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Priti Health Journal

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Chapter 8

 

It is a powerful force. It can make things happen. It can change the course of destiny. It can't change one thing and that is the past. But it surely changes the future. It is made of good nature and not of bad or evil nature. That is it wants all good for you, it wants to do good for you.  And it is all about creating good, not destruction. The God force comprises of all the good things. It is protective not only to you, but also protective of the ecosystem. It is like this big Mama Bear force. Just imagine a fantasy community of all small animals and a big tiger or bear protecting all these animals. That bear is  old wise strong and he is the leader bear of that community. He wants to protect the ecosystem and all the creatures under him. He is very matured and very strong but also wise. He always makes sure to protect the system in every situation. For every situation he comes and rescues and solves the problem and creates peace and stability. His nature and his power is God power or God force. So even if died, his spirit continues to inspire and guide all creatures to create good and dispel chaos. This instinct force or spirit is already present in all of the creatures. So now another creature takes the place of the leader his spirit now inspires people. This spirit is the God spirit. This is what God force looks like. [another example of such an instinct is maternal instinct. Maternal instinct always serves to be protective, caring, gentle and nourishing. Maternal instinct is never bad or destructive. ]. God force is like the maternal instinct. It is protective of the system as a whole and also of all the people or creatures of the system. So it's not evil but an inherent natural force found in all of creation, all creatures, all animals and this natural instinct [since instinct drives you to achieve something, an instinct is like a force], this natural instinct that serves to protect itself and all of the ecosystem in which we exist is nothing but God. This is what God is. 

... 

So all of human's creations and inventions for the benefit of mankind and for the benefit of ecosystem is the direct result of the God force within us working towards creating good. That's the manifestation of the God force. 

This force rehabilitates, doesn't destroy, it creates, it protects, it nurtures, it abhors or hates stupidity and evil or chaos.[because lack of logic and stupidity destroys the world and creates chaos and despair] It strives to achieve equilibrium and peace and love and happiness and strives to destroy suffering and despair. Any suffering it allows is the only thing required to take pain to create something good, like childbirth the kind of suffering that brings joy. It destroys all other forms of suffering. This is the mama bear force or the "leader force". It's a blessing that this instinct is naturally present in all creatures, although we all get attracted to bad things initially, our deepest instincts drive us towards creating good. 

Even the worst serial killer in the world, wants himself to be caught and wants the chaos to end and freedom from his own madness. Because it makes perfect sense. It in inherent in all of us to create good. So even if we did something bad, we become restless like the pendulum. We are in conflict since our deepest instinct does not feel comfortable with our actions. It wants us to change. And we feel this agitation as a result of this conflict. So deep down we feel like we are trapped in the chaos. The human mind or any mind is just not designed to live in chaos. That's why almost every phenomenon in the world works on the principle of logic or else we would go mad trying to figure out. It had to have a pattern  a logic because the human mind likes it. Our universe is hard wired just like our brains to work on logic. So it's not a surprise that our brains are hard wired for logic since we are a product of the same universe we see around us. Therefore chaos cannot be the way. Chaos will never give rise to good. Our mind instinctively desires pattern, reason, logic, sequence, order and equilibrium. This instinct inherent in us is the representation of God or the mama bear force. This is the reason why we have some degree of stability in our lives. All of the instability is the direct result of going against this instinct. If your instinct is to run away from danger and you choose to stay and let the danger destroy you, then the instinct is not to be blamed. Because it was your decision to go against your instinct. This means it was your fault or faulty thinking. Because along with the instinct we are given a brain that can decide things. Because sometimes we need to analyze before we make a choice on the basis of the instinct. This is called intelligent behavior. Because not all situations are going to be the same. This is where thinking is needed to judge our instinct and weigh it and see if it really worthwhile to follow the instinct. If we only worked on instincts then we would be like programmed robots, incapable of making unique decisions. Hence there is a need of a flexible system where we can not only feel but also think and confirm or reject our fears and assumptions. This way we have optimized our instinct system further to make it even more advantageous to our survival. This our decisions are not just effectively designed beforehand by our instincts but also made unique by our intelligence. It's not like a programmed computer anymore but more like a computer that can think if the situation changes slightly. Thus our instincts and also the intelligence that is present along with this instinct is all a part of creating good. It's our choice and free will to use our intelligence to create something bad. It is the captain's fault if he took the ship in the direction opposite to the one given in the map. This is not the fault of the map. This guiding force within all of us and each one of us that strives to achieve the best for us and others, this force whose sole purpose is to serve us and the ecosystem is the God force or the representation of God. 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Chapter 9 

Swan henge 

1. Fire + Water + Earth + Air = Universe or Uranus. . Represented by a jar of crystals. 

2. God consciousness /sol[Roman] = fire + spirit + water + storge + salubris +sophos[curative] + air + Solis + karma. Represented by a wand

Salubris[Latin] is a kind of Goodness, wholesomeness,creativity which is creative and beneficial for growth. It will only create good, even out of the bad. A component of water and earth. This is found abundantly in God and God's creations but found in man very rarely and in less proportions. It is a wonderful skill, a skill of the sculptor. It is a quality of being constructive rather than destructive. It creates and sustains it and takes it to wholesome progress and sustainance. 

