Am I Insane

[Kath]

I'm worried that this might not be healthy for me. After a few months of the most amazing spiritual journey, I find I actually really can't seem to function atall at the moment. On any level. I want to just give up - but can't. How can you go back to blissful pain, when you've opened pandora's box. But equally, I'm getting nowhere with my journey at the moment. I'm completely stuck. I'm frightened - is this normal and OK, or have I messed my head up so much that I'm just a vegetable now. That's how I feel. I can't think properly about anything, but when I meditate all that happens is my head actually hurts with it all. There's no peace - all I do is wake up and either sit reading, or meditate, or eat, or sleep. It's not good. But there isn't a way out. I've tried to 'do nothing' but nothing is always something. Please help me - at least let me know if any of you have experienced this. Please someone tell me I'm going to be OK - or rather, please tell me 'I' will eventually give up the fight and all will be well.

 

I know that all things change, and I know in a moment or tomorrow or whenever I'll have some peace again, but I'm so frightened that all this is a wild goose chase, that I have it all wrong,. and all I've done is added more pain and suffering into my life . . . . . . . . . I get it all on a rational level, non-duality resonates so deeply within me that I know the truth of it all. But that's just on a rational level. It hasn't got to m y heart yet - there's still an 'I' there who's absolutely refusing to get gone! I know there's an element of 'I' can do nothing - but where's the peace to be found . . . . . . .I'm so tired. I find it so so hard to just be in the moment when it feels like that's taking too much energy and I should be focussing on not doing so much doing.  Aaaarrrrgggghhhh! What a conundrum. But it's making me so physically exhausted. I'm putting wieght on due to inactivity but can't seem to be able to motivate myself atall to do anything . . . . . . . . .Please help

[egoeimai]

I dont know what to say

In favt you do things but you dont feel good inside.

Maybe meditation isnt always the right way.

Take a break. Do sth different.

Hope everything's gonna be better for you.

[governor]

7 minutes ago, Kath said:

I'm worried that this might not be healthy for me.

i'm just curious what exactly do you think might be not healthy--like what are you doing?-if you don't mind me asking.

 

10 minutes ago, Kath said:

I'm getting nowhere with my journey at the moment

maybe your doing something counter productive or maybe its kinda like when you do exercise and it burns and you keep going, but, it seems like your abs aren't tight yet...then one day you look in the mirror and see- daaaaang-my abs are really toned- it really hurt getting there and I thought it might not be worth it but- daaaaang -it happened -

 

16 minutes ago, Kath said:

I'm frightened -

I personally think change is always a little uncomfortable-but it's going to happen anyway -with or without you-change is always happening-

 

18 minutes ago, Kath said:

but I'm so frightened that all this is a wild goose chase, that I have it all wrong,. and all I've done is added more pain and suffering into my life

even if whatever your chasing is a wild goose chase at least you will know it is and that will be done - you can know you don't need to look there anymore--or maybe you'll find something else-

 

21 minutes ago, Kath said:

I'm putting wieght on due to inactivity but can't seem to be able to motivate myself atall to do anything . . . . . . . . .

then start getting active  -it hurts for a while-but it feels good to use your body!-seriously- start small , you already know that speech-right?!

[Mal]

@Kath

You're not insane.

But what I have learned is, unless I'm at a stage of real liberation, I am completely unqualified to help you in any way, shape, or form. 

My only advice is listen to those who have trodden this path, and ignore the wannabes. Me included.

[governor]

@Mal geez mal- are you ever just curious about another person? not wanting to teach or learn- just connect like a human or something? I still wonder the same question as before--how does it feel for other people.-maybe i'm the crazy one. maybe it's all of us who freaking knows. how is life for you --I don't know why I always feel like I should apologize to you for my rudeness-but whatever. I apologize.

[Kath]

Thank you so much for your replies. It's good to hear I'm probably not insane!  Wrt what I'm doing, I'm just meditating alot and reading alot, watching youtube videos, trying to 'get it' I suppose. Thinking about it all alot, or meditating  . . . . . . . .. I do know I need to get moving. But I've got into a head place I suppose where I think 'what is happening is meant to be happening and if I don;t feel motivated that's because that's what's happening/ But perhaps that's just a bog standard pure and simple excuse for general laziness??

