What I Have Learned About Dating Women In My Age Range

[Spiral]

@egoeimai 

Number 1. I did not mean all girls are like that, just like this Cuzzo did not. 

Number 2. Just because I say that a lot girls of aren't confident, does not mean I don't think men are.

Having that mentality of yours is not going to do you any good.

Edited June 25, 2017 by Spiral

[egoeimai]

24 minutes ago, Spiral said:

@egoeimai 

Number 1. I did not mean all girls are like that, just like this Cuzzo did not. 

Number 2. Just because I say that a lot girls of aren't confident, does not mean I don't think men are.

Having that mentality of yours is not going to do you any good.

I believe in all people. ? 

We can be good we can be bad.

Whatever that means for you.

But don't judge me you are not perfect.

I want equality for all.Men and women.

[egoeimai]

1 hour ago, Nichols Harvey said:

I believe in people.

But I'm single.

Lmao

 Have you heard about personal preferences ? 

[egoeimai]

3 minutes ago, Nichols Harvey said:

Ok. You chose to be single.

What has that got to do with apparent mysognists on this forum?

You connected the two in the same comment. So it seems as if you have a problem with men and you chose to be single because of that problem.

 

There's nothing wrong about men.  I'm just hard on other people because of my ego and that's why I choose to be single.

I'm sure I'll figure all out once I mature a bit more.

Edited June 25, 2017 by egoeimai

[Spiral]

@Nichols Harvey@egoeimai Neither of you are sexist, can't you just skip the name calling and leave it be. 

[egoeimai]

@Nichols Harvey Ill take that and leave it. Thanxx

[egoeimai]

2 minutes ago, Nichols Harvey said:

Ok. I'm fine with that.

It's ok you know to say "I'm offended by men"

It's not a bad thing. It's not ego. It's just your body mind expressing itself and learning about life.

There is no need to deny it and then make up a story about it.

Men are biologically different. In utero men are forst female but a process happens where the left and right hemispheres of the brain are cut and the hormonal expression changes the feteus into a male.

This process cuts the male off from being emotionally sensitive. It's just nature. Yet so many women think it's a choice that men and women are they way they are. It's not a choice. It's just how it's evolved over billions of years.

Perhaps some education is in order?

Oh, fuck you ! ?

[Will]

@Emerald Id add that there is a bit of judgement and labelling going on here.. dysfunctional and NON-dysfunctional.. To be fair if we where really in the now and really aware of ourselves and how much we really Dont know about things, I think we would be way more forgiving of peoples actions and our scope of possible partners would be significantly broader..

I mean if you where really accepting , youd see beauty in lots of things.. actually the limiting factor to seeing everything as amazing and beautiful is basically our own preconceptions..

Take some drugs in controlled situations and pretty much anything because beautiful, youll also understand that love is a give not a reciprocating door....

 

[Will]

4 hours ago, egoeimai said:

so many stereotypes.

yes there is.. it is what it is and it could be there for a good reason.. however theres no need for us to get upset about that.. live and let live??

[Will]

4 hours ago, Spiral said:

Having that mentality of yours is not going to do you any good

probably no need to comment .. either its a trigger for them in which case its only going to make things worse or your being baited to respond.. who knows.. it does not really matter.. could be an idea just to be aware of it and watch in yourself and how you feel compeeled to justify yourself or correct someone else.. remember.. this is mostly about us .. anyone who has been here for a while should be able to grasp the idea that pointing the finger is more a reflection of ourselves..

 

[Will]

@egoeimai youve been around the traps a bit here.. Suprised me, that  youd let this get you wound up so much.. Curious.. 

[Spiral]

11 minutes ago, Will said:

anyone who has been here for a while should be able to grasp the idea that pointing the finger is more a reflection of ourselves..

Exactly 

[Will]

@Nichols Harvey

5 minutes ago, Nichols Harvey said:

let the body mind do what it does best and create patterns and associations from experiences

from the reference point of surviving in a physical body, yeah sure.. but we have this whole other side that could be better informed with our existential stuff.. It cant do us any harm to be at least aware of our mind body.. and just keep an eye on it

 

8 minutes ago, Nichols Harvey said:

insight learned from hard earned experience

insight and knowledge can be interpreted so dfiferently between two people.. I personally dont really rate knowledge.. it can be a double edge sword..