Solis [Roman, Latin] is guidance 

Sophos[Greek] is intelligence that solves problems and brings equilibrium. A part of air. 

Storge[Greek] is love. 

Karma[hindi] is also related to the quality of justice. As you sow, you reap. You get the justice you deserve. God gives you exactly what you deserve after your actions. He does justice to you when he is invoked. 

3.  Raum/Malphas / Dark Raven= Fire + Spirit + Air{skill+knowledge but not wisdom} + Dark forces[diabolos] . Represented by a raven.

4..Kobal /joker = Spirit + Fire + Water + stultum. Represented by a donkey. 

5. Ipos /swan or stork =  water + air + spirit. Represented by a swan. 

6. Forneus/Snake = Fire + Spirit + Water + Air + defendo. Represented by a wolf or a snake 

7. Hominum. Last element is human or user/object /observer

8. Agalma [Greek] - represented by the single element earth. Means physical aspect of everything. 

9. Animus[Latin] - represented by the element spirit. The spiritual aspect of everything. 

10. Metamorfosi [Greek] - victory, success, transformation, growth, improvement, change, conversion of spirit into matter, conversion of thought into action. Victorious. Peace. Balance. Sequence. Process. Equilibrium. Eternal peace process or  Cycle. 

11.  NOSOS [Greek] disorder and chaos. Loss of balance, disease, suffering 

12.  Hybris [Roman ] - self, ego, desires of self, wants, needs, goals, 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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Chapter 10 

Entities of the Henge. 

1. URANUS 

2. SOL. 

3. FORNEUS 

4. RAUM or MALPHAS 

5. KOBAL

6. IPOS 

7. HOMINUM 

8. AGALMA

9. ANIMUS 

10.METAMORFOSI 

11.NOSOS 

12. HYBRIS

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Chapter 11

 

Impact of domestic abuse and psychopathy 

 

 

 

2

Rev. Dr. James Dobson

: Ted it is … about 2:30 in the afternoon. You are scheduled to beexecuted tomorrow morning at 7 o’clock (if you don’t receive another stay). What is goingthrough your mind? What thoughts have you had in these last few days?

Ted Bundy

: … I won’t kid you to say it’s something I feel I’m in control of or have cometo terms with, ‘cause I haven’t. It’s a moment-by-moment thing. Sometimes … I feel verytranquil, and other times … I don’t feel tranquil at all. What’s going through my mind rightnow is to use the minutes and hours that I have left as fruitfully as possible, and … see whathappens. It helps to live in the moment, in the essence that we use it productively. So rightnow I’m feeling calm … in large part because I’m here with you.

For the record, you are guilty of killing … many women … and girls.

Yes, yes, that’s true.

Ted,

 

how did it happen? Take me back. What are the antecedents of the behavior that we’veseen? So much grief, so much sorrow, so much … pain for so many people! Where did it start,how did this moment come about?

…That’s the … question in the hour and one that not only … People more intelligent than Iare working on for years and one that I have been working on for years and trying tounderstand … it … (

laugh

) Is there enough time to explain it all ? … I don’t know … I think Iunderstand what happened to me … To the extent that I … I can see how certain feelings andideas have developed in me to a point that I began to act out on them. Some very violent andvery destructive feelings …

Well … Let’s go back then to those roots … First of all, you, as I understand it, were raised inwhat you consider to be a healthy home...

 …Absolutely…

…You were not physically abused, you were not sexually abused, you were not emotionallyabused….

No, in no way. I … and that’s part of the tragedy of this whole situation. Because … I grewup in a wonderful home with two … dedicated and loving parents, as one of five brothers andsisters. A home … where we, as children, were the focus of my parent’s lives. We regularlyattended church… Two Christian parents … they did not drink, they did not smoke, there wasno gambling, there was no physical abuse or fighting in the home. I’m not saying this was …“Leave it to Beaver” [American television situation comedy, from 1957 to 1963] …

One perfect home …

 No, I don’t believe that such a home exists, but it was a fine, solid Christian home. Andnobody, hum … I hope no one will try to take the easy way out, and try to blame or otherwiseaccuse my family of contributing to this … Because, I know, and I’m trying to tell you as

 

3honestly as I know how, what happened. And I think this is a message that we can get across.But as a young boy (and I mean boy of 12 or 13, certainly), I encountered, outside the homeagain, in …the local grocery store and the local drug stores, the softcore pornography (or whatpeople “softcore”…). … As I think as I’ve explained you last night, that this … anecdote …that as young boys we explore the backdoors and … the sideways and byways of theirneighborhoods, and oftentimes the people would dump … the garbage and whatever they’recleaning out their house and from time to time, we come across pornographic books of aharder nature than … a more graphic, you might say, a more explicit nature of what we wouldencounter, let’s say, in your local grocery store. And this also included such things as, let’ssay … detective magazines…

Those included violence.

