Spiritual Bucket List This Week - My Spiritual Life

[Preety_India]

He could have easily taken out that resentment on me. I could easily be in jail for nothing, for something I never did, for no fault. 

I don't want to look forward to that possibility. He says that he is remotely capable of such evil. But how would I know. 

I don't be with such a person and I'm glad about the decision I finally made after a long time. 

I could easily be staring into a disastrous future with him. Homelessness, jail, loss of reputation and violence. Rape. 

When he made that threat of exposing  me and disparaging me in public, he took a huge risk on our relationship and made himself completely unreliable in my eyes. 

If he can blame me for his family problems and failure what else can he blame me for. 

If he can falsely accuse me of something I didn't do and invent stuff to make me the bad person out of his victimhood,  victimmitus as he calls it, out of his sensitivity as he puts it or over sensitivity and if that causes him to be illogical and paranoid in his fear about me, he can do anything out of his paranoid delusions. How is he reliable at all. He is bipolar on top. 

I think this was truly the final nail in the coffin. His paranoia and illogical rationale. His need to frame me for his failures. His complete indifference to my sufferings and problems. His extreme elitism, condescension and self righteousness. His awful skewed judgement of me. His lack of ability to ask for a clarification and a distorted perception of me

 

I could have easily played the victim card just like he does but I chose not to. And does he even allow it. How fast does he attack when he sees another person acting a victim. How fast does he object to something like that and finds it completely unreliable and wants to walk away from victim players for his own safety. Why can't I do the same. 

If he plays victim, I could be in big trouble over nothing. Shouldn't I be scared for my life. Shouldn't I worry about my safety and have concerns. What an asshhole. He never thinks how his behavior projects on him. How his behavior will be taken.. He is completely justified when he does the same he accuses others of. This is where his self righteousness gets annoying. 

Now that I'm done with him for good, I feel truly free. Never going back. Never. No matter what. 

I'm not gonna run a risk on my life. Never. 

 

Edited October 15, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I'm done being his punching bag. Time for him to take off his punching gloves and give it a rest. 

 

 

 

Try this shit with Rebecca and you will have another night in jail. No you wouldn't. You could only afford to be a beast to me. Enough is enough. Seen and taken a ton of your bs. Supported you, loved you. To the end of my rope. 

Like I said when you find a bad woman, you whine about her, when you find a good woman you use her and abuse her, dummy you are the biggest jackass. 

 

 

 

And as usual I should have known better 

 

Ofc it won't ever happen again. 

I'm done with the whole relationship drama and BS. Don't wanna lose my life. 

[Preety_India]

You make my worst fears come true lol

 

You really are a paranoid dummy. Maybe it's your PTSD. But thanks no thanks. Got no time to deal with that. 

 

Go get help dummy. Go to a therapist. You are in a few days btw. Hope the therapist sheds a light on your awful victim behavior. 

You really do what your ex did and still whine about her. I don't know who is worse, you or her, both look like two peas in a pod. 

Thank God you got a job. Now you can be engaged in fruitful things. Helps a mind like yours to be away from general neurosis. Your Italian neurosis indeed. 

Get help dummy. 

Edited October 15, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I left you but I still love you. Can't help it. 

I care so much about you that it hurts. 

Wish things were never this way. 

I love you infinitely but I'm equally scared. 

I won't run that risk. You are unstable. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Now you get help quickly or I'm done with you 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Enriqueta Romero, the Godmother of Santa Muerte devotion, at her shop in Tepito

 

 

months I had anticipated the 15th anniversary celebration of Enriqueta Romero’s famous Santa Muerte shrine in the notorious Mexico City barrio of Tepito. Doña Queta, as she’s affectionately known, unintentionally launched the fastest growing new religious movement in the Americas by setting her life-size statue of the Bony Lady out on the sidewalk in front of her home on Halloween of 2001.

Enriqueta Romero, the Godmother of Santa Muerte devotion, at her shop in Tepito

I feel sorry for whatever happened to this guy. Tragic

 

Edited October 15, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Different types of Santa Muerte 

La Nina Bonita or the beautiful lady

 

La Nina Blanca or the white lady 

 

La Dama Poderosa the powerful lady 

La Calaca or The Skeleton

La Flaquita or La Flaca or the skinny girl 

Nina Santa is Holy Girl 

La Hermana Blanca or the white sister. 

