What I Have Learned About Dating Women In My Age Range

[Will]

@Emerald

6 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I never said that mass murderers do their acts from greed.

Please don't see me as trying to correct you I am loving this discussion , but I am struggling to convey or articulate my message..

 

8 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I said that they do so in search of positive emotions of pleasure and to escape a sense of numbness.

probably do, I don't disagree but im toying with the concept that  even below chasing positive and escapism have underlying expressions of love that are misguided by a belief that the is lack??

 

12 minutes ago, Emerald said:

The false belief is also love. The bad self is also love. The murdering happens from and in love. The murderer is love. The victim is love. The murder weapon is love. The place the murder occurred in is love. Every disgruntled emotion felt by the murderer is love. Every anguished cry from the victim is love. All the suffering and joy in the world is also love. There is literally nothing that isn't. 

I would tend to agree..

So how do you think we should approach any darker type actions..?? and how does it all fit in?? do we continue to demonise all evil or do we embrass it and look for the deep inner truth behind it and nuture that.. Im also talking about our own as well all those deep dark shadow things insdie ourselves as well. not just your partners and the external world??

 

 

 

[Will]

@Emerald comes back to what we where discussing before about what to do with a abusive partner.. I think for starters.. Stop calling them abusive.. Not responding to there external fear of lack and only addressing there internal expression of love and abundance.. Who can do this though ?? NOT most people!!!.

So yeah.. Leave that situation until you learn the tools to be able to not be triggered by the superficial fears and needs.. And approach that situation from the perspective of the underlying love and abundance that we all have..

I don't know. there must be a way we can have abundance in those situations???

[Will]

@Emerald I think I am keen how to better handle my own demons and also how I treat the so called evils of the world.. Cos I guess at the end of the day everything that is happening is part of me..

Thanks for helping me to try and flesh this out..

x

 

[Will]

40 minutes ago, Emerald said:

"I'm not tolerating any behaviors that contribute to pain and suffering in myself or others."

I am thinking there is no other. the pain and suffering in others could well be ours and ours only and we just reflect that out. the more I discuss this the more I think the other is just what we see in ourselves.. pain and suffering could be an illusion...

 

16 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Their actions should be stopped

They may be Us, so maybe its our actions we should stop???

If your yelling at someone,, because they make you angry, who is responsible?? id say we could accept complete responsibility and not yell and add to an already bad situiation.. im not sayin, oh that's ok continue on.. but something like.. "ok, whats going on, lets talk about it.. try and get to the bottom of this.. is this really what you want??"

23 minutes ago, Emerald said:

And also don't feel like you should tolerate the abuse or enable a person to abuse another person

Im clearly not explaining myself here.. im not saying tolerate,, more remove the judgement... how that looks.. im not sure.. I think the judgement is real evil.. why cant we just forget the judgement and se it for what it really is..

26 minutes ago, Emerald said:

It's not your job to be on the cross for someone else's sins, so to speak.

how can we separate ourselves though.. We could all be one??

Anyways, there may be no sins anyway.. That's just what we call it because we hold a belief that there is lack..??

28 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Most times, compassion and understanding will do little to impact the way someone else acts, anyway

Really??

30 minutes ago, Emerald said:

also don't forget to accept and recognize your own negative emotions relative to these harmful acts. Your negative emotions are also a part of love/God/oneness

id resonate with this..

 

31 minutes ago, Emerald said:

So, to ignore, invalidate, or over-ride your negative emotions relative to abusive actions

I have a feeling negative and abuse may not even exist.. they stem from our belief that there is lack  possible in our existence..

 

33 minutes ago, Emerald said:

make the mistake of thinking your repulsions and negative feelings toward the actions of others are invalid

im not sure why its a mistake what is repulsions and negativity don't exist??

36 minutes ago, Emerald said:

And if you actually realize the Truth of oneness in an experiential way and see other as self and self as other, and recognize the non-necessity of suffering. Then you naturally won't want to suffer

Well suffering may not exist..

