2.8g Magic Mushroom Trip Report - Dark Skies

[cle103]

It’s been about 3 months since I last tripped. Just didn't get the call. Then over the last weeks so much suffering added up that I wanted to find out what was behind that. So I set some intentions and waited for today. The morning felt right. No doubt just a little anxietey. So I decided to trip. 

I drank the Mushrooms as tea, put on some music and danced for a while. Last year I had alot of fear come up especially after one breakthrough. I am glad to report that this fear is almost completely gone. So no worries or panic here. 

After 20 minutes the trip came on properly. 

 

Spoiler: The trip began great and ended bleak. And I feel really down at the moment. So it’s a bit hard to get excited about insights. I’ll still report. 

 

 

1. Art 

As I’m in the process of becoming an artist there was a recognition of what art is truly about. It’s about communication between artist and spectator. 

Done right the art communicates and transmits a feeling and/or state. If the artist only paints because he thinks it looks good then it’s not art in the deepest sense. If you want something that looks like it’s real take a photo. Art is something else. A great piece is a portal to the Soul.

 

2. Matrix 

I had a vision of my parents however their bodies where fully transparent with a yellow light (their souls) in the middle of their chests. It looked just like a simulation. A bit like the movie matrix but with red and yellow instead of green and black. 

The floor and room were simulated as well. I then recognized that this is what God is. It is the full scene. And the scene isn’t separated into “mum”, “dad” and “me”. It’s all the same stuff. God invented it and made it happen. It played with itself and forgot it did it. And THIS is the rock bottom base reality. It's God having a Dream - being the Dream. 

The word that came to me over and over was “Singular”. God is the Singular. The One. The none other. It invented the notion of death and duality because it - I - cannot die. 

As I realized this there was no ecstasy it was this feeling of rock bottom. And at rock bottom there is one thing: Loneliness.

Complete bleak Loneliness. 

And this reminded me of the reason I came to trip in the first place: Suffering.

 

3. Open Heart 

What crystalized out of all my intentions was one true intention: I want to live with an open heart. It wasn’t really a choice. It was the obvious intention out of all that I wrote down. It was just hidden in different words and stories.

And then it came on. I had this vision of a black treasure chest in a dark room. In there were all my negative emotions and Samskaras. 

Over the last months I tried to deal with all the incoming “stuff” but I forced so much down as well. I did the best I could but I hid a good part of it. It felt too much. When I meditated or did breathing I opened this chest just a bit. 

This time it felt more like it was opened half way. The suffering came out. All my mistakes and fuck ups. I knew that I had to face all of this at some point but it felt too much. I didn’t know how much was down there and just how painful it would be. 

 

The two main emotions where: Loneliness and Desperation. Like this feeling of there is no hope. Like being kicked when you’re already on the ground. 

I remember standing in the bathroom looking into the mirror and starting to cry. It felt like I hit rock bottom. There was no lower low. 

I wanted to get a sense of completion after that. End on a high note or whatever. But there was nothing left. After about 3 hours the trip ended and I was back to normal. 

To take away some of the bleakness: I also had a vision of some truly great artists where I could see their story and evolution from a bird's eye view. They all went through darkness. And I also had a vision of someone in solitary confinement in complete darkness where there was this light in front of him symbolizing enlightenment. 

 

We will have to see how this turns out. All of it will come full circle at some point. For now I will ride it out the best I can. 

Much Love

Edited February 15, 2020 by cle103

[Nahm]

@cle103 So Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. 

Reminded me of a time I walked through The Louvre in around fifteen minutes or so, sans that one painting of the children, the animals, the farm, the mediocrity. I saw the scene and the artistry was astounding, then I saw the seen, and felt the message, the pain, suffering, loneliness, the isolation, of Art, of creating. It spoke louder than the crowded museum, as it disappeared. In hindsight, I did not see myself in the Mona Lisa, having read a bit too much on De Vinci. So hard to deduce without the raising of eyebrows, any experience of ‘this is special, unique’, yet the yearning was already readily known in empathy, compassion, wholeness, and love in our ‘shared predicament’. I heard that in seeing the scene, in seeing within the scene, the seeing of the woman on the farm. It all revolved around her perfectly. Too perfectly. The art was fine, the art-ing was fine, but the art wanted to become the artist, like one attempting to think awareness. So hard to deduce sneakiness from wisdom, pain from subtle humor, joy from agony, without the eyebrows. Maybe De Vinci recognized his sneakiness. Maybe I did, lol. Maybe you do. But absolutely, we can not, and that is it. The profundity of the a floating cork, round bubbles, gravity, all behind that empty space, where the eyebrows go. 

