silent retreat - some insights and what I hope, some inspiration as well

[phoenix666]

I just came back from my third retreat the other day and I wanted to share my experience because I found that retreats are the most powerful tool on this path - at least for me. I dare to say, even more powerful than psychedelics in the long run. they provide a similar quantum leap in awareness level...but do that in a more gentle, more grounded way, which makes it easier to implement the growth in day to day life afterwards. (still, I can only speak for my experience)

it was a 5 days silent retreat and here is what I took home with me:

• I've noticed some progress in my levels of patience and discipline. it's hard to notice that in daily life because it's so subtle. the progress is slow and steady, but hard to grasp. on the retreat I had the comparison to the other two and I was really impressed by the difference. I may still be an inpatient ADD compared to a Zen master  but miles better than a year ago
• I still have some issues with my parents.. it's important to become aware of them. also of all those toxic patterns the imprinted on me. nevertheless, they gave their very best, it was all well meant. I love them. I'll try to see things from their perspective when interacting with them. 
• western medicine and everything I've been reading up lately clash. when studying, I can feel my intuition stirring. but I'm still in love with surgery. I won't give up. I first want to gather experience in a hospital for at least a decade before I can start off to new paths. in the meantime I'll use that evil feeling in my gut whilst studying for uni to strengthen my connection to my intuition. let's see if I can sense it in other situations as well
• te more I meditate, the more I raise my awareness, the more I get into a flow. a place with less and less resistance. 
• there is that double edged sword of everything. specially of meaninglessness: in day to day life, existential crisis hits me quite often. then I feel lonely, cold, empty and hollow. everything is pointless. I am pointless and so is everything I do. that causes a lot of suffering. I feel like the loneliest person on earth.
• funny that the exact same insight was my biggest source of peace and deep calm during the retreat: I got glimpses through the fog. here and there I could see the meaninglessness of life. and it made me smile. it amused me. it made me feel light. food tasted better, sun felt warmer, flowers smelled more intensively and colors were brighter. I felt so much compassion for the people around me. I could see them searching for meaning, struggling, taking things serious. it made me smile, because I found it so sweet. I could see that struggle in myself as well. it broke my heart to see it in others, but it amused me to see it in myself

I hope this can inspire the one or other to go on a retreat! just do it! it's like a whole year of daily 30 min sessions compressed in a week. it can be hard, specially when coming back and being sucked in society again. (I'm dealing with a strong backlash right now) but it will be worth it <3

[herghly]

What type of meditation were you practicing ?

[phoenix666]

@herghly mostly mindfulness meditation, using breath or other bodily sensations as anchor. in the mornings we did Kundalini Meditation by Osho, once a day 30 min of walking meditation, a body scan, some hatha yoga in between and Heart meditation in the evenings  

[Charlotte]

@phoenix666 Loved reading this ? 

So happy for you 

 

[phoenix666]

thank you, dear @Charlotte