Going through the spiral

[Raphael]

The Interpretation of True/False

Everything that I say is false. Everything that I say is true. The validity of what one's say is only determined by the perspective that interprets it.

[Raphael]

The more aware I am, the more I seek silence and solitude.

Edited August 30, 2020 by Raphael

[Raphael]

I have a lot of distaste, resistance, and rejection toward stage blue.

[Raphael]

Breathwork to Release Immediate Anger and Dirtiness

Breathwork is super powerful to release immediate anger, greed, feeling of dirtiness, or other similar emotions.

I was feeling quite angry today and decided to do a breathwork session. I didn't had a super mystical experience (I never cried nor had visuals), but I felt a lot of tingling sensations notably in my forearms and they also became quite tight near the end.

I felt super empty and super lightweight after the session, I was back in my higher self as if I was not a human anymore. The anger and dirtiness almost completely vanished.

Breathwork is like magic.

[Raphael]

The Importance of a Good Presentation

I have never been the kind of person to judge people on the way they look and the way they dress. How someone's dress is not important for me, what's more important is how conscious the person is. I thought the same most of my life and therefore never really cared about wearing sleeve shirts, suits, etc. I would most of the time only wear a t-shirt with a hoodie.

However, I noticed that in the professional world many times people will judge our competencies from our looks especially if we are young and inexperienced, so a good first impression is important. People who care about how they dress are seeing as people who put effort into themselves, who have high standards, and care about themselves and therefore are expected to deliver better results.

I think that many of my bad results in freelancing are coming from self-esteem issues and bad marketing. I used a picture that I took three years ago in a simple t-shirt. I look like a totally inexperienced kid in this picture, also my descriptions can sound a little too childish.

I will change my presentations and therefore my identity. I will wear a white sleeved shirt now so that I look much more mature and trustable.

[Raphael]

The 9 Stages of Ego Development

This model is so precise that it almost made me cry.

 

Edited September 3, 2020 by Raphael

[Raphael]

Misunderstanding Enlightenment

I feel like I have a lot of misconceptions and misunderstandings about enlightenment. I also feel like all these concepts, ideas, and mental models that I learn here are very far away from the reality. I have the intuition that enlightenment is not understandable through logic and ideas, but only through the emotions that one's feel. I feel that it's a way of being, not a description of being.

[Raphael]

I Know Nothing

[Raphael]

Literally.

[Raphael]

Difficult Thoughts and OCD

Some difficult memories of the past and thoughts about things that I would have loved to say to have revenge after some people who deeply hurt me are coming back again and again like an obsessive-compulsive disorder.

[Raphael]

There's so much racism in the world, I'm sick of it.

[Raphael]

Many say they want respect, but many have shadows that make themselves non-respectful.

[Raphael]

Healing Traumas

I need to start working on my traumas. They continue to come back again and again, are breaking my focus when I work and making me prone to other abuses.

These traumas include:

• Having a narcissistic stage red dad who highly humiliated me and criticized me most of my life
• Being bullied at school and being perceived as the loser of the school. This was happening because I was a very skinny, very shy, and very calm nerd kid
• Being highly rejected by most of society
• Being oppressed, highly criticized, and rejected by stage blue people
• Racism that I got
• Being exploited and abused by some people

Edited September 13, 2020 by Raphael

[Raphael]

Quazi Johir

This guy is great. I watched a few of his videos and the way he articulates his content is one of the best that I saw until now. His explanations and super clear and simple, it's a pleasure to listen to him.

His channel is a perfect complement to Leo's content for basic stage orange self-help.

 

[Raphael]

So Many People are Fucked Up

Every day I go out for a walk with my dogs, from time to time I meet a full of hate narcissistic person who as soon as he/she sees the dogs (even if they are leashed) they either take a stick or rocks in their hands.

