Not mindful enough and too slow

[Firebird]

Its hard for me to be mindful even though I am enlightened. I was a computer addict for 10 years and it has lowered my mindfulness. It has become a bad habit and tendency to not be mindful. Whenever I try to concentrate and be in the present moment its painful, because bad karma of being a former addict that had many sleepless nights has ruined my perception and mindfulness. I want to feel the present moment and be in it. I dont feel like im living in the present moment. My visual sense got damaged from computer screen I see normally but I cant be mindful as I wish to be, technology intoxication can ruin your perception of time and mindfulness. I am no longer an addict but bad karma of insufficient mindfulness still remains.

I also have another problem. I do everything slowly, I eat slowly, I exercise slowly, I waste 1/3 of the day just by going to the store. It disturbs me that the day passes so quickly and I barely did anything. I am like a snail. Too inert.

What to do?

Edited December 13, 2020 by Firebird

[PepperBlossoms]

On 12/13/2020 at 6:44 AM, Firebird said:

Its hard for me to be mindful even though I am enlightened.

@Firebird These first responses are questions for thought and below that are some suggestions.  What does it mean to be enlightened to you?

On 12/13/2020 at 6:44 AM, Firebird said:

I was a computer addict for 10 years and it has lowered my mindfulness.

Did the computer lower your mindfulness or you?  What does mindfulness mean to you?  How can you tell what your mindfulness level is at?

On 12/13/2020 at 6:44 AM, Firebird said:

It has become a bad habit and tendency to not be mindful.

Why is this considered bad?  Why do you want to be mindful?

On 12/13/2020 at 6:44 AM, Firebird said:

Whenever I try to concentrate and be in the present moment its painful, because bad karma of being a former addict that had many sleepless nights has ruined my perception and mindfulness.

How are you not in the present?  Do you feel that you are in the past or future?  What kind of pain is it?  Ever consider that good/bad is based on the observer and karma may not be a thing?

What was your perception and mindfulness like then and how is it like now?  What can you do to work on your perception and mindfulness?  Do you still have sleepless nights?

On 12/13/2020 at 6:44 AM, Firebird said:

 I want to feel the present moment and be in it.

Why?  What does it mean to feel the present moment?

On 12/13/2020 at 6:44 AM, Firebird said:

Its My visual sense got damaged from computer screen I see normally but I cant be mindful as I wish to be, technology intoxication can ruin your perception of time and mindfulness.

Can you learn to work on getting back your perception of time and mindfulness?

On 12/13/2020 at 6:44 AM, Firebird said:

 I am no longer an addict but bad karma of insufficient mindfulness still remains.

Congrats.  work on some mindfulness stuff to get it better.

On 12/13/2020 at 6:44 AM, Firebird said:

I also have another problem. I do everything slowly, I eat slowly, I exercise slowly, I waste 1/3 of the day just by going to the store. It disturbs me that the day passes so quickly and I barely did anything. I am like a snail. Too inert.

Hmm.  You could try recording how long you are actually taking to do things - five minutes, five hours, etc.  How slow is this?  What speed do you want to be doing it at?  Work on it to get yourself to get it to within that time limit.

Lets say you brush your teeth and it feels too slow.  Okay - do it over and over again- try getting faster and faster.  What steps are taking long and why is there delay/hesitation?  How much time do I want to spend doing this and how can I do it so that I spend the allotted time?

You could do some planning before going to the store - write down everything that you want and group it by location.  You could have someone go with you to have you keep on pace and not have any pauses.

You could write down what all you want to do but also write down what you do each day - then you can look back and see what you did so that you can see that you did in fact get stuff done.

You could look at your water intake as well as eat lots of fruit and vegetables as well as take restorative vitamins for the brain, get enough sleep, and exercise.  Good luck!  I'm sorry that you are having these issues. 

I would also practice meditation or some form of thinking whether that be thinking in images or words, writing stuff down, drawings stuff, typing stuff out, talking out loud, talking with another person, etc.  I would think about how thinking works and what all the different ways there are to think.  

Edited December 27, 2020 by PepperBlossoms

[Rolo]

@Firebird you could try some psychedelics to break these beliefs about yourself. It sounds to me that you think you are not good enough or not worthy of being conscious, You are, and you always will be, Either when you die as a body, or when your ego dies.

Edited January 8, 2021 by Rolo

[Carl-Richard]

On 13.12.2020 at 1:44 PM, Firebird said:

Its hard for me to be mindful even though I am enlightened.

Bro, having fears about not being in the present moment means you're not enlightened. You would've realized that you cannot not be in the present moment. There IS only the present moment. You truly cannot keep yourself from being mindful in a non-dual state.

 

On 13.12.2020 at 1:44 PM, Firebird said:

Whenever I try to concentrate and be in the present moment its painful, because bad karma of being a former addict that had many sleepless nights has ruined my perception and mindfulness. I want to feel the present moment and be in it. I dont feel like im living in the present moment. My visual sense got damaged from computer screen I see normally but I cant be mindful as I wish to be, technology intoxication can ruin your perception of time and mindfulness. I am no longer an addict but bad karma of insufficient mindfulness still remains.

I also have another problem. I do everything slowly, I eat slowly, I exercise slowly, I waste 1/3 of the day just by going to the store. It disturbs me that the day passes so quickly and I barely did anything. I am like a snail. Too inert.

You have a lot of limiting beliefs about why you're feeling this way. I suggest looking away from the past and looking at what you're doing right now. Are there some things you can do right now that might improve things for you? Daily meditation habit? Fasting? Dopamine detox?

Edited January 8, 2021 by Carl-Richard