5 day silent retreat - thoughts and hopefully a little motivation for you

[phoenix666]

I just came back from my 2. silent/meditation retreat. 

it's precious to meditate everyday. slowly, it builds momentum. it raises our awareness a little bit, day by day. that's a good base. but once in a while we need to spice it up with some serious quantum leaps! that keeps our motivation boiling

here some insights:

 

I'm on the right path. (not that there is one). happiness is truly found within and it's unconditional. how to find it? we never lost it, we've always had it. it's under layers and layers of beliefs and distractions. how to reach it? unravel the web of beliefs, free yourself from distractions and raise your awareness. a pinch of trust: it's there, I just have to become aware of it. 

There is no path, but only a fool doesn’t follow it: meditation, awareness/mindfulness, yoga, clean diet, kindness and compassion, self love and a simple life.

 

I'm living in phantasies most of the time. I live in romantic thought stories. there I said it, no shame, no guilt (working on the no guilt part). why? I seek validation, attention and love. nothing wrong there. but it's not found outside! the important thing is, to become aware of these mechanisms and automatisms.

 

I was such a happy child. everyone says I was a real sunshine. somehow it got lost on the way, or rather I forgot and became a misanthrope. I identified with that role for quite long. I bathed in self hate, victimhood and suffering. I suddenly remembered how to laugh again. about small things and sometimes even about no thing at all. and that's it, that's the beauty: I don't always need a reason to smile. it can just happen. that's unconditional happiness.

 

there was a lot going on in my early childhood: I slowly start to become aware of my patterns. it's in the way my parents and my grandparents brought me up. no shaming, no guilt, I'm not pointing my finger at them. it's just how it is. they love me, I know that. they gave their best. nothing but their best. but it explains my 'bad' patterns: competition, restlessness, guilt, shame, never being good enough and a lot of fears: of abandonment, loneliness, disapproval, emotional coldness, of being ignored. how to free myself? shine the light of awareness on those patterns: when they happen, notice it. don't fight it, just notice it and watch it (without judging it)

 

two travelers come to a new town. before entering, they ask an old man sitting at the entrance

the first one: "how are people in this town?" "how were they in the one you're coming from?" "very loving and caring." "then they'll be loving and caring here as well"

The second: "how are people in this town?" "how were they in the one you're coming from?" "oh, horrible. selfish and hateful". "then they'll be selfish and hateful here as well"

 

knowledge through learning. understanding through contemplating. embodying through living.

 

I will try to integrate everything. nothing can be lost. I hope this can motivate the one or the other to stay on this path. I know it's not easy. there is so much resistance sometimes. but watch this resistance! it's without substance. watch it dissolve right in front of your eyes. keep going and spice it up with a retreat!

much love <3

[snowleopard]

Thanks for the insights. So eloquently written. Phoenix rising, and vanishing into thin air ... Love it.

[phoenix666]

thank you so much @snowleopard! eloquently? feels more like so huge, intricate concepts which just won't fit into any words. you made me blush I'm glad that you liked it, a pleasure!

[snowleopard]

@phoenix666  Perhaps upon some mystical occasions words can transcend their inherent limits and bespeak the Divine wonder of it all. 

[Lauritz]

Thanks for that post. It gives me hope and motivation for my retreat during the next two weeks. I will be on a silent darkness meditation retreat... I needed this as encouragement. I will make sure to write a report afterwards.

[Nahm]

@phoenix666 The clarity, the space....just oozing off the page! Aaaannnnnd now I’m infected. Thank you!!!❤️

[phoenix666]

@Lauritz so glad it motivates you! good luck on your retreat <3 can't wait for reading your experiences <3

@Nahm you always infect me with your posts <3

[Nahm]

@phoenix666 It’s a love outbreak! Apocalove 2018!

[Joseph Maynor]

Thanks for this.  I want to do a week long solo retreat.  I see things very much like you do now.  It’s focus inwards that matters most.

[phoenix666]

@Joseph Maynor do it! it's most direct way to focus inwards

[Nahm]

@Joseph Maynor ?????