165 Days Before College

[Charlee Brown]

I really enjoy reading these posts. But most of all I liked this tune. It's rhythmic and calm at the same time, it has so much life in it.

Edited July 7, 2021 by Charlee Brown

[Everyday]

4 minutes ago, Charlee Brown said:

I really enjoy reading these posts. But most of all I liked this tune. It's rhythmic and calm at the same time, it has so much life in it.

Yes, this band is so good is unbelievable. I recommend listening to everything they released. 

 

Check the albums below as well:

 

 

Edited July 6, 2021 by Everyday

[Charlee Brown]

 It is so sincere, I wish you all the best. I want to ask you, what subject will you be studying?

Edited July 7, 2021 by Charlee Brown

[Everyday]

8 minutes ago, Charlee Brown said:

I really enjoy reading your posts. It is so sincere, I wish you all the best. I want to ask you, what subject will you be studying?

Thanks man!

Wish you the same.

That was two months ago and i dont remember what i was referring to. I think i was studying at some test for university.

Edited July 6, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I kept listening last night from the book in my language i was saying yesterday. It is much more interesting that i would have ever guessed. I see some of the author's problems in myself. 

Anyway, i felt asleep woke up later. After i returned from the bathroom i saw a cockroach running under my bad. I moved the bad and killed it. Then i saw two BIG BIG ONES. Fuck that! I saw a few last week as well. They are starting to move in my room as well. =))))))))))) Glad i will be out of here next week. I like the couple i am living with but i really hate the bugs. Also, the bugs in the kitchen seemed to have tripled. I even saw a live one in the fridge. Wtf??????

 

I remembered that there are rooms to rent in my university campus as well. Hmm. Maybe i will move there as well at some point.

 

This was last day of Kinesio. 

 

I got that new account at PPC. It is a lot of responsibility. I was tense and anxious today setting up the campaigns and ad sets. I feel that they gave me this account to have an excuse to kick me out if i fuck things up.

 

 

 

Edited July 7, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Finished that book last night. It was much better than i expected. Just wow. 

 

Woke up tired and pushed a little to do my routine. 

 

I have been making more campaigns for the new account. The agency who made them before did a really bad job.  Is said to see that some Ad groups have just one ad from the three recommended. And even that one is made with minimal and not enough headlines or descriptions. 

 

 

[Everyday]

Organ Reserve: The Key to Longevity

If you fall somewhere short of fitness freak on the continuum,

keep in mind that the benefits of a sensible exercise program

extend far beyond competitive success and looking good. The

more lean muscle you maintain throughout life, the better your

organs will function (up to a point of diminishing returns; e.g., a

bodybuilder has heaps of excess muscle that serve little or no

functional purpose and requires a lot of caloric energy to

sustain). Optimal organ function correlates with maximum

longevity and excellent health.

 

Organs, like muscles, adhere to

the “use it or lose it” natural law. When you hit the deck for 50

push-ups, the conscious decision to engage these muscles in

a work effort calls your heart, lungs, liver, adrenals, and other

organs into action. Blood chemistry changes as you burn

glycogen and fat, process oxygen, and produce metabolic byproducts

(e.g., lactic acid) at an accelerated rate. You are

asking your organs to keep up with your active lifestyle, in the

process strengthening them to better withstand the demands

of daily life and the natural aging process.

 

 

 

 

In contrast, when your activity diminishes, as in the classic

paradigm of aging, you send signals telling your muscles and

organs to atrophy. Their function decreases because they are

given no reason to remain at 100 percent efficiency. An unfit

person has lower bone-density, less lung capacity (the

quantity of air you can exchange on each breath) and stroke

volume (the amount of blood your heart pumps with each beat)

than a fit person. The aging process—at least in America

—should really be called the “process of physical decline

largely due to inactivity.”

 

 

Because all of your organs and body systems work

synergistically, you are vulnerable to the often fatal effects of

your weakest link. For example, an unfit accident victim or a

surgery patient who loses a lot of blood and has a heart

operating at only 45 percent of potential capacity will often

fare differently than a fit person with superior heart function

suffering the same trauma. Bones break more easily among

the unfit. Pneumonia is a common cause of death among the

elderly often due to the inability of their weakened lungs to

help clear the germ-laden mucus effectively through coughing.

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I went to walk for an hour. I ran into a girl from university, then after a few minutes into a friend from high school. WOW. He was the last person i would have expected to meet with randomly. He wasn't part of my friend group from my class, the one i couldn't wait to ditch. He said he ll message me on facebook. I said i dont use that account anymore, but take my number.

I saw him last time 4 years ago. Cant believe that my time passed. 

Of course, on my way home i was thinking i haven't grown enough blah blah. I am now. I was thinking to distract myself from feeling shit with some junk food and other stupid ideas. I wont.

