What keeps me here:

[the_end_of_me]

The thing is, I don't really care if I die. It could all be over right now and I could care less. Sure, I would prefer it to be quick and painless, but the thought of dying does not actually scare me. I don't care if it wasn't real anyway. I don't care if it was all a hallucination, a dream, nothing at all. It doesn't bother me. I don't need it. In fact, I'm quite tired. And yes, I've been inquiring into all of this. I will admit there could be some ego deception on this point. But I truly have been feeling for a while, that I'm ready for it to just be over.

But...

At the same time, I care for those stuck in the illusion. Why I care for them, perhaps needs some more inquiry. Regardless, I do care for them. Because to them it's real. Because what I do in this hallucination still affects them. And I know how much it hurts sometimes. And I realize that ultimately, I am truly caring for myself. 

And...

I want to help them. To help them experience it for themselves. Or to at least help make their eternal struggle easier and more bearable. Help them become lucid. So that they can make a choice: to keep it going or to let it end. It should be everyone's choice. Of course, one of the things that keeps us here is the excitement of what could come next, and the fear of what we might miss out. But we also realize that we care for the others that are stuck without a choice. Because it's not fair for them. Because we know how much it hurts. Even if it's not f***ing real to begin with. 

All this being said, I do not claim to be outside of the illusion. But I do see it, and can recognize it, and accept it. Perhaps this is what my goal is of helping others. 

Edited July 10, 2018 by the_end_of_me

[cetus]

@the_end_of_me You in good company. It reminded me of this....

We are not able to understand the state of the yhani if the yhani has become one with the absolute. We don't understand how a yhani can be parabrahman and be here also. A yhani can transcend consciousness and be the absolute on demand. He can come into consciousness because that perticulay body is still available. Through that body communication takes place with the beings in consciousness.

[the_end_of_me]

@cetus56 Thanks:) I understand parabrahman, but google does not have a clue what yhani is. Is this referring to an enlightened being? well nevermind, I'm sure I answered my own question.

[cetus]

12 minutes ago, the_end_of_me said:

@cetus56 Thanks:) I understand parabrahman, but google does not have a clue what yhani is. Is this referring to an enlightened being? well nevermind, I'm sure I answered my own question.

@the_end_of_me I probably spelled it wrong.

[cetus]

@the_end_of_me Yea- my bad. It's jhani (enlightened - a god). 

[Dodo]

1 hour ago, cetus56 said:

@the_end_of_me You in good company. It reminded me of this....

We are not able to understand the state of the yhani if the yhani has become one with the absolute. We don't understand how a yhani can be parabrahman and be here also. A yhani can transcend consciousness and be the absolute on demand. He can come into consciousness because that perticulay body is still available. Through that body communication takes place with the beings in consciousness.

That's an amazing quote, thanks Cetus

[Dodo]

16 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

@the_end_of_me Yea- my bad. It's jhani (enlightened - a god). 

I know it as Jnani. Knowing thyself 

http://www.hinduism.co.za/jnani-.htm

[the_end_of_me]

@Dodo yes! google likes that word much better haha. Sorry @cetus56

[cetus]

38 minutes ago, Dodo said:

I know it as Jnani. Knowing thyself 

http://www.hinduism.co.za/jnani-.htm

@Dodo Thanks. You got it!

The quote is Nisargadatta- "Prior to Consciousness".