 Yes, yes. And this is something that I want to emphasize, this is the … the most damaging …kinds of pornography - and again I’m talking from personal experience … hard, real, personalexperience – so, the most damaging kinds of pornography, are those that involves violenceand sexual violence. Because the wedding of those two forces – as I know only too well –brings about behavior that is just …

 Hum.

…just … too terrible to describe.

Walk me through that. What was going on in your mind at that time?

Okay

,

before we go any further, it is important to me that people … believe what I’m saying,and to tell you that I’m not blaming pornography. I’m not saying it caused me to go out anddo certain things. I take full responsibility for whatever I’ve done and all the things that I’vedone. That’s not the question here. The question … and the issue is how this kind of literaturecontributed and helped mold and shape the kinds of violent behavior.

 It fueled your fantasies

.Fueled …

 

Well, in the beginning, it fuels this kind of … thought process. Then, at a certaintime, it is

instrumental

in crystallizing it, making it into something which is … almost aseparate entity inside. And that points you at the verge, I was at the verge of acting out on thiskind of fantasy.

 Now, I really want to understand that. You had gone about as far as you could go in your own fantasy life, with printed material, and you may … or printed and, video or films …

Films… magazines … whatever.

…and then there was the urge to take that little step, a big step over to a physical event.

 

4It happened in stages, gradually, it doesn’t necessarily – not to me, at least – happened over anight. My experience with, I’d say, pornography, generally, but with pornography that dealson a violent level with sexuality, is that … once you become addicted to it (and I look at thisas a kind of addiction) like other kinds of addiction, you keep … you keep looking for morepotent, more explicit, more graphic kinds of material. Like an addiction, you keep cravingsomething which is harder, harder, something which … which … gives you a greater sense of excitement, until you reach the point where the pornography only goes so far, you reach that jumping off point where you begin to wonder if… if maybe actually doing it will give youthat which is just beyond reading about it and looking at it.

 How long did you stay at that point before you actually assaulted someone?

Well, yeah, you see …

 

hum.

 

That is a very delicate point … in my own development, andwe’re talking about something … we’re talking about how to reach the point or a grey areathat surrounded that point … of, of course …

…You don’t remember? How long …

 I would say … I would say a couple of years. And … What I was dealing there was … withvery strong inhibitions against criminal behavior or violent behavior, that had beenconditioned into me, bred into me in my environment, in my neighborhood, in my church,hum … in my school. Things that said “no, this is wrong”, I mean, even thinking of it iswrong, and certainly, to

do

it is wrong. And I’m on that edge, and the last … I might say, thevestiges of restraint, the barriers to actually doing something would being tested constantly,and assailed … through the kind of fantasy life that was fueled … largely … by pornography.

 Do you remember what pushed you over that edge?

Well …

 Do you remember the decision to “go for it”? Do you remember where you decided to throwcaution to the wind?

… Again … When you say “pushed”, I don’t want to … I know what you’re saying, and Idon’t want to …

Yes, I understand …

Again …. that I was some helpless kind of victim, and yet … we’re talking about an influencewhich … (that is the influence of violent … type of media and violent pornography), whichhad a … which was an indispensable link in the chain of behavior, the chain of events that ledto behaviors, to the assaults, to the murders and what … (

laugh

)… It’s a very … difficultthing to describe … the … the sensation … of the … of reaching that point where you …where I knew … that … it was something as you would say that snapped, that I knew that Icouldn’t control it anymore. These barriers I’d been … that I had learned as a child, that had

 

5been instilled in me … were not enough to hold me back with respect to … seeking out andharming somebody.

Would it be accurate to call that a frenzy, a sexual frenzy?

Well … yes, that’s one way to describe it – a compulsion, a … building up of this destructiveenergy… Again … Another fact here I haven’t mentioned is the use of alcohol. What I thinkis … what alcohol did, in conjunction, let’s say, with my exposure to pornography, alcoholdid reduced my inhibitions, at the same time as … the fantasy life that was fueled withpornography … eroded them further.

 In your early days, you were nearly always about half drunk as you did these things … is that right?

… Yes … yes …

Was that always true?

… I … I would say that that was generally the case … almost … [inaudible]

 If I can understand it now, there is this battle going on within. There are the conventions that  you’ve been taught, there’s the right and wrong that you learned as a child, and there is this… this … unbridled passion … fueled by … your plunge into hardcore violent pornography. And those things are at war with each other 

.Yes …

 And then with the … alcohol diminishing the … the inhibitions … uh, you let go.

Well … yes … you can summarize it that way, and that’s accurate, sir. And … it just occurredto me that … some people would say that, “I’ve seen that stuff and it doesn’t do anything tome!”. And I can understand that… I … Virtually, everyone … can be exposed to so-calledpornography, and well they’re aroused and… don’t do anything wrong.

