5-MeO-DMT first experience: The ego is strong (11mg insufflated)

[Balyrean]

Hello everyone,

Yesterday I had my first experience with the magical substance we call 5-MeO-DMT (HCI). I’m usually not one to write or post about my experiences, however I decided that I wanted to post about this. Most of all because the posts in this forum helped me a lot with my research before trying this and I hope my experience might help other as well. After all, we’re all on this journey together.

 

Prior psychedelics experience
Mushrooms, ayahuasca

 

Basic info
Dose: 11mg
RoA: Insufflated
Setting: Alone, in my own house
Music: None

 

Preparing and taking the 5-MeO
I had two free days of work to try this for the first time, my initial plan was to use on both days. But later I will explain why I won’t do that.

On the day of using I had a normal breakfast in the morning and after that still ate a banana. I waited till at least three hours after the banana so that my empty stomach would hopefully prevent any possible nausea. This worked very well, I would rate the nausea of my trip a 1 on a scale of 0-10.

As it’s not easy for me to find a sitter I decided to try it alone. The research I had done made me comfortable enough to this. For what I’ve read people said that 10-12mg is a good starting dose so I decided to start with 11mg for the first time to see how I would react. I prepared a room to be safe for doing this.

I weighed the 11mg and divided this in 2 equal lines and snorted one line per nostril. As I’ve read here on the forum I snorted with little power, got it all up there and then massaged it into my nostrils. The burning sensation (before & after) I found very doable, I would say a 3 on a scale of 0-10.

 

The onset
At this point I was still sitting up straight, gently massaging it into the nostrils while leaning my head a bit forward. I was of course a bit excited for what was to come, but felt comfortable. After some minutes the first thing I felt was a deep ‘buzzing’ sensation in my awareness, in some way similar to that of mushroom. My ego immediately though ‘Oh shit, what have I done’. This made the sensation go away again. Therefore I decided to lay myself down on the matrass. I laid down in fetes position, because I wanted to prevent to possible suddenly be out of my body and puking.

Slowly but surely it got more intense. My thoughts and mind started to be clearer, like there was less unnecessary noise. However my ego tried de desperately grasp around it. Trying to rationalise everything that happened. I spent some time still looking at my hand, in some way to stay connected to the ‘reality’ of the ego. In between I shortly sit up straight again, my ego was really trying to keep control of the body. I had shortly a moment that my teeth where clattering and felt a little of saliva going out of my mouth. I was still aware enough to brush it off with my hand and decided to lay down again and surrender to the sensation.

 

The peak
All this time I still had my eyes open. I was laying on my side and looking at the wall. I started to feel more and more distanced from my body (really couldn’t tell if it felt heavier or lighter). Because of this I also gave up on looking to my hand (which I was doing again) and laid it on the floor. I told my ego to just let go. I was no longer looking at the wall with focus, everything became a vague blur. The more I could let go the more intense everything became.

I started to close my eyes. I felt that my consciousness was being taken elsewhere. The best way to describe it is the void was calling me. I felt but the tiniest fraction of this vast nothingness. It was not scary at all, it was pretty calming somehow. For a short moment there where 0 thought and no awareness of the body at all. However this was in no way calming for my ego. Who still desperately tried to survive.

While I experienced this fraction of the void, my ego was yelling ‘Hey bro, are you sure you are still breathing?’ From the moment I closed my eyes to this moment felt like maybe 5-10 seconds (very hard to say for sure though, but this is what I’d estimate). The ego made me aware that I was no longer aware of the fact that I was breathing. The ego managed to ‘scare’ me enough so that it felt like I wasn’t breathing. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes (still laying sideways). It felt like I was pulled out of this nothingness with such great force and smacked back into the reality of the ego. In some way this felt slightly like being reborn (or coming back, I’m sure it’s nothing compared to how a full breakthrough feels).

Even though I was only gone for a mere few seconds it felt amazing to feel the breath going in my lungs and being a bit aware of my body. My ego immediately tried to rationalize again. Trying to figure out if I really wasn’t breathing or if it was only a sensation. I read about this sensation before, I tried to accept that it was just part of the experience and that I should let go.

The same thing happened a few times more, I would say 5-6 times in total. Every time the ego said on what felt like the very last moment ‘Dude, breathe!’ In the moment I felt like I wasn’t breathing I tried to feel if my body was breathing without my noticing it. In some way it felt like it did, but I couldn’t be sure. After I took these breaths I also didn’t feel too much out of breath. But it was also very hard to say how long these very short moments in the nothingness really were.

These 5-6 times were very intense. It felt like I was jumping in between realms, however not fully leaving the realm of the ego. I obviously couldn’t let go. I wasn’t ready enough to die yet. I felt a mere fraction of what is out here and something told me that this was enough for today.

