Miguel Oliveira

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About Miguel Oliveira

  • Rank
    Butt Monkey

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  • Location
    Portugal
  • Gender
    Male
  1. Today was my first day in college after summer vacations and it was soo bad.. I started again on a degree that I have some difficult (mainly due to mental blocks), I don't have deep down connections with anyone, even my friends that live with me and are my colleagues in school since almost 10 years ago I don't have that connection that other people have with each other. Here in Portugal there is a , let's say, movement of people that are the ones that initiate the freshmans with all sort of activities, like getting on doggy position (not sexual ahah), screaming out loud, getting to do awkward things, chanting against other colleges and I, when I was a freshman, I almost did end this movement and I would turn as one of the people that initiate the freshmans but my OCD and depression make me 2 weeks before the year ends quit that and now after 3 years of that I see all guys here in that movements, so happy, they have the academic spirit and I just go to the classes and come home. This thing kills me on the inside seeing this guys everyday, everyday and I'm not a part of it. I just imagine when I graduate the regret (i have it so much right now) of not have not been in that groups, hell not had "lived" college.. College is passing by, just one year left and I already have that depression, when the others just want to finish college to earn money and work, and I am here with this war inside of me.. I see in my mind being a social, fun, extroverted, business oriented guy but right now I'm on my bed seeing my college in front of me and have that crying feeling soo rooted in me, all the people enjoying college, making new friends, making connections, learning, making retard things, and I am in my bed feeling empty, feeling that I'm not a human like them, feeling like I'm another type of being, not worthy of getting a job with successfull people, not worthy to talk to the girls that attract me, not worthy of having retard friendships.. This sense of "college is passing by, life is passing by" and one year to graduate I already sense the regret of not having stories, the regret of not had enjoyed, lived college is on me, soo freaking bad, so freaking bad.. Action seems so difficult to take and in my mind excuses like, "You gonna take action but kid, you just have few months before you gonna enter the grow up world, and your childhood that you like so much gonna vanish" appear over and over again. Feelings of the best years on my life had passed by and I didn't enjoyed anything, this kills me so bad, so fucking bad.. I see all the time Youtube videos about Personal Development, I know what I need to do to talk to girls but I can't take action, just can't. Feels like when I'm gonna start my work life after college I can't enjoy life like I can now in college, this fucks me up.. So much anxiety, so much pain..
  2. This post was soo good in the sense that I just entered this forum today to see people that have the same difficulties as me. Today was my first day in college after summer vacations and it was soo bad.. I started again on a degree that I have some difficult (mainly due to mental blocks), I don't have deep down connections with anyone, even my friends that live with me and are my colleagues in school since almost 10 years ago I don't have that connection that other people have with each other. Here in Portugal there is a , let's say, movement of people that are the ones that initiate the freshmans with all sort of activities, like getting on doggy position (not sexual ahah), screaming out loud, getting to do awkward things, chanting against other colleges and I, when I was a freshman, I almost did end this movement and I would turn as one of the people that initiate the freshmans but my OCD and depression make me 2 weeks before the year ends quit that and now after 3 years of that I see all guys here in that movements, so happy, they have the academic spirit and I just go to the classes and come home. This thing kills me on the inside seeing this guys everyday, everyday and I'm not a part of it. I just imagine when I graduate the regret (i have it so much right now) of not have not been in that groups, hell not had "lived" college.. College is passing by, just one year left and I already have that depression, when the others just want to finish college to earn money and work, and I am here with this war inside of me.. I see in my mind being a social, fun, extroverted, business oriented guy but right now I'm on my bed seeing my college in front of me and have that crying feeling soo rooted in me, all the people enjoying college, making new friends, making connections, learning, making retard things, and I am in my bed feeling empty, feeling that I'm not a human like them, feeling like I'm another type of being, not worthy of getting a job with successfull people, not worthy to talk to the girls that attract me, not worthy of having retard friendships.. This sense of "college is passing by, life is passing by" and one year to graduate I already sense the regret of not having stories, the regret of not had enjoyed, lived college is on me, soo freaking bad, so freaking bad.. Action seems so difficult to take and in my mind excuses like, "You gonna take action but kid, you just have few months before you gonna enter the grow up world, and your childhood that you like so much gonna vanish" appear over and over again. Feelings of the best years on my life had passed by and I didn't enjoyed anything, this kills me so bad, so fucking bad.. I see all the time Youtube videos about Personal Development, I know what I need to do to talk to girls but I can't take action, just can't. Feel like when I'm gonna start my work life after college I can't enjoy life like I can now in college, this fucks me up.. So much anxiety, so much pain.. I feel you!!
