Easily Dragged Down by Negativity

[Raphael]

I'm easily dragged down into negativity.

It's usually happens when one or multiple people have strong reactions against me when I say something or do something. When someone doesn't think enough and gets angry against me because he/she doesn't understand my perspective. It doesn't happen often, but when it happen it stays stuck in my head for hours or even days.

However, the thing is that I already know the solution to the problem from an intellectual level. They are multiple things that I can do: focus on something positive, do deep breathing, let go, accept, etc.

So what I am doing here? I think I'm looking for some emotional support.

[Gesundheit]

It's called people-pleasing. A classic self-image problem. At the heart of this problem, there is lack of self-love created by giving too much attention to the thoughts, both of yours and of others'.

The ultimate solution is raising your awareness. And there are plenty of techniques for that. Personally, I have found meditation, journaling, and shadow work to be the most effective, as well as learning about relationships and boundaries both from reading and from life.

[No Self]

I've learned to be careful what I share with people who will only react negatively.

But once a situation has arisen, it is important to allow the feelings that come up to be, without 'buying into' them. Observe the process passively. Let the clouds pass without turning them into an identity with a sad story. Much has been written about this by Eckhart Tolle and others.

[Raphael]

15 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

It's called people-pleasing. A classic self-image problem. At the heart of this problem, there is lack of self-love created by giving too much attention to the thoughts, both of yours and of others'.

The ultimate solution is raising your awareness. And there are plenty of techniques for that. Personally, I have found meditation, journaling, and shadow work to be the most effective, as well as learning about relationships and boundaries both from reading and from life.

Is it also linked to self-esteem? I recently acknowledge that I have low self-esteem and I'm planning to do exercises to raise it.

[Raphael]

10 hours ago, No Self said:

But once a situation has arisen, it is important to allow the feelings that come up to be, without 'buying into' them. Observe the process passively. Let the clouds pass without turning them into an identity with a sad story. Much has been written about this by Eckhart Tolle and others.

Yeah, I intuitively notice that to be an healthy way to handle it.

However, I still have difficulties to do it. When it happens, I either go watch youtube, play video games, or watch porn.

[Gesundheit]

46 minutes ago, Raphael said:

Is it also linked to self-esteem? I recently acknowledge that I have low self-esteem and I'm planning to do exercises to raise it.

Yes, lack of self-esteem is a self-image issue. Usually these issues are inseparable. Once your self-image is made self-conscious about itself, defective behaviour starts to appear. And this will happen every time a trigger occurs because there are judgements that the subconscious mind is making, which are creating the discomfort. It's a defence mechanism that you as a child had developed unconsciously in order for you to protect yourself by avoiding pain and faking behaviours in order to be loved and accepted and validated by your caregivers who were harsh and critical with you.

It's not an uncommon issue, and it's not black or white. No one virtually has had a perfect childhood, but certainly some people had it harder than others. There are various degrees and forms in which these issues manifest. Some of them can be life-threatening, such as a woman developing anorexia due to her excessive fear of obesity, which is ultimately a self-image issue. But even those are curable with awareness. So just keep increasing your awareness and be gentle with yourself during the process. Be the caregiver you wanted to have.

[Raphael]

Just now, Gesundheit said:

Keep increasing your awareness and be gentle with yourself during the process. Be the caregiver you wanted to have.

Ok. ?

[Nahm]

20 hours ago, Raphael said:

I'm easily dragged down into negativity. It's usually happens when one or multiple people have strong reactions against me when I say something or do something. When someone doesn't think enough and gets angry against me because he/she doesn't understand my perspective. It doesn't happen often, but when it happen it stays stuck in my head for hours or even days.

Notice (your) reaction arise, pause, and choose to respond in accordance, alignment, with feeling, with what feels good to you. You’re not responsible for doing this for anyone else. 

20 hours ago, Raphael said:

However, the thing is that I already know the solution to the problem from an intellectual level. They are multiple things that I can do: focus on something positive, do deep breathing, let go, accept, etc.

So what I am doing here? I think I'm looking for some emotional support.

The ‘emotional support’ is always readily abundantly within you. Connect, and you no longer believe the thought that you need emotional support. Be attentive to what you have been inattentive to, reactionary behavior / unaligned being. In doing so, you liberate. This might be just the thing. ?

[Raphael]

On 12/6/2020 at 4:51 PM, Nahm said:

Be attentive to what you have been inattentive to, reactionary behavior / unaligned being. In doing so, you liberate. This might be just the thing. ?

I didn't do the meditation, but how would it help me?

[Nahm]

@Raphael

It will help you to let other people off the hook. You’ll realize you’re using other people to justify how you feel, and the reason it’s not working out for you is because how you feel is relative to your own perspectives. 

[Raphael]

8 minutes ago, Nahm said:

You’ll realize you’re using other people to justify how you feel, and the reason it’s not working out for you is because how you feel is relative to your own perspectives. 

That's very insightful, thank you.

I also think I have some victim mentality which makes me do that. The solution that I see is to take more responsibility for how I handle my thoughts and emotional reactions to make a progressive perspective shift.

[Nahm]

@Raphael

Awesome. That also really brings awareness to mind in the sense, there is no thing like awareness, which has the attribute of being aware. Awareness is aware of thoughts coming and going, including thoughts about itself. Awareness is not of this world, and cannot therefore be thought. Awareness is aware of  thoughts, yet always remains unconditional, eternally prior to patience, not knowing negativity in any meaningful, intimate, or worthwhile way. Awareness is so good, and so radical, that the very first thought in the history of man of an act to harm was too much. Already strayed too far. But he thought how he felt was because of the other guy. Taking responsibility is great. The ease of awareness being aware is also great.