 

I am not better because i gave up when i saw problems and obstacles. That's not a way to go in life. I thought is just a thing i do when i feel bad but is an established way for me to run from pressure and stress. Currently, i have a weak character.

Edited July 8, 2021 by Everyday

[Charlee Brown]

From now on read your posts every night, thank you. By the way, I'm learning too. On this forum I came across a site I needed for successful essay writing and I am so happy. Agreed on a specific day, topic and a week later I already had an excellent grade. Maybe you can use it too, there are some cool writers working there. Do you know how to write well, or are you also like me asking for help?

Edited July 8, 2021 by Charlee Brown

[Everyday]

Hey 

 

Woke up and laid in bed for one hour. I thought i should have put more effort into improving myself years ago. I felt really bad. I don't feel very good right now. I struggled to start work and then do my routine.

I feel very lazy and unmotivated. I will just do my routine regardless of how i feel..

 

I just spoke with the guy from the other place i want to move in. The person who was supposed to leave will be doing so but on the 21 of July, not next week on the 15th. Is OK i am in no trouble because i dont have a contract where i live now. I will just stay a week longer.

 

 

 

 

 

18 hours ago, Charlee Brown said:

From now on read your posts every night, thank you. By the way, I'm learning too. On this forum I came across a site I needed for successful essay writing and I am so happy. Agreed on a specific day, topic and a week later I already had an excellent grade. Maybe you can use it too, there are some cool writers working there. Do you know how to write well, or are you also like me asking for help?

Thanks. Writing better isnt a goal for me right now. 

 

 

Edited July 9, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Im at day 48 of meditating and doing abs daily

 

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Went to BJJ on Friday night. We did only sparring. It was fun. I was focusing again on what i was doing than previously. Even so i still think of what i would better do and blah blah.

 

Went swimming yesterday but took it easy because my back was already sore. 

 

Went to an event held at the new house. They appolgized for delaying my schedule. I moved it from the 21st to the 24th (Saturday). It will be easier to move in the weekend. They were happy im moving in with them. 

 

 

 

Arrived home. Ate unhealthy and laid in bed like a potato. Done some gardening. Brewed 6L of tea for Kombucha. Watched two movies. Weeding, tied some plants. I got my 1st harvest :)))))))))))))). Really happy. Went to a shop and bought a grafting knife and a pruning saw for university practice. Also, but some stuff for swimming. 

 

 

Told parents about the massage course i want to do. They encouraged me. They have been telling me for years that im really good at it and i should pursue it. 

 

 

 

My seedlings were growing just fine until my mom climbed on the plastic table my plants where =)))))))))))) She broke it and all my feeble seedlings fell out of the pots =)))) Half died and the rest are torn in half =))))))) She was moving smth with my father but he left to bring smth. So she panicked and climbed on the table because her hands were sore moving that stuff =))))))))) Didnt even get angry =)))))))))))))) 

 

Ate some more unhealthy food.

 

Went driving a little. It was ok. A little rusty. I delayed to go out most of the day. I didn't drive more because it started to rain heavily and i was scared to do an accident.

 

 

Felt bad for not taking more care of myself. 

 

 

When i woke up today at my house i felt so relived i dont have to look for cockroaches in my room or bed. And that i can cook without feeling disgusted or having to wash everything a few times before using.

 

 

My father was angry that the family business isnt doing well. He was threatening my brother to leave. The equipment is failing over and over again. 

 

 

Mom was sad she isnt loosing weight even if she kept exercising. I told her in a nice way she should eat healthier, that isnt ok to eat bread for example. She got very upset and told me bread is healthy and she cant give it up. Is said to see her like that. Is sad to see myself like that too. She talked to me about woo woo stuff about life and spirituality. But wont eat right.... I dont know how to help her.

 

 

My sister returned from a camp. Two days after arriving she left again to the sea for a bachelorette party. A couple from their group is getting married soon. They are around 24-25. Afterwards, my sister will leave to Greece with her BF family like last summer. My father was grumpy that she doesn't have a job which pays better and keeps asking him for money. My father has always been in this state of fear about money. Always complaining and criticising us for needing money. I always hated this particular behaviour. It was very stressful to be criticised all the time when i asked for money to buy x or y. And above all to be threatened to not receive any if i dont behave. 

 

 

Since i moved out, got this job and i am financially independent we get along better. He doesn't have anything to complain to me about my behaviour. Is really nice. He is nicer to me.

 

 

 

 

I had an interesting thought. I was not productive when i was living alone in NL. When i lived with family i blamed them for not being productive. But now i am living alone and i am productive. Hmm. 

