Priti Health Journal

[Preety_India]

I should just say be damned to everything.., ???? I might get damnesia lol. 

[Preety_India]

He called me again and said hurtful things to me. I am so tired of being made the bad person that I'm not. 

 

This emotional abuse 

I'm tired of it. I broke up with him. I am done with him. He just hurts me. 

 

[Preety_India]

Chapter 206

April 4

 

You can take something perfect and just destroy it and reduce it to nothing. Or you could take something imperfect and turn it into a very valuable asset. 

It's all about intentions. 

The clay of physical reality can be molded into anything that your mind wants. This is the basis of intention and outcome. 

The outcome will forever be beautiful if the intention is right 

Anything that is abused and taken for granted degenerates over time 

You don't have to feel bad that you are not perfect because even the most perfect people in the world make mistakes and degrade over time. It's not like if you are perfect you have hit the jackpot. Nothing is decided. Everything is fate. To think that perfection would have been this ultimate ticket to a better life is just wishful thinking. Things don't work that way. Focus only on what good can be created. Rest is just a thought of what would have been could have been. And life is paradoxical. Because people who don't have it wish they had it and people who have it waste it. 

In effect everything good or bad cancels out and comes to equality. It is life's way of doing justice.

Its all about intentions, character and outcome.. 

 

There is nothing to be jealous of absolute perfection. 

Because when you have something you have the fear of losing it. When you don't have something you are desperate to have it.. 

The best state to be in is a state of rest fulness. 

In this restfulness state, everything is calm and beautiful. You become neutral, more like an object rather than a person. The narcissism disappears. This state is more important. In this state, it's nothingness, and nothing matters, good or bad. You don't even think much about yourself. You think about what can be done. You think more about the art rather than the artist. Its like you look beautiful and you still don't do makeup. You hardly care about anything. You become selfless. You care about doing things.. Taking care of others, let's say animals. You don't stand out, rather you become one with the whole creation.. There is so much humility in you. You are focused more on what good you can do. You become very matured and very selfless. You reach a different plane. You are more worried about bigger things in life than yourself. This is where you graduate from self centeredness towards oneness with creation. You become one with universal love. You might think of this as flower child philosophy. But it's really the truth of existence. One person's life is not worth the whole ecosystem's existence. The whole system has to flourish. And when you have that kind of empathy in yourself, you begin to serve a broader purpose, extended towards others and eventually you feel that love and you create brotherly love like a sense of community love and when such a community love exists, all competitiveness and jealousy disappears. The love overcomes jealousy,hate, self centeredness,narcissism, self righteousness, and you begin to feel an enormous feeling of joy and happiness and warmth and love and suddenly it doesn't even matter whatever imperfections you have because you only think about how much you can contribute rather than receive. You become a giver rather than a receiver. You become like God.

Its a state where all your negativity has seeped away and you feel a tremendous sense of calm, peace and maturity. You don't even have one percent of jealousy or hate or anger or envy or passion. Because all you want to do is give. You become extremely empathetic. That ego disappears. You try to see what purpose you can serve and how you can give better. You are only focused on your duty and purpose, not on yourself anymore. You just start to use yourself out.

It's the highest point of maturity and intelligence. And of course love. Everything becomes immaterial when you feel that much love. You feel like even if you suffered or lost something or gained something it doesn't matter. All things begin to appear small and irrelevant. Everything appears very superficial and pointless. You are able to let go a lot of what you were always holding back as very important. You will start to focus on bigger things. The possessiveness goes away. You will be much less affected by anything that is concerning yourself. You will not be affected by your imperfections or perfections. You will have the "it doesn't matter" attitude. You will feel more free. Thoughts about yourself will not bug you anymore. You won't feel consumed the way you used to feel once. 

 

 

Edited April 4, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Chapter 207

 I am so intrigued by the supernatural. I believe in it. I think the life we lead has a purpose and meaning. 

I think eternity exists. And eternity is the phase where we experience a beautiful relationship with God, his company and love and peace. Eternity is like paradise. 

