I need help

[Ziggyzoozoo212]

To preface the first part, there's a girl at work (lemme call her K) I fell really deeply in love with at work around 2-4 months ago (didn't exactly record the date lol) and soon after realized already had a boyfriend, I talk to K all the time at work and we get on really really well with her, K is the first person I've ever fallen in love with as a person, I don't care about how she looks, her body, sex or anything, I just want to be with her. I've always been really socially anxious and am slightly autistic and am only 17, as such I've never had a partner or any loving relationship with anyone other than with my mum (purely mother to son), only crushes on girls through highschool.
After realizing she was with someone else, I eventually worked up the courage to tell her I liked her and acknowledged she had a boyfriend and I needed to cut myself off from my emotions to her, I have been trying to do this, really really trying, I know I have to do it, I can't see a way short of her breaking up with her bf that I could be with her. But I feel so much emotion towards her even still.
This situation has caused me to sink into a base level of unhappiness, I can't cut myself off and I can't have her, I can feel myself turning into an overly judgemental asshole as a side product of this anguish, I need help.

I believe that finding someone else to love would probably be a very powerful fix to this love, but it seems like all the girls at work I interact with already have boyfriends or are just not someone I want to be around. I know I should join something to find more people but due to this depression, anxiety and so on I can't motivate myself to even try. I need help.

 

[Salvijus]

Don't worry. It will hurt for a while there's no solution to this. When you create strong relationship and then try to cut it off it will hurt, that cant be avoided, unless of course you did sufficient meditation.

What you can do now is just wait. It will pass by itself with a little pain. 

Don't jump into another relationship right now. It's a bad idea. You will create more and more turmoil. If you won't give sufficient time to yourself to let these emotions work itself out, a point will come where being peaceful and content will be very hard.

 

 

Edited January 7, 2019 by Salvijus

[NoSelfSelf]

Its all because she gives you emotions that you are attached to if you didnt get anything from her you wouldnt care this is advance advice...more intermidiet advice would be there are always better girl and there are plenty of them you couldnt have time and energy to spent the time with all of them how much females are out there

[Michael569]

4 hours ago, Ziggyzoozoo212 said:

I believe that finding someone else to love would probably be a very powerful fix to this love

This is your solution right there. I was exactly in the same situation for 2 years in my early 20s. I couldnt get this girl out of my head even though she was with someone else. Put yourself in situation where you will have opportunities to meet other girls, talk to them and you will see that many have same qualities and perhaps even better looks, once you get to know someone else as good as this girl, your feelings to her will start to change. 

 

[Salvijus]

7 hours ago, Ziggyzoozoo212 said:

I believe that finding someone else to love would probably be a very powerful fix to this love

2 hours ago, Michael569 said:

This is your solution right there. 

No it's not. If you don't allow this suffering to run it's course and instead just jump into another relationship it will make your being and energies very scattered. That means you won't be able to be peaceful by yourself at all. You will be a total mess.

The only solution is to wait for this suffering to resolve itself, to run its course. 

It's like you ate a piece of cake, you felt nice in the beginning but now you your body feels shitty so you think I need another bite. Again you feel nice but after some time again feel shitty. Then again you eat the cake to make yourself feel better. Then you go to the hospital. 

Smart way is to give body time to heal itself. Not to put anything for awhile. Let this shitty feeling run it's course instead of glossing over it with another piece of cake.

Edited January 7, 2019 by Salvijus