Ziggyzoozoo212

calories in - calories out, your body is in a constant state of flux and not eating will just be depriving your cells of the nutrition they need to replenish and grow, your body will starve at the microscopic level then the macroscopic.

If your serious about this than you really do need to put in hard, HARD fucking work, you can't expect serious progress from half assing stuff or giving up really quickly.

To preface the first part, there's a girl at work (lemme call her K) I fell really deeply in love with at work around 2-4 months ago (didn't exactly record the date lol) and soon after realized already had a boyfriend, I talk to K all the time at work and we get on really really well with her, K is the first person I've ever fallen in love with as a person, I don't care about how she looks, her body, sex or anything, I just want to be with her. I've always been really socially anxious and am slightly autistic and am only 17, as such I've never had a partner or any loving relationship with anyone other than with my mum (purely mother to son), only crushes on girls through highschool. After realizing she was with someone else, I eventually worked up the courage to tell her I liked her and acknowledged she had a boyfriend and I needed to cut myself off from my emotions to her, I have been trying to do this, really really trying, I know I have to do it, I can't see a way short of her breaking up with her bf that I could be with her. But I feel so much emotion towards her even still. This situation has caused me to sink into a base level of unhappiness, I can't cut myself off and I can't have her, I can feel myself turning into an overly judgemental asshole as a side product of this anguish, I need help. I believe that finding someone else to love would probably be a very powerful fix to this love, but it seems like all the girls at work I interact with already have boyfriends or are just not someone I want to be around. I know I should join something to find more people but due to this depression, anxiety and so on I can't motivate myself to even try. I need help.

As preface, I have had quite a few extremely intense experiences including an out of body+amnesia/ego death experience with weed, nitrous, amphetamine and codeine a couple of years ago, pharmahuasca while of 36mg of 2C-B, DMT aftereffects with 200ug LSD and 300ug LSD, and from none of these experiences I've ever come face to face with myself or any shadow aspects of myself, I believe this is most likely due to my lack of preperation/set/setting/everything, so I'm looking for some tips on how to best prepare for my next experience in a way that will ensure a difficult encounter with myself (planning on 300ug+175mg MDMA candyflip in a month or two). I have someone I'm extremely close to to tripsit me who has psychadelic experience as well.

@Elysian OK Elysian, you are consistently preaching ideas of "vibration" and "kundalini" but these are nothing more than such within direct experience, ways to describe non-de script ways of being - concepts, labels etc. and as well as such you have an air of "my worldview is right no matter what" are you sure your not the one coming from an egoic perspective? The ego is fickle, it tends to lie to you, and can be extremely deceptive, why is it that you feel the need to constantly acclaim your enlightened status? Why do you need to constantly refer to your "higher vibrations"? If your exist at such an enlightened state of being, why do you feel the need to inform everyone about that, at least to me, it seems as though that is just your insecure ego wanting external approval to remove it's own doubts. And for god sake, don't make this about me, claiming this is just my insecurities coming to the surface and executing tall poppy syndrome upon your greatness. I've been through that, I am still a very flawed person, I still am insecure, I have very little relative life experience, and I'm a fucking idiot. Please, enlighten me, show me how wrong I am, convince me otherwise please.