La Madrina or the Godmother 

La Huesuda or the Bony Lady 

La Santa Sebastiana the Revered or Adored Lady. 

Señora Blanca  or madam or miss white 

‘Señora Negra or madam/miss black Lady 

“Señora de las Sombras or madam/miss of the shades or colors. 

La Santisima Muerte or Santa Muerte or (The Most Holy Death)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Black represents total protection against black magic or sorcery, or conversely negative magic or for force directed against rivals and enemies. Blue candles and images of the saint indicate wisdom, which is favored by students and those in education. It can also be used to petition for health.

 

 

Working with Santa Muerte

The beauty of working with Santa Muerte is that she is a complete and total magical system in herself. This means that she can be called upon for every single need a person may have. Unlike the Saints and other deities who can only be called upon for issues that are within their particular workings or patronage, Santa Muerte has no limits or restrictions.

Santa Muerte does not separate good and evil. There is no distinction between the two in her eyes. Petitions are just petitions, cries for help in time of need. She will respond to requests of any nature and will never cast judgment upon a person for what they ask or who they are. Santa Muerte will grant many requests that are otherwise shunned by Saints.

 

 

Santa Muerte Colors

There are three basic or traditional colors used when working with the Santa Muerte: red, white, and black. In the following, everything that is not mentioned falls in the white representation.

White represents…
The removal of negative energy, cleansing, purification, removing obstacles, balancing the emotions, mental clarity, healing grudges, overcoming arguments, solving hurt feelings, envy, jealousy, anguish, disputes, healing, motivation, courage, overcome fears, peace, happiness, good luck, spiritual blessings, counseling and guidance, the white is an "all purpose" color and like the black image it can represent protection.

Red represents…
Love, passion, heat, lust, sexuality, fidelity, excitement, commitment, marriage, relationships, calm for a rocky relationship, overcome relationship problems, and anything to do with feelings of the heart. It also represents blood.

Black represents…
All forms of protection, overcoming problems and worries, obstacles, blockages, ridding someone from your life or vicinity, combat negativity, healing spiritual illness, reverse and return spellwork, spiritual or psychic attacks, enemy spellwork, revenge, and both cursing and unhexing


Other Colors of Santa Muerte

Bone represents…
Spirit contact, necromancy, ancestors, peace, success, harmony, and is an "all purpose" color much white.

Green represents…
Justice, fairness, legal matters, court hearings, legal disputes, law enforcement, winning the favor of a jury or judge, good luck, money, asking someone for a favor, increase business sales, improving financial situations, selling a home or a piece of property, gambling luck, pay raises, and job promotions

Gold represents…
Money, prosperity, success, spiritual blessings, asking for special favors, reaching goals and deadlines, abundance, riches, material gain, overcoming bad habits, self improvement, motivation, courage, strengthen a particular talent, gain new insight of a matter, overcoming fear, gaining new and fresh ideas, landing a new job or blessing the opening of a new business,

Purple represents…
Mental health, physical health, emotional health, spiritual health, psychic abilities, divination,

Blue represents…
Wisdom, education, study, learning, luck in taking exams, retaining information learned, strengthening the memory, overcome fear of public speaking, help a person get their point across to another, understanding, and knowledge.

Rainbow (also known as The Seven Powers) represents…
The gold is used for abundance, wealth, and family matters
The purple is used for change for the better, health, and letting go
The silver is used for good luck, stability, and blessings
The red is used for passion, love, romance
The copper is used for removing negative energies, cleansing, and protection
The blue is used for spirituality, study, and prosperity
The green is used for money, justice, and success

 

 

Santa Muerte Symbols

Some images of the Santa Muerte may be found with different symbols, holding different items in her hands or including different objects at her feet. Images of Santa Muerte usually have her carrying the symbols of a scythe and a world globe. The following are the most common symbols.

