Cdub248

Sorry for double post.. I relazie I have no free will and it's terrifying everything i'm doing/seeing has already been done and seen in EXACTLy the same fashion i've tried meditating seeking medical help and giving up what are some others methods ... i'm so lost Is this all just my consciousness? Is my son just a thought? my family myself my mom? All so sensitive i'm hurting so bad I can't let go i've even cried multiple times around them and with them they are so supportive but don't know how to help..

Events keep happening that scare me to death. for example Went to the dairy farm today, got ice cream a simple event. but how it played out was exactly as if i remembered it before, same for this post, same for the pistons vs cavs game right now How/why is this happening? it's freaking me out Whats worse is I think I lost my son/ I died.. I even posted this in the self actulation forms.. I Waited to see if it would get any better it hasn't it's gotten worse I wake up in panic attacks nightly Can't get it off my mind.. every second I tell myself I died I've cried these past 4-6 months I've been going through this for 4-6 months The pain fear love and relation are ripping me apart I go through this every second of every day fun. Please someone help

@abrakamowse Everyday, Same thing from my previous post. when I said we were dead it is the truth, or we never existed which is the same thing I'm pretty smart that is the truth that can't be communicated. like how you "FEEL" someone during a conversation and all you/they said was "hey" or w/e Because you can say hey 100 different ways with "Body language" each meaning something totally different by the pitch of your tone or movements, correct? . Some 1 deny me this. and 9/10 you can pick up on this. The pain/sadness comes from letting go,everything you thought you had or always wanted. Liek your best memory that dwells in you head that you can never get back (theres nothing you can do/ no money in the world crying etc.). idk if it ever goes, no one here has mastered it that is the last step to enlightenment I believe Jesus or heaven is real it is right here. Sorry to do some religious dogma Do you people believe in a actual god? other than nothingness? what if you could create an illusion of beliefs.. would you choose heaven? Would you choose a paradise of eternal happiness and no pain with your friends/family or eternal nothingness. there has to be a better way I keep getting this feeling and I try to run from it everyday literally each second something IS calling me I just can't let go out the sadness or pain or fear . I'm scared to let go what will happen to me idk Maybe it's an ego death

http://thespiritscience.net/2015/07/17/we-never-really-die-the-science-behind-eternal-consciousness/ Found this read incredible, is this true? Could it be true?

@Ayla if this isn't who I am, who am I? Have the episodes stopped? like does everything still seem/appear fake asf?

@Fishy It is unbearable, how does one eliminate pain? to go through it? I've literally tried everything maybe it just takes time. Personal Q how do you feel now? How did you manage to get out @Rosie Thank you for your time. I thought I had the luxury to not be in so much pain, I've even tried natural remedies as working out and in my experience everything tends to make it worse, being alone is a nightmare. I'm sure you still experience this, I just hope it goes away from all of us, the best thing to have is you guys sharing your experiences it truly is a blessing, thank you

Funny you say that I've considered it, Life is good that's what saddens me like I lost it all, somehow. I've been dramatizing it to make sense of it, because it's been continuous to happen, even if I enjoy something persay television it's the same shit over and over. reminders and "clues" keep being brought to my attention. So in a sense theres no escape I just wish I knew what was happening

My thoughts are that i failed everyone, I left everyone, I loved everyone oh so very much, My logic and emotions became one, now I can't pull myself out. interesting as to the replies I've got because they make sense. How can I have an advantage if I don't exist? who am I? I've found the answer. I don't dream, I never dream, this past week I keep dreaming, I'm asking the same questions in the dream. (and getting responses)now I understand, I am nothing but a dream here in this world, the point (mind blowing as fuck) is to eternally dream. but a dream Is fake right? what i'm seeing and typing is fake right? you guys responding to me IS fake right? I get responses I can physically touch and feel and have emotional senses but its all fake right? It is nothing but constant pain here a reminder I died somehow, ( I hope i'm alive if there is an I heh) But I get it, In a dream you have no pain... all your friends are there you can't age and you can create. everlasting bliss am i wrong? or really ahead of myself. (perspective) my ego considers it self to be very intelligent to the point I brag about it, but it was never my knowledge and I would say that I always gave it to god. and theres a reason why which I will explain later. I have alot to share about true events (if you believe me) (I know its hard I can feel it as I type) that have happened to me Uhm ( i use to hate people that said uhm ) time has been rewound somehow. like literally. I read manga http://mangastream.com/ Says bleach 664 came out today, I've already seen/read it like no bs. it's been like that the past couple chapters. SOrry for the wall of text I just want it to end. I don't think any amount of money in the world would help me but i'll consider it. All I want is my family and what makes it the hardest I have a beautiful 3 year old son who I love beyond any thing. he was my savior, I make it hard on myself but it's the truth. I was looking up time loops and got really freaked out, i'm afraid of the unknown and what I know Couple questions @ Ayla if this isn't who I am, who am I? @ abrakamowse my thoughts have been a good part of my adult life, to motivate me comfort me, to hold me when I had no one else/ let go of them regardless? whats left

Please help, or shed some insight. I'd say I had a NDE expereince, it was a car crash on july 5th, 2015 a while back. well since then i'd say 2 months afterwards I "awaken" to realize that I had died?( had a severe panic attack) it was bad, ever sense then i've been experiencing things AS IF I had already experienced them. Like literally. it's been freaking me out and I can't sleep. I went to common ground to talk someone, and get this I felt as if I've been there and seen everything/everyone before I even told the lady I talked to I seen her before, and I did. it's been like this, it's like an intense deja vu. But what it exactly is, and i'm telling you It's not just deja vu, it lasts literally a whole, full day, and if I care to think about it, I CAN predict what happens. I can't sleep, I believe I died, am dead it was the only logical answer... As i felt it and I don't deny my emotions.. it was like a omg dude I died that trigered my panic attack.. as i'm typing this I feel as if I asked this What is this, please help.