Miguel Oliveira

Self love first, relationships downsides

4 posts in this topic

Hy guys!

I'm getting out of a kind of relationship and being present with the emotions and patterns I sense that self love is extremely important.

The feelings that I had towards the person were the ego getting validation, kindness, the love that I seek so much.

Since my OCD and depression I transform myself from extroverted to super introverd and awkward, so much anxiety. The rush and excitment around love and relationships kinda gonna due to all the traumas that I had towards relationships and now I seek love and attention.

The ego saw that the girl loved me and got to attached to her. Mentally the ego said that I loved her but with her I didn't felt that. He liked the attention and love. I told everything to her about the things I went through and I said that the best was for her to continue her life. 

But now I feel so bad, so sad, so lonely, isn't love but is the attachment from the ego to that girl and the feelings and heaviness in my body are so strong that I feel that I want her and I'm stuck. I just went to Tinder and she just reopen her account after she said to me that she not going to reopen the accoutn. I feel so bad due to the ego attachment but I was the guy that said to her that we break up was the best cause I don't love her and it's just the needy and ego side of me. 

But the feelings, the sadness are so strong.

I know that is the ego and I'm trying to be the observer of the feelings and thoughts. I know that is a process and I'm gonna get it.

 

The most important thing that I take from this experience that I'm going through is to have deep self love. I know internally that If I had self love this would be so different. I would accept that she just want to get a boyfriend. She loved me but I break up. I should be happy for her but the ego doesn't let me, the emotions, feelings don't let me.

 

How you guys develop self love and self acceptance in this situation or another? I feel that I just gonna love really someone once I deeply love myself.

Self love isn't a destination but a process. Internally I don't really love myself, I see myself as not like the other people, see myself as different. All my "friendships" are shallow, I feel alone in this world.

 

Sorry for the english!

 

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@Miguel Oliveira

Part of developing self-love comes from realizing that your old paradigm results in pain. That's what you're experiencing now.

It's a bit like sticking your hand in fire. Once you get burned enough, eventually you put two and two together and realize that you probably shouldn't be doing that.

So don't shy away from any negative emotions you might be feeling. If you're angry, be fucking angry. Consciously sit and let it all come up.

I know how badly it sucks cause I've been there. But trust me, you do not want the alternative of going through life with getting negative feedback. That's a recipe for disaster because then there's rarely incentive to change your behavior.


 

 

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12 minutes ago, aurum said:

@Miguel Oliveira

Part of developing self-love comes from realizing that your old paradigm results in pain. That's what you're experiencing now.

It's a bit like sticking your hand in fire. Once you get burned enough, eventually you put two and two together and realize that you probably shouldn't be doing that.

So don't shy away from any negative emotions you might be feeling. If you're angry, be fucking angry. Consciously sit and let it all come up.

I know how badly it sucks cause I've been there. But trust me, you do not want the alternative of going through life with getting negative feedback. That's a recipe for disaster because then there's rarely incentive to change your behavior.

Yes, let yourself feel the emotions. This too shall pass.

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@aurum yeah I see it. Accepting the fuck ups and then realize that I don't want that.

I keep a journal about all things. Like when I feel so bad about my situation I write that and some motivation to grow myself kicks in but after some time that just goes away and I stay the way I was. 

I see this this last year. I get some motivation then after few days that goes away until the next fuck up ( relationship that fails, trying to be social and feel so much anxiety, being awkward around everyone) and this keeps being my life.

I have an issue with commitment. I just feel a huge heavy feeling inside. Commitment for me is pain but I know that is so important. I think that this happen due to past traumas about breaking commitments and making vows that I would never again break another commitment. Now is just a drag for me.

Thanks for your comment Aurum.

 

PS: Love your channel!

Edited by Miguel Oliveira

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