The Scythe…
The scythe or sickle has several meanings. First it is symbolic of endings. It can mean the ending of a time period, a routine, a dispute, an adventure, a relationship, etc... Endings come in many forms. Santa Muerte uses her scythe to cut away a persons link to something. It is also symbolic of death since it is believed by her followers that when a person's time is up she is the one who comes to escort the soul into the next existence. The scythe is also a symbol of harvest, prosperity, and hope. It can be said that the scythe she holds is a symbol of harvesting our dreams and desires. A sign of a persons request made to her will flourish, grow, and manifest. It cuts away obstacles that hold a person from making progress and clears a path for guidance. In addition, the scythe can symbolize power and strength. It can symbolize the power and strength that Santa Muerte herself carries over all humans and over her realm of the dead. It can also indicate power and strength in a person's spellwork with Santa Muerte, or power and strength over enemies.

The World Globe…
The world globe represents Santa Muerte's power over the entire world. She is not held back or limited to whom she can rule. She will eventually claim everyone living on earth. Santa Muerte is not limited to location or held back by time or space. She can claim judgment at any given moment. There are no boundaries. It's believed that after God, death (Santa Muerte) is the most powerful figure in the world, since without death there is no life, there is no existence. The globe is an indication that Santa Muerte rules over all race, religion, culture, and belief.....she's just known by other names....but most, if not all, religions have a ruler over death. Here, we call her Santa Muerte.

The Owl…
The owl is symbolic of darkness, nighttime, and keen vision. Santa Muerte's owl companion indicates powerful guidance for those who ask.

The Hourglass…
The hourglass symbolizes the hands of time. Each grain of sand is a moment of time itself. Each grain that her hourglass contains is indication of a person's lifespan. When the hourglass is empty, life on earth is over. At the same time death is a continuation of life. This continuation can be in another realm or again here on earth. The hourglass also symbolizes patience. Ask and wait.

The Lamp…
The lamp represents a reflection of her...her presence, her help, her existence, her guidance. With her lamp she lights the path of those who follow her and those who work with her. It lights up a person's direction and/or mental capacity, giving the person a more expanded train of thought. New ideas, new insights, and deeper levels of clarity.

The Cloak or Robe…
Most commonly Santa Muerte wears a long hooded cloak which extends to her feet, much like the one the Virgin of Guadalupe wears. It drapes over her boney frame covering almost all of her with the exception of her face, hands, feet, and sometimes the lower half of her legs. Her cloak is symbolic of the protection she extends to her devotees. She opens her cloak wide and covers the person with it to keep them safe from whatever it is they need protection from.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 15, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Another spiritual lesson that I learned today is 

When you start with honest and genuine intentions you have honest results. 

 

[Preety_India]

The silence is deafening. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

My life is too precious now to give into narcissistic abusers. 

 

 

My future plans will not involve anymore narcissistic abusers. 

 

 

No more of those - men who only think of themselves and have zero concern for the woman. 

 

Go ahead and do it. It will just confirm the idea in my head that you weren't the right guy to deal with it. 

 

He is delusional, narcissistic and arrogant. 

He got his job on 8th October. 

I left him on 15th October. 2019. 

He is bipolar, narcissistic, abusive, anger issues, unreasonable, delusional, unrealistic, selfish, cheap, sex addicted, egotistical maniac, manipulative, trouble maker, psychopathic, sociopathic, bully, he sees people as objects and uses them to his purpose and has absolutely no regard for someone's condition or emotions. 

Edited October 15, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

This is my break up week lol. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Another lesson that I learned during my morning meditation is that 

Only type of energy can exist. It cannot be two energies at the same time. 

Like I cannot hold the energy of both love and hate at the same time. 

So once I have the energy of hate, it won't be replaced by energy of love because it doesn't work that way. 

Once I have the energy of love, I cannot suddenly get hate 

 

I need to do a recap of my spiritual practices. 

[Preety_India]

Today in my spiritual growth I'm going to focus on Dissociation and 

Lack of acceptance 

How to stop guilt tripping myself. 

 

How to dissociate myself from people I don't want to be with. 

The feeling of guilt that constantly bothers me. 

 

I think this feeling of gullt also causes me to become psychopathic, schemer, manipulative and pretentious. This fundamental guilt comes from some factors that I have identified in my childhood 

Those are 

• Lack of acceptance
• Fear of being rejected 
• Fear of being scorned or hated 
• Fear of being judged which is the biggest 
• Fear and guilt of being unloved 
• Fear guilt of being considered unworthy 
• Fear of being punished or persecuted 
• Fear of not being in the good books/favor of that person
• Fear of not being ignored 
• Fear of being outcast 
• Fear of humiliation
• Fear of hate 
• Fear of not being able to win favor of the person

These particular fears cause me to bend to a person's demands and not be able to say no. Not being able to stick to myself and retain my self respect and not being able to defend myself effectively and easily get guilt tripped. 