Well, addictions are like that: they affect people more than they affect others. But there is a percentage of people affected by hardcore pornography, in a very violent way, and you’reobviously one of them

.That was major component, and I don’t know why I was vulnerable to it. All I know is that…that it … it had an impact on me … that was just so …

central

in the development of theviolent behavior that I engaged in.

Ted, after you committed your first murder, what was the emotional effect on you? What happened in the days after that?

… (

sigh

) … Again … please understand … that even … all these years later, it is verydifficult to talk about … Reliving it … through talking about it is difficult to say the least but 

 

6I want you to understand what happened. It was like coming out of some kind of horribletrance or … or dream. I can only liken it to … after … (and I don’t want to overdramatize it)… to have been possessed by something so awful and alien, and then the next morning wakeup from it, remember what happened and realize that, basically, in the eyes of the law, andcertainly in the eyes of God, you’re responsible. And … To wake up in the morning andrealize what I had done in … with a clear mind, and all my essential moral and ethical …feelings intact at that moment … hum … absolutely … horrified that I was capable of …doing something like that.

You really hadn’t known that before?

Ha … (

laugh

) There is … absolutely … no way … to describe… First … the

brutal

urge

 to

do

that kind of thing … and then … what happens is once it is more or less satisfied, and,receded you might say, or spent, like that sense, that kind of energy … at a level receded…and basically I became myself again. And I want people to understand this too … I’m notsaying this [inaudible], it is important that people understand this: that basically, I was a

normal

 

 person

. Uh … I wasn’t some guy hanging out in bars, or a bum. I wasn’t a pervert inthe sense that, you know, people look at somebody and say, “I know there’s something wrongwith him” and just tell! … I was essentially a normal person. I had good friends, I … led anormal life, except for this … one … small, but very potent and very destructive segment of itthat I kept very secret and very close to myself, and didn’t let anybody know about it. Andpart of the shocking horror for my dear friends and family when, years ago when I was firstarrested was … there was no clue!They looked at me, and they looked at the, you know, the average American boy, and I … Imean, I wasn’t perfect … I was

okay

, okay? I

was

… the basic humanity and basic spirit thatGod gave me was intact and … unfortunately became overwhelmed at times … and peopleneed to recognize … that it’s not some kind of … Those of us who are … who have been …so … much influenced by … violence … in the media, in particular, pornographic violence,are not some kinds of inherent monsters. We are your sons and we are your husbands and …we grew up in regular families, and pornography can reach in and snatch a kid out of anyhouse today… it snatched me out of my … it snatched me out of my home twenty-thirty yearsago. And as diligent as my parents were … and they

were

diligent in protecting their children… and as good a Christian home as we had, and we had a wonderful Christian home …There’s no protection against the kinds of influences that there are loose in the society thattolerates …

 Hum … … you feel this really deeply don’t you? … Ted, outside these walls, right now, thereare several hundred reporters … that wanted to talk to you …

 … Yeah …

… And you asked me to come here from California because you had something you wanted tosay. This hour that we have together … is not just … an interview with a man who isscheduled to die tomorrow morning. I’m here, and you’re here, because of this message

 

7

 you’re talking about right here. You really feel … that hardcore pornography, and the door toit, softcore pornography, is doing untold damage to other people and causing other women …to be abused and killed the way you did.

Listen. I’m no social scientist, and I haven’t done a survey, I mean, I don’t pretend that Iknow what John Q. citizens [i.e. “man on the street”] think about this. But I’ve lived in prisonfor a long time now, and … I’ve met a lot of men who were motivated to commit violence, just like me. And without

exception

,

every one of them

was

deeply

 

involved 

in pornography,without

question

, without

exception

, deeply

influenced 

and

consumed 

by an

addiction

topornography. There’s no

question

about it. The F.B.I.’s own study on serial homicide showsthat the most

common

 

interest 

among serial killers is pornography.

That’s’ true.

And it’s real! It’s true!

Ted, what would your life … have been like … without that influence?

… (

sigh

) …

You can only speculate.

Yeah … Well, I know it would have been far better (

laugh

) not just for me … and … it’s …(

laugh

) excuse me for being so self-centered here, it would have been a lot far better for meand for a lot of other people, I know that, a lots of innocent other people - victims andfamilies. There would have been a lot better, there’s no question about that … that it wouldhave been a … a fuller life, a life that … would not have involved - I’m absolutely certain -would not have involved this kind of violence that I have been … that I have committed...

 I’m sure, Ted, if … If I were able to ask you the questions that are being asked out there …

Mmmh …

…one of the most important, as you come down to perhaps your final hours: “Are youthinking about all those victims out there and their families …

 … Well …

… who are so wounded? You know, years later, their lives have not returned to normal, theywill never return to normal.

Absolutely…

 Are you carrying that [inaudible], that way? Is there remorse there?

