Miguel Oliveira

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About Miguel Oliveira

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    Portugal
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    Male
  1. @ajasatya thanks
  2. @Eric Tarpall please see my above answer
  3. Thanks guys. The major traumas on my life were build due to relationships. One girl mental manipulated me so much due to me being social and liking girls. She made me make vows that I can't talk to girls when I'm seeing one and all that blockages. So many years repeating that to myself for she to forgive me and I changed who I was. Now when I am with a girl that vows come to the surface and I have so many problems with girls. That leads me to runaway from relationships, long or short. Can you guys advise on this?
  4. Hello people. I was presented by a friend to a girl and from the beginning we both serem very direct and firm about sexuality and getting together to haver sex. Last weekend I went out to meet her and we had sex. I didn't have sex for almost a year now and this for sure was a liberating experience. I stayed at her home for all the weekend and besides the sex I had the need to cuddle, to being intimate, to kiss her, to put her legs on top of mine, to get kisses. I know that this need comes from as I said before, being almost a year without sex and also comes from the fact that I feel not enough, feel that I'm not like the other macho guys, feel that I didn't belong on this world. Having this girl on bed with me make me feel on that weekend lovable again. Made me feel that someone likes me and that I'm not the person that my thoughts and emotions tell that I am. I had OCD since 12 years old and now with 23 I live with all the insecurites and blockages that completely changed me to a person that is so much on his head and that has so many blockages and traumas around relationships. Yesterday my friend talked with me and said that this girl bring a guy to her room (She live with college colleagues) and closed the door. She said for me to not get attached with this girl cause She didn't know of that was a friend or a guy that she fucked. I follow the PUA community for a long time and the abundance frame, non needy frame os heavyly preached and its is something that I want to feel but right now I can' t feel that. I don't know if she had sex with him but inside me feelings of sadness, rage against her came. We just had sex, nothing more but I got attached, not for love I think but with the fact that she gave something to me that I needed for so long and that all my internal blockages stop me from getting that. How do you handle this? I want to accept that this is so normal with girls and guys but right now I feel sad and with some rage to her that turns the excitment that I had off. Thanks guys.
  5. Hi people. Don't know if this happening to some of you but I want to know your views and tips on this. Since I started meditating I note one thing that keeps hapenning. When I close my eyes to meditate I note that the eyes/eyeballs are always moving which leds to not concentrate and the mind being all over the place. Just this morning when I finish my meditation, I sense that the moving of the eyes can be the mind racing and that leads to the eyes never stop moving. Another thing is that all over the day and on meditation the eyes and on the middle of them I feel a lot of pressure. How do you guys deal with this? Thanks
  6. @winterknight hello. I started to get on the spiritual path due to a change of the self that I was years ago. This happened due to many obssessive thoughts and many mental vows that I made with myself that changed the whole person that I was. I sense that I'm too much in my head I started to follow the path of being more in my body, feeling the body cause I'm much in my head all the time and when I'm in my body I can work better in the world. I started to make body scan meditations and focused breathing. But after seeing videos I saw that instead of this mindfullness practices the one that can show me the true self is non-duality meditation. For someone that I so much in his head just like me, can't make connections with anyone, has a good job but still thinks that is inferior comparing to others what is the best pratice or is a way that this all time body awareness can led me to discover the true self? Thanks.
  7. @How to be wise what techniques do you recommend?
