualized. What awakens is unconditional, and life being a burden is a somewhat heavy condition. Life or personhood being an it (an object or ‘other thing’) & being free from said ‘it’ is also still a condition, or, the belief you are not already absolutely free, or said another way, there are not-two (you & life, or you & personhood). You are so free you might say, that this, ‘life’ or ‘personhood’ Is, or, is the very evidence, Is the being that you are. 

Quote

Not only that. I have lost interest in everything. My sex drive is almost none-existent. I don't enjoy entertainment anymore. I find every conversation meaningless. I have no motivation to work on personal projects. Even writing this post feels very meaningless and I am just forcing myself to write it because I am confused.

It's like a deep depression, but I'm not really suffering. It's like I am very depressed, but it's okay, it's not that bad. It's very weird!

Am I going through a "Dark Night of the Soul"? And also, I would love to hear from someone who can relate to this, because this feels very lonely.

Inspect each thought in a more nuanced approach, rather than adding an over arching theme or concept. The orientation of this suggestion would experientially be inward... inspecting each thought rather than thinking about what’s happening...that being outward. 

‘At the end of the day’, the ‘answer’ is there is much to let go of, and nothing to figure out or understand. When letting go / emptying out, purification is experienced, and directing awareness to seeing, hearing, deeply relaxing the body, and breathing is the way to go. Though it is no picnic at first, you’ll become more and more aware of how deep reaction to thought is, by non-reaction (relaxing, breathing, seeing, hearing instead). It’s sort of like having a front row seat to the shit show of your own delusions, and the key is recognizing it’s an emptying out, and it’s an experience, it is not about a separate you. A movie of a spilling of thoughts that aren’t actually about you, might be another way to point. 

Daily Concentration meditation can be highly effective in regard to the experience of purification, and not getting ‘sucked into’ the thought narratives. 

Followed by Self Inquiry to redirect inward. 

Expression is important, and I recommend creating a Dreamboard to express anything you want to do and experience, and to get in touch with presence, or, creator-creation-creating. 

Also, as was mentioned previously in the thread...talk to someone. The more you express and empty, the sooner there is more clarity & focus in your experience.