Mr. Ego Is Sad

[abrakamowse]

I don't know if I am going crazy or what hehehe... 

But I feel that I am discovering more stuff about self-actualization and I feel like sad. But now, I am thinking that this sadness comes to my ego, trying to take me back to where I was before. But now, he can't, because I don't wanna go back there.

 

Did anyone experienced something like this too????

[BHL_20]

@abrakamowse The day I watched Leo's enlightenment video, I spent like half an hour just sitting and crying. Since then, I havent any similiar experiences. Thinking that free will doesnt exist makes me a bit sad when listening to self-help because I know that even if the self-help  works and I achieve something, it won't be "me" who is achieving.

I may be wrong but imo this sadness comes from forcing yourself to believe you don't exist even though you feel in the moment that you do. It feels like you're being rejected and abandoned by yourself. Each time I've had a small glimpse of no-self, after meditation sessions after I identified a bit less with the thinking mind, it didnt feel sad at all.

[Cdub248]

@abrakamowse Everyday, Same thing from my previous post. when I said we were dead it is the truth, or we never existed which is the same thing I'm pretty smart  that is the truth that can't be communicated. like how you "FEEL" someone during a conversation and all you/they said was "hey" or w/e Because you can say hey 100 different ways with "Body language" each meaning something totally different by the pitch of your tone or movements, correct? . Some 1 deny me this.

and 9/10 you can pick up on this.

The pain/sadness comes from letting go,everything you thought you had or always wanted. Liek your best memory that dwells in you head that you can never get back (theres nothing you can do/ no money in the world crying etc.). idk if it ever goes, no one here has mastered it that is the last step to enlightenment I believe Jesus or heaven is real it is right here. 

Sorry to do some religious dogma Do you people believe in a actual god? other than nothingness? what if you could create an illusion of beliefs.. would you choose heaven? Would you choose a paradise of eternal happiness and no pain with your friends/family or eternal nothingness. there has to be a better way  I keep getting this feeling and I try to run from it everyday literally each second something IS calling me I just can't let go out the sadness or pain or fear . I'm scared to let go what will happen to me idk Maybe it's an ego death 

Edited March 14, 2016 by Cdub248

[abrakamowse]

1 hour ago, BHL_20 said:

@abrakamowse The day I watched Leo's enlightenment video, I spent like half an hour just sitting and crying. Since then, I havent any similiar experiences. Thinking that free will doesnt exist makes me a bit sad when listening to self-help because I know that even if the self-help  works and I achieve something, it won't be "me" who is achieving.

I may be wrong but imo this sadness comes from forcing yourself to believe you don't exist even though you feel in the moment that you do. It feels like you're being rejected and abandoned by yourself. Each time I've had a small glimpse of no-self, after meditation sessions after I identified a bit less with the thinking mind, it didnt feel sad at all.

Probably is that BHL_20, it is weird because it's like from the ego point of view we try to be enlightened. So I think that generates different reactions in our body, some of them at an unconscious level. Anyway I feel it like something good, in the sense that I feel that sadness like an acceptation of who I really are. That's what we all are, the I AM, or the higher self or whatever we wanna call our true self.

[abrakamowse]

1 hour ago, Cdub248 said:

@abrakamowse Everyday, Same thing from my previous post. when I said we were dead it is the truth, or we never existed which is the same thing I'm pretty smart  that is the truth that can't be communicated. like how you "FEEL" someone during a conversation and all you/they said was "hey" or w/e Because you can say hey 100 different ways with "Body language" each meaning something totally different by the pitch of your tone or movements, correct? . Some 1 deny me this.

and 9/10 you can pick up on this.

The pain/sadness comes from letting go,everything you thought you had or always wanted. Liek your best memory that dwells in you head that you can never get back (theres nothing you can do/ no money in the world crying etc.). idk if it ever goes, no one here has mastered it that is the last step to enlightenment I believe Jesus or heaven is real it is right here. 

Sorry to do some religious dogma Do you people believe in a actual god? other than nothingness? what if you could create an illusion of beliefs.. would you choose heaven? Would you choose a paradise of eternal happiness and no pain with your friends/family or eternal nothingness. there has to be a better way  I keep getting this feeling and I try to run from it everyday literally each second something IS calling me I just can't let go out the sadness or pain or fear . I'm scared to let go what will happen to me idk Maybe it's an ego death 

True, that's what I felt, like I was letting it go. 

About the religious dogma, I was in church some time ago and since I discovered all this experiences (not beliefs anymore) my perspective changed radically,, and although I have an idea now of what "heaven" represents for me at this moment, I try not to make any idea about it. It is hard, but I think to keep an open mind is very important in this process.

And I think it was listening to Alan Watts who said that in the bible it says "You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea." He opened my mind to another interpretation, the image is also a mental image.

We don't have to do any mental image of god, heaven, etc. Because it will be our concept of god.

[Nathalie]

@abrakamowse perhaps if you surrender to that sad feeling, the answer you need will come from there ?.. Transcending the need to analyse it ?

 

[abrakamowse]

2 minutes ago, MartineF said:

@abrakamowse perhaps if you surrender to that sad feeling, the answer you need will come from there ?.. Transcending the need to analyse it ?

 

Maybe you are right. I don't know why I need to understand everything. Maybe I have to work on that.

