moon777light

Journey.

8 posts in this topic

This is my second journal. My last one started with lots of expectation, excitement, and a bit too much hope for overachievement with no structured organization. My biggest weakness is not sticking to plans by overstuffing my list of goals. I become too hopeful with trying to change my outlook overnight, but then as soon as i start breaking one habit im trying to build, then im less motivated to continue, when im less motivated putting things off become so easy of course, and then i forget about the habit.

I was very weary to start another one because im scared of failure and not living up to the goals i want to achieve but that means i wont go anywhere.

I read a passage in eckart tolle's New EArth where he describes an old Sufi's tale. A King who got pissed very easily sought out the help of a wise man. The wise  man said his advice will be completely priceless but will give it too him as a gift. In the next few days, the king got a beautiful box that contained a golden ring. On this golden ring was inscripted the words "This too, shall pass". The wise man told the king that in every situation, good or bad, too look at the ring and remind himself that this too, shall pass. This will make the king wary of the fleetingness of life and every moment, and he will learn to detach from events, good and bad. This detachment paradoxically makes him cherish and appreciate life much more. 

Once i read that i started repeated to myself, almost as a mantra, as frequently as my mind can remind myself, that this too, shall pass. Strange-ly, when i said this, i got a feeling in my heart, something warm, and my mood truly did lift up and i was more motivated to do work and not complain. My motivation toward life in general, as well as my goal of Awakening, strengthened. 

I am restarted my meditation habit. This time, i will be using the guidance of the book "The Mind Illuminated". what i learned from my previous events of meditation and its failures is exactly what the book describes in reasons why people dont make advancements. I was trying to carry more eggs than my basket could hold. I focused on acheiveing too many goals, (getting still focus, distractions disappearing, peacefulness, etc). What i didnt know is that i need to structure my plan out, tackling one issue at a time, which is what book mentioned above exactly does. It has good reviews, so i hope it works lol. 

In regards to the whole domain of spirituality, and what this forum is about, ive come to find out that for ME, its most important to be able to meditate SUCCESSFULLY before i can branch out into other fields (self-inquiry/yoga/psychedelics/etc) i need to get basic skills out of the way in order to have a firm foundation for harder skills. I admit that would watch actualized later videos (2017ish and beyond) which are very advanced material, whereas i havent had a nondual experience yet, meaning all being said in the videos really doesnt make sense haha nor other videos such as Advaita.

Journey sounds cheesy but its the name of my favorite video game (which is about the the journey of life) that i just replayed. And i think its the simplist way of describing what i am doing. 

----

So for the time being, my current goals are:

-> Learning how to meditate: by going through the stages of meditation listed out in "The mind Illuminated"

->fix sleep cycle

I am very tempted to add more, but if i do, i know already that i am putting myself up for failure, which means i broke another promise i made to myself. Breaking promises to self is hurting your relationship with yourself meaning my self-esteem will get hurt even more. This time im taking it in piece by piece, brick by brick im building the castle. Everything else i do thats beneficial will just be bonus

And the Journey starts :)

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I discovered this song around the time I saw your post. 

The name of the album is voyage.

I love the honesty of your posts.

Also, I might check out The Mind Illuminated


The kingdom of heaven is within.

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@Colin im glad you do:D

thank you for the song, i will check it out.

DAY ONE:

The mind illuminated--> STAGE ONE: The goal of stage one is very simple and hard at the same time. Its to establish a disciplined and DILIGENT practice. we all know about disciplined practice, which means doing it every single day, but not so much of us know about diligent, which is too give it all you got during the meditation. To follow your instructions as best as you can and to not waste time planning or daydreaming. I did lots of this on the last meditation challenge i gave myself. 

