The Friend Zone: Myth Or Fact?

[GeorgeLawson]

Here's something I've received conflicting opinions on my whole life and want to find out if its a real social phenomenon or just something invented by sexually frustrated men (not me of course! ): 'The Friend Zone' is where one person A in the relationship desires a romantic, intimate relationship from person B, whilst Person B treats their relationship as a Friendship and nothing more. 

If this situation ever happens, is this zone more likely due to the fact that Person B doesn't know about Person A's intimate intention (in which case Person A needs to be clearer about it and make a move), or that Person B fully knows Person A's intimate intention but doesn't share the same desire and so politely conceals their avoidance (in which case Person A needs to change their intention). 

As a 21 year-old heterosexual guy, this subtle interplay of intentions and mixed signals has been a minefield in my quest for intimacy with women. I am therefore in dire need of advice...

Edited March 12, 2016 by GeorgeLawson
Typo

[reez]

1 hour ago, GeorgeLawson said:

Here's something I've received conflicting opinions on my whole life and want to find out if its a real social phenomenon or just something invented by sexually frustrated men (not me of course! ): 'The Friend Zone' is where one person A in the relationship desires a romantic, intimate relationship from person B, whilst Person B treats their relationship as a Friendship and nothing more. 

If this situation ever happens, is this zone more likely due to the fact that Person B doesn't know about Person A's intimate intention (in which case Person A needs to be clearer about it and make a move), or that Person B fully knows Person A's intimate intention but doesn't share the same desire and so politely conceals their avoidance (in which case Person A needs to change their intention). 

As a 21 year-old heterosexual guy, this subtle interplay of intentions and mixed signals has been a minefield in my quest for intimacy with women. I am therefore in dire need of advice...

It can be due to both "Doesn't know" and "is completely aware". But the friendzone DOES HAPPEN. But I'd say it's quite easy to get out, you can always stop hanging out with the other person

I find myself to friendzone girls as I either don't get their cues about hitting up or I'm simply not attracted to them, which I can realize not later on when I've been reading a lot of relationships/psychology and "pick up" . Most known to be friendzoned is guys, since many of them just complain on the internet. But due to the fact that women as well are getting friendzoned we'll be using X and Y.

Y is in love with X ever since they saw each other. Y started becoming friends with X and they hang out with each other. It is possible that X started figuring out that Y might have been attracted to X. But that does not always happen. If Y never TRULY makes a move onto X "in-time" X will just drop the thought of Y being attracted to X and not think about it anymore. If Y decides to make a move later on to X it might be too late, and in most cases X will just say something like "it might ruin our friendship" and decides it's not worth it. How Y responds is A HUGE DEAL. If Y goes like "why, what's wrong with me" That just confirms X's thoughts of Y being needy - which is negative. If Y goes like: Ok, that's fine. X might start thinking about why it's ok, is X not good enough for Y. This might change how X think about Y and they MIGHT get together.

 

Tldr; Yes, friendzone does happen for both genders. It's like you thought, due to the mixed signals and lack of true intentions one person might get friendzoned.

[nbolt]

myth and utter stupidity. created to place guilt on women for "not accepting" a guy. grow up and move on with your life.

Edited March 13, 2016 by Neill Bolton

[Toby]

I guess it doesn't really exist. It is mostly due to need that the guy isn't able to be clear what he wants and set clear boundaries. So he then wastes his time with a woman he is not really interested in but to whom he is due to horniness/need addicted to.

The counterpart is mostly a socially retarded woman or some woman with deep issues with borderline/psychopathy/sociopathy/narcicism/histrionic personalitis. They are by default unable to respect you. Thats just who they are. It's your job to avoid them and not theirs to change.

[Shantanu]

It exists as long as you let it exist. 

If you are clear about what you want out of relationships, if you are not hiding and suppressing your emotions, next person will do the same. 

No need of these 'labels' then. 

