Kimasxi

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About Kimasxi

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    Wrocław, Poland
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  1. But why do you judge it negatively? It is what it is, there is no reason to judge. The mere act of your judging suggests that your ego has some kind of resentment for people not meeting your expectations; or it wants to feel superior to the "enemy"; or you are just rationalizing your coping strategy like withdrawal from dating completely.
  2. You should accept your "dark side" because IT IS YOU. If you don't embrace that part of you, you are going to create a rift in your consciousness, and that "dark side" part will find an outlet subconsciously anyway. It may even sabotage you. And actually, it is not a "bad" part. Actually people should learn to be selfish because they are usually conditioned not to be authentic, not to put themselves in the first place, to have no boundries, to be people-pleasing and so on. People should do something to counteract that mainstream propaganda. When you´re learning to be assholish you become more and more assertive and this is attractive to women, it also teaches young women not to treat you like shit to trample at a whim. And then you can actually be a kind of self-aware good asshole who will give fun-seeking women what they want and not hurt them with some shitty treatment, while you are learning your pua skills. Isn't that cool?
  3. I think that you are forgetting that feminine / masculine energies are just a theory that helps to categorize the world, but these two are abstract notions. When you go into that dichotomy sometimes it seems as if women had to be only feminine and men only masculine all the time while it is just a simplistic bullshit. I mean promoting this dichotomy is social conditioning again. I believe we should all just forget all that propaganda and be ourselves, doing what we like doing. I enjoy being masculine. It doesn't mean I am 100% masculine all the time. The problem starts when someone messes with my mind suggesting I should be more or less feminine/masculine because it is just using shame again. I am fed up of using shame on me. Without shame we will all be naturally in the opposite polarity every now and then if it suits us. It's natural. It doesn't mean anything. And it's actually a part of self-development to learn to be more in the opposite polarity as there are situations in life that require it (like catastrophe requiring women to be masculine, or being sick/stressed out requiring men to be feminine to regenerate). If people stop shaming each other they will all relax and do what feels like their instinctive behaviour.
  4. Hey, bro! You are overblowing stuff that hasn't yet happened to you and you seem to make some incidents a general rule. You ARE AFRAID. Relax! Notice how nobody even mentioned any war between the sexes and you jumped in with sexism feminism and stuff all ready to fight some imaginary opponent who is going to trick you, disrespect you, use you and whatever. You should STOP READING ON FEMINISM, STOP LISTENING TO PEOPLE'S BULLSHIT ON WAR BETWEEN THE SEXES. I promise you will be regenerated as I cured myself from it (I don't experience any sexism, I forgot there is sexism somewhere, lol). Then you will be able to treat people as individuals, not genders. If you are afraid that a woman will cheat on you via Tinder, don't get into LTR, have Tinder too, first create some independent relationship and when a woman asks you to be exclusive say "no, thank you" ;P Some women will want that. Don't assume nobody will. I see something. You are afraid of being in a position where YOU are going to judge yourself as a sucker, loser etc. Your mind is making a mistake here, as it would prefer to cut you off from a faaaar greater context because just in case. The world is full of nuance points to the nuance points though. It's not that simplistic. Instead of creating aversions just focus on not giving a fuck. Imagine that you have so much abundance that you don't care if some rats still a bit of abundance from you. If it happens to you, you can still stop the suffering from negative judgment as it is you who judge in the first place.
  5. When I think about it, I don't really need it. The only reason why I would like to have a boyfriend is because I've never had one and I feel like I am kind of defective for not having had one. What can I do about it?
  6. The affirmation she mentioned comes from this video. You care about opinions of others because you are young, you go through a lot of social pressure from your peers and at the moment you can't really isolate yourself from them to start thinking independently. You are deeply in social matrix yet. With time you will naturally get "proofs" that you are OK, when you get a good job, a good lifestyle etc. However, if you really want to practise it already, what you need to do is to practise radical honesty by saying stuff about yourself that you are afraid of saying. Most people will respect you for being authentic and saying what you really believe in. Some will be disgusted but you need to approach it while having in mind two concepts: - you are choosing to be polarising because you prefer having friends that truly accept you and not only partially and from whom you would need to hide your true self. This is just a way of an agreesive screening. - good and evil are illusions, most people just copy their parents and peers and never think their convictions over, your beliefs aren't bad, just different, just tailored for you and as long as they work for you nobody should interfere - people opposing your truth are not conscious, they will do that to feel safe and secure in their convictions, they do not have bad intentions Another thing you can do for practice is to get accustomed to doing socially weird/unacceptable things like sitting on the floor where nobody does it, dancing on the street etc., or being the first one to do something in group. You should act whenever you fear people might judge you. Do it without monitoring yourself. Just do it. It will give you a strong sense of self-authority and independence. Talk what you enjoy talking about and don't give a fuck. If someone doesn't contribute to the conversation it means that person is just a mismatch to you interests, there is nothing wrong with you. This is also how you screen out boring people to talk with.