 

 

 

I have a meeting with a client tomorrow at 11 at work. A colleague of mine will conduct it. I should be there since i will take care of this account. In the same time i have to be at uni for practice in the orchard at 8. I decided to skip uni and go to work instead. Work is more important. I can work smth out with the professor at uni. A mom said and she is right that this job helps me fund the life i want to have. And i really like it. 

Edited July 11, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I had a shit day to be honest. I am not where i want to be in my life. i am getting better but is a slow process. 

I had lots of negative thoughts about myself today. Went home and ate like crazy. I dont know where that hunger came from. 

[Everyday]

Hey bro

 

Had a wet dream last night. Didn't even realise until i woke up. Dragged my ass to university. There a girl from my class asked me why am i said. I was thinking how many things i want to improve and so on.

 

Yesterday, i wear a shirt at work and got a lot of compliments. Even from my family. I didn't wear shirts because i feel i am not good enough to dress better and other shit. Blah blah. Same reason i never bought a watch. Searched online for watches and shirts - got blown away how relatively cheap they are. I mean i spent money on so much shit but i wont invest in myself? Seriously?

 

I fried 1kg of pork meat in a wok with tamari sauce and sesame seeds. Then, i fried spinach, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli. I added a mix of vegetables for wok. Delicious. 

 

Im moving out next week. I got used to this place. I feel resistant to move out. 

 

update. I meditated and did my routine. I remembered i was hating my life long before i met my ex. My life has been a long story of being jealous and feeling spite on other ppl's achievements, skills and objects. I have always been waiting for the day i will feel like it and things will ......

Edited July 13, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I felt different degrees of not enough during the whole day.

Woke up at 5.30. Staid in bed until 5.50. Arrived at school at 7. Left at 11. It was very hard to be focused at work and not fall asleep. 

 

I arrived at home after work and collapsed on my bed. I listened to McKenna's book food of the gods. I laid like that for some time.  Did my routine.  Father called me and said to stop complaining that i'm tired.

My friend from the 2nd internship called me and asked if i wanna hang out later. Told him i want to but after BJJ. Today was 5th lesson. 

Decided to go to BJJ. Gained more energy. My partner was a repulsive guy. He disgusted me. 

After BJJ went to hang out in the city center with him and his gf. 

 

It was interesting. They encouraged me to go to erasmus next year to study besides just doing the internship. She said you will work for the rest of your life, why not take this opportunity?  You will find another job if it will be the case. But you will never find a similar OPPORTUNITY. 

I watched myself interacting with them and i was shocked how little coherence i have in my own sentences. It is fucked up. 

 

Edited July 16, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I have been lazy on working for my job last few days.

 

I learned how to graft at university. It was interesting. 

 

I finished Food of the Gods. It was eye opening. Lots of insights. I am almost finishing Laws of Human Nature.

 

Yesterday i was very frustrated and upset that i dont have patience to read those books. I just wanted to leave in dreamland.

 

I want to read a book about fasting. 

 

I missed day 54 of meditation. I kept delaying and fell asleep. 

 

I saw a college from university who gained lots of muscles. I thought he gained everything since last year. He has been going to the gym for 4 years.Wow. Now, i am fixed to build muscles as well. I havent made a decision yet, if i will start now or later. I dont know. I am thinking of it a lot lately. 

Anyways, one of his friends asked me about Erasmus. That guy is living to study for 5-6 months this autumn. When the gym guy heard i am going next summer in Belgium for an internship acted in a manner of absolute envy and spite. I was shocked. 

 

On 15/07/2021 at 0:19 AM, Everyday said:

 

After BJJ went to hang out in the city center with him and his gf. 

It was interesting. They encouraged me to go to erasmus next year to study besides just doing the internship. She said you will work for the rest of your life, why not take this opportunity?  You will find another job if it will be the case. But you will never find a similar OPPORTUNITY. 

I watched myself interacting with them and i was shocked how little coherence i have in my own sentences. It is fucked up. 

 

I told them i dont know what to do about erasmus next year. I can leave in summer to work in Belgium and then to NL to study for 6 months. I am afraid the ppl from this current job wont want me back after living for 8-9 months. They said that stuff might change in a year. I can stop liking this job. They said that i will have time to work for the rest of my life but never to leave with Erasmus. I needed to hear this.

 

 

Edited July 16, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Yesterday i didn't go to swim. Woke up really early without an alarm. I listened to a podcast about fasting.

 

I went home, worked a little in the garden, drove, hang out with sis and mom. Brought smth to eat to my father. 

 

Met with a friend afterwards. Drank lots of beer, ate a pork ramen soup and walked for hours. An app from my phone says we walked 36,81 km. 

