Chosing To Be In A Relationship With A Cheater

[Kimasxi]

What are your opinions on the following idea: how about letting go your ego at demanding faithfulness from your partner and deciding to love someone who is going to sleep with /love other women? Is it wise? Is it constructive? Will it help to overcome our fears? Or is it self-abuse? Endurism?

[Nathalie]

Don't know.. But I don't thing it works.. I heard a few times about "open" relation ships and it always went wrong.

Thinking about it, I can't either imagine that conscious people would cheat somebody because it's pointless isn't it? It always makes problems and hurts both. So it would mean you have to look for an unconscious partner.. Do you want this?

For my part, I'm not  demanding faithfulness, I simply am faithful. If he betrays me it's his problem not mine; does it make sense?

If your purpose is to get rid of fear, what if you just try to stop telling yourself bad stories?

You merit a respectful partner who loves you, or enjoy your life alone.. Your ego is not your enemy, it's a good tool if you use it properly

Edited May 30, 2016 by MartineF

[Lynnel]

16 hours ago, Kimasxi said:

What are your opinions on the following idea: how about letting go your ego at demanding faithfulness from your partner and deciding to love someone who is going to sleep with /love other women? Is it wise? Is it constructive? Will it help to overcome our fears? Or is it self-abuse? Endurism?

The way you frame it feels negative because of the usage of words "cheater" and "faithfulness". I feel like you're almost asking, I wanna love this really bad person, can I ?

As far as I know monogamy is needed for strong bonds, and if a situation of a not exclusive relationship arises, well you can feel in yourself whether your ego is detached enough for it or not.

[charlie2dogs]

On 5/29/2016 at 0:39 PM, Kimasxi said:

What are your opinions on the following idea: how about letting go your ego at demanding faithfulness from your partner and deciding to love someone who is going to sleep with /love other women? Is it wise? Is it constructive? Will it help to overcome our fears? Or is it self-abuse? Endurism?

what does being in a relationship with a cheater have to do with love.  There is no connection between the two.  Human identities can have relationships with just about anyone or anything, for any reason and pretend that it is love.  The human identity has never experienced love, it only experiences feelings from emotional and mental state assuming that is love, but it isn't.  The situation you present is for human identities that are functioning in an unconscious manner.

Edited May 30, 2016 by charlie2dogs

[Kimasxi]

On 29.05.2016 at 10:11 PM, MartineF said:

Quote

If your purpose is to get rid of fear, what if you just try to stop telling yourself bad stories?

I cannot. I've been telling them myself for all my life, my mother started it when I was 4.
I need sth more radical. I want sth more radical. 
I thought that if I can prove to myself that being cheated on or disrespected by a man does not really hurt me, then I could resolve my trust issues.

 

[Ajax]

Try this:

Step on broken glass to prove to yourself that you can tolerate pain. (don't actually do that I am just making a point)

 

As long as you even hold the idea of "cheating" you are going to feel pain, cope or lower your consciousness to handle it. Cheating is a negative concept which is a value judgement.  Your trust issues are a result of a lower consciousness, it is a personal journey to grow and and directly torturing your ego is not the way to go in my opinion. Listen to the other 3 that gave you advice.

3 hours ago, Kimasxi said:

I cannot. I've been telling them myself for all my life, my mother started it when I was 4.

Textbook victim mentality. I would recommend listening to Leo's victim videos part 1 and 2.

Edited May 31, 2016 by Ajax

[Nathalie]

6 hours ago, Kimasxi said:

I cannot. I've been telling them myself for all my life, my mother started it when I was 4

of course you can.. Don't stop at the half way: you've recognized where your problem come from, so now you have to resolve it.

Search the root (meditation can help) and work on it.

Childhood? So go to your mother and speak with her, ask her why! Maybe she has (or had) a lot of problems she couldn't cope with and used you as an outlet? I know, It's not fair but what's important for you: it's not personal, you just were there..

If you're looking for a cheater, you will experience the same: cheater cheat.. they just can help.. It isn't personal either. Everyone can change, "cheater" or "lyer" also but it rarely occurs because of another person (which role I suspect you to be willing to play) but because they personally grow to a higher state..

I know several persons -especially women- who always try to help others, to do this one has to be emotionally very stable first. I tell you this just in case you decided (even unconsciously) to make a man become a better person through you.. Eckhart Tolle has made a good video about this.

So again, look for the authentic reason of your problems.

7 hours ago, Kimasxi said:

I need sth more radical. I want sth more radical.

Sorry I can't offer you something more radical because I'm convinced that you need more kindness, more love and peace and in my opinion there's nothing radical in it..

But if you find deep peace it won't matter that much anymore if somebody hurts you because you will be able to understand it as it is and you will know that you, your heart, won't break because of emotional pain.. It's just life and you can learn from everything if you are still open.

There no reason to run away from fear, go through it, look at it without any story, you're strong enough