Im kinda gathering your here because you want more from life.. more functionality, better faster fitter,more successfull.. I did too, but am now opting for something else.. exploring just for exploring sake.. and improvement in Functinality is just a secondary byproduct....

 

16 minutes ago, Nichols Harvey said:

well earned intuitive capabilities

??? To be fair, kids can be enlightented. its not something that can be hard earned, but it could improve your chances..

 

24 minutes ago, Nichols Harvey said:

dysfunctional yourself

who isnt??   because guess what, nobody knows what this is all about.. nobody.. maybe we are all doing IT wrong.. And Ultimately if you can face all your fears and truly accept the now for what it is and not add any of our functional bullshit.. im pretty sure we would be sooooooo far from normal people probably would label you dysfunctional.. see what I am saying.. judgement is completely referential and pointless..

again I think you here cos you want better performance outa life.. thats ok, but im sure others are here because we know theres more than being functional and validated for all our HARD earned knowledge.. LOL 

31 minutes ago, Nichols Harvey said:

He gives the story of his own awakening where he lost a job because he really did not care about his actions. 

Look I really here what your saying,, all this should be about becoming more functional.. I get it but there is a place you can get to with this stuff that losing your job may not really matter.. it probably a bit deep for you, and may scare you off a bit.. There is a small chance that your circumstances are you.. if you think about that for about a day.. youll be .. Oh shit. My circumstance is a reflection of me.. Its deep and out there but there is some reason to accept this as reality.. so running around and trying to OPTIMISE your external situation could be like lifting yourself up with your own shoe laces.. 

not sure if Im explaining this right. butt..

[Will]

@Nichols Harvey  again , I get the grown up , mature, common sense paradigm.. Its no reflection of our entire existence..

its a tough pill to swallow. It possible we cant fail .. even if our life is a failure.... per say...

Feel how " freeing that is", but also, opens up a whole other can of worms that most  cant process.. "what now"

This is why I am here.. 

I too initially came here to have more success in life.. bit by bit though that's slipping away..

 

[Will]

@Emerald  may I challenge you on this point..

I totally 100% agree,, you  probably should not ride a horse you cant handle... so its totally appropriate to avoid those situations if you do choose to continue..

However, there are some here that could certainly take an unheathly plant and make it blossom.. In could actually be our responsibility to do that..

not in a,,," your broken and im going to fix you way", but in more of a, non judgemental compassionate, we are one kind of way...

Some people here have tremendous awareness and are the antidote for those who suffer terribly..

Again, im not suggesting the balance is wrong in the world cos we don't know that.. it could be in perfect balance at all times.. So only do it if you have the capabilities and the desire..

pointless trying if you don't know how and feel pressured to do so..

[Will]

11 hours ago, Emerald said:

some people will make your life much harder to be in a relationship with them

to be fair. your external situation  can be totally independent of your internal situation if you choose..

we all allow our external situation determine our inner state to some degree, but we don't need to..

In some situations we can use our external situation to bring about growth.. Who has never experienced growth after having there heart smashed to pieces??

in the big picture it may be that it does not matter if we are enlightened or unlightened as the universe may need to be in balance at all times.. But individually we can choose if we want to fill that role or not,, and we choose if living that way is acceptable or not.. lets face it.. some people love being selfish and or materialistic.. That's great too.. 

[Will]

11 hours ago, Emerald said:

It's much better to be with a psychologically healthy partner

Do we really know what is better?? could it not be that this terrible affliction could actually turn out to be a blessing..??

When I look back on my life. allot of terrible moment grew to be great seeds of opportunity..

Its just way too hard to pick what a good life is..

It is what it is..

I don't think anyone here would admit being actualised is better its just different and we can see things others cant. Some might even call us delusional overthinkiners...

Soo it makes no real difference.. but we are still drawn to it and that's ok cos we choose to live this way.. And we can go back at any moment if we choose..

[Will]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

In my view, being wise and what I call "spiritually mature" is about being able to determine which paradigm is most effective for proper functioning and expansion in a given situation. So, it means being able to hold higher truths such as "All is one." at the same time as using practical truths such as "I am a separate person and it's important for me to set proper boundaries and to respect myself." which seems to contradict one another.

id say im resonating with this too..