  8. Yeah. Like I want to let it all out let's say by screaming, I'm gonna feel a little self counscious about they listening and them they gonna ask questions and all that shit. Here we don't have like forest to go there and scream alone. Is just apartments with people eheh
  9. Hy people! Just had the experience that I was trying to get for a long time. I had extreme OCD and depression since 12 but over the years and with the help of some therapists that starting to not be so severe. But that was just me repressing the feelings and emotions and now my "emotional" body is full of blockages that changed the person that I was. From extroverted to a guy that has problems to talk to old ladies. But enough of that I start to search about ways to change this and things like shadow work, bioenergetics, EFT Tapping and many other came before my eyes. One thing that I struggle and I think that by itself is a blockage is that I feel that for me nothing gonna work. I start meditating a year ago but was very shallow, now with more experience I see that that thought and feeling that nothing's gonna work is just an illusion. But getting to the point. Today I decidided to do some shadow work (focusing on feelings and breathing) and the thing that I always wanted happened. I started to feel the emotions (the thing that I believed I never gonna feel cause nothing works for me) and tightness in my body (above the belly button and below the chest) started to appear and I started to vibrate and I just wanted to let it all out, screaming and that. One thing is that I live on a city and with friends at home and I feel a little self concious from doing this and they hearing. What you guys suggest from me to express and let out this when they are at home? Please share here your work on processing emotions and doing this "work" Thanks for everything
  10. @aurum yeah I see it. Accepting the fuck ups and then realize that I don't want that. I keep a journal about all things. Like when I feel so bad about my situation I write that and some motivation to grow myself kicks in but after some time that just goes away and I stay the way I was. I see this this last year. I get some motivation then after few days that goes away until the next fuck up ( relationship that fails, trying to be social and feel so much anxiety, being awkward around everyone) and this keeps being my life. I have an issue with commitment. I just feel a huge heavy feeling inside. Commitment for me is pain but I know that is so important. I think that this happen due to past traumas about breaking commitments and making vows that I would never again break another commitment. Now is just a drag for me. Thanks for your comment Aurum. PS: Love your channel!
  11. Hy guys! I'm getting out of a kind of relationship and being present with the emotions and patterns I sense that self love is extremely important. The feelings that I had towards the person were the ego getting validation, kindness, the love that I seek so much. Since my OCD and depression I transform myself from extroverted to super introverd and awkward, so much anxiety. The rush and excitment around love and relationships kinda gonna due to all the traumas that I had towards relationships and now I seek love and attention. The ego saw that the girl loved me and got to attached to her. Mentally the ego said that I loved her but with her I didn't felt that. He liked the attention and love. I told everything to her about the things I went through and I said that the best was for her to continue her life. But now I feel so bad, so sad, so lonely, isn't love but is the attachment from the ego to that girl and the feelings and heaviness in my body are so strong that I feel that I want her and I'm stuck. I just went to Tinder and she just reopen her account after she said to me that she not going to reopen the accoutn. I feel so bad due to the ego attachment but I was the guy that said to her that we break up was the best cause I don't love her and it's just the needy and ego side of me. But the feelings, the sadness are so strong. I know that is the ego and I'm trying to be the observer of the feelings and thoughts. I know that is a process and I'm gonna get it. The most important thing that I take from this experience that I'm going through is to have deep self love. I know internally that If I had self love this would be so different. I would accept that she just want to get a boyfriend. She loved me but I break up. I should be happy for her but the ego doesn't let me, the emotions, feelings don't let me. How you guys develop self love and self acceptance in this situation or another? I feel that I just gonna love really someone once I deeply love myself. Self love isn't a destination but a process. Internally I don't really love myself, I see myself as not like the other people, see myself as different. All my "friendships" are shallow, I feel alone in this world. Sorry for the english!
  12. @Jamie Universe yeah, thanks Jamie!
  13. @Jamie Universe yeah, it makes sense. One thing that I struggle is exactly that, going into groups of people and starting to get new friendships, seems that I can't connect with anyone. I talk to people and they don't connect, the conversation is shallow and doesn't exist that "spark". I see others making the same thing and they immediately connect with new people. I'm part of a group of guys that meet's up to discuss ideas, meeting girls and everyhting is well online, when we meet up I cannot connect, I talked with them but lacks connection, the others talked and created right away a connection.. I even with long time people that I know the relationships are not like the best friends type, they are shallow, conversations don't go deep.. I struggle with this.
  14. @ajasatya yeah