How to change them?

[Vignan]

I've been on this self actualization work for over an year and half. 

Problem:

My mom has an elder sister and she has only 3 sons who are (30,25,22) years old. There's no unity in the family and those 3 sons always roam with friends and do alcohol and drugs. Steal money from home. Never listen to advice. 

I used to tell my mom that "It's their parenting which is wrong. And we can't do anything because they are not in our hands anymore"

I told my aunt to love their sons, interact with them and know what their problem is. But what happened is they started using her as an ATM.

She want them to change and be responsible for their life.

Their mother always cries.

I don't want to moralize anyone but what if we change them. Not towards self realisation but good in the materialist paradigm.

How can we change them?

Please ask questions if you want to clarify the situation. 

Help.

 

[pluto]

Change thyself, everything else takes care of itself. Don't get me wrong, never underestimate the power of planting a seed but don't blind yourself in the process. You can show them the door but if they are not willing to enter it themselves you are wasting your energy that could be used and amplified elsewhere.

 

[Vignan]

What you said is right and that's what I said to mom and her sister in the past.

Thing is that they're not able to digest what I said and laughed at me saying nothing works. So then I kept silent for 6 months. And then the issue started again.

[Psyche_92]

39 minutes ago, Vignan said:

What you said is right and that's what I said to mom and her sister in the past.

Thing is that they're not able to digest what I said and laughed at me saying nothing works. So then I kept silent for 6 months. And then the issue started again.

 

 

[Matteo]

Hi @Vignan . I'm sorry for your situation. I tried to change my parents, friends and acquaintances since I was 12, and it didn't work at all. I discovered I have no power over other people. Nevertheless, if they try to abuse me, I can say "no" and make my boundaries known to them. Because I was unable to change certain people, I had to end various friendships and intimate relationships. I don't have any child but I have a brother which I think is in a difficult period of his life because of the way my parents raised him. My parents are contributing to his inability to feel better because he's emotionally and psychologically dependent on them, and they are emotionally undeveloped for certain aspects.

I tried to change him to make him more loving towards himself, but I failed. So I tried to change my parents to make them able to help him, and I failed. So there was only me left, so I tried to change myself, and I failed. The only thing I can do is to try to act from a place of love, respect and humility. When I do that usually things change, maybe just a little.

As you develop, you will infect everyone around you with your growth.