37 minutes ago, Emerald said:

and won't want others to suffer either

im not sure about this.. who am I to Tell them how to live.. all I can do is sort myself be joyfull myself and not add to others.. theres is there choice?? Unless of course they ask??

[Will]

39 minutes ago, Emerald said:

actions to reduce suffering for all parties involved

I have made the mistake of preaching in the past.. never again.. all I am saying here is my expression of possibility. youll notice I try not to use terms like must or need or is or have to...

What the hell do I know...

This is like a big exploration game , its quiet enjoyable, but is quiet mysterious and you never know where your oing either.. maybe its that way for a reason??

42 minutes ago, Emerald said:

If you haven't experienced it, you can't intellectually figure out what wisdom is.

Yep. id say this is probably true.. I don't think im fully trying to work it out just trying to get a gist of things..

I think I prefer that life is a bit of a lucky dip..

 

 

Thanks again..

This has been most enlightening

x

[Will]

I think this journey is teaching me that there are things I can know that I don't,, I things that I cant know that I think I do.. They both help me to move in more of a state of flow.. rather than resistance..

 

[Will]

59 minutes ago, Emerald said:

It's important to be honest and call a spade a spade. If someone is being abusive, don't be afraid to point this out and call it what it is

Like alan watts points out.. we could also look at them and smile thinking wow they really are right out there.. Its not for us to judge but we can appreciate it, and probably we should not try and awaken them as its like walking a tight rope...

[Will]

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

a whole litany of negative things do exist. So, from that perspective, abuse does exist, suffering does exist, negative things do exist

I guess your free to have that in your world if you wish..  

I personal am going to try and transcend both.. 

I would prefere to see things as up and down rather than high and low.. Subtle but different..  rather than good bad, Just differing.. duality is still there just no judgement.. 

To me persoanlly it seems more logical. I dont wish to convince you otherwise.. Just me ya know??

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

I believe

Im trying not to believe anything.. Im trying to just know what i know and admit I dont know everything else..

 

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

I have to make the mind fit the mold of my ideas about reality

WHy not just imagine the things you think youd like.. and put that out there?? WHy try and fit a square in round hole why not just imagine a cube into existence?? Maybe we dont have to worry about where we currently are?? Maybe be can go where ever we want, regardless of where we came from.. and where we are presently.. we are fairly bound inn the now but our imagination is probably boundless..

 

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

However, if you try to practice the idea that you're entertaining in any kind of real way that doesn't cut any corners, you will die within the day

And who knows what will be in its place..  I think you get it now.. Kinda scary facing death huh.. exciting to tho.. Im in..  

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

So, walking out into traffic is no worse than walking on the sidewalk. You will drink your bathroom cleaner because it's really no worse than drinking water

All I am saying is that, if you do what is honestly compelling to you, and you have minimised the self doubt,,, in general, the experience will be expansive, you wont be looking for dramas more exploration.. Things are only impossible until someone does it..

[Loreena]

It's always men who point out problems in women. Little strange.  Somehow Women never tend to do it. I guess they are very tolerant and put up with the bullshit for too long. Women generally confide in their friends and don't go around demonizing the entire gender.  

Men never look at themselves. They never try to see where they're going wrong.  Everything is somehow always  a woman's fault.     Man in the mirror 

Very self-fulfilling narcissistic way of defending oneself.

Both men and women make mistakes. I have dated men in my age range and I have come across horrible ones. Nice from outside, bad from inside. Yet I have never whined and bickered or said all men are bad/dysfunctional.  

If your relationship is not working with a lot of women, it's time to look within yourself. If you genuinely feel they are being wrong and not worthy,  try to find the one who is more compatible. 

Too much analyzing won't help you.  Sometimes you have to let go. 

Grow up. 