  7. RSD Luke might not just mention all the other love/friendship stuff that goes on his mind on a daily basis because he decided it is irrelevant to his goal of teaching guys how to get their 9s and 10s. Note that Luke is very left-brained analytical type. He is focused on the topic. Secondly, this is your judgement. If Luke at some point in his life decided that this is not a manipulative evil thing but atunement to what his female friends want then of course he behaves in congruence with this new belief (aka as if it was amoral, neutral, neither good nor bad)
  8. To me it is not weird. There is logic behind it. The guy wants to be "good", and his ego says that the "good" person has XYZ features, among other being popular. So what he did, he put the popularity on the pedestal, and as he wants to suppress the unpopularity (he doesn't want to have anything in common with it) he despises that feature in other people. He would need to find some good/useful qualities in that feature to moderate his judgemental reaction to it.
  9. There are several places we could bite this topic at… First of all, because of social conditioning you believe that unless you meet some high standard of being cool and having many friends, there is something wrong with you and because of this you're doomed to feel lonely. 1. Fuck this standard. It's not YOURS. You bought into some bullies frame. This frame is an illusion. Don't judge yourself as a loser. This frame exists only for you to either feel like a loser or oppose it and overcompensate. Don't buy into it at all. Notice that though it was invented by your peers, now it is you who put that frame on yourself and buys into it. 2. You need to have a hard closer mindset. Move your ass and be more proactive. Notice that you are not focusing on what else you can do to "close the deal" but instead on the things that do not work. If you were a salesman you wouldn't brood over it that much because it is a waste of time, during which you could create / avail of other opportunities instead. You have a victim mentality. You want others to come to you and do stuff for you. You believe they should because you've been trying so hard so they should appreciate it. They won't. They are free people and they don't like when someone is trying to limit their autonomy in any way. This mindest is very limiting. Imagine that you have been tricked into believing that licking these people ass will make them like you and in reality it has never worked this way. And then change your attitude: fuck the people you want to be your friends and… 3. Make friends with strangers. It's a very practical life skill. You need to learn how to have fun at the moment when there is just you and the other person. Watch pick up videos to get some ideas. Look, there is another thing to it too. People like commonalities, which is unfortunately some boring mainstream shit. You like self-actualization. Guess what. You are too different, they will not be able to relate to the stuff you like. Thus, there will always be that problem where you do not fit the group. But if you conform to their standards of what's ok, guess what, they will drag you down, you will spend time with guys who are not ambicious, watch and believe clichés and mainstream propaganda, negative thinking, ego games etc. You will be better off if you let go of that need to be 100% accepted by the group. Be like a freelancer who temporarily joins forces with the group to have fun but is never one of the group. No, you don't have to maintain any politically correct picture (it's not yours, it's invented by them so they control the frame and you are easy to be manipulated as long as you buy into it. this is not attractive/powerful/sexy). Whenever you choose to play it cool while a part of you suffers, you litteraly spit in the face of that little child part of you telling it that some fuckers are more important, and you are going to walk over it to please them instead. You can start liberating yourself by practising honesty. There is a frame right now that does not allow you to confess you feel lonely out of fear that someone /you will judge it as not cool. This frame will always stifle you. Your goal is to be able to say "I feel lonely" and not to give a fuck about how the group reacts to it. This will actually make you stronger, and it may attract some people who want to excersise their nurturing side (as some people also want to feel important and good to validate their ego). It is your frame working. To prove you that you do not need friends to be happy do something like watching a movie, taking a bath etc. and when you forget all that stuff about not having friends and you feel relaxed, NOTICE IT. If you can feel happy then, it means that you actually do not need friends. It's just that you make that judging frame that puts you back into the bad mood. Each frame is an illusion, a self-hypnosis.
  10. I don't know yet cause I haven't been triggered since I got this, but it may be more difficult to deactivate some strong negative frames when they happen. I noticed though that it is easy to do when you are in a non-threatening environment, with emotions that are positive. When you listen to you the music that moves you, you may just decide to observe how you want to get emotional and then decide you're not buying into this frame, and just relax your face and become indifferent. As a form of practise. I tried to observe this way a frame of buying crisps - I had an automatical pattern of thoughts - I saw a pack of crisps → I immediately imagined their taste and the way they make me feel when I eat them at home while watching someting. And I tried to stop their frame, by actually noticing there is no smell or taste yet, that it was just a frame. I still decided to buy them and eat them. What is important is to notice that there are actually decisions. Leo made a video once about observing habits, where he recommended mindfulness too.