We live and I think after death we enter this realm of eternity where we can be one with God. Here we remain protected from all the problems of life since life ceases in this phase. And the life we lead should be wonderful and sacred but that's not the reality. In reality we struggle and suffer and often over nothing. I have begun to feel that life is an enemy of death and eternity. It prevents us from experiencing the wonderful live in eternity. The world is against it. The world is an enemy of peace. So life will always be unfair because it's an enemy of eternity and eternity is full of love and peace. But we have to make it through this unfair life and live in the company of God and live a life of simplicity and be morally clean, honest and be ready to find that reward of happiness and love waiting on the other side. But being sinful will make us agitated and prevent us from experiencing the love that eternity offers. 

 

 

Edited April 4, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Chapter 208

April 5

The nature of crime and sin

Difference between evil and sin 

I think sin is more of a consequence than a cause. It is an outcome, an event, a course or a path. It is wrongful but it's not distinctively indicative of intent. One cannot know what caused the person to do such a thing. Hence it could be bad intentions or no intentions to cause harm. 

I think evil is prolonged and is more about intention, therefore darker than sin. 

Nature of crime 

Classification of crime on the basis of intent 

1 crime out of selfishness  and exploitation 

Examples

When you want the person to be killed so that you can continue to hold power. 

You want to kill someone so that you can get rid of them and attain your objectives or goals. 

You have the inner intent that the other person should fail so that you feel like you have eliminated competition 

You do not want the other person to do better because you see that person as a hindrance so you secretly wish they suffer and are eleminated. 

You want to exploit someone helpless or poor and abuse them so you feel powerful. You want to exploit them to satisfy your greed. To obtain. And then systematically kill them or get them killed by a hit so that your job is done 

 Verdict 

Evil and sinful. Mal intent. Malice and malevolence. Evil. Dark. Destructive. 

2 crime of psychopathy 

Examples

A husband kills the wife to collect insurance. Premeditation. Greed 

Killing someone systematically for financial or other goals. Greed. 

Selfishness and disregard. Lack of empathy 

Verdict

Sinful. Evil. Destructive. 

3 crime of shallow values, greed, cheapness and destructive Mal intent. Malevolence 

 

Examples 

Running a scheme that frauds, conspiracy, lack of empathy, passive greed, 

Very selfish, lack of remorse, complete annihilation, exploitation, malice, absolute disregard, Mal intent, 

Verdict

Very evil, sinful, extremely destructive, satanic. Dark destructive. 

 

 

4 crime of passion and raw emotions 

 

Examples

Feeling hurt, pain and betrayal. Feeling extreme anger and hate towards a controller, abuser, a spouse or a person of authority. Feeling a sense of rebellion and helplessness. 

Wish to release all the hate and pent up rage or pain or hurt on this person by absolute desecration of the person regarded as the object of hate

Crime of contempt, passion or derision. 

Raw intense emotions. 

 

Verdict sinful but not necessarily evil, lack of control over emotions, innocence, rebellion, grounds for reformation and change, need help and rehabilitation. 

 

5 crime of jealousy 

 

Examples

A girl who is jealous of another girl in school decides to kill her and torture her. Abusive tendencies 

Passionate rage, anger, jealousy, mean intent, not necessarily Mal intent but the clear intent to harm. 

 Sociopathic intent, raw intent to harm, intent to harm for self gratification, abuse for self gratification, thrill kill, sadism, sadistic intent, perturbed mind or perverted or disturbed mental balance, perverted tendencies, deviant mind. 

Psychological deviance 

Verdict 

Sinful, evil, perversion, mental sickness, affliction, deviance, Very destructive. Chaotic. Malignant. Cancerous 

 

6 crime of sociopathy 

Examples

Extreme abuse, sadism. Animalistic 

A group of teenagey boys set out to kill and abuse a disabled or helpless individual.

 

A gang of men set out to rob a couple and take all their money but also decide to rape the woman. 

A young man who kills a store keeper over very little money. 

A man who decides to torture someone younger or helpless because they can feel powerful 

Violation of civil laws. 

Abuse of animals. 

Killing someone for very little benefit or money. 

Mocking the victims or self gratification from vandalism or destruction of property. 

Self gratification from torture, abuse, 

Gang crimes. Crimes committed in gangs as a show of power. 

Extreme disobedience. 

Verdict

Sinful. Evil. Heinous. Destructive. Mental sickness. Genetic predisposition. No rehabilitation. Elimination or Removal. 