[Loreena]

A woman could have made a similar post about men and their problems. Men have problems too. But It's largely ignored and brushed under the carpet and a common phrase is used "Men will be men."

We live in a hypocritical world where it's okay for a man to make mistakes and have flaws. 

And If a woman tries out point out those, she is labeled a fucking feminist. 

 

[ajasatya]

as soon as we start looking for mistakes of "others" we dive deeper and deeper into ignorance.

[Loreena]

I'm not a feminist though. All I can say is that women like me  feel unjustified when they see hatred coming from men because it's already tough be a woman in this world and be constantly evaluated for being so. And as you said a lot of feminists these days show reactionary misandry,  that's true.  But I think a lot of misogyny arises out of a deeply patriarchal mentality,  blatant disrespect and disregard for women and a lack of understanding of the female nature.  

I hope the future generations are raised to respect women a little more which ironically is less likely. 

[Loreena]

The reason I don't wish to be called a feminist is one - that Feminists in general are like advocates and I am not advocating anything, just an average girl in the building. The second reason is that a lot of feminists  have a negative stereotype these days as they  hate men and frankly I don't wish to be associated with them because I don't hate men. I love men. 

 

[electroBeam]

@Loreena dude you're forgetting this is a male dominant channel.

Go onto Teal Swan's channel, and you'll see heaps of male hating threads over there.

It's definitely not a social norm to allow men to have problems.

Infact men are always considered the bad one in domestic violence, even if the guy didn't do anything.

Men are always bullied for breakups, its always because men are assholes who only care about sex.

Men are disposable, we are encouraged to sacrifice ourselves for the wellbeing of women, be it going to war, or anything related.

Men are the ones who are suppose to be the bread winners. If we don't support a family we are losers.

If rape happens its the man's fault, even if the women was the one who raped him.

Especially with feminism, its becoming the social norm to attack men, not women.

This thread was made here because 90% of people in actualized are men.

[Loreena]

2 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

@Loreena dude you're forgetting this is a male dominant channel.

 

Don't call me dude. That's disrespect.  Did I call you a chick? 

4 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

 

This thread was made here because 90% of people in actualized are men.

I hope all of them are not like You. 

5 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

 

Especially with feminism, its becoming the social norm to attack men, not women. 

That's why I don't want to be called a feminist. 

7 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

 

Men are the ones who are suppose to be the bread winners. If we don't support a family we are losers.

 

Both have gender roles. Both help to raise a family. Women have to work as well. 

9 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

 

If rape happens its the man's fault, even if the women was the one who raped him.

 

Ridiculous. Could you read it again. Do you know what rape is ? So majority victims are men ? Man's fault ? Rape is a Crime. 

Get your head examined. 

[Guest Annetta]

It's a misconception that feminists hate men.
I hate men.  I'm a misandrist.  I think the best thing to do with these things is not to hide behind the hate or try to pretend it isn't there.

A lot of feminists are fighting for things like the right to have an abortion, equal pay, and viewing women in less of an objectified fashion.  These are totally understandable things.

Then there are some feminists who use the movement to fuel their hatred.  The reason for this is that a lot of women do not say outright what it is that they want and need, nor do they really know what that is.  It's like when a woman gets pissed at a dude and won't be direct about it and so she tries a lot of passive aggressive maneuvers, but on a much larger scale - and using woman's rights as a crutch.  

It would be like if I decided to go fight for woman's rights, but hiding behind that veil of hatred.  Feminism and the important issues have been diluted by those who do that.  But at the same time, women can't be like, "Hey!  What you did there!  That sucks!"  So there's really no outlet, because men feel shame too easily.  It's a multifaceted issue, I know more about it than I am able to really convey in text.

A lot of feminists are just very nervous women.  It is true that women mold themselves to the image that man wishes them to be.

