Loneliness & Low Spirits

[THJ50]

I’m currently going through my first break-up, which, despite being a long and arduous relationship and being glad that it’s over, has left me feeling fiercly lonely.

For the first time in my adult life I am single and my multiple friendships now all seem shallow.

I don’t know if I should:

• Do as Leo suggests in his videos and “bask in the solitude” alone in my room, and try to weed the loneliness from my mind

• Go out - be a social animal and try to meet new people

Inside I would like to become this master of social skills and improve my ability to talk with women, but is this just a bandaid over solving my problem of loneliness? And how do I even start to become a social master? How do I get over the fact that all my other friends and ex-girlfriend have more friends than me? 

[zoey101]

34 minutes ago, THJ50 said:

I’m currently going through my first break-up, which, despite being a long and arduous relationship and being glad that it’s over, has left me feeling fiercly lonely.

For the first time in my adult life I am single and my multiple friendships now all seem shallow.

I don’t know if I should:

• Do as Leo suggests in his videos and “bask in the solitude” alone in my room, and try to weed the loneliness from my mind

• Go out - be a social animal and try to meet new people

Inside I would like to become this master of social skills and improve my ability to talk with women, but is this just a bandaid over solving my problem of loneliness? And how do I even start to become a social master? How do I get over the fact that all my other friends and ex-girlfriend have more friends than me? 

Just try to enjoy being single for a bit man, go out, make some new friends and bask in the knowledge that you can do SO MUCH MORE as a single man. Explore, go on adventures alone and with friends, just live a little man and try not to stress the little things. Everything will fall into place in time, just enjoy this moment, right now.

[Arkandeus]

whatever you can be or become, who are you right now?

who are you right now?

you're a man, single, lonely, you are not a social master, you may not have very satisfying friendships

now instead of asking what you could be apart from this and how

 

look at yourself now, how could you accept who you are right now? 

yes you may change in the future, but this is you now, how could develop more love for yourself, as you are right now?

there's really no problem in desiring to change, but change comes through fully embracing who we are now, accepting what we're being right now, when we listen to who we're being right now, everything will come together, change will come to you

[THJ50]

@zoey101 

I don’t even know how to have fun and derive pleasure from being with my friends or doing things as a single man. Maybe I need to contemplate what fun really is to me? I can’t seem to tell if I’m having fun.

And will things really all just fall into place?

Edited July 30, 2018 by THJ50

[zoey101]

Just focus on you for a little is all I meant. You have spent a long time worrying about the happiness of someone else, so now is your chance to enjoy and pamper yourself, get to know yourself. That's all I meant.

[Spiral]

@THJ50 It not about the number of friends it’s about the quality of those friendships. Give it a few weeks and you’ll feel better about the breakup. 

Try to have fun, more so then to make new friends or attract girls. Who would want to be friends with someone who is having a great time? If you go looking for friends/girls it’s going to be more difficult as like the rest of us you’ll fail sometimes.

[YaNanNallari]

Learn to understand loneliness. What does it mean to be lonely? Why? Who knows if you like this https://youtu.be/HUjz8Xplbew

And the feeling of loneliness itself doesn't need a fix. To make it clearer, it is just something you'd rather not have. But this change is possible to be made from a pleasant place. And also sometimes you can't solve issues in a directed order. You might need to do y, then x and after that you can deal with loneliness etc.