Here are some encounters that I had:

• One day, I was walking, the dogs were walking a little before me. They were unleashed, they were just walking peaceful, not even running, they didn't bark, they didn't attack anybody. A guy saw them and started to throw rocks at them. The guy saw me a few seconds after, I asked him: "What's the issue, they are not doing anything?" He responded: "You don't know what can happen."
• Another day, I was holding my two dogs by their leash. A guy saw me and started to grab some rocks in his hand and told me: "Careful with your dogs". I responded: "What's the issue, they are leashed?"
• Another day, I was walking and my dogs were unleashed. A guy appeared with a leashed dog and two kids. One of my dogs barked and he beat him with a stick. I wanted to talk to him to tell him that next time it would be better to keep our distance so that it doesn't happen. I couldn't even say anything because he beat the other dog (that was just walking peacefully) in front of me. He then screamed at me: "NEXT TIME I'LL FUCK YOUR DOG AND I'LL FUCK YOU TOO!!!"
• Today, I was walking again. I was holding one dog with a leash, the other one was unleashed (this one is calm, he can only bark a little sometimes), I also had two puppies (there are so small, they cannot harm anyone). A guy appeared, as soon as I saw the expression on his face, I knew he would cause some issues. So he took a meter-long stick and we started to look at each other in the eyes. I wanted to tell him that if he takes a stick and lives with rage animals will sense it. He didn't let me talk and screamed at me.

Of course, I can understand that people can sometimes be afraid to see unleashed dogs and I can see how I can be at fault. Nevertheless, how they react is a huge indication of their consciousness. Some people scream, some people take sticks, some people throw rocks and some people just walk calmly. When unknown dogs walk close to me, I simply continue to walk normally without taking care of them and it goes fine 99% of the time. I find other reactions super annoying.

This examples of me walking with my dogs are not the only one that I have about "fucked up" people:

• One day, I was just walking and a guy asked me if I like sex
• Another day, a guy started to ask me questions: What's your name? How old are you? Are you married? Where do you live? Can I come with you?
• On Facebook one time, I received a message: A guy told me that he was looking at me in the city and said that he wanted to suck my dick and wanted to have sex with me. He also sent gay porn images
• In my first job, my boss, an European guy who moved to Africa to build his business (probably because of the less strict rules and the low-cost labor) would explode from time to time in rage saying that he hated some people and wanted to kill them. He also shared his racism many times.

I can easily notice these people now, I can notice them 10 - 20 meters away from me. Usually, their body language looks tight, they often look down to the ground, and most importantly their facial expression clearly expresses hate, anger, disgust, or arrogance.

I wanted to help these people sometimes, just share a few insights to help them understand where their at, but it was impossible. As soon as I would open my mouth, they would shut me up. They are so unconscious, they cannot help themselves, everything that they say backfires on themselves and continue the circle of unconsciousness. There are total lost cases.

I hope in the future when the world will evolve to green/yellow, that they will be free mandatory therapies and follow-ups for these people to make them evolve to higher levels of consciousness so that the world works better.

[Raphael]

No matter who I speak to, I only speak to myself.

[Raphael]

I'm a Sensitive Man

For as long as I remember, I have always been hypersensitive to the world around me. As a kid, I would notice small details that most people wouldn't care about. I would also cry more easily than other boys of my age and therefore would get bullied more easily because I was perceived as weak and sensitive.

I took a test this year that determines how masculine/feminine someone's brain is. I'm not sure how valid this test was, but my results were around 50/50, aka a balanced brain. Sometimes, my masculine side takes over and I'm much more direct, logical, and problem-solving oriented, other times my feminine side takes over and I become more sensitive and emotional.

I need to learn to better balance between feminine and masculine energy and use the appropriate one for the appropriate situation.

I currently feel like I'm a little trapped by my emotions and need to get more into my masculine, logical, problem-solving brain.

[Raphael]

Too Much News to Binge-Watch/Binge-Read

I'm really spending too much time watching political news and reading about politics online. I care about things that are happening in the world and want things to progress, but at the same time, it is too distracting and taking too much of my thought process. This is an unhealthy habit, I don't even watch a lot of highly developed political analysis, I watch more 5 - 10 minutes segments about some stuff that are happening mostly in the US and Europe. This is making me depressed and anxious. One thing that I noticed about me is that I'm easily dragged down by negativity and can be quite pessimistic.

I choosed the block new channels on youtube and also block the Society, Environment, Government, Politics subforum with the help of a few plugins. Politics isn't in accordance with the phase of life that I'm currently in.

No more politics for me for the moment.

[Raphael]

The 2 Selves

I'm currently able to observe my two selves:

• The lower self: the one that is anxious, scared, unhealthy
• The higher self: the one that is optimistic, want to make progress, happy

I see them when observing my thoughts. The lower one is more noisy where the higher one is calmer. Sometimes I speak to my higher self from the lower self, sometimes I speak to my lower self from my higher self.

[Raphael]

Conscious doing nothing is more difficult than unconscious efforts.