7 crime of madness, insanity 

Examples

A young man who goes off on a shooting rampage with no self awareness or understanding of the gravity of the situation. No intention to harm but inability to process wrong from right. Influence of drugs. Maniacal tendencies. 

Lack of awareness. Ignorance. Lack of a sound mind. 

Inability to process emotions. Blank mess and blackout. Complete absence of remorse. Mental instability. 

 

Verdict

Sinful. Not evil. Rehabilitation or Removal. Medical help. 

8 crime of stupidity. 

Examples 

A man who kills his friend out of fear that he will tell his secrets and he does something instantly. Without using reason. Has no intent to harm but sees killing as an option to cure his problem. Senseless crime. 

Crime based on hate and temporary rage. 

Crimes during a standoff between neighbors. 

Feeling extreme sudden rage or lack of control. 

Crimes committed on sudden impulse without thinking about consequences. 

Crimes committed due to inability to withhold frustration and tension or fear or sudden aggression. 

Verdict

Sinful. Not evil. Not destructive. No Mal intent. Rehabilitation. Reformation. 

Edited April 4, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

April 5

Chapter 209

 

 

I need to get in touch with a rehab facility to get a hold of my psychological issues. 

Hopefully things will turn out fine once I seek help. 

 

Edited April 4, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Chapter 210

 

There can be different sources of wrongful behaviors. A complex or a set 

1. Greed and character flaws 

2. Exploitation 

3. Mental Deviance 

4. Mental Instability or insanity 

5.  Mental sickness 

6.  Lack of emotional balance 

7. Lack of reasoning or decision Making skills. 

8. Mal intent or Malevolence. 

 

Edited April 4, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

April 5

Chapter 211

Here we observe a set of different causes of dysfunctional behavior. 

1. Emotionality 

2. Morality or character 

3. Spirituality 

4. (Lack of judgment) or Intelligence. Judgement. 

5. Mental Health. Psychology (mind), neurology(brain) 

Apart from physical health, these 5 key factors have to be in alignment for healthy behaviors. 

 

 

Edited April 4, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Chapter 212

Taken from a previous chapter 

"Because life is a complex of 2 things. Like imagine a pipe with a pulpy sheath on the top and the inner core of the pipe made of blazing red hot fluid.  And this outer sheath is all the superficial stuff in life, like food, discipline, hygiene, medicine, health, adventure, money, beauty, etc where you don't feel much, it's all about objects and tasks and things. But the inner core is about emotionality, morality, compassion or empathy, spirituality. So life is comprised of these two and these two are mandatory parts of life. You can't remove any part. "

 

The outer core is about physical stuff. 

The inner core is about spirituality, morality and character, judgment and intelligence, emotionality, compassion or empathy, psychology, neurology. 

Edited April 4, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Nice art 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

Chapter 213

Productivity tools 

Goals 

And 

Motivation 

 

Edited April 6, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Chapter 214

April 6

You never know what it's like to be free when you are constantly trapped in your perpetual cycle of constant torment, narcissism, self obsession, frustration, regret, self pity and self centeredness. But once you taste what freedom feels like, you never wanna go back to being trapped and you realize what you were missing on.. 

There is this disadvantage of trying to be more self focused and aware and developing a strong distinctive personality of your own and that is becoming more self absorbed and narcissistic over time. But this can be avoided being more empathetic towards others and focusing on bigger things other than yourself and thus being free from the thoughts about yourself and life that could be responsible for your inner frustration. 

That way you live free and realize what it means to live free from all sorts of intrusive corrosive self obsessive thoughts. It's a different and wonderful experience. 

However it takes nothing away from your personality. You are still yourself, just not as obsessed and trapped by your emotions and thoughts. You are no longer the receiver or the target of your own self defeating or self absorbed thoughts. 

Edited April 6, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

On 4/3/2019 at 5:06 AM, Preety_India said:

Chapter 206

April 4

 

You can take something perfect and just destroy it and reduce it to nothing. Or you could take something imperfect and turn it into a very valuable asset. 

It's all about intentions. 

The clay of physical reality can be molded into anything that your mind wants. This is the basis of intention and outcome. 