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

situation that makes happiness, fulfillment, and peace impossible or nearly impossible

in the big picture this may not be necessary for everyone.. I guess we represent this perspective for those who wish it.. I would never suggest we are doing something that people need to do.. Im gather your pretty similar..

Please don't take me as ever correcting or educating I am more exploring and resonating /expressing what comes up within me.. its just interesting . I value your view point and am trying hard not to alter your input..

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

is the pursuit of positive emotions

I don't know about that.. there are times when exploration are prime.. I would not say exploration is a positive emotion.. it has different qualities tho..

id prefer to classify humans as seekers.. all of us are seeking something.. quiet,riches,education, status,peace.. its just a residual of being dualistic.. and that's ok..

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

enduring unnecessary emotional suffering

suffering exist only as far as we maintain dualistic thought's and actions. as long as we keep judging and categorising things we suffer... suffering is ok to though.. we are allowed to suffer but the point is we don't have to if we don't want to...

 

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

maintaining a relationship

This hints that there is some clinging to desire.. which ultimately is suffering.. theres no getting away from it.. the only relationship we do not suffer is one we are not in.. so its not about who we are in a relationship with .. its about how conscious we are and how we flow in any particular situation.. i.e. things can be our worst nightmare or our greatest salvation.. it just depends on us..

 

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

At that point, you've become attached to a means to get your desired emotions that won't produce to you the emotions that you want

Yeah, relationships to allot of people seem like a mutually beneficial arrangement, rather than what it could be a flow... in general what we seek from our partners these days is something we have a lack of rather than just flowing with what they are and making art..

 

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

then you would probably leave the harmful situation rather unceremoniously and put yourself in a situation that didn't have as much struggle and had more benefit for you and the other person. 

Well possibly, leave is a definite option but youd see it differently to and possibly act quiet differently too.. which could transcend the friction altogether..

 

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

I was in a dysfunctional relationship

from another perspective,, no disrespect,, you where in a situation that was dysfunctional because you where incapable operating it in a functional way.. im not blaming you or the other or the situation as a whole.. im just saying if you where enlightened how diff it would have been..

please im not condoning people stay in situations they cant handle .im just saying, pointing the finer is pointless and missing opportunity for you to grow.. you don't have to if you don't want to.. but no is forcing you to.. 

I just don't thinks its acceptable to point finger and lay blame and walk away from something wit no responsibility.. there is soooo much we can do in every situation if we choose. the other and the external world is almost irrelevant..

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

And I stayed because I thought that I was helping him with his demons and loving him unconditionally. But this wasn't so.

I totally agree, all you can do is focus on you.... if he felt sad and depressed,, most people try and cheer him up and fix his situation... im suggesting turn that on its head and see how that makes you feel and change yourself instead.. accept him for who he is, then all of a sudden you don't need to fix him and he does not feel that pressure from you that he needs fixing.. this is just the start..

hope im explaining that correctly..

2 hours ago, Emerald said:

I didn't want to see him hurting

Accept he is hurting and be ok with that..

2 hours ago, Emerald said:

I was helping him

No need to help him.. he is doing his own thing,, who to say he needs helping.. id say letting him be would be more unconditional

2 hours ago, Emerald said:

I was so attached

Let go a bit, and See the situation as the miracle of life.. we don't really know if that situation is ultimately bad.. why would we add our view to it and makes it even worse..

2 hours ago, Emerald said:

I couldn't see

At th time you probably where allowing it.. but that's ok.. you see it now and don't need to in the future  

2 hours ago, Emerald said:

harm I was doing to myself

If you opened this up youd probably see this statement is  full of more stuff you could change about yourself.. I think you get the picture??

 

2 hours ago, Emerald said:

avoid dysfunctional relationships

Or realise there are no really dysfunctional relationships, just as there is no failure.. it realy depends on your perspective and judgement..

 

2 hours ago, Emerald said:

no need to make yourself suffer

I agree, but some people cant see that.its part of there narrative they think they are stuck in..

me included..

 

 

 

That was long.. hahaha.

