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Michael Paul

Radically honest post

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I’ve struggled with spirituality for my entire life. Even to this day I still have trouble grasping certain ideas and dealing with the ego’s fears surrounding my true divine nature. I feel a lot of pain, depression, and shame for certain actions I’ve done in the past, and I want to do better in the future. I don’t want my life to veer off into a negative direction where I’m chasing unhealthy pleasure to avoid pain and suffering, yet I find myself engaging in activities that I don’t think are good for me. Some of which include pornography and sex. 

I guess I just want to say that I’m not perfect but I want to do better.

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your honesty is refreshing @Michael Paul , aren't we all here imperfect and trying to do our best. The support of a good spiritual community like this one is a great help too. We know we should avoid certain habits but at the same time are drawn like moths to a flame. Just keep watching the push and pull of desires and aversions, there's wisdom in humbly observing all of this. 

Can you not find forgiveness and letting-go of your past errors? Your guilt could be dragging you down and wasting precious energy. 

I agree that porn is bad, but why don't you approve of sex in general? 

Edited by silene

And if you listen very hard, the tune will come to you at last. When all are one and one is all, to be a rock and not to roll. (Led Zeppelin, Stairway To Heaven). 

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@silene I’ve felt more able to forgive myself at different times in my life than this time period, and I’m not exactly sure why. It’s something I need to work on.

And I’m not against sex per se, but a certain kind of unhealthy attachment, addiction and lustful pursuit of it. 

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Ah, yes that makes sense. I understand. Also, I have other people in my past life who I can't forgive for their treatment of me, eg my step-father. I have tried, but in the process have discovered that emotional pain is hard to let go of, it's counter-intuitive. 


And if you listen very hard, the tune will come to you at last. When all are one and one is all, to be a rock and not to roll. (Led Zeppelin, Stairway To Heaven). 

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58 minutes ago, Michael Paul said:

I’ve struggled with spirituality for my entire life. Even to this day I still have trouble grasping certain ideas and dealing with the ego’s fears surrounding my true divine nature. I feel a lot of pain, depression, and shame for certain actions I’ve done in the past, and I want to do better in the future. I don’t want my life to veer off into a negative direction where I’m chasing unhealthy pleasure to avoid pain and suffering, yet I find myself engaging in activities that I don’t think are good for me. Some of which include pornography and sex. 

I guess I just want to say that I’m not perfect but I want to do better.

It sounds like you need more self-love/ accepting yourself the Way You Are... positive affirmations are a wonderful tool for this:

"I accept myself exactly the way I am"(100 times a day in a mirror) ❤

"I love myself unconditionally and right now"(100 times a day in the mirror) ❤

"Loving myself makes me feel good"(100 times a day in mirror) ❤

Start off with these and see how you feel within a month....😃

Its all love!!


“Everything is honoured, but nothing matters.” — Eckhart Tolle.

"The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge."--- Daniel J. Boorstin

 

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