Self acceptance is big.  A big thing.
Women need to empower one another; themselves.  That's a big step.  There are things in our culture that need to change.  Don't let the voices of say, women like me for instance, dilute some very important stepping stones in empowering women.  The media likes to use these women as examples in order to poison the well.  So when women like me run around saying shit like, "I hate men!  Rabble rabble!"  It creates a reaction of misandry = feminism.

It's a common manipulation tactic.  Use extreme examples to shape how people view the world.  No bueno.

[Loreena]

26 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

@Loreena dude you're forgetting this is a male dominant channel.

Go onto Teal Swan's channel, and you'll see heaps of male hating threads over there.

It's definitely not a social norm to allow men to have problems.

Infact men are always considered the bad one in domestic violence, even if the guy didn't do anything.

Men are always bullied for breakups, its always because men are assholes who only care about sex.

Men are disposable, we are encouraged to sacrifice ourselves for the wellbeing of women, be it going to war, or anything related.

Men are the ones who are suppose to be the bread winners. If we don't support a family we are losers.

If rape happens its the man's fault, even if the women was the one who raped him.

Especially with feminism, its becoming the social norm to attack men, not women.

This thread was made here because 90% of people in actualized are men.

With that comment, you took mental distortion to a whole new level. 

Is this the male version of Teal Swan. 

That probably is the worst comment on actualized so far. Well done. 

Edited June 28, 2017 by Loreena

[electroBeam]

20 minutes ago, Loreena said:

Don't call me dude. That's disrespect.  Did I call you a chick? 

I hope all of them are not like You. 

That's why I don't want to be called a feminist. 

Both have gender roles. Both help to raise a family. Women have to work as well. 

Ridiculous. Could you read it again. Do you know what rape is ? So majority victims are men ? Man's fault ? Rape is a Crime. 

Get your head examined. 

I'll call you a dude if I want to lol. Is it disrespectful because men is a name for a dude, and dudes are bad according to you?

So you're ok with a woman raping a man, and then the man going to jail for it? Don't think it doesn't happen, it does. And you're the reason why. Women who think that rape doesn't happen both ways. It does. That's why gay men have gone to jail for rape before.

You are a feminist if you think falsely sending men to jail for rape is ok, you're just being a wolf in a sheep's clothing.

[Loreena]

9 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

I'll call you a dude if I want to lol. Is it disrespectful because men is a name for a dude, and dudes are bad according to you?

So you're ok with a woman raping a man, and then the man going to jail for it? Don't think it doesn't happen, it does. And you're the reason why. Women who think that rape doesn't happen both ways. It does. That's why gay men have gone to jail for rape before.

You are a feminist if you think falsely sending men to jail for rape is ok, you're just being a wolf in a sheep's clothing.

If I am not a dude, you shouldn't feel the need to call me that. Dudes are not bad.  That's your projection. 

Are you okay with a man raping a woman. 

I'm not okay with a woman raping a man. Do you read properly. I didn't mention that. Rape is a crime. That's what I said. So any woman who rapes a man must go to jail. 

Falsely sending a man to jail - not at all okay. Using that to defend all other real rapes is not okay at all. Misogyny at its best. Pure narcissistic defense. 

Stop projecting 

Learn to read better next time. 

Edited June 28, 2017 by Loreena

[electroBeam]

1 hour ago, electroBeam said:

@Loreena 

If rape happens its the man's fault, even if the women was the one who raped him.

51 minutes ago, Loreena said:

Ridiculous.  

You said it in one word. You think it's ridiculous that I think a man is stereotyped as being a rapist.

Even though you conjectured that

51 minutes ago, Loreena said:

majority victims are men?

If you want to solve the world's problems, you need to stop assuming (as you clearly showed above) that its impossible to be raped by a woman.

Not make smart ass comments about who the majority gender is.

Why is that smart ass comment above important? Because it shows you clearly care about who the majority of rapes are from, it's just there to stereotype. It doesnt matter who the majority is. Rape is rape no matter who the majority gender is. That just causes division.

Edited June 28, 2017 by electroBeam