Dangers of Spiritual Work-Life and Death(confused)

[capriciousduck]

I recently started personal development after suffering for years with depression(some childhood problems and addiction due to illicit affairs my father had) and a year back  I was diagnosed with depressional OCD and Schizophrenia(attempted suicide 4-times). I also have porn addiction.

If you really have some time I told my entire life story briefly.

Today I was watching Leo's latest video and at a point, he said awakening is a matter of life and death. I am really not aware of whether I want to know the TRUTH. But, I am in a sense felt that if I could align myself with the universe I can experience everything and particularly I can experience that I and my pug plippie(died on April 15 and that's two days after my birthday) are one and the same. What I am really aware of is I am not depressed that my pug died. Now, I am really happy that I had Plippie in my life. I am now a friend of a new dog Sandy(a golden retriever).

I want to ask you guys, am I not aware of my interest in awakening? Am I missing something?

[Leeeon]

Could you clarify your question?

i don't really get what you mean by "Am I not aware of my interest in awakening?"

[Aeris]

you're looking for relief, not awakening, that's just an idea leo has been giving you. ( or someone else )

depending when you are, "awakening" to a high degree could be dangerous, especially without grounding

But for relieving pain there is a lot of good way / mantra / meditation / yoga /// mild psychedelics doses / mild dose of mdma.

I would do more work on facet of self-love + love for nature + relaxation.

getting more knowledge, while remaining skeptical of all the knowledge.

[Leo Gura]

@capriciousduck No one can tell you what you want.

What do you want?

Answer this for yourself and then go about creating it every day.

[Matt8800]

22 hours ago, capriciousduck said:

I recently started personal development after suffering for years with depression(some childhood problems and addiction due to illicit affairs my father had) and a year back  I was diagnosed with depressional OCD and Schizophrenia(attempted suicide 4-times). I also have porn addiction.

If you really have some time I told my entire life story briefly.

Today I was watching Leo's latest video and at a point, he said awakening is a matter of life and death. I am really not aware of whether I want to know the TRUTH. But, I am in a sense felt that if I could align myself with the universe I can experience everything and particularly I can experience that I and my pug plippie(died on April 15 and that's two days after my birthday) are one and the same. What I am really aware of is I am not depressed that my pug died. Now, I am really happy that I had Plippie in my life. I am now a friend of a new dog Sandy(a golden retriever).

I want to ask you guys, am I not aware of my interest in awakening? Am I missing something?

@capriciousduck If you are not sure, It might be best if you dont go there....at least at this time. 

People think that its all love and light but that is not the whole story. As Leo pointed out in his last video, one has to go through dark and difficult nihilism to reach the other side.