Telling a girl I liked her for a long time

[Identity]

There is a girl that I have liked for a very long time. I fell for her when I was 14 years old. At that time there were definitely some vibes between us, but for some reason, I never dared to tell her I liked her. So, life went on. We went to the same high school, where she had a long term relationship with someone else. Although I was quite popular, I never had a girlfriend or did much at all with girls. It didn't come naturally to me, I wasn't comfortable with being with girls, probably because I wasn't comfortable with myself. During the whole of highschool, I remained to like her, but never dared to tell her or do anything about it.

So, from age 18 to 20 we saw each other a lot less. We went to universities in different cities. When I was around 19 I also started my pick-up journey. I watched a lot of RSD material and went out to bars with some good friends trying to get girls. This progressed me a lot with attracting girls. I had a bunch of one night stands, which gave me some confidence, but it didn't help me to address the deeper issues preventing me from being comfortable with having a girl in my life for a longer time period.

When I was 20 I moved to the same city the girl I like lives, to do my masters. I went out with her and some friends regularly. There were definitely some vibes between us ones again. We made out a few times whilst going out as she was single at the time. My feelings for her started to rekindle. However, I was in this pick-up journey, which was at that time just starting to become fruitful. I had this idea in my mind that I shouldn't get in a relationship right now, rather I should master attraction for now (probably just denying my fears of facing my feelings and telling her). What I did was suppress my feelings for her and stayed on my pick-up journey.

Around a year ago (I'm 23 now) this pick-up journey started to feel really inauthentic to me. It also became clear to me that I was not addressing some deeper issues, as I still didn't manage to keep any girls around me for a longer time period. It also just felt wrong and I was sick of manipulating girls all the time, playing mind games all the time trying to appear "valuable". So I dropped a lot of the game mimics. Instead, I went inside, also did a bunch of psychedelics. For a good half a year, although I didn't stop trying completely, I did not even kiss a girl. I realized a big part of it also had to do with me not being comfortable with my sexuality. Now that I was no longer suppressing my feelings and fears, I didn't even dare to try to kiss a girl. A bunch of other stuff happened as well, but pretty much I transitioned from stage orange to stage green in the dating domain.

Around 5 months ago I had a breakthrough. I told a woman that was attracted to me, my former yoga instructor, my whole story. It was the first time that I became intimate with someone whilst feeling really fully authentically myself. Since then we have been meeting every few weeks to hook up. It helped me so much to become more comfortable with myself and my sexuality. Now I am in a really good situation when it comes to dating. I feel like I can be vulnerable and be authentic. Also, I have a few different girls in my life as well, with whom I can be honest and are cool with casually hooking up. I also met this amazing girl just 2 weeks ago. She is probably also the reason why I feel like I need to resolve the issue with the girl I have had a crush on all this time, as I can see myself being with this new girl.

Anyways, let's get back to the main issue. Tomorrow I am going to get a drink with the girl in question. I am convinced I want to tell her that I have liked her for all this time (which, to be honest, can't be THAT massive of a surprise to her). It will be really scary to do, but I think I can do it.

Telling her that I liked her in the past will be challenging, but not the problem. I don’t know what I want to tell her about how I feel now. Partly, because I don’t know how I feel right now. Also like I mentioned; she is in a relationship now.

I think I should have some kind of a plan in mind though. Telling her I liked her in the past, but not anymore, would be a lie. She definitely still moves me. However, I am also not sure how much. We have seen each other every now and again, but mostly in group settings. I don’t know what it would be like to really be with her 1 on 1 for longer time periods.

So what do I tell her. Yup I liked you a lot in the past, still have some feelings for you, oh btw how is your boyfriend doing?

I think it will be an awkward situation if I don’t know what I want. But then again, I don’t know what I want.

All advice is welcome 

 

[Identity]

I dont know what I want. That’s the problem right there. That’s what I need to find out.

[Identity]

Is it something I need to figure out before the dat, or can I use the date to figure it out? 

[Identity]

I need to figure it out by meeting with her. i haven’t been with her 1 on 1 since a long time, and in that time I have changed so much, and so will she have. There is no need to make any romantic gestures, however I do need to be authentic in my expression towards her. If there are vibes, there are vibes. If I in that moment feel like I need to tell her something, than I should not supress that feeling. My throath chakra has been the biggest blockage from being real with her. Any supression from that department or inauthenticity is what I should try to overcome.

[SFRL]

Don't tell her. 

Make your moves. Physically escalate over drinks. 

Again. Don't tell her.

That's your best chance. 

But if you have known her fore ever I would not expect too much. Then again: Nothing beats a failure but a try. 

 

[Identity]

It went really well. We had a good time talking, and I still felt a fysical attraction to her, but it became clear to me that I did not have a desire to be in a relationship with her. I told her that I had liked her for a long time, and we discussed that. After that we talked some more, and left as friends. ?

[DrewNows]

@Identity

May i suggest you look into indecision, heres a video about it: 

 

[Identity]

@DrewNows Awesome video, very relevant. Thank you. ?