… … Ha … Again… I know that people will accuse me of being self-serving, but we’rebeyond that now, I mean … I’m just telling you how I feel … but … through God’s help, I've  

8been able to come to the point where I … … (much too late! but better late than never) …

 feel

 the hurt and the pain that I am responsible for … Yes absolutely! In the past few days, myself and a number of investigators have been … talking about unsolved cases … murders that Iwas involved in … and it’s hard to talk about all these years after because it revives me allthese terrible feelings, and those thoughts that I have … … steadfastly and … … diligentlydealt with, and I think successfully, with the love of God … and yet it’s reopened and I feel… and I felt the horror again and all that … and I can only hope … that … those who I haveharmed … those to whom I have caused so much grief … even if they don’t believe … my …expression of … sorrow, and remorse …

will

believe … what I’m saying now … that thereare loose in their towns in their communities … people, like me today … whose dangerousimpulses are being fueled, day in and day out … by violence in the media in its various forms- particularly the sexualized violence. And what scares me – and let’s come into the presentnow, because what I’m talking about happened thirty … twenty or thirty years ago, that is, inmy formative stages … And what scares me, Dr Dobson, is when I see what’s on cable T.V.(

laugh

)… some of the movies … I mean, some of the violence in the movies that come intohomes today, with stuff that they wouldn’t show in X-rated adult theatres 30 years ago. Thisstuff …

… Is that slasher movies that you’re talking about?

… that stuff is, I’m telling you from personal experience,

the

 

most 

graphic violence on screen,particularly as it gets into the home to children when they’ll be unattended or unaware thatthey may be a Ted Bundy who has that … that vulnerability, that predisposition to beinfluenced by that kind of behavior … by that kind of movie, by that kind of violence. Thereare kids sitting out there, switching the TV, dial around and come upon these movies late atnight … or I don’t know when they’re on, but they’re on! And they keep watching … it’sscary when I think what … would have happened to me if I had seen … that was scaryenough! Well I just ran to stuff outside the home … but … to know that children are watchingthat kind of thing today … or can pick up their phone and … dial a way for it or send a wayfor it … hum …

 Hum … can you help me understand this desensitization process that took place … What wasgoing on in your mind?

Well that desensitization, I’d describe it … in specific terms is that … each time … I’d harmsomeone, each time I… killed someone … there had been an enormous amount… especiallyat first … enormous amount of horror, guilt, remorse afterwards, but … then … that impulseto do it again would come back even stronger … Now, believe me, I didn’t … the uniquething about how this worked, Dr Dobson, is that I still felt, in my regular life, the full range of … guilt and remorse about other things … and regret and …

 Do you had this compartmentalized … ?

 

9… This compartmentalized, very well focused … hum … very sharply focused area where I… it was … like a black hole … you know, it was like a crack, and everything that fell on thatcrack just disappeared … Does that make sense?

Yeah it does … hum … One of the final murders you that committed in the course …apparently, was the little Kimberly Leach which was 12 years of age … hum ... I think the public outcry is greater there because an innocent child was taken from a playground. What did you feel after that? Was there … Were there the normal emotions three days … Wherewere you, Ted?

I … … I can’t really talk about that right now. That’s …

That’s too painful.

 I would like to … be able to convey … to you what that … that … experience is like, but Ican’t, I won’t be able to talk about that.

 Mmmh okay, okay…

I can’t begin to understand … well, I can try … I’m ... aware that I can’t begin to understandthe pain … that … the parents of … these children that I have … and these young women thatI have harmed feel. And I can’t restore … really much to them, if anything. I won’t pretendto, and I don’t even expect them to forgive me. I’m not asking for it. That kind of forgivenessis of God; if they have it, they have it, and if they don’t, maybe they’ll find it someday.

 Do you deserve the punishment the state has inflicted upon you?

(

laugh

) Haha … That’s a very good question. I’ll answer really honestly. I don’t want to die; Iwon’t kid you. I can’t kid you now! Hum … I deserve, certainly… the most extremepunishment … society has, and I deserve … And I think society deserves to be protectedfrom me and from others like me. That’s for sure. … I think … What I hope will come of ourdiscussion is I think society deserves to be protected from

itself 

. Because, as we have beentalking, there are forces at loose in this country, particularly, again, this kind of violentpornography, … where, on the one hand, well-meaning descent people will condemn thebehavior of a Ted Bundy while they’re walking past a magazine rack full of the very kinds of things that send young kids down the road to be Ted Bundys. That’s the irony.We’re talking here, not just about … moral, what I’m talking about is to go beyondretribution, which is what … people want with me. Going beyond retribution and punishment.Because there is no way in the world that killing me is going to restore … those beautifulchildren to their parents and … correct and … soothe the pain. But I’ll tell you: there are lotsof other kids playing in streets around this country today who are going to be dead tomorrow,and the next day, and the next day and the next month, because other young people arereading the kinds of things and seeing the kinds of things that are available in the mediatoday.

 

10

Ted, as you imagine, there is tremendous cynicism about you on the outside, and I suppose, for good reason…

Mmmh.

 I’m not sure there’s anything that you could say that people would … believe, that some people would believe …

 Yep!

