Manjushri

Feeling lonely when separated from my partner

10 posts in this topic

Is this a sign of becoming codependent? I'm starting to feel unbearable loneliness when I'm away from her. She is the feminine to my masculine, a perfect fit. I want to penetrate her mind 24/7 and share my entire Being with her. I want to become one with her. When separated, I feel like I'm incomplete (codependency alert???). I feel lonely, but not like I need her. Together we're an entire new being, so much that being separated feels lacking, like Plato's soulmates. 

When I was doing the life purpose inquiry, I figured that the most important thing for me in life is a quality companion. A week later I found one. With her, I feel complete, but I repeat, I don't need her. 

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Plato's soulmates? Sounds fishy.

How long has this relationship been?

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You probably have...

”Anxious Preoccupied Attachment – Unlike securely attached couples, people with an anxious attachment tend to be desperate to form a fantasy bond. Instead of feeling real love or trust toward their partner, they often feel emotional hunger. They’re frequently looking to their partner to rescue or complete them. Although they’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner, they take actions that push their partner away.”

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@RendHeaven We're close friends for 3-4 years now. Became closer this year - everyday intense communication. It's just scary how a perfectly good fit we are. 

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@Manjushri Everyone was drunk in Plato's Symposium xD soulmates are a lie!

But yes to be blunt, you are slowly creeping into codependency, as you suspect.

This is nothing to fear, however. If things get real nasty, start a new thread haha.

Until then, I wouldn't worry about "what if I'm codependent." That's unnecessary anxiety.

If you catch yourself feeling lonely, really buckle down on YOU.

What do you love? Independent of this girl?

Surely you have passions.

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Missing someone that you love when they’re not around is completely fine. Would you really love them if you were happy that they’re not around? Being completely hopeless when they’re not around might be a sign of a problem.


I have an opinion on everything :D

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@RendHeaven@Rilles Sorry but no. Not me in any way. 

 

@RendHeaven accidentally @'d you up there. Can't erase. 

Uh. The problem is we've spent almost every day together for the past 5 months. Big problem. If we didn't see eachother, we would phone/text. She is my best and closest friend, and I had a tough time so I was communicating with her a lot. Then we got into a relationship and I just extremely enjoyed spending time with her. The problem is I've grown attached to her so much, that I can't imagine myself starting martial arts or something without her. Ghhh... 

Exams ended and I got 3 months of summer without obligations that aren't self-imposed... 

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3 hours ago, Manjushri said:

The problem is I've grown attached to her so much, that I can't imagine myself starting martial arts or something without her. Ghhh... 

Oh boy.

Ok yeah that's a problem O.o

First of all, can you see why that's a problem? We can't have a conversation unless we agree on that haha.

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@RendHeaven Masculinity is having a mission that's priority no 1, females second or third. Codependency kills attraction and relationships

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@Manjushri I think it's fine that you miss her and feel lonely without her. Most relationships are like that. As long as the degree of loneliness is low, otherwise it will turn into an overly needy (unhealthy) relationship. 

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