 

A few days ago I felt like I was wrong even when I was not wrong. It was a question of my self respect. I began to doubt my basic objective thinking which was right. But doubting it led to needless self guilt. 

I think feeling excessive self guilt can be a sign of suffering narcissistic abuse. 

Edited October 16, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Next spiritual lesson is 

Hate is okay. 

 

It's okay to have love within myself and for someone to have hate for me. 

It's completely okay for them to hate me. It doesn't make me a bad person. 

 

[Preety_India]

I will try to differentiate between Dissociation and detachment 

Detachment means being detached from your surroundings 

 

Dissociation means being able to unhook oneself from bias, prejudice and other people's emotions, judgement, perceptions and able to retain your equilibrium and basic calmness 

 

[Preety_India]

Santa muerte helped me a lot in accepting who I am and not feeling ashamed or unworthy of myself. She reminded me that those who shame me are the ones who are wrong 

These 4 things that I should learn to deflect and cut off and dissociate and cancel from my life. 

These are specific strategies 

?Deflection - means distraction. If a person says something offensive in the middle of a conversation, immediately switch that topic and act like you didnt hear it and turn over the attention of that person to something completely different or bring the attention back to the original discussion bypassing that offensive subject. 

?Cut off - cut off that person completely from your life 

 Reduce interactions with such a person

Or cut off the interaction abruptly. Walk off or go silent 

?Dissociate - do not be impacted even slightly by that person's negative judgement

 

?Cancel - cancel the person. Which means do not like them. Do not give them importance. Treat them like they don't deserve any form of praise or attention from you. Treat them with contempt and derision just dislike them, consider them inferior for their mean behavior. Eject them from your field of thought or vision 

 

Apart from these strategies the behaviors that I should red flag are 

? Someone who complains 

? Someone who plays victim around me even when I didn't have the intention to hurt them 

? Someone who doesn't appreciate 

? Someone who doesn't respect 

? Someone who shames me 

? When I am misjudged or misunderstood by the person. 

? Someone who doesn't care enough or is very phony in their caring attitude 

? Someone who doesn't appear empathetic 

? Someone has a negative opinion of me 

? Someone who is skeptical of me 

? Someone who is judgemental of me 

? Someone who blames me without justifiable reason or context 

? Someone who threatens me in both small or big ways 

? Someone who bullies me... A common thing that bullies say is go kill yourself 

? Someone who ridicules me 

? Someone who mocks me 

? Someone who fails to assure me 

? Someone who is rude to me 

? Someone who is indifferent to my needs and concerns 

? Someone who is downplaying my problems. 

 

Edited October 16, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Another lesson is 

If you have nothing to gain, make sure that you also have nothing to lose and make sure you aren't losing anything 

[Preety_India]

Another psychological barrier that I suffered from was this feeling that if I cared about my own needs and concerns I'm somehow being selfish. I sort of internalized a strange form of guilt over self care and always associated it  with selfishness. As a result I could never fully care for myself. I need to convince myself every day that caring for myself is totally wonderful and not selfish at all

I think this thought was implanted in me by my ex who always made me feel guilty anytime I expressed my concerns or needs. 

 

Edited October 16, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

This entire ball of psycho emotional mental spiritual, I will call it the intangible component 

 

[Preety_India]

14 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I especially like this paragraph because it highlights how believing too much in yourself can itself be a limiting belief which is a paradox. So there's a need of a balance. 

The key difference that has been made is that you are now dealing with uncomfortable emotions, rather than the belief that you are good enough (which cuts way deeper since when you believe it's true, it's a box you can literally never come out of).

 

I found this wonderful thing in the forum that helped me understand better. That lack of confidence is definitely an issue because it can lead to self esteem battles, self guilt-tripping, pleasing others, not caring for self but over confidence is equally a problem because it means you can never change or improve because you are too good. 

The key lies in a balanced confidence. 

 

Edited October 16, 2019 by Preety_India