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People pleasing

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Was watching this video and recognized I fall into people pleasing dynamics quite often;

Without labeling it as such, I have been trying to be more aware of my feelings and desires in situations and act on them. I have noticed that my awareness is often fully directed at the other person. As if trying to fully look from their POV. Although that can be powerfull, it is also easy to neglect one’s own desires.

Not only does this hurt yourself, but it also hurts the other person in the long-run. In myself I have noticed that I don’t communicate a boundary in the beginning, let a person take some steps over it, and than react unconsciously and exaggerated. The other person is like; what the fuck? What did I do?

Another dynamic I am not sure how to handle atm is eye contact. Eye contact used to go naturally for me. However, lately I have noticed it often becomes “too much” for people. It almost feels like they burn under the lazer of my awareness, if that makes sense ?

If I look into their eyes too long, they will start avoiding eye contact with me, talk whilst looking down, turn their body away, etc.

This has left me “managing” my eye contact where I look away, and around, on purpose. Often when I do, people open up and look at me again.

Kinda feel stupid for asking this, but am I people pleasing when I do that, should I just look at them straight when I feel naturally inclined? Or is it healthy to make the other person feel comfortable by managing it?


Realizeyourgrowth.com

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A lot of it is due to simply over-thinking in social situations. Instead of looking for concrete answers and habits to develop, try more of a meditative approach, continually check in with belly breathing during interactions, or when you start to feel stress or uncertainty. Interaction is alive, such is the nature of love and life that it is ever fluid and always changing. Love is alive. Consciousness is alive. There are no right answers, it's all intuitive so that's why it feels scary sometimes. :S We seek security and stability in learning the "proper" ways to interact but this doesn't allow for the fulfilling raw interactions that we desire. 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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@mandyjw Thank you for your response. Overall I feel that I have become much more mindful in interactions. Focussing on the breath is indeed also what I try to stay with myself and stay present.

In a way I feel that becoming mindful of something first leads to unnaturalness and overthinking.

First in unconscious incompetence, I’m just not aware of a dynamic at all.

Than I start to see the dynamic in conscious incompetence.

Than I start to do something about it in conscious competence. However this requires thinking and can feel unnatural.

Than it becomes second nature in unconscious competence.

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Realizeyourgrowth.com

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Thanks for this post, I have started to read "Thick Face, Black Heart" ?


What a dream, what a joke, love it   :x

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