  3. @ajasatya I talked about PUA as an example. Example to change myself on the deepest way. On the surface we can change for a bit but then after some time the rooted paradigms come up and control the situation. This is the research that I'm making in order to change the deep beliefs, paradigms that were put on me as the time went on.
  4. Hy guys! I'm trying to change deeply who I am. I see RSD videos about pick-up and that things and I deeply resonate with one thing. I can appear to be cool, to be funny, to be "high-status" and get the girl but that was just a mask, deep down I don't feel deserving of that girl, I don't feel deserving to be high-status, I don't feel deserving to have a successfull business cause I see myself has different from everyone AND with this I can get sex that night, hell I can be on a relationship with her but soon she will go cause the real "me" that I projected for myself, the "me" with all the blocks on the mind, with all of the limits are still there, she just saw my mask! THIS IS THE THING THAT I WANNA CHANGE, I WANNA NOT "SEEM" SUCCESSFULL, GROUNDED, ALPHA, CALM, FEARLESS, AMBITIOUS, I WANNA "BE" SUCCESSFULL, GROUNDED, ALPHA, CALM, FEARLESS, AMBITIOUS, NOT TAKING SHIT FROM ANYONE. Now I make sense of how all the childhood beliefs that were put on me, all the vows, all that things change and keep on changing the person who I am. Right now I don't feel normal, I don't feel like I deserve to have a business, I feel dumber than when I was young (was the top student), I feel like I'm not part of this world. I changed so much from being extroverted and an happy guy to know being introverted, to have fear to even go to groceries store by myself. I see so many programs, so many things that are the "pill" for you to deeply change, to reprogram yourself to be high status, to be successfull in all areas of life BUT with so much information they don't fucking say what his the most effective, the most important and the one that absolutely changes you forever. I'm here making this post for you guys, if you don't mind, share with me the best program, the best thing to deeply change yourself to success in all areas in life and get out from you all the things that shapped you that you know that are stopping you from getting the results and life that you want. I know that I have so many blocks to get out, I see programs of Tony Robbins (NLP), Julien Blanc(shadow work) and many other but I don't know what is the best for me to change effectively what I am right now, the new "me", the "me" that was changed by time and by circuntances. People if you can share with me the best programs to take, the best things to do this I would be extremely thankful. Thanks!
  5. Portugal
  6. @Nahm Many thanks!!!
  7. @Arkandeus amazing point of view!! Thanks!
  8. @d0ornokey amazing!! Gonna read the book! Thanks :-P
  9. Hy @Nahm!! I play basketball, right now I'm gonna start on the gym. About meditation I slack of so much. I try to get the willpower to do it but I do it for 2 days and then 1 month coming with mental excuses to not do it. I live with 5 friends with just 2 rooms and is very difficult to get on a room without getting disturbed. Diet is one thing I'm considering.
  10. Hy guys! I want to share a quick thing about how my life is going with this new path of "self help". I was one of the most intellegent kids when I was younger, amazing grades, people "idolatred" me. Since 12 years old I have OCD (the biggest problem is the enormous compulsion to think). OCD started to get worse as the time went on and when I enter in college I had a super breakdown, I was so bad. I went to therapists, hipnosis therapists and nothing could solve it. That was when I started to trying to get answers to everything that I think on the Internet, Actualized.Org was one of the first channels and here I am. Since the college started I had some problems with a discipline that I've already had on high school and I was relative good at it. On college I left that discipline. It was the first discipline that I left and from there I started to feel dumber, with the help of the severe OCD. Since then I started to search the answers for my questions on the Internet about everything in life. Religion, school, relationships, animal care, everything. Right now I'm the the 3rd year in college and I still have dificulties to understand (I know that is so psychological) the concept of Software Enginneering, for now I just have one more year and I just have 1 unfinished discipline but I have to get help from others to pass the disciplines. When I try to make the things for myself I just can't, I feel so stuck, I can't think. Now this feeling is in everything on my life. I feel so much fucking dumber, I'm not the same. I know, I know that this is so psychological but now I have so many, so many layers of "my new reality" on me that I just can't get out of this "new me". Since I started to trying to get the answers from the Internet, everyday I see YouTube videos, on how to do stuff (relationships, business, spirituality) but I feel more dumber. I have the feeling that for everything in life I need others help and this is killing me. I just can't stop and make the things by myself. I feel so overwhelmed and the thought that I have to get help enters on me and I ask for help. I've try to not get help but I'm stuck, I can't do anything. When people help me I see that was so easy but I can't do by myself. I was, and I know that I am intellegent but all of this things made me dumber. I was the guy that could find a solution to a hard problem and now not even to the simple problems in college I can make a solution without asking for help!! Self help made me dumber?! How can I break this fucking, soo deep psychological blocks that I have? I feel that, with this so many layers of my "new reality" I just can't be who I was. I feel that I have to be this dumber guy that needs help for fucking everything. It seems so, so difficult to get back to the person that I was. Sorry about the rant. Not everyone gonna read this but the ones that get here if you can share your insights and ways to "help (again?)" me getting through this it would be amazing. PS: I'm portuguese, sorry about my English!!
