Should I do Marijuana again?

[Destiny]

My brother got a medical marijuana card and now that our new Governor has been elected, there's a very good chance recreational marijuana use will be legalized in my state.  Basically my brother can get me whatever I want, edibles, oils, vapes, whatever, with no impunity.  And the social stigma has pretty much been removed from recreational cannabis use.

I don't really want to go deep into my personal issues here - you can check my Self Actualization journal thread for that information.

I have not used marijuana in almost 3 years.  I used to think that I was an addict, and I was a member of Marijuana Anonymous for 3 years.  I guess I still am, I was attending meetings regularly for the first 6-8 months, now I attend whenever I feel like it.  Basically over the past couple of years I went from thinking Marijuana was the cause of everything that was wrong with my life to thinking - maybe I have much deeper rooted problems and Marijuana was just my way of escaping them temporarily.  At my worst I was a daily smoker, and I used to smoke on my work lunch breaks.  I used to smoke when my kids were in bed which was the main issue with my wife and caused my divorce.  I was a very light user, but I tended towards habitual and daily use.

Here are my thoughts - I thought that Marijuana ruined my marriage and destroyed my relationship with my wife.  Now I think maybe I married the wrong person and never dealt with my underlying problems and turned to Marijuana to escape my issues.  Definitely I was smoking during bad periods in my life when I lost jobs and did badly at school - but was Marijuana the problem or my lack of self discipline?  I am also very proud I have not smoked in 3 years.  Definitely some people in my Marijuana Anonymous groups would see that as a great accomplishment, I just see it as me living life and being too scared to try it again after my marriage blew up in my face and not having a good way to get it.

I've definitely grown a lot and I have a lot more self discipline and clarity now, but I don't know if I trust myself enough to regulate my use so that I only do it occasionally.  Right now I'm proud of myself that I've been very productive and focused on my goals - there is a bit of an 'edge' though in my life, I feel anxiety sometimes and I feel like Marijuana would help me deal with it.

Anyways - would like to hear peoples thoughts on this.  Thanks.

[Salvijus]

16 minutes ago, Destiny said:

Definitely I was smoking during bad periods in my life when I lost jobs and did badly at school - but was Marijuana the problem or my lack of self discipline? 

lack of self disicipline was caused by marijuana most likely.

And marijuana lowers your ability to deal with demanding life situations also. 

Edited November 30, 2018 by Salvijus

[ZZZZ]

Well objectively you are looking for a justification to start using again. If this were something like heroine, alcohol, etc. all you would get is a resounding NO. It is true that you likely had underlying problems affecting your life while you were smoking, and it sounds like you did use MJ to help cope with them.

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there's a very good chance recreational marijuana use will be legalized in my state.  Basically my brother can get me whatever I want... the social stigma has pretty much been removed from recreational cannabis use.

It is not legal yet, so the legality issue has not changed (yet). Was availability ever a factor for you using or not before? No. Did you care about the social stigma before? No. This just makes it more convenient for you to justify using today, so just keep that clear for yourself.

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I was a very light user

Would these changes in your situation make it any easier for you to use less? Probably the opposite.

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At my worst I was a daily smoker, and I used to smoke on my work lunch breaks... I used to smoke when my kids were in bed which was the main issue with my wife and caused my divorce.

Daily use against your spouse's wishes and on the job would not be considered light by most to begin with. If you were really under control of the situation, you would have stopped or limited yourself to prevent being fired, broken up etc. but perhaps you have a point about it just being the wrong partner (we don't know all of the details).

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I lost jobs and did badly at school - but was Marijuana the problem or my lack of self discipline?

I wouldn't blame everything on the MJ. I'm sure the anonymous group dramaticizes that for you a bit. But, can you really be as good of a student, worker, or husband when you're high? Be honest with yourself.

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I don't know if I trust myself enough to regulate my use so that I only do it occasionally.  Right now I'm proud of myself that I've been very productive and focused on my goals - there is a bit of an 'edge' though in my life, I feel anxiety sometimes and I feel like Marijuana would help me deal with it.

There are other ways to deal with your anxiety that I would urge you to explore. Ex-drug addictions can seem like ex-girlfriends when we're horny. You only choose to remember the good times, and justify all of the "little problems" that ultimately led to the breakup. Don't glorify that for yourself unless you really see that as your only option. Just my 2 cents

[ivory]

I've personally experienced benefits from marijuana from very occasional use with the intention of self-exploration. But I found that frequent use led to diminishing returns, lack of motivation, brain fog and just plain stupidity. Marijuana is not meant to be smoked regularly. Sounds like you have an addictive personality. If I were you I'd stay away from it. The cons outweigh the pros by a long shot.