 

The offset
After this I went back to sitting up straight. I know I probably didn’t even go so deep, but man what a ride it was. When sitting up straight everything suddenly became so clear, how there is such a perfect harmony in everything. As others here also describe it, I would say this feeling was pure bliss.

This feeling gave me many realizations. How controlling I am in life, how hard it is for me to let go of things I hold on to. All this suffering I do for myself, truly for no reason at all. Everything just made so much sense. It was such a calming feeling. I sat with my hands in my head, with a big smile and almost crying of some sort of relief. Man, what did I waste so much energy on unnecessary things. And what a big joke it just all was. I felt a lot of love.

After some point I became more active with my body again. First moving my arms around a bit which felt great. A bit later I decided to go to the toilet and have a glass of water on the couch. I felt so at peace. I ate some fruit and it tasted much more intense than normally. My awareness was still really high and I just enjoyed watching the trees outside. This feeling slowly faded more, also as the ego was trying to get fully back and offering me to go do some chores. Since then I still feel much calmer than usual.

 

The night after
I’ve read about it here more often that people have some after affects while sleeping after using this substance. In the night after using I woke up a few times. This isn’t anything unusual for me, however the weird thing is that usually you don’t notice it that much. Now it felt like I want from deep sleep to fully awake in a mere second multiple times. Later in the night I woke up for longer. I was hearing voices talking. First I thought, is it the neighbours in their garden? But it was the middle of the night. When I focused on it, it got more and more intense. To at some point it felt like there was the chattering of a 100 people in my mind. I thought it was probably because of the 5-MeO and told myself to let it go. When I let it go, it was gone immediately. However these kind of sensations went on and off for some time, as I had to focus on not hearing things. It was a bit stressing, but nothing too much. Later in the night I still had a very intense dream and also a nightmare, however I’m not sure in how far this was related to the substance.

 

Conclusion
In conclusion I look back on a positive first trip which has already given me some important insights. I have to stop trying to control everything so much and allow myself to enjoy this beautiful dance. All the suffering I endure, I create myself.

As I’ve described I first wanted to use the second day again. However, because of the breathing and the weird night sleep I first want to wait a bit with it. It doesn’t feel right today. First I want to see if the sleeping gets back to normal before I might make things worse.

As for the breathing, I would also like to hear the opinion from experienced people here. I know that not everybody has this sensation, but is it okay to fully let go of it? I know Leo commented somewhere that this can be lethal at high dosages, but does this make it safe in normal dosages? I’ve read somewhere that this sensation is not a genuine or dangerous sensation (see Psychonaut-wiki). Of course I am aware that you shouldn’t take this if you’re not willing to let go. I want to treat this substance with the care and respect it needs and might have to consider to otherwise to find a sitter or to stop my journey.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this report and that I might be able to help some others by sharing this experience.

I wish you all the best!

Edited August 26, 2020 by Balyrean
Spelling

[Leo Gura]

Good work. You just need to up your dose. Your dose is at the point where the ego still struggles to hang on. Once your dose gets to 15mg or 20mg, it will actually be easier as you enter a full nondual state. Stop worrying about the ego. It is irrelevant. Just snort it and enjoy the ride.

At around the 20mg range you should be safe.

Of course breathing is important. Don't stop breathing. But don't obsess over it either. You don't need to do any special deep breathing. Just normal casual breath.

18 minutes ago, Balyrean said:

but is it okay to fully let go of it?

The whole point of fully letting go it that you accept it even if it means death.

You just have to get over the fact that you might never come back. That comes with the territory of tripping. There are no guarantees, nor is it a good thing to desire such guarantees because this entire process is about facing your fear of death head-on and surrendering to the inevitable.

You are not gonna escape this life alive. So you might as well accept that now.

20mg is a reasonable dose and I doubt anyone would die from it unless they have some special medical condition.

[Balyrean]

@Leo Gura  Thank you Leo, very helpfull!

[Bazooka Jesus]

@Balyrean Wow, what an amazing and wonderfully detailed trip report... honest & authentic and yet really inspiring, just the way I like it!

Hmmm, reading this gave me a very good and reassuring sense of what to expect on my first 5 Meo test drive (I do realize that no two people ever have the same experience on whatever psychedelic, but this sounds like a pretty solid preview of what might be in store for me). Kudos to you for such a well written and informative debut post -- please keep 'em coming!

[OBEler]

@Balyrean Very good! Just an honest report. Many reports here on this forum are just breakthrough reports. We need more of low dose/mid dose reports to see the effects and struggles there.

[Bazooka Jesus]

@Leo Gura I have to say that I get discouraged very easily from ramping up the dose of a psychedelic when I've only tried it once or twice at low doses and couldn't bring myself resp. my ego to let go (this is what has kept me from trying a proper N'N DMT breakthrough dose after a couple of low dose trips, each of which I can only describe as four minutes of pure, acute, concentrated panic & anxiety). Do you think that for someone like me, it might be a better idea to start out on 15 mg of 5-Meo DMT than to start with 10 mg?