[Nathalie]

letting go is challenging and so relaxing at the same time, i haven't found what i was looking for from Adyashanti.. But i stumple upon this (you understand spanish don't you?)

 

Actually it doesn't really matter which video of him you look at, he always repeats that every feeling is a part of aliveness.

[abrakamowse]

@MartineF  Thanks, that guy is good! I didn't know about him.

My grandparents were from Spain, my native language is spanish.
Thanks!

 

 

[Nathalie]

you're wellcome

[Natasha]

I've been feeling the sadness you're talking about for the past few days now. Letting go of the 'I' illusion, purging decades of conditioning is not easy. It takes a lot of guts and makes you feel empty at times. My habit of conceptualizing everything has been reducing and I've been slowly losing the ambition to do 'chimp' stuff. Don't go to church any longer either, and just last week got rid of all my Christian books (except for the Bible as a sentiment :). When I mentioned 'no-self' to a coupe of Christian friends, they told me I was being deceived, while I realize it's them who are being deceived by their own egos. But I just keep silent. Not being understood by people in my life makes me feel lonely at times. For me It's been like going through the 5 stages of loss and grieving - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. But going back is not an option. Got to get through this developmental stage, but yeah, the process is being difficult right now. 

Edited March 15, 2016 by Natasha

[abrakamowse]

Thanks @Natasha for sharing.

They won't understand, it was hard for me to accept it, imagine them that they are still completely in the illusion, I think they didn't even questioned these kind of things.

I have a similar problem with some friends that we talked a lot about spirituality. But we did it before, when I was searching in my beginnings about spiritual things without knowing well, so I had some experiences that I think (now) they were more at a mental level. Until that  kind of experiences mostly "pleasant" it was all good.

But when I'm finding out the real thing, and it really is a bit scary from our perspective of our ego and our identity. It was like a shock to them, I didn't tell them about no self and more, because they will think I am crazy hehehe... and my wife is also changed.

She gets very angry if I mention Jesus or any religious thing, and I associate a lot of the things that are happening with the teachings of Jesus, but the difference is that now, my interpretation is much different and more deep. But they can't see that.

It's like they still see me through the lens of the "christian church guy". And now I realized that the Christian church, is not really christian.

 

I feel very identified with what you are telling me, thanks again for sharing!!!

Edited March 15, 2016 by abrakamowse

[Natasha]

@abrakamowse Found these, very good

 

 

Edited March 20, 2016 by Natasha

[abrakamowse]

@Natasha  thanks! I will be watching them now! Cool.

[abrakamowse]

This one is pretty good too @Natasha  what is enlightenment? He is right, seems simple but is hard... maybe not... Lol

 

 

 

[Kevin Dunlop]

I have heard that it is good to except your emotions let them do what they do, you have a right to have them. If I think about sad stuff I get sad if I think about happy stuff I get happy. Dont dwell too much on sadness it gets stronger the more you let it dominate your thoughts. We are told that being happy is what we want so sadness can be hard to except or a deep sadness overwhealming. But in self development I see it as a mourning process that one instinctively has when one realizes something is dying away, a self concept or part of the ego. It is also sad to realize everything that you lost, couldnt have, destroyed, got taken away from you etc. All of the possabilities you didnt get. A sort of what if, if only I had known sooner or how unfair. Polarized in the negative-  To remedie this one thinks in this momemt I am OK. I have everything ahead of me and Ill always be learning, Nothing is perminant you can learn to taste emotions and not be controlled by them observe them. the emotions are not you. When emotions are not so important to you they will give way to peace

Edited March 21, 2016 by Kevin Dunlop

[abrakamowse]

Thanks @Kevin Dunlop  !!!

[Kevin Dunlop]

@Cdub248

On 14/3/2016 at 3:17 PM, Cdub248 said:

@abrakamowse gma Do you people believe in a actual god? other than nothingness? what if you could create an illusion of beliefs.. would you choose heaven? Would you choose a paradise of eternal happiness and no pain with your friends/family or eternal nothingness. there has to be a better way  I keep getting this feeling and I try to run from it everyday literally each second something IS calling me I just can't let go out the sadness or pain or fear . I'm scared to let go what will happen to me idk Maybe it's an ego death 

What will happen need not be feared jump into the river they told me and I was happy I did. Our minds have been trained for years to be the way they are, from parents, TV, Schools, friends examples. When you self-actualize you begin to walk a new path that requires truth. Alot of the stuff you learned is not true- 10000s of things that you take for granted and use everyday to interpret and respond to reality. Even more potent than this you also believe that all of this is you. For you to exist and work the way you do now nothing need change - But thats not what you want anymore you are challenging this whole constructed reality you have been handed and want to start reconstructing it in a way would will like( a whole lot better). Problem is you need something to run your life during the process - your old self concept is being broken apart because it is not true and you want it out of your way but the new person you want to be isnt fully ready to take over either it needs training and experience - this is why the old you doesnt want to hand over the reigns. There is a balance here to find so that you dont destroy too much of the old mind; which gives you a crazy feeling,  before the new one is ready. The process does take you into unknown territory, I like to be tough on people so I advise going a bit crazy be agressive in stopping living the lies, let go of the need to be stable and predictable, give yourself the free time and space to evolve as much as you can. Trust that letting go of what doesnt serve you is better than staying with the same old that you dont like. I think you are going to find the instability will giveway to a new more open perspective - relax and enjoy the ride