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Florian

Life Purpose Journal

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Here I will write about my journey and gather insights that I find along the way for me to remember and maybe share with someone if that person randomly see's this and it's valueble for him/her as well. 

My life purpose: Being the perfect fighter and fascinating people with it.

To be more specific: I will be a boxer and fascinate people that watch my fights either live or in recorded form. I want to leave behind video tapes of my fights that people can watch that will leave them speechless. I want to be so good that people begin to wonder what they are actually capable of and also just have a form of entertainment that thrills them. 

Also if I manage to actualize this dream I want to deliver a message to the world. Specifically I want people who are down to nothing, ready to kill themselves to know this: I was at this point and I actually almost killed myself once. I didn't have anything good and I just wanted to die because I thought I would be free then. What I did then though was saying to myself: before I kill myself I will focus everything I got on one thing, I have nothing to lose anyways, I can still kill myself after. So "before you kill yourself you can still search for one thing that you dedicate your life on and focus everything you got on it because: YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOSE ANYWAYS" (I am not saying that this is what you should do but I want people to think about it) 

EDIT: thank you Leo btw for your life purpose course

I love mastering something and understanding it deeply (excellence is my top value at the moment). I think my zone of genius is thinking deeply into one thing and understanding every aspect of it and how the little details play out in the bigger picture of this one system. Also I think operating infront of certain death (if I fail) or something like that may be another zone of genius of mine because I find that I am most clear and feel most free when I am in such situations. Plus I believe I might also have a zone of genius which is connected to copying things I see or maybe understanding things I see (maybe that's just a common personality trait that I learn best by looking directly at what I am studying or something, like learning by seeing or something).

 

 

 

If you read this journal feel free to comment, that's part of the reason why I write this stuff down here, so wise people can comment wise comments or just funny bullshit thats also cool haha.

+If I actually actualize this purpose and become a famous boxer... my name is Florian B................  so you know who it is if you see me on TV in 5-10 years hehe

Edited by Florian

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My current understanding of what I need to be the perfect fighter:

1. Emotional freedom (letting go emotions related to anything with fighting)

2. Wisdom of martial arts 

3. Excellent Body-Being

4. A healthy, strong and well conditioned body

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Also I might be posting this here because I want to be seen and get approval, respect and love from people who read this, so I will have to let go regarding that. 

 

Edit: I think I also imagine people reading this and thinking "wow this dude is so self aware" aka I want recognition for that as well. (same for this edit XD) I love that part of me though (at least I want people who read this to think so;))

 

LETTING GO OF THE UPPER STUFF: *edit check here when its gone*

Edited by Florian

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Things I am currently busy with: -90 days of imprinting my subconsious (Day 69 (lol))

                                                          -building a habit of sitting down and shifting my awareness from thinking to feeling (mastering body-being) (Day 28) (currently at 20mins per day -> goal is 45min at the end of the year -> 1.5h per day eventually)

                                                          -building a habit of sitting down and letting go using the Sedona Method (mastering emotional freedom) (Starting today, aka Day 1) (goal 30min end of the year)

                                                          EDIT: next step after 30 days of continously sitting down and letting go every day for 10 mins

                                                          

Edited by Florian

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Things I work on after I built current things into my homeostasis: -eating healthy, cooking for myself

                                                                                                                     -sleeping healthy

                                                                                                                     -stretching 

                                                                                                                     -Sport (strength, endurance)

                                                                                                                     -reading

                                                                                                                     -contemplatiing/thinking about fighting etc.

                                                                                                                     -fasting once a week 24h

                                                                                                                     -going outside and observing people, learning to read body-language

                                                                                                                     -getting rid of porn addiction (probaply completly quitting porn)

                                                                                                                     -getting rid of videogame addiction

                                                                                                                     -stop wasting time on YouTube/getting rid of YouTube/internet addiction

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Writing this journal right now I notice that writing this is also cool because I can write funny and stupid stuff here and humor is on my values list :D

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Also to any boxer that steals my insights from this journal to fight against me: fuck you

(actually I guess I would like it if my work influences the world)

Edited by Florian

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I'm 19 right now btw and I am thinking about killing myself if I failed when I am 30. Not necessarily because of depression but rather because it gives me a feeling of freedom right now to think about it that way (I have nothing to lose and I will be free if I fail anyways) + it might also be some kind of motivation to have my life on the line with all this (like David Deida wrote in The way of the superior man that when you tell a male friend of yours about one of your goals you say to him that you will give him 1000 dollars or something like that if you fail.. I just remembered that right now and it feels like its fitting here). These points kinda contridict each other though right?.. Maybe I am just deluding myself with this and I am actually just still thinking about killing myself because I still am depressed deep down.

EDIT: maybe I am not deluding myself because even if you lose for example 1000 dollars after failing a goal it's kinda giving you freedom anyways and the thought of dying if I fail is also giving me a feeling of freedom, so actually not contradicting each other?

Edited by Florian

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If anybody read all this, comment something

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Hey you're doing a great job. I'm proud of you.. 

I hope you have a great weekend. 

And I always support you. 

Take care. ❤️

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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@Florian  you're welcome.  I'm glad I made your day. :)

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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Today I tried to fix my sleep. Used to go to bed at 4-5am and woke up 3-4pm. Managed to get up at 8am today but slept around an hour during the day. Then in the evening a few hours before I wanted to go to bed I started feeling really sick and it got so bad that I could only sit down in the bathroom with a big headache feeling like I have to puke... Couldn't even get downstairs to eat something... So I went to bed too early and woke up an hour after....... that sucks hard cause even though I was feeling relatively fine again now I can't sleep...

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@Florian  I'm sorry you had such a hard time. 

I hope the headache resolves and you feel better. 

Water helps a lot with headache. If you drank a jug of water, a lot of it, it will help the headache. 

Also I think you really need a lot of sleep because maybe that is what is causing the issue. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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@Preety_India yeah I think I just forgot drinking water today lol, but thats fine now, just sucks that I can't sleep again

(I guess I should get off the pc, doesnt really help with sleep)

Edited by Florian

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"You win battles by knowing the enemy's timing, and using a timing which the enemy does not expect." -Miyamoto Musashi

(repeat, very important)

Edited by Florian

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First step in a fight: reading the opponent (grasp their rythm) (understand their identity)

How?: -body language might help

            -maybe there are certain patterns in humans like personality types I can use to identify my opponents rythm

            -test him by testing his possible fears and seeing his reaction (body language can help here)

            -observing my opponent while feeling rather then thinking to grasp his rythm feelingly

Edited by Florian

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Life Purpose is so integral to our well being. And a good name for a journal. I really think humans need some sort of deeper orientation to be fully engaged in the world. It's kind of a psychological necessity. This is true for me... when I get down or depressed a lot of it has to do with questions of meaning and purpose. Lately I've been on a good streak of feeling like I have answers and working on moving forward.

Good luck with becoming a great fighter!

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