Involuntary Celibacy: Focus in Internal or External?

[Emerald]

21 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I don't wanna start an argument here, but what women will tell you they want and what they actually want can be two different things.  I'm sure this is true for men too.  I learned long ago not to take dating advice from women.  And again, I'm not trying to attack anybody here.  I'm glad we all get to chime in on this.  And I'm not assuming you need to be as direct as I stated it.  That's what learning to flirt is all about.  I just laid my two cents on the issue starkly because that was the easiest way for me to communicate the information quickly and concisely in writing.  I never intended to say -- 'Hi I'm bob, I wanna have a sexual relationship with you.'  That would be be creepy, I agree.  I just wanted to give homeboy my two cents from dealing with these issues for many years now. 

I think the not taking dating advice from women thing can be generally true. Most women are told a lot of mixed messages about what they should and shouldn't want. So, it's a very difficult knot to untangle. And even when you untangle it, it takes a lot of bravery to admit to those things because there's always someone there trying to use it to demonize or oppress. 

That said, I do know what I want, and I imagine that most women work at least somewhat similarly. So, I think that it's important to listen to female perspectives on what they are interested in and how an attraction actually comes about from the firsthand experience. The PUA guys will tell you what works in a very specific kind of situation. But they won't necessarily understand the firsthand experience of how it works or why it works. You can only get 'what works' from them. So, to take advice only from other men on dating women is a little foolish. And I can tell by looking at it that most men who are taking the advice will get it all wrong.

But I understand why they only cover what works in particular situation. They basically boil down female attraction so that it becomes slightly more actionable to spark an attraction in a woman. But I can tell you that almost all the advice I've heard on the topic of how to attract a woman, would leave me (personally) just not very interested. 

I require a lot more platonism and ambiguity to build up the tension necessary to create an attraction powerful enough for me to really swoon for that guy. 

[Joseph Maynor]

7 hours ago, Feel Good said:

It is absolutely advisable to take dating advice from women. They key is in being able to interpret what the woman is saying. When women say just be nice and be yourself to a guy who is identified with what society programmes us guys what to believe about dating, then we get a mix up in communication. But for a guy who has unwired that programming dating advice from women is very much accurate.

Im not sure I disagree with you.  I’m not sure you disagree with me. You acknowledged that there’s a translation there though, and that was my major point.  And that’s what I was highlighting.  What people say and what they actually do are often entirely two different things especially regarding a sensitive subject like sexual relationships.  And this goes for women as well as men.  

Edited July 23, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[Joseph Maynor]

 

[Joseph Maynor]

 

[Joseph Maynor]

 

[Joseph Maynor]