...And yet you told me last night (and I have heard this through our mutual friend, JohnTanner) that you have … accepted the forgiveness of Jesus Christ and are a follower and believer in Him. Do you draw strength from that, as you approach these final hours?

I do. I can’t say that being in the Valley of the Shadow of Death is something I’ve become allthat accustomed to, and that I’m strong and nothing’s bothering me. Listen, it’s no fun. … its… It gets kind of lonely, and yet … I have to remind myself that every one of us will gothrough this someday in one way or another…

 It’s appointed unto man.

… and countless millions who have walked this earth before us have gone through this, sothis is just an experience which we all share

Christianity is a joke. Like fiction. All of it. Very manipulative. So many cults and evil sects and denominations. Much destruction caused by the manipulative nature of this big cult. Christ must be evil rather than good. 

 

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Chapter 12

Spirituality has a morality component to it and the divination component. This divination component helps in survival. 

It's rightly said that praying is talking to God and meditation is like listening to God. 

It's more apt if the word God is replaced by the word subconscious mind. 

When you pray you send out a message, a voice  a cry for help, a flag, a light or a message in a bottle that will float across the sea and someone will across it and find it and try to help you. That's exactly how prayers and subconscious mind works. 

Prayer is a form of communication with the subconscious mind. It is way of asking or telling something you want. The subconscious then works on it even while you are distracted or asleep and then gives you answers throughout the day in the form of subtle signals and messages, signals which you never notice and completely ignore because of all your daily distractions. 

But if you cut out these distractions and do meditation and increase your awareness then maybe you can see and sport these signals better. 

When you ask a question or ask for help on something or feel a doubt, there are 2 rays of light which emerge, one leading to your conscious mind and the other carrying the message of your question to your subconscious mind. This mind then starts working for answers and solutions to your questions and problems 

Thus you begin to attract all the answers to your problems gradually. These answers sometimes come to you even when you are not consciously trying to hunt for them. 

Also it seems that the events get manifested or turned out in such a way that these events provide you with answers. 

Like for example you are indecisive about a relationship. You are skeptical and maybe you want to break it. 

Your inner anguish and distress or confusion is picked up by your subconscious and then the person makes fatal errors that confirm your suspicions about that person. Some of these come as warnings for you to get rid of such a person. Those events happen because those error or events had to serve the purpose of informing you about the person. 

This is like a natural divination process. 

Spirituality has a role to play in our survival. It aids our survival by giving us more awareness and wisdom and good guidance in our problems and situations. It helps in good decision making. 

When you meditate you are more inclined to hear the signals better. 

This is a whole exercise of self connection. You pray. You ask. You meditate. You receive. It's like a communication feedback cycle that helps in self connection. 

When you are deeply self connected to your subconscious your awareness and wisdom is optimum and so if your loved one is facing distress  you are able to take the right decision for them and help them in the best possible way. You avoid making critical errors in decision making especially when their life is on the line. 

The morality part in religion is almost redundant because we all know what is right and what is wrong. 

What we need to daily spiritual growth like daily mental and physical growth. 

Daily spiritual growth happens through this process of self connection via prayer and listening. That is daily spiritual growth happens via divination. 

Tarot card reading is where you can ask questions about your life and different people and situations in it. This process of asking questions is very important. Because this is the process of giving out signals to the subconscious. This is artificial divination. Once you ask the question reflect and meditate to get the answers. This is a useful skill. 

This is not the only avenue of spiritual growth. The other is the law of attraction. Attract what you need. 

Attract the events in such a manner that all the events unfold and come together to give you the right solution and resolution of your problem 

So here we have two methods of spiritual growth 

1. Divination - getting guidance and talking to your subconscious and getting answers. 

2. Law of attraction 

3. Effect of mind over matter. How can spirit heal and resolve the disease of the body. Will discuss later when I get the solution to this question. 

 

Two diseases. One is spiritual affinity and the other is physical affinity 

Spiritual affinity is when a person places excessive interest in mental and spiritual things to the point that they completely disregard and neglect their body, physical health and daily routine. Turning into some zombie. This causes physical problems like health disorders, out of sync lifestyle, improper schedules, postponing of work, lack of planning, reduced productivity and slump in progress. Even basic necessities are starved and the daily life becomes chaotic. Every time such a person is looking for something spiritual or emotional as a motivation to do anything physical. Example - I got a good person who will be my spouse. Now I can exercise and give up addiction. I will go to church and then I will work on myself. 

 

 

Physical affinity is a disease where the person is spiritually hollow. They don't understand pain, remorse, guilt, sadness. Evrything is very physical and real. They rarely get emotional and they operate like robots. 

Example - if you tell your boss that you are not feeling okay, they just tell to forget all that and get back to work 

Such people lack sensitivity and they cause harm by doing something that is not helpful but doing the exact opposite of what is helpful to you. If you wanted to eat good food, they serve you bad food. If you wanted some papers to be kept safe, they throw them away. They can never reflect on themselves or others. 

 

A balance between spiritual affinity and physical affinity is important. 

 

 

 

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Chapter 14

Spell work 

3 spells.. 

