Anxiety!

[yasaidasai]

All this non dual stuff got me really anxious. I honestly don't know anything anymore. I became directly aware that the physical world doesn't exist, and my vision, my thoughts, my sense of touch is just there, not grounded in anything, and it's making me nuts. When I try to concentrate on my bodily sensations I get an instant anxiety attack, I get this eery sensation that my reality could just melt away and I will disappear. As a result of that I can't enjoy my beers and my weed anymore, because these things just amplify this not-grounded-in-anything anxiety. I can't enjoy anything, really, I don't know what anything is. Like, what is this? Are other people real? How could all this be possible? I started all this meditation and yoga stuff two years ago to deal with my neurosis, and took this unlearn everything attitude to the extreme,  I don't even know what knowing is anymore. It made my neurosis even worse, and I think I'm going crazy. How do y'all manage to stay so positive about this stuff? It scares the shit out of me.

[yasaidasai]

And yeah, I know that you will probably say that that's my ego trying to hold me back and zen devils and all that, but I just want to start enjoying life again.

[nikkikc]

All this negativity your experiencing is basically an emotion that's overriding you. Realize that it's just an emotion and take time to sit down and feel into the anxious feeling your having. Leo talks about the "state of not knowing" as actually a very good thing, and that you are making a lot of progress. For more info watch.

 

 

[Nahm]

@yasaidasai The “problem” is this is interrupting your addiction to alcohol & marijuana. It’s not a problem. Over thinking about it is not helping. Those substances are part of a cycle: challenges, doubting self, drinking & smoking (rather than self inquiry through the doubt), sleep, repeat. 

You don’t want to be cross faded all the time. You want to be living the life that requires you to do what it takes to be done with these substances. It’s worth it. Don’t give up. 

[dorg]

@yasaidasai Sounds like you have seen that the thought constructed you in the thought constructed world is just that, IOW a thought story. You are actually self-aware experience or awareness - the knowing that is not separate from the known. And you are grounded moment to moment in and as this.

Quote

"The one who follows the thought is also a thought! The one who follows the thought IS in thought. When you know that both are thoughts, you are home. You are not IN Home, you are Home. Then allow thoughts to arise and allow them to be followed. You remain as that unmoved and unconcerned being. This is the highest understanding." ---Papaji