  11. Hey, guys! Everyone enlightened probably has his metaphore that convinced him to see stuff in a different light. So, here's mine… Imagine a bully telling another kid such a sentence to make him upset: — You are fat and ugly. The bully has set the frame. It presuposes two roles: A) the kid agrees with the bully and because he believes being fat and ugly has negative repercussions (he is unlovable etc.) he starts feeling negative emotions. B) the kid doesn't want it to be true by any chance so he feels compulsion to prove he's not ugly or fat (yet he's still in the bully's frame) What the kid should do instead is not to buy into the frame at all, and for example impose his own frame, like saying some totally illogical nonsense as a response (the new frame is now "everything is said here does not really mean anything"). You can see some examples of frame battles here: The point is: what is the difference between the kid's buying into the bully's frame and your standing in front of the mirror and telling yourself "I am fat" ? Basically, we are constantly selling ourselves on our negative frames, which we fall into without any questioning. It's a game! It has two roles, if you decide to play the game you must play one of the roles. No surprise you feel negative! But it is your decision to feel negative. Why can't we see it? Because it's like a programmable washing machine. You only have control at the beginning when the frame is being created by your mind. Once programmed, you cannot stop the machine. Yet all the advice always draws our attention to the moment when the machine is already operating and the advice sounds as if we had to use will power to stop the emotions. It seems impossible then! But it's a choice many steps earlier. So we are playing many games we create for ourselves: plays of "shoulds", plays of "prove it!", "save me!", but also "good parent", "passion", "business" etc. (actually, let's create a list of examples and let's name them!). But why do we create them in the first place? My realization today was that I created many "problems" cause otherwise I would be really fuckin bored! For example I wanted to have a goal to achieve so that I could feel proud I have overcome some obstacles. I wanted to be my superhero. So I set a standard for myself that was incredibly difficult to meet, so then I was miserable for falling short of my expectations. But if I didn't have that goal, my life wouldn't have any meaning… We like feeling certain emotions but life is mundane and boring, so we accentuate certain things to elicit stronger emotions, just like when we listen to a moving music and we want to enhance the emotional impact it has on us by adding more meaning, more associations, memories to the music. I think that once the machine is going, we can only reframe what is happening (which is difficult cause we get addicted to thoughts and emotions). First we need to recognize the frame, so now our daily practise should be recognizing and naming as many frames as possible. Let's start a list of frames and break them down. SHOULD / SHOULDN'T Whenever I hear "should" or "shouldn't" let the frame alert go off. There is no such thing as "I should" or "I shouldn't". Each time you hear it, ask yourself these questions: — By who's standards (and what that person is going to get if you meet them) — Does meeting these standards benefit me too, or only the other person? — Is there any threat behind not meeting these standards? Am I being manipulated / controlled / blackmailed? — Is there any other way I can get the same reward from buying into the frame? And perhaps some more. If you have any ideas, please share and I will add them to these three.
  12. D. Goleman said in either Emotional Intelligence or Social Intelligence that when you have an emotional hijack, i.e. your amygdala goes into the fight-or-flight state and your heartrate rises significantly, you need to ask the person for a couple of minutes for yourself to cool down, and it may take more than once during an argument. The rule of thumb is you don't want to argue when your heart rate is high. You may consider using other forms of communication, when it happens. You need to let go some things that are very important to your ego. You need to do it outside the argument. I think the book "Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender" as well as Teal's judgement exercise may help you I don't know the details but you get hurt or offended because you want to protect your ego, because some actions or words have some meanings about you attached, and for example you don't want to be the one treated unfair because it means you have no competence to ensure you are safe so it means mistreatment will happen again or that you social status is low etc. You can watch this video too: And then the one titled "How to change a belief". Your amygdala will be triggered whenever one of these 5 things happens: • your social status is threatened • you think you are being treated unjustly • a relationship is threatened • your autonomy is limited or you feel you are loosing control • you are uncertain Check which one is integrated into your troublesome beliefs
  13. 1. Start telling people the truth you are afraid of voicing. You will see people accept it. It will make you care a bit less about that aspect of you that ruins your self-esteem. 2. Yes, you should stop searching for the love you perceive as love right now. You cannot make a big deal out of it, cause it stresses you out and sabotages you. And love as an external factor will not make you feel truly good enough.
  14. Omni is right. Quite recently I experienced 2 weeks of some kind of inner peace and relief from a similar stuff as you have. It's gone now, however. But it was like I decided that I've had enough, fuck it! I don't want to have a partner nor sex for the rest of my life, I give up the idea that I need these to have high self-esteem. And then I just completely focused on pleasing myself with movies, games, food etc. with the idea in mind that I don't have to do anything. You need to see how upbringing and culture fucks up your programming first. You are literally programmed to feel certain emotions only if some conditions are met. You need to understand how this programming doesn't really help you but sabotage you. Then focus on accepting these "bad sides of you" (what you lack, how "failure" you are etc.) and rebelling against the culture who has fucked you up. You must become your own authority in your eyes regarding what is right and what is not. So that you can now program yourself without someone else telling you what you are and what you should be/do. Also understand this: people will not appreciate you, and you cannot be special. They cannot appreciate YOU, because they don't see YOU. They have a picture of you in their minds. They can only appreciate some illusion of you that they have created in their minds (if you give them some hints that perhaps you really are like blablabla). If you want to feel special and important, you need to impress yourself when you overcome some challenges and cater to your narcissistic side
  15. I've learnt something strange and I wonder what it is. I got some grip on my painful emotions that appeared whenever I judged certain facts about myself. Usually I felt emotional pain, sorrow with an accompanying physical feeling of contraction in my chest. Now, I can somehow not cherish that pain so that is is gone after a moment, but you know what? Then I am in a good mood while feeling physical stabbing pain in my chest. What is that?