 

So here we have 3 methods of spiritual growth 

1. Divination - getting guidance and talking to your subconscious and getting answers. A process of better self connection. 

2. Law of attraction 

3. Effect of mind over matter. How can spirit heal and resolve the disease of the body. Will discuss later when I get the solution to this question. I will call this Cellular mentalism. 

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Chapter 15 

Take cards. Write on tbe front side the problem of the category. 

Reflect for 20 minutes . Write the divination input on the back side of the card. And repeat this every day as an tarot card reading exercise. 

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Chapter 16 

New formats added. 

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Chapter 17 

So here we have 3 methods of spiritual growth 

1. Divination - getting guidance and talking to your subconscious and getting answers. A process of better self connection. 

2. Law of attraction 

3. Effect of mind over matter. How can spirit heal and resolve the disease of the body. Will discuss later when I get the solution to this question. I will call this Cellular mentalism. 

 

Practical implementation of these ways of spiritual growth 

1. Divination and Self connection - talking to your subconscious. Prayer and meditation is an important part. Write down spells and prayers. Repeat them. Ask questions and discuss issues over a tarot reading. Write all questions or problems or issues over separate tarot cards. Write inputs from the subconscious on the back side of the tarot card of the tarot booklet. Clip it to have several pages below the front page of the card. So you can continue writing divination input. 

During contemplation, insight work, shadow work, meditation, reflection you will think of different divination inputs. All these are methods of divination or accessing the subconscious to get clarity over problems and issues or situations. 

2. Law of attraction

Try to focus on that what you want and that you already have it. Do intense visualization to imagine like you are already having it. 

Copied. 

"I know how LOA works and I easily manifest small things now and then, but to manifest big things, You have to keep your vibrational frequency high for longer period of time, feelings/emotions are the most important aspect that crystallises vision that you want to manifest."

Manifesting bigger things is where I am struggling as that thing needs more energy ~ that means, if you want to manifest bigger things, You will have to maintain higher vibrational frequency for a longer period of time, many factors comes into play here. Like vibrational resonance, your vibrational vortex which is a set of your belief system, like your beliefs about what you think is possible and what you think isn't. There should be no doubt in yourself and your ability to manifest things, You must be very clear about what exactly you want to manifest and why, and having no expectations of the outcome is the key. 

Now let's get back to your question: to manifest bigger things, I always do my best to maintain higher vibrational frequency for longer period of time, by vibrating higher, meaning ~ feeling joy, love, calmness and maintaining it without letting anything or anyone down to downward spiral. 

I always make sure that my dominant emotional experiences are in accordance to experiencing what I desire to manifest. Here I don't WANT things to happen (Wanting implies lack, and send signal that you don't have that thing and you vibrationaly attract more lack), but when I become one with the manifestation vision (Feeling, thinking and acting as if you already manifested it) , "Fake it till you make it", The following feelings and attitudes emit a higher vibrational frequency that resonates with your desires and attract them faster. Like attracts like. 

Hope it helps you. You see maintaining higher vibrational frequency is the key! If you have good environment and loving support, it gets easy to flow in higher emotions, but when you are surrounded by negative people who just keep throwing things at you, you have to become stronger to not let anyone of them has any impact over your inner calmness, loving, joyful nature.

From the above there are 3 points 

I. High vibrational frequency with good emotions like happiness and emotions which match your desires that you want to manifest 

Ii. Vibrational vortex. Which is set of beliefs of what is possible. Keep expanding on this. 

Iii. Visualization. Visualize and act like you already have it. 

 

3. Cellular mentalism - 

Need to work on this. 

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Chapter 18 

Implementation day 

October 2018 

3 spells. 

3 prayers 

Record shutdown time and the number of hours of relaxation/sleep. 

Use new formats and traps. 

 

 


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To become what we worship. 

 


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All of the creations supports the creative flow, the rhythm, the dynamic. 

Celebrate this flow and add to its ultimate beauty and victory. Become what you worship. 

The mother gives birth. Death is cessation. Birth is the continuation of the legacy and the cycle goes on. The spirit and the virtue is eternal. The physical dies only to be reborn to carry on the purpose of the spirit. The art is more important than the artist. The spirit is more important than the body. 


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Ultimate Goals 

?️ First be a hero to yourself. 

?️ To attain your maximum potential 

?️All of the creations supports the creative flow, the rhythm, the dynamic. 

Celebrate this flow and add to its ultimate beauty and victory. Become what you worship. 

The mother gives birth. Death is cessation. Birth is the continuation of the legacy and the cycle goes on. The spirit and the virtue is eternal. The physical dies only to be reborn to carry on the purpose of the spirit. The art is more important than the artist. The spirit is more important than the body. 

?️ To expand and grow your consciousness 

?️ To live in love 

?️To live in the moment 

?️ Union with God 

?️To live like children. 

?️Give highest priority and value and respect to life and existence. 

Have high self esteem and give value to yourself 

Live an authentic life, connect to your inner self and do what you think would be right for your body and mind. Be supportive of your inner life, not antagonistic to it. 

