Daily life that supports personal development?

[Azlan]

Hello. I've been together with my boyfriend for almost five years now. In the beginning we had big commuanication problems and I was disappointed and confused most of the time. Now our relationship is much better than it was then. But I still struggle with things in this relationthip.

Since I got really serious with my personal development I feel like I must intergate it in my romantic relationship as a natural part of daily life, especially now when we're living together.  My boyfirend isn't really into personal development - as a concept at least but when we talk about stuff it seemes like he's into it. He is very addicted to distraction, especially watching television, which right now feel like the only activity that is a natural part of our daily life. But I always end up discussing about what we're watching - that it should be meaningful or we shouldn't watch at all. And he gets dissapointed and tired of these endless discussions and doubts - as do I. I want natural, daily routines of meaningful activities to do together. Or doesn't it have to be meaningful? Am I supposed to go away and be by myself as I'm doing the things that's good for my soul? And keep being diplomatic and low counciouss in our shared activities? What do other spiritual people do with their partners on a daily basis? Help...

[Spiral]

I have found in my life, that talking about distraction being problematic is mostly a counterproductive interaction.  My mother would when I was younger often complain about my video game addiction and my argument was always "well, I don't have anything else to do". 

So what i'm trying to say is that unless you can find a alternative, it's not really fair to complain and watching something he don't enjoy... well he might as well not watch at all then. So what's the solution? Suggest activities that you think both of you would enjoy, you can't really expect him to want to go yoga a few times a week. Also you shouldn't rely on your partner, they are there to support you and well other benefits  if you want to do spiritual things and he doesn't, well you have to do them alone or with someone else. Maybe a friend. Surely you'll should spend some time with your bf but maybe doing something more special on occasion like dinner(out) or an ice cream in the park having a chat a few times a week.   

Here as some suggestions on things you can do together: cardio, fishing(actually rather meditative), camping, hiking, cooking. I have recently found a interest in mini vacations, just go to some nearby town or city and spend the day there.  

[Guest Quanty]

Tantra  

He will get hooked, and both will awaken faster. 

[aurum]

@Azlan

I've found that if someone isn't into this work, you're not going to be able to convince them.

The desire to do real personal development comes from a deep personal choice. You can't "should" them to take it seriously. Not in the long term.

I know because I tried this with one of the previous girls I dated and it failed miserably. I was trying to get her to try things like yoga, reading books and eating healthy but she just wanted to party.

The only positive change was that she was willing to come to the gym with me. And that only happened because she spent all day on Instagram looking at models and got insecure about how her ass looked.

I also think it's important that people in a relationship are somewhat close in terms of development. You'll never be perfectly aligned, but you have to at least be in a same general area.

So it seems like you have two choices:

1) Accept that you will be going this mostly alone, without your partner

2) Get a different partner

I know neither of those are particularly pleasant but that's the truth.

[Azlan]

Thank you for your perspective and advice!

[thehero]

23 hours ago, aurum said:

I know because I tried this with one of the previous girls I dated and it failed miserably. I was trying to get her to try things like yoga, reading books and eating healthy but she just wanted to party.

 

Hahaha same! 

I had an ex do this as well

I tried to get her to meditate with me, eat healthy, go to the gym, etc. 

She tried them all like once, because it ended up just being for me because she loved me

 

She literally did not care. She just wanted to get fucked up, eat junk food and watch TV

How deeply I did not resonate with her habits...

 

Thank god that ended. She found a nice boyfriend who resonates with such things lol. 

Edited June 19, 2018 by thehero