I Can't Forgive Myself. I Need Advice

[Pooya]

I posted this in this thread because my issue is mostly related to my career. Two years ago at the age 30 after quitting military to pursue my life purpose I tried everything but nevertheless failed. I was broke and embarrassed. I couldn't pay my debts. Everybody looked upon me as a failure. After spending all I had I returned to my parents' basement. Having to deal with two old parents which were ashamed of me was tough. Then I found about self actualization and self development. After a while of practicing the techniques I had learned, I started to work from home and gradually everything improved. I saved enough money and rented a little office in a remote area in which I also slept at nights. All the problems were lifting. Everything was great until...well I screwed everything up

shortly after I was establishing myself , some kid gangs(probably 17 to 23) started to come to the neighborhood and started selling drugs. They would shout and scream and do crazy things like picking fights and motorbike racing. I called the police multiple times but the problem remained. One day I did a stupid thing:

One day one of my old friends came to visit me and the noises of the gang started. He went out and after him I went out. then he beat one of them and the others flee. Everything was OK until...

Later that night a client of mine came to my office to see his work which was being ready. Then suddenly the gang came and broke the window. They came with weapons and started shouting and threatening. I called the police and shortly after everything was back to normal. Except for two things. My client wanted his money back. He told me I'm not professional and he told that to my other clients too. My landlord is gonna evict me soon. I think I lost everything I had earned with hard work and effort. I'm screwed. I know that it was all my fault. I acted emotionally and sabotaged my efforts. I can't forgive myself. I nearly had it all but I ruined it.

someone please tell me what to do as I can't think clearly. I can't concentrate on the unfinished assignments. I have nobody to talk to. I'm dealing with shame, humiliation and regret.

Edited March 13, 2016 by Pooya

[misko55]

Start again , that´s the beauty of life , as long as your not dead , you can start again. And I don´t really see how this is your fault??

[Vaishnavi]

First of all, breathe. Calm down. It's okay, this is what we call as life. I really think you're lacking a huge amount of motivation. Listen, you should pat yourself on the back that you had the guts to leave the military and chase your actual dream. Not everyone can do it. Now listen, what were you expecting when you left? Everything will be fine and easy? I hope not. This is the life you chose and you have to fight for it. Learn to take the full responsibility and start from the scratch. And you have nobody to talk to? Really? Talk to yourself. Try to talk to your inner voice. I have a trick, try to imagine that if a person with a similar situation would come to you, what advice would you give him. That's it. The advice you'll give to that person is the advice you'll be giving to yourself. Stop acting like a victim and learn to face your problems. Look it's normal. We all go through bad times and that's ok. Read a bunch of good books because you need some wisdom and motivation.

 Don't give up yet. Fight like a warrior. Everything that is happening is happening so as to make you a better person, a STRONGER person. And remember, sometimes all we have is ourselves. And if you can't forgive the only person you have, you won't be able to go anywhere. 

[Ayla]

On 3/12/2016 at 6:03 PM, Pooya said:

someone please tell me what to do as I can't think clearly. I can't concentrate on the unfinished assignments. I have nobody to talk to. I'm dealing with shame, humiliation and regret.

First, you need to curl up in bed with a large bottle of pure water near you. Stop telling yourself any stories, just watch how all this is being felt in your body: constriction, burn, tingling, cold, hot, convulsion... etc. Don't put any names on any of that. Just let it be there. 

These situations are actually GOOD. They are showing you the dead ends. You are supposed to go in another direction. Self development will show you what that is. 

[Joyboy]

@Pooyawhy you can't forgive yourself for doing 'bad' things? After all you did you came back to your parents and you see what they do to you? Love unconditional no matter what you did. So the 'past' you did something bad and you can't love, forgive him anymore? Accept him, love him no matter what he did and you will have the strength of two man rising again. And you will

[Psychonaut]

How could you have known what would happen? How can you not forgive yourself right now for all the things that will happen in the future? 

Inhale deeply. Breathe in and out. Close your eyes and accept that there are certain things that are out of your control. Drop the events of the past. Drop the events of the future and try to move on. Easier said than dun. I know.