First meditation day is completed, 20 minutes. The method listed in the book (1. preparation 2. four step process to ease into focus 3. actual focus) helped immensely. The amount of mindwandering i had compared to other times i did meditation was a night and day difference. My mind felt refreshed afterwards and my mood was good. One image shown in the book was a bucket being filled with water, but the bucket had holes on the bottom so the water leaked out. The author explained that this is what our spiritual journey will be like if we only concentrate on being present during our set meditation time during the day. If we dont bring mindfulness throughout our daily lives, we might as well not meditate at all. Interesting thought.

 

 

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1 hour ago, moon777light said:

If we dont bring mindfulness throughout our daily lives, we might as well not meditate at all. Interesting thought.

Lyrics from the song

"There's a space I'm looking for
I grind all the time 7/24"
 


The kingdom of heaven is within.

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DAY 2: mind was cluttered with thoughts, barely got any concentration time but thats probably because i did the session right after my parents were being super annoying so lesson is to not do meditation after im agitated

DAY 3: went to sleep kind early (10:30pm) and woke up kinda early (7:40am). Immediatley after waking up i went to meditate and that will probably be my plan from now on since my mind is most refreshed and cleared. The session went really well and im proud of my self for being pretty dilligent through it. Like every time i got distracted i would bring my attention to the breath, even when distractions are emotionally heated (like when my neighbor started doing something with a car loudly). I became aware of the moment the meditation finished i turned "off" my meditaion brain and turned "on" my "me" brain. Like op! meditation done, now i can finally be myself again. But i need to bring its lessons through every waking moment. 

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DAY 4: meditation 20 min done. Once my mind wanders i am able to pull it back to the breath in a millisecond. But how fast i can turn attention back to the breath is how fast it becomes distracted by thought. Today i watched a documentary on trees called "the Call of the forest...the forgotten wisdom of trees". The past few days i have been getting crazy tree recommendations when im on the internet. Videos from the 434 channel, then i see several books on tree wisdom recommended, ted-ex documentaries, and now i find today this as i browse the mercola website. Yesterday i drew a tree.., i feel like it just called to me. ANother thing i learned was that i need to trust the process. I am a person whos frustrated with my art skills, i get angry when i have a picture in my mind or see something and im not able to draw it too look "good". I began drawing the tree and was soo close to giving up as per usual but decided to finish it. WHen i did it turned to look beautiful. 

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DAY 5: meditation done at the beach. Tis Good

DAY 6:meditation done. i have found that in each session i have maybe 2-3 periods of concentration that last a few seconds then disappear. Today during transition into the meditation object (in the method im doin you first become aware of all sounds/sensations/thoughts, then you move onto only sensations of the body, then breath, then breath at the nose), when i was in the stage for sensations only in body, i got a period where even though there were so many noises outside of myself, i was hyper aware of only my body. 

I am nearing the end of Book of not-knowing, im on chapter 19 of 26. Currently finished "beyond Belief' chapter and im pondering on getting a jounral to write in (physical of course) to take a few minutes every day to analyze and deconstruct all the beliefs i have. I notice that the more i look at things for-itself  rather than for-myself  im at more peace. I started thinking that all the limiting beliefs i have, if im able to deconstruct them to see what they really are (illusions) how much different my thinking would be. Its gonna be hard tackling the "good" beliefs.  Also getting more pain in the eyes when im looking at screens

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DAY 7: done, 1 week streak

DAY 8: done at beach, horrible couldnt even once concentrate because people everywhere, my boyfriend was with me and so i feel for some reason some extra pressure that i give myself for no reason, and music from this club was blasted loudly (yes, at 9 in the morning)

Day 9: done, pretty good. when im surronded in the right setting, i can remember pretty quickly to switch back to focus. I mean its only been 9 days, so i shouldnt expect any growth now, its just the beginning and expectations shouldnt be prioritized. 

Im getting lazy around the whole sleep early wake early but tonight ill retry again. No more adding habits until ive established a meditation practice and a good sleep cycle. Currently finishing up Ralstons book, probably should look into buying a journal to write out exercises in his book.

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