[Mal]

@governor No offence. If I wanted connection I'd get a cat.

Not all of us are here to make friends..

I'm done with this level of being..it's a complete fallacy.

Anyway, how are you? Good? Nice..

[Khin]

@Kath ACCEPT everything... That's the most effective way to cure the problems in mind while meditating... Don't label as good or bad, pleasure or pain. Just accept them as they come up to you. Because everything including yourself is part of nature. If you love nature and yourself, you must love everything. When you feel both mental and physical worlds as yourself, there is no such thing as good or bad, pleasure or pain anymore. And.... it becomes easier to accept everything as the way they are.

When you can accept everything as the way they are, you will become more peaceful. Also you will never feel lonely again because everything around is loved by you and you will feel the love from them too. When I say everything, I meant EVERYTHING. All those trees, little animals, cells in your body, coffee table, your computer, your emotions etc... are all connected to you.  

Even talking about it makes me very peaceful

Edited July 5, 2016 by Khin

[governor]

@Kath I think with any thing it helpful to limit the things working against you if you can --I know you've heard it before but, exercise is amazing-it feels better to have your body working better-more energy, ect... 15years ago after my second child I saw a photo of my but and thought "hell no"--that's all it took.  but the effects of exercise physically and mentally are pretty amazing.--just a thought.

[governor]

18 minutes ago, Mal said:

Anyway, how are you? Good? Nice..

just freaking great-thanks.

watching my child be drugged and institutionalized-fighting the system-fighting myself- pretty much living the freaking dream right.

19 minutes ago, Mal said:

No offence. If I wanted connection I'd get a cat.

Not all of us are here to make friends..

  I also don't want any new friends don't want a freaking thing from any freaking body - i'm done- cats aren't humans. what i'm wondering is are human connections necessary--I try to make the answer be no--but i'm afraid the answer might be yea, kinda-unfortunetly.

[Mal]

@governor 

Sincerely I'm sorry to hear about your family. That is sobering and I'm humbled that you are sharing this with us here. 

I hope the best for you. 

 

[governor]

@Mal I apologize- I'm struggling a little- this was a little much for me - i'm embarresed -i try to contain myself- I don't have anything else to say.thanks.  

[Kath]

I don't think you have anything to apologise for @governor   If you can't be honest and open on here, where can you be? 

[Mal]

8 minutes ago, governor said:

@Mal I apologize- I'm struggling a little- this was a little much for me - i'm embarresed -i try to contain myself- I don't have anything else to say.thanks.  

I agree with Kath. This is a place to bring your stuff. I personally don't care for content, I'm interested in something else right now.  Why do you think you are being rude? Is rude not allowed? What's wrong with rude? I see you imagine yourself being rude about the little things. Where did you get the idea that asserting yourself and curiosity is being "rude"? I'm genuinely interested in this particular story of yours, if you are willing to share. 

[Ayla]

@Kath , there might be some tools here for you: 

You are not insane. You are always safe. Everything is going to be OK. 

 

[Kath]

Thank you so much Ayla

[Azrael]

You are not insane. Wait it out. It'll go.

[governor]

3 hours ago, Mal said:

Where did you get the idea that asserting yourself and curiosity is being "rude"? I'm genuinely interested in this particular story of yours, if you are willing to share. 

um, ok...I am a little interested ... but i'm not sure what your asking- why do I feel like i'm rude---some people call it guarded- I just think I have to be careful of what I let come out I guess-i'm not really sure right now.

[Mal]

4 minutes ago, governor said:

um, ok...I am a little interested ... but i'm not sure what your asking- why do I feel like i'm rude---some people call it guarded- I just think I have to be careful of what I let come out I guess-i'm not really sure right now.

No particular reason, I'm just interested in what it means to you.

[governor]

@Mal just off the top of my head -it probably is some hang-up i'm having ( what  a person says -all these stories, they have a very real set of effects )--I don't want to cause any effects, and I don't want to receive any effects--it's new for me I didn't have that habit before- I think the past few years of life has made me either really crazy- or- really not crazy, depending on who is speaking. i'm just sick of the whole deal--but if you let to much of that come out-definite consequences will follow- people will react. . idk.  i'm kinda sick of people. i'm a little sad about I think... oh well-anyway ...