Meditate meditate meditate. If it takes 4 hours of just sitting there. Invest the time to drop that baggage (stuff that is holding you back) on the ground and just walk away. 

[Pooya]

Guys... Only 2 weeks have passed and guess what happened. Now I have an office in a better part of the city. My new office is not as big but it is in a business district. I emailed special offers to my clients. Everything is perfect for now. Even better than before.

[Joyboy]

Everything gonna going up and down and so on. Good for you man

[Henri]

@Pooya Nice for you my selfish mate. Can`t you even respond to people who gave you their advice?

[ite]

@Henri

I was just chilling here on the forums, reading stuff and then I stumbled upon your comment.

And I was like: wtf - is he for real?!

Your comment was NOT helpful nor constructive in ANY way. Like why?

 

People come here and register here to help ANOTHER and not to share vague observations about other users... please keep that in mind.

Thnks.

 

[Henri]

@ite Good mate, I wish you an even bigger office in an even more perfect life.

[A way to Actualize]

@Pooya Very interesting story and I just had to give a like because you opened up to state how you feel. Leo has made a video a week ago on how to love those problems. I can send a video how to be free from adversity in such an effective way, if you want to.

I wish you good luck.

Edited April 3, 2016 by A way to Actualize

[step1]

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. 

"Maybe," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed.

"Maybe," replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "Maybe," answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "Maybe," said the farmer.

[ACE]

You know this is the perfect example how life it is.
It's a huge rollercoaster, Sometimes you're up in the top, and sometimes you're down at the bottom.
Most important thing though, always enjoy the ride, and never lose the momentum. Always keep going, never stop, and never look back.

[charlie2dogs]

On 3/12/2016 at 0:03 PM, Pooya said:

I posted this in this thread because my issue is mostly related to my career. Two years ago at the age 30 after quitting military to pursue my life purpose I tried everything but nevertheless failed. I was broke and embarrassed. I couldn't pay my debts. Everybody looked upon me as a failure. After spending all I had I returned to my parents' basement. Having to deal with two old parents which were ashamed of me was tough. Then I found about self actualization and self development. After a while of practicing the techniques I had learned, I started to work from home and gradually everything improved. I saved enough money and rented a little office in a remote area in which I also slept at nights. All the problems were lifting. Everything was great until...well I screwed everything up

shortly after I was establishing myself , some kid gangs(probably 17 to 23) started to come to the neighborhood and started selling drugs. They would shout and scream and do crazy things like picking fights and motorbike racing. I called the police multiple times but the problem remained. One day I did a stupid thing:

One day one of my old friends came to visit me and the noises of the gang started. He went out and after him I went out. then he beat one of them and the others flee. Everything was OK until...

Later that night a client of mine came to my office to see his work which was being ready. Then suddenly the gang came and broke the window. They came with weapons and started shouting and threatening. I called the police and shortly after everything was back to normal. Except for two things. My client wanted his money back. He told me I'm not professional and he told that to my other clients too. My landlord is gonna evict me soon. I think I lost everything I had earned with hard work and effort. I'm screwed. I know that it was all my fault. I acted emotionally and sabotaged my efforts. I can't forgive myself. I nearly had it all but I ruined it.

someone please tell me what to do as I can't think clearly. I can't concentrate on the unfinished assignments. I have nobody to talk to. I'm dealing with shame, humiliation and regret.

sounds like the identity and ego did a good job on you, the shame, humiliation and regret is part of the identity, not the real you. when you function as the real you and not the identity, life will be better and ego will be in the back seat.  Become more aware of what you are doing and what is going on around you, dont be so fast to act, breath, look at things, think about how you want the end of a thing to look, then act responsibly and dont just react from an emotional state.

[Pooya]

Thanks for the responses and supports of all of you my friends. Sorry if I respond late because I'm busy preparing my new office. I have a bad habit of beating myself up for the mistakes I make. But I've always learnt the most valuable lessons in my life the hard way. The reason I shared my story is because I want you not to take the things you have for granted. Always be grateful. That's what enabled me to start again. My major mistake: Acting Emotionally and in haste. A grateful mind never does that. I'm working on it.