Thanks for the discussion, it was very,....  resonant..

xx

[Will]

8 hours ago, Emerald said:

 If suffering is unnecessary, why would you consciously choose it?

all I am saying is that we may not really understand why we are here.. Or how this place works.. It could be something that needs to happen or something that another aspect wants to happen or in order to maintain balance we nee to accept whatever happens to us  ect ect ect.. we dont know and cant ever know probably.. so we really only have one choice.. accept and go with it.. do the best we can....

I mean do we reallly!!??? want guarenteed sucess?? maybe diversity seeems more compelling to our ultimate being..

 

8 hours ago, Emerald said:

why not choose something functional and healthy from the finite perspective

I suppose we can do that too... both are great.. its like you have two paths to go down.. you infintie and been down the good path a billion times, wouldnt you like to know whats down the other path?? I mean seriously, done consciously and willingly I think all expereince could be magical. Just because we cosniously choose a path of challenge does not need to mean we are sadists or masochistic. does it??

 

8 hours ago, Emerald said:

I'm afraid that you're engaging in spiritual bypassing and you're going to talk yourself into believing that you should stay in negative situations

I prefer to maintain that making the judgement is not valid.. If its true and we really do have some control to stay on the predictable shiny good , white side... I guess maybe you could be right.. I guess i am a bit compelled to do some exploration and really face my fears... 

I think  thats totally different to believing your stucke there and or deserve it..

8 hours ago, Emerald said:

"Everything is divine and perfect."

Yes including being in tricky situations.. why is white sooooo good.. black is also part of it ... 

I guess the only thing is that to make it more authentic.. we have to forget we are devine and really believe the game we are in.. other wise we cant fully experience our limits..

8 hours ago, Emerald said:

equanimity

I totally think this is exactly what is needed when facing being in all situations.. rather than with an intent to suffer or to make other suffer. go there with complete equanimity and see what happens... reallly become the experience.. dont try and fix it.. its possibly gods hardest work.. to reach into ones dark resesses and be compassionate and unjudging..

 

8 hours ago, Emerald said:

But emotions are always what motivate actions

I dont know yet. im still trying to work this out .. maybe I cant but im compelled to try.. as deep down.. secretly I want the goodies of life too..

 

8 hours ago, Emerald said:

A philanthropist donates to good causes because other people's happiness makes them feel happy and they like the feeling of contribution. A serial murderer kills people to feel pleasure or as an escape from numbness. A person decides to be in a dysfunctional relationship because they crave the emotions that the relationship gives them. A consciously or unconsciously dishonest seeker seeks enlightenment because they want to have the status of being enlightened and to feel more novel/important/wise than others

hmmm. Im not sure.. does not sound very equanimous.. there must be a way of accepting and being compassionate with our shadow selves, after all It could be that every dark force comes from a basis of Love.. im not sure i fully believe that all mass murderers do it from a basis of greed.. i think if we where to dig down further we would find some form of love there.. I think  there is a belief out there that darkness and evil exist.. but I have a feeling it does not and that its this belief that it exists that is the evil itself... and that we can forgive and be compassionate in every circumstance...

Behind every mass murderer is a beautiful creation of love and joy, locked in false belief?? 

No sure if i am explaining right..

 

[Will]

@Emerald I was thinking further about this while driving to work and I think I stumbled onto the answer..

There is an assumption that there is evil out there.. There is this idea that nasty stuff happens.. I mean theres a tonne of things we think are terrible atrocities going on right now..

Well, this guy Benthino Masarra or something coins the idea that we are everything...we are all the vibrations and possibilities out there, materialised into one moment.. they all fit together like a puzzle..

there fore we are it.. its just from our perspective things seem somewhere else.. separated by some distance and or time.. So we kinda tend to ignore or justify its not our fight..

I.e. if you got a mole you just cut it off and say that's not me and disown it and pretend its not part of you..

However, it could be that its all us..  ALLLLLLL of it...

So,, we are actually  vibrating with all these so called BAD vibrations....

This bentino guys suggests thouh that there is NO LACK .. We are abundant.. but we do have a fear of lack .. that's where all of our anxiety comes from...

which manifests as fear hate greed ect ect ect..

seems appropriate that we can just give up this idea we have any lack at all and then that changes how we interpret things..

rather than there bein hate greed ect ect.. there is only all expressions of love..??

 

Look this is out there and hurts my brain a bit and its implications go deep.

So I am kinda looking for some help to explore this topic..

What do you think??