Friend of mine here with me is weighing in on your post, he’s not ‘into this stuff’. His advice on the separation & lonliness...”Get in bed with it, make love to it until you are one, and make an art of it. Share it, never sharing it”

I’m no artist but I think its all in the interpretation. 

49 minutes ago, cle103 said:

To take away some of the bleakness: I also had a vision of some truly great artists where I could see their story and evolution from a bird's eye view. They all went through darkness. And I also had a vision of someone in solitary confinement in complete darkness where there was this light in front of him symbolizing enlightenment. 

 

Aside, ime, 3-4g’s is the earth and the firmament. 2 is good, 4 is good. 3-4g is a tug of war.

[cle103]

@Nahm Mmh, thank you. I've never seen the Mona Lisa but I saw the starry night by Van Gogh. The painting is alive. It speaks to you and has this almost magical energy field. True art is truly remarkable. 

The one about loneliness also hits home. The only way out is through. And who knows what I'll find or lose along the way. 

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

3-4g’s is the earth and the firmament. 2 is good, 4 is good. 3-4g is a tug of war.

Are you talking about dosages  ? 

[Nahm]

16 minutes ago, cle103 said:

Mmh, thank you. I've never seen the Mona Lisa but I saw the starry night by Van Gogh. The painting is alive. It speaks to you and has this almost magical energy field. True art is truly remarkable. 

Absolutely with you on that. The wavelike nature of even the night & light, amidst the understated whoville below. Breath taking. I can hardly see a different between that painting and your trip recap. I also can’t help but suspect that in the accentuation of those stars, that he was communicating something deeply know to him about himself. 

Quote

The one about loneliness also hits home. The only way out is through. And who knows what I'll find or lose along the way. 

Are you talking about dosages  ? 

I’d consider the perspectives, how it’s received so to speak if I said to you, “I intend to go through you”, compared with “I intend to love you”. Even sadness & sorrow are joy, love. 

Yes, that 3g range is chaos. Like a metal fork in a garbage disposal. 

[Leo Gura]

@cle103 This was a great trip and the perfect one for you.

Just sit with it for a while. Mull it over. Integrate it, and your next trips will take you into love and beauty and paradise.

You must clear out the shadow to make room for the light. So don't get down. This was perfect! Your psyche is simply being purified for the awesomeness to come if you keep going.

Self-forgiveness is crucial in this work. You must forgive others and yourself so that your heart can open.

The skies are only dark because of the clouds

[cle103]

48 minutes ago, Nahm said:

I’d consider the perspectives, how it’s received so to speak if I said to you, “I intend to go through you”, compared with “I intend to love you”. Even sadness & sorrow are joy, love. 

Oh man, I see what you're pointing at. This was my mentality for so long and is still to a large degree. "Work/Grind/... through it" instead of finding Love within it - loving it. Thank you.  

 

51 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Yes, that 3g range is chaos. Like a metal fork in a garbage disposal. 

Lol, that's a good point.

 

@Leo Gura Thank you!

It almost feels like the last year was full of breakthroughs and now I am putting in the emotional work for the long run. Purification is not always pleasant, that's for sure. Can't hide your demons in the closet forever or they will get rowdy sooner or later lol. 

32 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The skies are only dark because of the clouds

❤️️

[remember]

@cle103 you know what they say about pandora’s box? she must have hidden a whole lot of interesting stuff inside, it’s all just about the way you look at it. if you could make a choice between end of suffering and art, what would you choose?

Edited February 15, 2020 by remember

[Nahm]

56 minutes ago, cle103 said:

Oh man, I see what you're pointing at. This was my mentality for so long and is still to a large degree. "Work/Grind/... through it" instead of finding Love within it - loving it. Thank you.  

Right on man. ♥️

56 minutes ago, cle103 said:

Purification is not always pleasant, that's for sure.

                                                          ?

...careful...it’s so sneaky, and easy to slip right back into that perspective! 

(Yes, I’m saying thinking is that sneaky!)

[cle103]

@remember I would choose end of suffering. Although there is a certain part of me which enjoys suffering in a weird way and art is my #1 passion. 

@Nahm Caught me. Mmh... 

[remember]

 well you‘ll get there and some day you might say oh... that’s what it was all about. you will not find many people who really understand that.