[GeorgeLawson]

16 hours ago, Neill Bolton said:

myth and utter stupidity. created to place guilt on women for "not accepting" a guy. grow up and move on with your life.

I never said the friend zone applied to heterosexual men alone. It could apply any gender of any sexuality. 

You could argue its a guilt trip, but its probably more accurate to say that the label is an attempt the clarify the differences between Friendship and an Intimate Relationship. 

[nbolt]

1 hour ago, GeorgeLawson said:

I never said the friend zone applied to heterosexual men alone. It could apply any gender of any sexuality. 

You could argue its a guilt trip, but its probably more accurate to say that the label is an attempt the clarify the differences between Friendship and an Intimate Relationship. 

Does it apply to any gender? Of course it could in theory, but I've never seen the term used in any other context.

It is not accurate to say it's a "label to clarify a relationship". If you want to describe your relationship, you are friends. The act of being "friend-zoned" was created to imply the other party (usually women) has some sort of obligation to recognize the "nice guys" and that she's somehow being stupid and immature because of her choices in men and who she wants to be with.

Just accept that SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU and move on with your life. You are not being "friend-zoned". Who she wants to be with has nothing to do with you.

[Vlad Sandu]

I don't believe it's a myth. I've been friend-zoned many times, and I'm not angry with that. There is nothing wrong being friend-zoned. Many guys just get it wrong. You don't have to hit any girl you meet.

[Consept]

It does exist I think, but the usual form it takes is the guy initially likes the girl when he first meets but he messes up in some way, either taking to long to make his intentions clear, not having much game or being to nice in a friendship way without any kind of flirting or signs to the girl. 

Attraction for girls can in most cases have an expiry date, a girl will automatically reject you if she feels you have rejected her (she can think this just by you not being clear). So if this is happens your only option as a guy is the friendship aspect which doesn't mean it's completely off the table to get with her but it's not really in your hands anymore. 

So best thing to do is make your intentions clear from the start (not gonna go into how to do this but read up on game etc) if she rejects you then you know where you stand and maybe you may have the chance to be friends with her or not, I would choose not personally but either way you know what's going on. If she likes you then that's all good and go from there. The confusion just comes in your intentions if you're not sure then don't expect her to be 

[GeorgeLawson]

On 3/14/2016 at 10:12 AM, Consept said:

It does exist I think, but the usual form it takes is the guy initially likes the girl when he first meets but he messes up in some way, either taking to long to make his intentions clear, not having much game or being to nice in a friendship way without any kind of flirting or signs to the girl. 

Attraction for girls can in most cases have an expiry date, a girl will automatically reject you if she feels you have rejected her (she can think this just by you not being clear). So if this is happens your only option as a guy is the friendship aspect which doesn't mean it's completely off the table to get with her but it's not really in your hands anymore. 

So best thing to do is make your intentions clear from the start (not gonna go into how to do this but read up on game etc) if she rejects you then you know where you stand and maybe you may have the chance to be friends with her or not, I would choose not personally but either way you know what's going on. If she likes you then that's all good and go from there. The confusion just comes in your intentions if you're not sure then don't expect her to be 

How exactly would you define 'game?' Is this just the sexual intention of a man or is there more to it?

[Consept]

1 hour ago, GeorgeLawson said:

How exactly would you define 'game?' Is this just the sexual intention of a man or is there more to it?

Man that's a question, game is a whole thing in itself, in short it's a lot to do with confidence, social skills, intention and also experience. Some people have natural game in that they just naturally have those assets but you definitely can learn skills to attain them. There's loads of stuff on YouTube to learn from, I'm not into pick up too much at the moment but rsd is a good resource I think, I like them as they tie it in with a lot of self development, but as with anything take and leave what they say as you see fit. 

Game is an endless subject really and there's 1000s books about it, but I would say the ultimate level game is really being 100% comfortable in your skin and not being attached to results, so similar to self development as a whole