[OBEler]

@Bazooka Jesus start easy with 5 mg rectal. There is no panic there (just a little heart racing but this will last for just 2 minutes and you are still in full control). Nothing profound and you can train plugging.

[Balyrean]

@Bazooka Jesus @OBEler Thank you for the kind words ! Will post again when I try it again. 

[Leo Gura]

40 minutes ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

@Leo Gura I have to say that I get discouraged very easily from ramping up the dose of a psychedelic when I've only tried it once or twice at low doses and couldn't bring myself resp. my ego to let go (this is what has kept me from trying a proper N'N DMT breakthrough dose after a couple of low dose trips, each of which I can only describe as four minutes of pure, acute, concentrated panic & anxiety). Do you think that for someone like me, it might be a better idea to start out on 15 mg of 5-Meo DMT than to start with 10 mg?

I doubt you'll be able to avoid the fear. A central part of this work is facing fear and dealing with it in the moment. Otherwise it's like you're afraid of being afraid, which just makes you weaker.

There's no easy way to take such powerful chemicals. If you want to avoid such fearful possibilities you should just not take psychedelics at all. They can and will freak you out if you take enough of them. The trick is to be courageous.

[Bazooka Jesus]

@Leo Gura In other words: Be a good boy, start with 10 mg and take it from there?

[Bazooka Jesus]

@OBEler Hmm, I don't know, 5 mg seems a little... what's the opposite of excessive? Incessive? Lol.

I know from my experience with shrooms that there is that awkward spot between low/medium high and 'heroic' doses - which for me is around the 5g mark - where reality starts melting away but the ego is still intact (which is always an unpleasant experience); a 7g trip, on the other hand, is pure orgasmic bliss. So when it comes to 5-Meo, I am wondering if it might not be a good idea to just skip the zone of awkwardness altogether and go straight for the jackpot, you see?

[Aaron p]

@OBEler have you tried combining MDMA and 5meo to push past the fear? This is definitely something I might consider in the future. Of course research would need to be done to see if it's safe or not. But I know that when I combined DMT (which can be an extremely extremely scary substance) and MDMA, I had no fear at all. I'm aware I only did that once, but regarding overcoming fear, I reckon MDMA might have something to offer. Gotta watch the heart rate though

Edited August 26, 2020 by Aaron p

[OBEler]

@Bazooka Jesus Very good reason, I understand your concerns. To be honest, I dont know the right answer here because I just tried low dose 5 meo so far and got some skills which I hope will help me when I face my fear of death with a big dose 5 meo one day.

 

[OBEler]

@Aaron p I ordered Kola Nut powder. Some people here on this forum say this will help you with upcoming fear and transform it into exitement.

Take 2 grams of the powder, mix it with a little bit of water and then just drink it. Then wait 10-15 minutes and do the MeO. I just tested it once and there were nofear but also no efffects on 5 meo because the dose was maybe too low who knows. I would recommed you to experiemnt with this powder before using mdma.

Edited August 26, 2020 by OBEler

[Bazooka Jesus]

1 hour ago, OBEler said:

@Aaron p I ordered Kola Nut powder. Some people here on this forum say this will help you with upcoming fear and transform it into exitement.

Take 2 grams of the powder, mix it with a little bit of water and then just drink it. Then wait 10-15 minutes and do the MeO. I just tested it once and there were nofear but also no efffects on 5 meo because the dose was maybe too low who knows. I would recommed you to experiemnt with this powder before using mdma.

Huh? I thought that you should have a completely empty stomach when you do 5 Meo and not even drink anything one hour prior to the trip? At least that's what some bald-headed dude on the internet has told me (who supposedly knows about this kind of stuff)... gah, so much conflicting information!

[OBEler]

@Bazooka Jesus Lol do you know how little 2 g is? this is just a drink. Your stomach will be fine. It is like drinking water

[Bazooka Jesus]

@OBEler Sure, but Leo told me that I shouldn't even drink a cup of tea prior to the trip unless I intend to re-enact my own profile pic during the trip!

Geez, can someone around here please clear up this question once and for all?

Edited August 26, 2020 by Bazooka Jesus

[OBEler]

@Bazooka Jesus one of those people here who recommend drinking kola nut powder was Leo himselfe (correct me if I am wrong Leo). And sometimes he exaggerates a little so that you dont do stupid things: 

Yes, optimum is an empty stomach so that your energy is not used for processing food but for the trip. But you can drink totally save some water and also this kola nut powder. Your stomach will still be fine and you can handle the fear with this. It is a good trade off

[Bazooka Jesus]

@OBEler Hm, alright, if you say so...

[OBEler]

@Bazooka Jesus Well tested and approved method among some users here