Live a spiritual life where you are in union with God, so you have faith in God, and you surrender to God's will and you let God handle things you can't with full trust in him, and you use your inner spiritual force to solve your problems in life and overcome obstacles to create the best life for yourself.you use your spiritual will power or the power of the spirit to survive and live through obstacles. 

?️To make the best out of the conditions we are born into. 

?️To support the human race and development of the world and ecosystem 

?️Value your life 

?️Enjoy life 

?️

?️

?️

?️

?️

?️

?️

?️

?️

?️?️?️

 

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Chapter 24

There is something called as emotional agenda. When a person tries to do something not because they have real practical benefit out of it but only because they enjoy what they do, they are obsessed with it or they feel like they need to do it to feel better. They are offensive on purpose. Like for example. Let's say there is a married couple and a woman who live alongside as a neighbor. Now this neighbor constantly tries to create tension between the couple by engaging the husband, luring him, spreading rumors about the woman, harassing her, driving a wedge between the two, gossiping, stressing others, enjoying the other person being stressed, and manipulating the husband against the wife. This has no apparent benefit to the neighbor but she does it solely out of an emotional agenda. 

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Chapter 25 

We live in a society that is made of human beings that are not civilized enough to live with each other. That's why there is so much hate, anger, jealousy, violence, bullying and harassing. 

We don't know how to live in peace, grace, be polite, humble, gentle, kind, understanding and transparent and neutral to each other. We all have emotional agendas against each other. We do so much harm to one another just because we can't have our way and because we have pent up feelings against the other person, we can't let go, we are so hostile to each other to the point that living together is just a facade, an illusion, a sham. 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Chapter 26

Right or wrong does not depend upon the attractiveness or talent of an individual. 

You absolutely cannot deny a fact, deny that something is attractive, but at the same time you cannot overlook the truth. And the truth is, right always remains right, wrong always stays wrong. 

The world worships shallow values but not true humanity, not true principles and values. 

When you are right, nothing stops you , you may not be talented but eventually you will prosper. You will not be famous but your work will be admired. You will create greatness out of nothing. This world admires artists more than art and that's the irony. 

When you are wrong, all the talent and power and the success will bite the dust and will be destroyed by your lack of integrity. 

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Chapter 27 

Negative indicators 

Aggressor 

Manipulator 

Bully 

Harasser 

Aggressive 

Antagonizing 

Narcissist

Cold

Psychopathic 

Sociopathic

Abusive 

Provocateur 

Authoritarian 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Chapter 28 

Foundational emotions. The emotions/instincts of hunger and fear,survival,possession, intimacy. 

When these are threatened its called abuse of basic human rights. 

Examples of this behavior would be, death threats, kidnapping the person, not letting the person to eat, keeping a person chained, false imprisonment, threatening to kill or rape, physical assault or attack, stalking, killing, suicide due to harassment, blackmailing, suicide threats, sexual abuse, attacking the person's children.. Such behavior is criminal. Foundational violation. 

Basic qualities and emotions of love, dignity, peace, trust, and happiness. These constitute the person's attachment to house, hearth, job, occupation,religion, marriage, children, family, neighborhood, etc. 

The threatening of such emotions is "violation of basic mental and emotional needs." 

I will call this principal violation. Since it is the violation of basic principles or premises on which the relationship between two people or between a person and a system or institution exists. 

When these basic emotions are threatened, there is a possibility for the other person to then have emotional agenda and that in some way is justifiable because their trust has been broken. Therefore such a person reacting out of emotion is not very unwise or being criminal or bad. They are just being emotional. 

Although such a reaction may not have been necessary the anger or outrage is understandable. 

There is a crucial difference. A person can behave a certain way when there is no cause. This is aggressor behavior. 

If the person freaks out or is acting aggressive or is having temper tantrum but because they were triggered and they were abused or they were provoked or pushed to the edge or enraged by bad behavior then this behavior is not aggressor or reactor behavior. This behavior is not to be judged.. 

Examples 

Foundational violations 

A mother intentionally starving a child or a boy being bullied with death threats in school or a child being thrown out of the house even if he hasn't caused any harm or sexual assault of a woman at the workplace or stalking, or a person's reputatio being endangered causing him or her loss of job and income. 

Principal violations

A husband cheating on the wife, a husband being emotionally abusive to his wife, uncaring individual, uncaring parents, a religious cult that bullies the member, classroom bullying,. Cyberbullying, a neighbor threatening or spreading rumors, isolation and humiliation of an employee , 

The nature of the perpetrator of violation. 

Is he /she an aggressor 

Is he /she a reactor 

This should be taken out before deciding or differentiating wrong and right behavior. 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Chapter 29

The mentalism project. 

Power of belief or placebo

Power of intention 

Power of law of attraction 

Power of intention 

Power of mental state

Power of suggestion 

Power of connection to inner self 

Power of loving care 

Oxygen, water and iron required for cells. 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Chapter 30


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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