The outcome will forever be beautiful if the intention is right 

Anything that is abused and taken for granted degenerates over time 

You don't have to feel bad that you are not perfect because even the most perfect people in the world make mistakes and degrade over time. It's not like if you are perfect you have hit the jackpot. Nothing is decided. Everything is fate. To think that perfection would have been this ultimate ticket to a better life is just wishful thinking. Things don't work that way. Focus only on what good can be created. Rest is just a thought of what would have been could have been. And life is paradoxical. Because people who don't have it wish they had it and people who have it waste it. 

In effect everything good or bad cancels out and comes to equality. It is life's way of doing justice.

Its all about intentions, character and outcome.. 

 

There is nothing to be jealous of absolute perfection. 

Because when you have something you have the fear of losing it. When you don't have something you are desperate to have it.. 

The best state to be in is a state of rest fulness. 

In this restfulness state, everything is calm and beautiful. You become neutral, more like an object rather than a person. The narcissism disappears. This state is more important. In this state, it's nothingness, and nothing matters, good or bad. You don't even think much about yourself. You think about what can be done. You think more about the art rather than the artist. Its like you look beautiful and you still don't do makeup. You hardly care about anything. You become selfless. You care about doing things.. Taking care of others, let's say animals. You don't stand out, rather you become one with the whole creation.. There is so much humility in you. You are focused more on what good you can do. You become very matured and very selfless. You reach a different plane. You are more worried about bigger things in life than yourself. This is where you graduate from self centeredness towards oneness with creation. You become one with universal love. You might think of this as flower child philosophy. But it's really the truth of existence. One person's life is not worth the whole ecosystem's existence. The whole system has to flourish. And when you have that kind of empathy in yourself, you begin to serve a broader purpose, extended towards others and eventually you feel that love and you create brotherly love like a sense of community love and when such a community love exists, all competitiveness and jealousy disappears. The love overcomes jealousy,hate, self centeredness,narcissism, self righteousness, and you begin to feel an enormous feeling of joy and happiness and warmth and love and suddenly it doesn't even matter whatever imperfections you have because you only think about how much you can contribute rather than receive. You become a giver rather than a receiver. You become like God.

Its a state where all your negativity has seeped away and you feel a tremendous sense of calm, peace and maturity. You don't even have one percent of jealousy or hate or anger or envy or passion. Because all you want to do is give. You become extremely empathetic. That ego disappears. You try to see what purpose you can serve and how you can give better. You are only focused on your duty and purpose, not on yourself anymore. You just start to use yourself out.

It's the highest point of maturity and intelligence. And of course love. Everything becomes immaterial when you feel that much love. You feel like even if you suffered or lost something or gained something it doesn't matter. All things begin to appear small and irrelevant. Everything appears very superficial and pointless. You are able to let go a lot of what you were always holding back as very important. You will start to focus on bigger things. The possessiveness goes away. You will be much less affected by anything that is concerning yourself. You will not be affected by your imperfections or perfections. You will have the "it doesn't matter" attitude. You will feel more free. Thoughts about yourself will not bug you anymore. You won't feel consumed the way you used to feel once. 

 

 

You never know what it's like to be free when you are constantly trapped in your perpetual cycle of constant torment, narcissism, self obsession, frustration, regret, self pity and self centeredness. But once you taste what freedom feels like, you never wanna go back to being trapped and you realize what you were missing on.. 

There is this disadvantage of trying to be more self focused and aware and developing a strong distinctive personality of your own and that is becoming more self absorbed and narcissistic over time. But this can be avoided being more empathetic towards others and focusing on bigger things other than yourself and thus being free from the thoughts about yourself and life that could be responsible for your inner frustration. 

That way you live free and realize what it means to live free from all sorts of intrusive corrosive self obsessive thoughts. It's a different and wonderful experience. 

However it takes nothing away from your personality. You are still yourself, just not as obsessed and trapped by your emotions and thoughts. You are no longer the receiver or the target of your own self defeating or self absorbed thoughts. 

 

 

So is it possible to be self focused and self detached at the same time.  Yes. 

One can be focused on one's needs and basic wants and interests and goals and yet be detached from all other intrusive forms of self obsession and be purely focused only on the needs and remain detached from the nagging thoughts about self and life. This will need some training of course. Once you reach the maturity by having empathy for others and higher things you will find it easier to remain detached from your identity and still come back to satisfy basic needs. It's about maintaining a careful balance. Once you are less engaged with yourself it's much easier to do it. 