  11. Hy people. I saw yesterday's Leo's video and the question that probably can't be answered arises again. I was born on a very christian circle and the idea of Heaven/Hell is deeply rooted in me. On yesterday episode Leo said that he don't know, there are cases of people that had NDE (near dead experiences) and some said that they felt one withe everything, others felt some pain, like going on deep waters, but not everyone said the same thing. There were similarities but not everyone get the same experience. I've made some research on this years cause with the OCD that I had I tried to be sure that when we die the punishment of our deeds doesn't happen. I've encountered many explanations like, we are all one and we are energy and we gonna float on the void, others like Alan Watts saying that just as we can't remember anything before we are born, after we die is the same thing. Then we have others like religions, Egiptians saying that we gonna be judge and you go where you deserve. I just don't want to believe in this last idea cause, what is the purpose of having a judgement? I know that if some of us were just like Hitler the most normal thing for us to think is that he deserved Hell but the idea that we have some type of "thing" following us, and then when we are dead judge us, and let us have another opportunity (reborn), or go to hell or simply go to heaven. This is a very personal topic for me. If you guys can discuss here all your ideas and researches about this would be amazing! Thanks!!
  12. thanks!!
  13. @PetarKa thanks!!
  14. Hy people!! Someone have summaries of Leo's videos that can share with us?
  15. Hy! I´m in college and where I live, Portugal, we have an activity called Praxe. Praxe is an activity that all the freshmen year you have times that you with the other freshmans make some difficult tasks, like on the training of troops. You sing against the other colleges, you make connections with people. In Praxe (from the Greek Praxis) there are an hierarchy. Freshmans, then the second year, third and so along. The higher you reach on this hierarchy you can order them to do the tasks, like walking on the mud, singing some songs against the other courses and colleges. We have amazing activities on the city and that things. If you go through that year you can wear a special clothes, university clothes and you join the "doctors of Praxis". With this, in my freshman year I made almost my entire year in Praxis but in the end and since I had some mental issues like OCD, mental barriers, anxiety, was introverted, I got out. I thought that I can´t handle anymore time in Praxis and just 3 weeks to me to jump in the hierarchy I got out. Today (my 3rd year in college) was the final activitie where all colleges make like a parade for the end of the year and to the freshmans jump on the hierarchy. Today and this last times I feel so much regret cause the "Me" that made the freshman year wasn't the "real" me, was the "me" that OCD, anxiety and mental barriers created. I felt so bad, so bad and I got out BUT the authentic "me" was the party guy, the guy that made the "normal" college things, like drinking, singing the loudest possible against the other colleges and more important I was the guy that want to wear that so simbolic clothes, to be able to have freshman's that want me as them "Praxis Godfather" and that is so simbolic cause that marks the passing of college. Now that I´m better from my psychological things, (by the way, due to Leo, his videos changed my life) I wanted so much make that freshman year and now ALMOST FINISHING MY COLLEGE GRADUTION I FEEL LIKE i'M GOING TO THE "WORLD OF THE ADULTS" WITHOUT THAT SO SIMBOLIC THING. -> When I say today all that freshman's, the "Praxis doctors" so happy, an amazing ceremony that I can't be a part I'm in tears, cause I'm not enjoying the fullest my college passage. What you guys do about this, I'm not ready to left the college, to be a part of the grown up world, to really not be a child and passing the college without that simbolic, so simbolic here in Portugal event, destroys me. What you guys do about this?!? So many thanks for this forum, it's amazing for us to self actualized and grow ourselves PS: SORRY, SORRY FOR MY ENGLISH