 

We talked at one point about the people who used to be professional athletes in their youth but they still speak about it very often.  Like just that part of their life meant smth. I thought of myself. I spoke of my time in NL a lot. I spoke of ex so much, and i still think of her. Is my life that miserable that that an unhappy relationship was the highlight of my life? 

Now, i notice i speak about my flatmates a lot. 

 

I staid at his place. I woke up at 10, listened to a podcast and waited for him to wake up. I felt very angry on myself for drinking that much and sleeping so much. I wanted to eat junk food right away but i realised this will make me feel worse. It wont fix anything. Why spent the rest of the day watching tv series and eating junk food. I dont want that. To say this was a shock for myself. I am used to give in. I remembered last time i staid at his place and felt the same thing but didnt really realise until now. After i left i stoped and ate some shit food.

 

 

Edited July 18, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

 

Hey

 

I found the pic above after i ate some watermelon which has too much sugar.

Edited July 18, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Went home. Stopped to speak with brother and father. They are stressed cuz the family business isn"t going well. Drove for a while straight away. Some mistakes and i didn't pay attention to all pedestrians. I didn't want to drive but i know i need practice. I was glad i forced myself.

 

I harvested some cucumbers. 

 

I drank some wine, kombucha, ate meat and potatoes. I prepared F2 with strawberries, mint and watermelon. 

 

My gypsy neighbours who live in the basement from the place i moved in had a big party in the front yard. Horrible. They blasted music all day. 

 

I feel better. The hangover i felt this morning is gone. I am glad to be back on track.

 

I am still shocked that i wasted soooooooo much fucking time. I am either productive or a sloth. If i stray a little by watching a movie or smth i quit personal development just like that.

 

 

I restarted revising flashcards on Anki. I have been revising the decks for dutch, new words in english and the ones i made to learn plants for uni. I do this when im in the subway or having a break. But for some reason i haven't months prior. I was miserable.

Can't believe another week passed by so fast. I was productive. I wanted to quit many times. Is hard but rewarding. 

 

 

My friend from uni asked me if i want to join a trip to Greece or Italy in September. Sounds good. We will go very cheap. It will be interesting. 

 

 

I feel very lazy to move out this weekend. I kept thinking to move to other places as well. 

Edited July 18, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I had a hard time to fall asleep. Woke up around 5. Fell asleep again a few times. Ate two raw eggs and drank two glasses of Kombucha. Went to university. I was late.

 

Worked a little until it started raining. All of us left. I felt very in my head. I was so envious seeing my colleagues leaving with their cars, and so on. 

Some annoying girls i used to talk last year when i was bored noticed i am very distant and cold. I dont remember what i said to them after this. 

 

 

Arrived home and felt worse than before. I have so many problems to fix and so many things i want to do. It's fucked up. How could i be so stupid? So many things i just gave up and daydreamed one day .... But that day i will fix x or y doesn't come. Is so frustrating. I thought to eat junk food to cope today but for what? I will feel even worse if i do. I will have to spend money to feel like shit and also gain weight. I dont even find peace in giving up anymore. I just know that i will feel like shit afterwards and problems are still there.

 

Took a shower. Drank two glasses of kombucha. Decided to try my hand at intermittent fasting. yesterday i ate at noon for example. I dont feel like eating today. I will use this to do a 12h fasting or even a day. Would be cool.

 

Went to work at 12. Felt bored to be honest. Did some work to pass the time. Not much to work at work. This frustrates the shit out of me for months. I feel weird to get paid and not have lots of stuff to do. Is not right. 

 

 

 

A colleague said you seem very upset today. You barely said anything. I told him that he returned from his vacation in Spain too happy and he is imagining stuff now. =)))))))))))))))))))) But yes, i was upset. I don't see how could i be ok knowing how much time i wasted, how many things i have to do and so on. I am literally behind in life. I am fucking afraid to drive, how stupid is this?????? 

I looked at the ppl around me at work and university. How can they be so chill while they all have stuff they wish to accomplish? They too have desires. Aren't they also suffering not working on them like i do? Aren't they feeling like going insane for not working on their goals harder? 

 

 

It was interesting to see one of them at university around the topic of smoking. He was very proud to quit smoking. He said over a month. I thought i dont smoke, drink coffee, vape, drink soda daily etc and still think my progress so far isnt good enough.

 

 

 

 

Bought some oysters, water, carrots and potatoes. This will be a loooong week so i decided to buy them now.

 

It has never been so easy as it is now to not eat junk food. It feels unreal to not give in junk food when i feel bad.

 

I haven't ate for 7 h. I don't feel hungry. I felt once but it passed. I drank tea. Not much water either. I don't feel thirsty. I feel quite good now :). When i arrived home i thought i should eat because i arrived home, not for hunger. =)))))))))))))

 

Edited July 19, 2021 by Everyday