More focused on the art than the artist. 

Next 

Power of self expression in rehab. 

 

Chapter 215

April 6

Edited April 6, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

April 6

Chapter 216

 

 

Self expression is a powerful therapy. 

Think about whatever you want or how you want things to be currently in your life. Constantly express it. 

This reduces the chance of distraction and sabotage. 

It increases self awareness. 

 

Edited April 6, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Chapter 217 

I want to redesign my life around how it should be in a rehab. That makes perfect sense. 

Certain points that I'll need to consider 

• Healthy food
• Exercise 
• Therapy 
• Entertainment
• Recreation 
• Hobbies 
• Stress release 
• Goals
• Task completion
• Personality development
• Normal living. 
• High energy 
• Perfect Schedule. 
• Regular maintenance 

Edited April 6, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Chapter 218

Restfulness exercise 

Imagine being with God and being in peace. Imagine being in a world like paradise all the good things. 

Imagine you have everything you wanted. 

This is powerful positive visualization. 

 

Edited April 6, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

On 3/3/2019 at 2:06 AM, Preety_India said:

 

March 2.  

March Goals 

1.wake up 

2 breakfast 

3. Cooking healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. 

 

4. Exercise 

5. Focus on physical and mental health 

6. Focus on emotional health 

7. Asthma and Bp

8. Saving money. Earning more. 

9. Video game.

10. Payment of bills

11. Cut off family and socialization and toxic people 

12. Zero down stress. 

14. Practice Swan religion. 

15. Sequence notes. Daily practice of writing pending  tasks before going to bed. Scheduling these tasks for the next day in advance to avoid getting blanked out. 

 

 

 

 

Some more 

 

Chapter 219 April 6

• A beautiful relationship with God in eternity. Restfulness exercise. Refer chapter 202
• To treat life with respect. (life is sacred) Do not indulge in toxic things. 
• Live a wholesome life materially and spiritually. Avoid sin. 
• Restfulness exercise. 
• Be in tune with the material and the spiritual side. Focus on both material and spiritual aspects of life 
• Thrive everyday 
• Practice restfulness. Refer chapter 206
• Cultivate healthy behaviors and avoid dysfunctional behaviors. Refer chapter 211 and 212
• Practice self focus 
• Practice self detachment. 
• Normal living
• Practice self expression as therapy and for productivity 
• Live a fulfilled life as the ego would want it. Live the full potential of self expression and desire or ambition /purpose. 
• Fight the bad. 
• Do right things. Avoid wrong. Follow the principle of Karma and duty. 
•  

Edited April 6, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Chapter 220

I mean facts are facts. It's understandable enough that a man does not like his wife if she is fat and he keeps telling her that. Reminding her every time of how unattractive and undeserving of love she is. At the same time, it's also a fact that she doesn't deserve to feel unloved. It is also a fact that she doesn't need to be around a person who is bad for her mental health. I mean those facts are facts, but they are not good for her mental health. Why does she need that. That's unfair to her. Because that should be the last thing someone loving should say to her. 

I mean at the end of the day, what is she going to do with facts. How are the facts going to make her life better. I mean the man can keep his facts to himself but those facts are not going to bring any peace, love or happiness to the woman. So fuck that. 

Edited April 7, 2019 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

If being nice is so hard, then just don't be nice, be yourself but stop being bad to someone. 

[Preety_India]

Chapter 221

Being exploitative and selfish is one thing. That's when you are ungrateful and abandoning someone after using them, having no other reason to abandon them other than your selfish motives, also given that that person is good to you and you still want to dump that person only because they don't fit your plans anymore, that's very selfish. 

But doing what's right for you and leaving what is toxic to you is not selfishness. It's doing what is fair for you. If something doesn't suit you anymore, if something has become redundant for you and you are not in a happy space being in it then it makes perfect sense to take flight. Nobody told you to sacrifice your life for someone. If something does not satisfy or fulfill you and you whine about it then that's not selfishness. So if you do not find anything satisfying with a person anymore then you are just exercising your freedom and your honesty and authenticity and that's not selfishness 

 

Edited April 7, 2019 by Preety_India