2.5g Magic Mushroom Trip Report - Shadow, Light & Darkness | #17

[cle103]

Preface: This was the first proper trip after my last one which was preceeded by a panic attack and subsequent ego death. I was not entirely sure if I was ready for another round however I felt really good this morning and decided to go in again.

The Come Up: Just like last trip the body panicked upon intake of the tea. However this time I was able to stay completely calm. The heart and stomach were beating, yet the mind was calm and clear. And after a couple of minutes the body panic stopped and the trip started.

The trip: After the heart beat returned to normal there was a simple sentence that came to me: "Remember, the Darkness is the Light". And as it turned out this should be theme of the trip.

 

 

The Darkness

The trip started of dark. Really dark. Mushrooms can be like that. Someone once wrote here that it's kinda like being dropped of on a random planet. Pretty accurate I would say. Well this planet was at war. 

I had a vision of someone being tortured. Me being the one leading the interrogation and the one taking the pain. I had vision of a couple young boys having a fight and beating the living shit out of each other. I had a vision of an Asian genocide happening before my eyes.

Lastly I had a vision of some violent alien race pillaging the galaxy... led by some sort of hive mind. Note, I include this to be accurate. I don't know if there is any truth to that whatsoever. Yet it kinda felt like a warning.

 

The Shadow

After all that darkness I decided to take a little break. Once I came back from taking a piss I lied back down and the darkness revealed itself as the shadow. The male shadow to be exact.

The male shadow is anger. And, very interestingly the female shadow is deception. I have not studied shadow work yet, however this is my direct experience. Both energies seemed to be wounded deeply and I had visions of both being acted out by people I know.

Then I was also shown how to be a man. Being a man entails dealing with that shadow and shining a light on it (note that everyone has both male and female energy). And very interestingly it includes homosexuality.

I have one gay friend however I noticed that I have a bit of a resistance towards being gay. That resistance was surrendered. This side of me which was resistant was able to be re-integrated. I still like women last time I checked but I feel more whole as man.

 

The Light

After all of that the Light came. I still had some violent visions however this time it was different. There was a light shining through. There was a particular scene I remember. The light merged with the darkness becoming pure light setting the scene in stone. 

I remembered that all that darkness is Love. It is light. It is Goodness. 

Love (with a capital "L") includes all of it. It is it. It is the darkness and the shadow. That is what pure Love entails.

And why all the darkness? Out of Love.

 

The Voice

I still wanted to break through to God and tried to surrendered further. Then, for the first time I was able to see existence as a projection. It's a hologram. It has no substance. What we call life is a projection onto the screen of consciousness. 

The body is a thought and has no absolute essence. The mind is illusory and has no absolute essence. My birth is a story. I am a story. What I call "me" is a character in a game called life. It has no essence.

What is left then? Isness. Pure self aware Isness.

 

Why is there a voice inside of my head?

Most of the breakthroughs I had were kind of narrated by the voice in my head (until the event horizon was passed so to speak). This time I could see how the voice lost itself. It still narrated but it lost itself in a sort of echo chamber of God.

It too had no essence of itself. I, as God was talking to myself. 

There were no bells, whistles of ecstasy this time. It also wasn't a complete breakthrough. More of merging in and out of Nonduality. 

 

That's it. Short and sweet. Most important (for me at least) was to be able to face the fear and jump into the deep end again. There is still work to do. Don't know when I will trip again though.

Have a good one!

Much love

[lostmedstudent]

thanks for the report! interesting insights!

congratulations on going back despite the panick attack! 

 

[cle103]

@lostmedstudent Cheers mate! 

[Leo Gura]

If you are male, female itself is your shadow.

You are not really male or female. Both are dualities. You include and transcend both.

Work more on integrating your feminine. That's part of what gayness is about.

[cle103]

@Leo Gura Interesting. This trip mostly dealt with the masculine side (I‘m male). Gotta get more into that.  

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, cle103 said:

@Leo Gura Interesting. This trip mostly dealt with the masculine side (I‘m male). Gotta get more into that.  

Masculine/feminine is a duality. You cannot define yourself as a man without simultaneously defining yourself a not a woman.

You can't really work on one without affecting the other.

[Nahm]

@cle103 Great report, thanks for sharing. Anger & deception. Yep. ‘All the world’s a stage’.

 

[cle103]

@Leo Gura That‘s a good point. In one of the last trips I became aware of this gender construct (you‘re not either or - you are both/none - with a set point somewhere on that „field“). It just felt like this trip was about the male side of the story. 

 

@Nahm Thank you ??

[Nahm]

@cle103 ♥️

Adam: “It’s all just, so...Good!..am I right or am I right babe!? Like just so... like REAL!...like BAM! - LIFE!. It’s all just so GOOD! You feelin this Amazing Goodness or what?”

Eve: “Indeed Adam! It’s just like, so All Good! Love is pouring everywhere! Soooo Good! (jumping up & down) So Good! So Good! Amazing Goodness!”

Sneaky serpent enters stage left (self referential thinking, duality, “twoness” - me & God - ...identifying with form, “me”)

Eve, Adam: Eats the fruit (duality, identity with form / believes the thoughts).

Adam: ”On second thought, I’m half a whole, and it feels terrible, so, I’m gonna need you to fulfill my half needs.”

Eve: “Ya, I’m down with that. I feel the same way.”

Adam: ‘KInda starting to resent you for not keeping me whole babe. Honestly, kinda pissed about it.”

Eve: “Ya, me too. You know, if you do X & Y, maybe this wouldn’t be a problem for you anymore, and I’ll take care of you.”

Adam” “Cool. Makes total sense babe.”

Eve: “Yep”. 

Adam: “Cool. Put some damn clothes on already. Some other dude see’s you like this, he might try to take away my other half”.

Cut scene...

Flash forward (the misunderstanding).... “Ok everyone, never mind the hat & robes, that’s not the important thing here. What is important, is we’re gonna like, really solidify this misunderstanding and create some legal documents around it. God told us dudes will stop killin each other that way, and we can be happy again.”

?

Us: “Ok. Cool.” “You got the hat & robe soooo”

God (facepalms). 

Annnd...Cut. That’s a wrap people. 

“...you’re perfect - a poorly wired circuit...”

[cle103]

@Nahm #humans lol 

[Nahm]

@cle103 lol. I was taking a shot at connecting The Light & The Voice. 

[cle103]

@Nahm Ah! Now I get it haha.